Is baar ek munfarid zameen meiN kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...zameen khaasi mushkil lagi ab aap paRhiye aur bataaiye ke main kis hadh tak kaamyaab ho saki hoon ise nibhaane mein..shukriya
aur han is baar sirf ek MATLA rakha hai kyonki kuch log aib smajhte the mere zyaada matle likhne ko.....
naseehat kya degaa woh naaseH ke jiskii
(lafz kyaa ke 2 Harf "ye" aur "alif" girrahe heiN jou ghalaT hei)
hai shaam-o-sehar bas kharaaboN meiN guzrii
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Salaam Nazir sahab...baDe daRte daRte ghazal pesh ki thi kyonki mujhe lag raha tha is mein bahut khaami hogi....magar main hairaan hoon ki bas ek ghalti nikli? baaqi sab shere theek hain kya?
maine bahut koshish ki us sher ko durust karne ki pehle hi..magar kar na saki isliye aap sab ke supurd kar diya ke koi hal nikal sake....ab aap ki madad kijiye ke ise kaise dursut kiya jaaye ...koi soorat zehn mein ho to plz bataayein....
SHUKRIYA tah-e-dil se daad se nawaazne ka saath saath rehnumaayi farmaane ka bhi
Shumaila
Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai
Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
Is baar ek munfarid zameen meiN kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...zameen khaasi mushkil lagi ab aap paRhiye aur bataaiye ke main kis hadh tak kaamyaab ho saki hoon ise nibhaane mein..shukriya :)
aur han is baar sirf ek MATLA rakha hai kyonki kuch log aib smajhte the mere zyaada matle likhne ko..... :D
Waqai zyada matle paRh k boriyat hone lagti hay, ab maiN bhi kum likhne ki koshish kar rahi huN. :)
naseehat kya degaa woh naaseH ke jiskii
hai shaam-o-sehar bas kharaaboN meiN guzrii
"Kya" is always a long sound. I don't think k tum isey 1 k maqaam per baandh sakti ho.
agar hauslaa hai to ban ke dikhaa de
wohi Laila jo keh nisaaboN meiN guzrii!!!
Laila to noun hay aur mera khayal hay k isey dabaane ki shayad ijaazat na ho. Wese bhi laila ki Ye buri taraH dab rahi hay.
Aapki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila
Shu, bohot Khoob ghazal kahi hay tum ne, beshtar ashaar mujhe bohot pasand aaye. JahaN jahaN mujhe kuch Ghalati ka shaaiba hua, maiNe tumheN bata dena munasib samjha. :) Tum ne bohot acchi zameen muntaKhib ki hay aur ashaar bhi acche nikaale heN, bayaan bhi dilkash hay, meri jaanib se dili qubool karo. :)
is Ghazal par kaheeN aur bohat kuch` likh` chukaa hooN. duhraane se koyee faa,idah naheeN hai. Ghazal achh`ee hai. daad qubool keejiYe.
jaisaa keh Anmol SaaHebah ne likh`aa hai :Lailaa: bohat dab kar adaa ho rahaa hai. a'am alfaaz^ meN yeh chal jaataa hai lekin ism-e-KhaaS (proper nouns) ziyaadah iHtiyaat^ chaahte haiN. ek baar aur dekh` leN to harj naheeN hai.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Is baar ek munfarid zameen meiN kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...zameen khaasi mushkil lagi ab aap paRhiye aur bataaiye ke main kis hadh tak kaamyaab ho saki hoon ise nibhaane mein..shukriya :)
Ye zameen mujhe to bohot pasand hay, maiNe is per shayad 2-3 ghazleN to likkhi hi heN. Tum ne woh ghazal paRhi hogi,
naseehat kya degaa woh naaseH ke jiskii
hai shaam-o-sehar bas kharaaboN meiN guzrii
"Kya" is always a long sound. I don't think k tum isey 1 k maqaam per baandh sakti ho.
han u r right...main is sher ko jawaid sahab ki bataayi tajveez se badal dungi. ..
Naseehat hameN kar raha hai woh naaseH
Sadaa umr jiskee KharaboN men guzrii
hows it?
agar hauslaa hai to ban ke dikhaa de
wohi Laila jo keh nisaaboN meiN guzrii!!!
Laila to noun hay aur mera khayal hay k isey dabaane ki shayad ijaazat na ho. Wese bhi laila ki Ye buri taraH dab rahi hay.
I know...shuru se mujhe is baat ka ilm tha magar laakh koshish ke bhi jab sahi na kar saki to ise as such post kar diya ke shayad koi madad kar de theek karne mein...magar ab tak no luck
Aapki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila
Shu, bohot Khoob ghazal kahi hay tum ne, beshtar ashaar mujhe bohot pasand aaye. JahaN jahaN mujhe kuch Ghalati ka shaaiba hua, maiNe tumheN bata dena munasib samjha. :) Tum ne bohot acchi zameen muntaKhib ki hay aur ashaar bhi acche nikaale heN, bayaan bhi dilkash hay, meri jaanib se dili qubool karo. :)
regards,
Anmol
han Anmol is baar socha tha ke kuch different likhoon aur diff. zameen pe likhoon...tarahi misre pe likh likh ke bore ho gayi thi...I'm glad tumhe meri ye koshish pasand aayi...thanx for ur warm words rose: rose:
Shumaila
Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai
Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
shummu wrote:
kahin ho na jaaye mera ghar bhi raushan
isi khauf se zau hijaaboN meiN guzrii
Mera>>>>Miraa
ok theek kar dungi magar sher kaisa laga?
Sher bohot Khoob hay.
naseehat kya degaa woh naaseH ke jiskii
hai shaam-o-sehar bas kharaaboN meiN guzrii
"Kya" is always a long sound. I don't think k tum isey 1 k maqaam per baandh sakti ho.
han u r right...main is sher ko jawaid sahab ki bataayi tajveez se badal dungi. ..
Naseehat hameN kar raha hai woh naaseH
Sadaa umr jiskee KharaboN men guzrii
hows it?
Good.
agar hauslaa hai to ban ke dikhaa de
wohi Laila jo keh nisaaboN meiN guzrii!!!
Laila to noun hay aur mera khayal hay k isey dabaane ki shayad ijaazat na ho. Wese bhi laila ki Ye buri taraH dab rahi hay.
I know...shuru se mujhe is baat ka ilm tha magar laakh koshish ke bhi jab sahi na kar saki to ise as such post kar diya ke shayad koi madad kar de theek karne mein...magar ab tak no luck
Aik tajveez zehen meiN aayi hay, agar tumheN theek lage..
Sarwar Raz wrote:mukarramah Shumaila SaaHebah: aadaab!
is Ghazal par kaheeN aur bohat kuch` likh` chukaa hooN. duhraane se koyee faa,idah naheeN hai. Ghazal achh`ee hai. daad qubool keejiYe.
jaisaa keh Anmol SaaHebah ne likh`aa hai :Lailaa: bohat dab kar adaa ho rahaa hai. a'am alfaaz^ meN yeh chal jaataa hai lekin ism-e-KhaaS (proper nouns) ziyaadah iHtiyaat^ chaahte haiN. ek baar aur dekh` leN to harj naheeN hai.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Mohatarm Sarwar sahab!
Adaab!
Aap ki daad ka behad shukriya...bahut ahmiyat rakhte hain aap ke bol mere liye...
aur maine Anmol ki bataayi tajweez ko apnaa liya hai kyonki bahut pasand aayi mujhe aur baaqi khamaiyon ko bhi durust karne ki koshish kar rahi hoon....shukriya aap ki rehnumaayi ka
Shumaila
Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai
Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
Itni sakht zameen mein kitni aasaani se aapne inte saare shaer keh diye, aur woh bhi aise ke har shaer par dil khol kar daad dena ka man kare. Subhaan Allah...Allah kare zor-e-qalam aur. Daad qabool farmaiye
shab-e-hijr merii azaaboN meiN guzrii
kisii ke khayaaloN meiN,khwaaboN meiN guzrii
bahut khoob , hijr ki kaifatoN ko bayan karne mai aapkamyaab haiN.
kabhii manzil-e-ishq paanaa thaa aasaaN
magar justujuu tab saraaboN meiN guzrii
theek hai
baDii be mazaa vasl kii raat thi jo
musalsal sawaaloN jawaaboN meiN guzrii
waah waah , bahut khoob , is silsile mai kia arz karsakta hoN ke apne apne tajarbaat hote haiN
kahin ho na jaaye miraa ghar bhi raushan
isi khauf se zau hijaaboN meiN guzrii
bahut acha sher hai
kabhii sher ban ke ,kabhii ban ke naGhmaa
miree khasta haalii naqaaboN meiN guzrii
waah kia niqaab hai aapka b hi ke sher o naghma ki shakl mai aajata hai.
bahut khoob
shikast-e-muhabbat ki itnii kahaanii.....
gul-e-khushk ban ke kitaaboN meiN guzrii
waah khooob acha khyaal hai.
miree aah-o-zaarii nashaa ban ke aksar
sar-e-bazm-e-rindaaN sharaaboN meiN guzrii
ji theek hai
naseehat hameiN kar rahaa hai woh naaSeH
sadaa umr jiskii KharaaboN meiN guzrii
waah
agar hauslaa hai to ban ke dikhaa de
Woh LAILAA kabhi jo nisaaboN meiN guzrii!!!
haN baat to hausle ki hai, waise ham ne laila ko school ke nisaab mai to nahi parha :)magar khuda khair karay majnooN ke haal par ,us ka kia hoga.
