Meri ek aur munfarid ghazal .........................

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 5:09 am

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee

Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phooNk phooNk kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

Darta hooN main yeh raat kahiN aaKhree nah ho
BesaKhta mareez ki haalat saNbhal gayee

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

Jawaid Badauni
Muscat – Oman

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:37 am

MuHtarami o Azeezi
Jawaid Badayuni Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal jaldi meiN dekh sakaa jiske liyeh maiN dili daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh kartaa hooN. Aap bahut din se ghayib heiN jisi vajh se tashveesh thii.

Aapke mandarja-e-zel sheAr ke pahle miSreA ke baare meiN kuch iltibaas houaa aur lafz "bhi" kii kacrat qaabil-e-ghaur nazar aayi.

"Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee "

Nazar-e-caani karleejiye. Shukriyah.

Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:15 am

MOhtarmee Abdullah Nazir Sahab, Aadaab

Ghazal ki pazeeraai ke liye mamnoon hooN.

Meri Bagam Sahibah jo aajkal Hindustan meN rahtee haiN in dinoN Muscat aaii hoii haiN. Yehee sabab hai keh maiN net per zara kum a pata hooN.

Mujhe "Bhee" lafz ki kacrat jo aam Halat meN aib hai, bahut bhaa rahee the lekin aap ke mashware ka ehtaram bhi lazim hai, lihaza maiN ne misAra badal ker yoon kar liya hai:

Khanjar wohee tha qatl ka maqcad bhee tha wohee......

DoaoN meN shamil rakhiyega.

Naacheez,
Jawaid Badauni

Post by **Shummu** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:34 pm

Salaam Jawaid Bhai..sab se pehle to maiN beinteha mu'aazarat khwaah hoon ke aap ki ghazal pehle na dekh saki... i'm really sorry..

Aate hain aap ki ghazal ki jaanib jo hamesha ki tarah munfarid aur lajawaab hai :)

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

wah bahut khoobsurat matla!!! 'dilfareb' lafz ne sher ko bahut khoobsurati bana diya hai

Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee

wah bilkul bajaa farmaaya...

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phooNk phooNk kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

wah..pehli baar shayad ye khyaal kisi sher meiN paRha hai maine...achcha hai...

Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

bahut khoob...!

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

wah..maqta bhi munfarid laga..!

Jawaid bhai...agar hum waqt pe daad na de sakein to khudaaya ye na smajahiyega ke aap ke kalaam mein kami hai balki hamari hi kotaahii hai jo aap ke kalaam ko barwaqt nahi dekh paate...

jaate jaate dili daad-o-mubarakbaad qubool farmaayein is umda aur munfarid kaavish pe :D

Adaab,
Shumaila

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 6:46 pm

Shummu wrote:Salaam Jawaid Bhai..sab se pehle to maiN beinteha mu'aazarat khwaah hoon ke aap ki ghazal pehle na dekh saki... i'm really sorry..

Aate hain aap ki ghazal ki jaanib jo hamesha ki tarah munfarid aur lajawaab hai :)

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

wah bahut khoobsurat matla!!! 'dilfareb' lafz ne sher ko bahut khoobsurati bana diya hai

Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee
wah bilkul bajaa farmaaya...

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phooNk phooNk kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee
wah..pehli baar shayad ye khyaal kisi sher meiN paRha hai maine...achcha hai...

Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee
bahut khoob...!

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee
wah..maqta bhi munfarid laga..!

Jawaid bhai...agar hum waqt pe daad na de sakein to khudaaya ye na smajahiyega ke aap ke kalaam mein kami hai balki hamari hi kotaahii hai jo aap ke kalaam ko barwaqt nahi dekh paate...

jaate jaate dili daad-o-mubarakbaad qubool farmaayein is umda aur munfarid kaavish pe :D

Adaab,
Shumaila

Azeezah Shumaila SaHibah,

Ghazal ki pazeeraaii ke liye aapka mamnoon hooN. Mera shikwa yeh nahiN tha keh meri Ghazal per tabsare meN taKheer kyooN hoii. Meri shikayat yeh thee keh aap logoN ne hamare Shairee section meN aana jana kyooN kum kar diya hai. Ummid hai ab ap is chaupal meN aati jatee raheNgee.

Mukhlis
Jawaid

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:43 am

muHtarimah Shumaila SaaHebah: aadaab!

Jawaid SaaHeb kee Ghazal par aap ke ta,accuraat paRhe to ek baat kehnee Z^arooree ho gayee. chooN.k koyee aur jagah maujood naheeN hai is liYe isee laRee meN likh` rahaa hooN.

aap ne likh`aa hai keh :

"..agar hum waqt pe daad na de sakein to :khudaaya: ye na smajahiyega ke aap ke kalaam mein kami hai balki hamari hi kotaahii hai jo aap ke kalaam ko barwaqt nahi dekh paate..:

meraa Khayaal hai keh aap :Khudaa-raa: (Khudaa ke liYe!) kee bajaaYe :Khudaayaa!: likh` gayee haiN. :Khudaayaa: ke ma'nee haiN :ai mere Khudaa!: goyaa aap (al a'yaaza" b.il-Allah) Jawaid SaaHeb ko apnaa Khudaa jaantee haiN. z^aahir hai keh yeh baat naheeN hai. Ghalat^ee kee nishaan-dehee kar rahaa hooN taa.k aa,indah aap muHtaat^ raheN. Hairat hai keh Jawaid SaaHeb ne is ko naz^ar-andaaz kar diyaa. mumkin hai keh idh`ar dh`yaan hee nah gayaa ho.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 3:24 am

mukarramee Jawaid Badauni SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap kee Ghazal dekh`ee. maashaa-Allah achh`ee hai aur aap ke maKhSooS raNg-e-suKhan kee aa,eenah-daar hai. meree daad qubool keejiYe!

ab agar ijaazat ho to chand baateN a'rZ karooN. yeh mere Khayaalaat haiN aur Ghalat^ bh`ee ho sakte haiN.

aap ne apnee Ghazal ko :munfarid: kahaa hai. :munfarid: woh cheez hotee hai jis meN :infiraadiyat: ho, ya'nee koyee aisee KhuSooSiyat ho jo har jagah aasaanee se naz^ar nah aaYe aur jis par har shaKhS qaadir nah ho. meree bad-qismatee hai keh aap kee Ghazal meN mujh` ko koyee infiraadiyat naz^ar naheeN aayee. yeh meree nigaah kaa quSoor ho saktaa hai.

Urdu Ghazal meN infiraadiyat bohat se sho,a'raa ko HaaSil rahee hai. lekin is kaa e'laan Khud kisee shaa,i'r ne kam hee kiyaa hai. Mir Taqi "Mir" ne Z^aroor kahaa th`aa (aur bajaa kahaa th`aa!) keh:

saare a'alam par hooN maiN ch`aayaa huwaa
mustanad hai meraa farmaayaa huwaa!

aur us ke ba'd Mirza Ghalib ne dabee-dabee zabaan se yooN kahaa th`aa keh:

haiN aur bh`ee dunyaa meN suKhanwar bohat achh`e
kehte haiN keh Ghalib kaa hai andaaz-e-bayaaN aur!

albattah a'am dastoor yehee rahaa hai keh apnee infiraadiyat kaa e'laan doosroN par ch`oR diyaa jaataa hai aur yehee munaasib bh`ee hai!

Ghazal meN infiraadiyat us ke Khayaalaat, zabaan, bayaan, wazn/beHr se ho saktee hai. Khayaalaat par guftgoo aage aa rahee hai. reh gayee aap kee zameen aur beHr to yeh bohat a'am haiN. yahaaN tak keh ek filmee geet bh`ee isee zameen/beHr meN (shaayad Shakeel Badaayoonee kaa!) hai. do ash,a'ar aap bh`ee sun leejiYe:

dunyaa badal gayee, miree dunyaa badal gayee
aisee chalee hawaa keh Khushee dukh` meN Dh`al gayee

dil Khaak ho gayaa yeh kisee ko Khabar naheeN
sab yeh samajh` rahe haiN tamannaa nikal gayee!

ab chand ma'rooZ^aat Ghazal ke Hawaaleh se pesh-e-Khidmat haiN. shaayad kisee qaabil hoN. yeh meree naaqidaanah naz^ar par mabnee haiN aur kisee kaa meree raaYe se ittifaaq karnaa mut^laq Z^arooree naheeN hai.
---------------------------------------
Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

achh`aa mat^la' hai. daad qubool keejiYe. agar :kaun see hawaa?: kaa jawaab bh`ee kaheeN mil jaataa to behtar hotaa.
----------------------------------
Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee

waah waah! Khoob kahaa hai! daad HaaZ^ir hai!
-----------------------------------
Khanjar wohee th`aa, qatl kaa maqSad bh`ee th`aa wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

awwal awwal pehlaa miSra' yooN th`aa:

Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee

ab bh`ee :lekin: kee kamee meHsoos hotee hai lekin Z^aroorat-e-she'ree ke pesh-e-naz^ar qaabil-e-qubool hai. achh`aa she'r hai!
-------------------------------
Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phook phook kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

a'rZ^ yeh hai keh :bachchah: itnee a'ql naheeN rakh`taa hai keh ek baar zabaan jal jaane par aa,indah woh har cheez :ph`ooNk ph`ooNk: kar piYe! woh pehlee baar jalaane waale cheez se miltee-jultee cheez dekh` kar muNh to ph`er saktaa hai lekin "ph'ooNk-ph'ooNk" kar piYe, aisaa naa-mumkin hai! naz^ar-e-caanee kar leN to harj naheeN hai.
---------------------------------
Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

yeh "she'r baraaYe she'r" kee u'mdah micaal hai. gustaaKhee mu,a'af! is meN nah to koyee fikr-o-Khayaal kee balandee hee hai aur nah hee koyee taGhazzul. ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!
---------------------------------
Darta hooN main yeh raat kahiN aaKhree nah ho
BesaKhta mareez ki haalat saNbhal gayee

is she'r meN :be-saaKhtah: kaa ista'maal maHall-e-naz^ar hai. yeh lafz^ us waqt likh`aa jaataa hai jab kisee ko koyee iKhtiyaar bh`ee ho. macala" jab yeh kahaa jaaYe keh "be-iKhtiyaar meree haNsee nikal gayee" to is meN yeh baat posheedah hotee hai keh :mujh` ko apnee haNsee par u'mooma" qaaboo/iKhtiyaar rehtaa hai lekin us waqt aisee Soorat huwee keh maiN be-iKhtiyaar ho kar haNs paRaa:. z^aahir hai keh jaaN-ba-lab insaan ko kisee cheez par qaaboo naheeN rehtaa hai. chunaan.ch us ke liYe :be-saaKhtah: likh`naa naa-munaasib hai. aap dekh` leN!
----------------------------------------
:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

aap ne yeh she'r :khal gayee: ko baaNdh`ne kee Khaat^ir kahaa hai. meraa Khayaal hai keh is qaafiyeh se aap kee Ghazal kaa majmoo,e'e ta,accur kuch` kam ho gayaa hai. yooN aap maalik haiN!
-----------------------------
yeh kehne kee Z^aroorat naheeN hai keh yeh tabSirah mukammal nek-niyyatee se likh`aa gayaa hai aur is se aap kee dil-aazaaree maqSood naheeN hai. ummeed hai keh aap Hasb-e-dastoor in ma'rooZ^aat ko isee tanaaz^ur meN dekh`eN ge. shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:02 am

Mohtarmee Sarwar Raz Sahab,
Aadaab.o.Niyaz

Ghazal ki pazeeraai ke liye mamnoon hooN. Aapke Khat meN koii baat jawab talab nahiN aur waise bhi buzrgoN ke aage zuban kholna zara mayoob sa lagta hai. Magar Sarkar aap ne kuch aisee dilchasp bateN likhi haiN jin per tabadla-e Khiyaal zaroori hai. Kuch shereoN per meri wazahat bhi zaroori hai kyooNkeh mujhe yaqeen hai aap ne mere isharoN per tawajjo nahiN farmayee.

Angrezi meN kahawat hai "first thing first". Meri Ghazal meN koii infiradiyat hai keh nahiN is ka faiSlah maiN membran per choRta hooN. JahaN tak meri yaddasht kaam kartee hai ek darjan membran Khood yeh baat mujhe likh chuke haiN keh mere mazamin munfarid hote haiN. Main ne sirf mazamin kee infiradiyat ki taraf asharah kiya tha, ghazal ko mustanad hargiz nahiN kaha tha. Mere mazamin keh bare meN yeh baat mash,hoor UrdudaaN Mohtram Abdullah Nazir Sahab bhi kaii baar kah chuke haiN. Phir bhi shayad mujhe nahin kahna chaahiye tha, apka yeh e'traz maiN tasleem karta hooN, aur aap ka shukr guzar hooN keh meri ek jazbati amr per aap ne oongle uThaii.

Aaiye ab aap ki tanqeed ki raushni meN ashAAr ka jaaiza liya jaaye.

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

achh`aa mat^la' hai. daad qubool keejiYe. agar :kaun see hawaa?: kaa jawaab bh`ee kaheeN mil jaataa to behtar hotaa.

Yeh alamati shairee ka daur hai aur main aisee hi rawish per chalne ka a'di hooN. YahaN dilfareb hawaa se meri murad oos maghribi tahzeeb se hai jo bahut khooshgawaar hai magar jis ne hamari tahzeb ke nah jane kitne diye bujha diye. Ummid ai ab yeh she'r aap ko pasaNd aayega.
----------------------------------

Khanjar wohee th`aa, qatl kaa maqSad bh`ee th`aa wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

awwal awwal pehlaa miSra' yooN th`aa:

Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee

ab bh`ee :lekin: kee kamee meHsoos hotee hai lekin Z^aroorat-e-she'ree ke pesh-e-naz^ar qaabil-e-qubool hai. achh`aa she'r hai!

Yahan meri murad jung-e HAQQ.O.BAATIL se hai. Har daur meN batil chehra badal badal kar aaya magar zulm ka Khanjar wohee tha aur maqSad-e qatl bhi wohee tha.Aap Khub samjhte haiN maiN kya kahna chaah rahahooN.

-------------------------------

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phook phook kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

a'rZ^ yeh hai keh :bachchah: itnee a'ql naheeN rakh`taa hai keh ek baar zabaan jal jaane par aa,indah woh har cheez :ph`ooNk ph`ooNk: kar piYe! woh pehlee baar jalaane waale cheez se miltee-jultee cheez dekh` kar muNh to ph`er saktaa hai lekin "ph'ooNk-ph'ooNk" kar piYe, aisaa naa-mumkin hai! naz^ar-e-caanee kar leN to harj naheeN hai.

Mujhe lagta hai aap she'r ke lafzee ya luGhavee ma'na per ja rahe haiN. Ya mumkin hai aap yeh samajh rahe haiN keh main ne mahawrey ka istaimal kiya hai. Arz kar dooN huzoor, yahaN maiN yeh kahna chaahta hooN keh jin logoN ko thode se nuqSaan ke bAAd aql aa jati hai woh bahut Khushnaseeb hain aur yaqeenan baRe nuqsaan se bach jate haiN.
---------------------------------
Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

yeh "she'r baraaYe she'r" kee u'mdah micaal hai. gustaaKhee mu,a'af! is meN nah to koyee fikr-o-Khayaal kee balandee hee hai aur nah hee koyee taGhazzul. ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!

Yeh meri Ghazal ka sub se achcha sher tha jiski pazeeraai aap ne nahiN kee. Ise main apne sher ki budnaseebi hi kah sakta hooN. Yeh ek siyasi isharah hai. Hamari mulk ko azad hoe ab 26 sal hone aaye, magar qaid-e Ghulami ke kurb meN, jise main ne tapish ka naam diya hai, koii kamee nazar nahiN aati. Mujhe lagta hai ab is sher ki bare meN aapki aara meN kuch tabdeeli zaroor hogee.
---------------------------------

Darta hooN main yeh raat kahiN aaKhree nah ho
BesaKhta mareez ki haalat saNbhal gayee

is she'r meN :be-saaKhtah: kaa ista'maal maHall-e-naz^ar hai. yeh lafz^ us waqt likh`aa jaataa hai jab kisee ko koyee iKhtiyaar bh`ee ho. macala" jab yeh kahaa jaaYe keh "be-iKhtiyaar meree haNsee nikal gayee" to is meN yeh baat posheedah hotee hai keh :mujh` ko apnee haNsee par u'mooma" qaaboo/iKhtiyaar rehtaa hai lekin us waqt aisee Soorat huwee keh maiN be-iKhtiyaar ho kar haNs paRaa:. z^aahir hai keh jaaN-ba-lab insaan ko kisee cheez par qaaboo naheeN rehtaa hai. chunaan.ch us ke liYe :be-saaKhtah: likh`naa naa-munaasib hai. aap dekh` leN!

Maazrat ke saath arz karta hooN keh BESAKHTA iss sher ki jaan hai. Iss sher meN main ne us kaffiyat ki janib isharah kiya hai jise hamare Badaun ki zuban men SANBHALA kahte haiN. Mumkin hai aap ittefaq nah kareN magar yeh bhi ek munfarid mazmoon hai. Marne se qabl, har mareez ki halat kuch lamhoN ke liye saNbahl jati hai. Shayad yeh is liye hota hai kyooNkeh Allah (SWT) har insaan ko yeh mauqa dena chahhta hai keh woh apne aaiza' ko ek baar dekh le aur waseyyat kar le. Iss ko SANBHALA kahte haiN. Is sher meN main yeh kahna chahhta hooN keh mareez ki halat meN yeh achanak sudhaar kahin SaNbhala to nahiN? Yaqeenani sher meN mera khayaal sarkaar per ab wazeh ho gaya hoga.----------------------------------------

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

aap ne yeh she'r :khal gayee: ko baaNdh`ne kee Khaat^ir kahaa hai. meraa Khayaal hai keh is qaafiyeh se aap kee Ghazal kaa majmoo,e'e ta,accur kuch` kam ho gayaa hai. yooN aap maalik haiN!

Sachchi baat hamesha kaRwee hoti hai aur baat khal jana Hindi ka ek muhawrah hai jise main ne istamal kiya hai. Maqta' beshak baraye maqta' hai magar sare ashAAr to Chacha Ghalib ke bhi ek jaise nah thay. Ise isee halat men qubool kar lijiyega.-----------------------------

Aapke tabsaroN ka main muntazir rahta hooN. Ek baar phir aap ka shukriya.

Khair andesh
Jawaid

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:33 pm

sara_j wrote:
jawaid badauni wrote:
Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee

Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phooNk phooNk kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

Darta hooN main yeh raat kahiN aaKhree nah ho
BesaKhta mareez ki haalat saNbhal gayee

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

Jawaid Badauni
Muscat – Oman
Jawaid bhai,

Adaab arz hai.

bohat khoob!

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

bohat khoob matla hai .

Saya bhi aarzee hai bataa deejiye unheN
Jo log mutma’in haiN keh ab dhoop Dhal gayee

wah! is shair ko parhne wale mukhtalif maine le sakte hain!
chand alfaz mein aap bohat kuch bayan kerdiye ........
daad qubool keejiye is umdah shair per.

Khanjar wohee tha qatl ka maqcad bhee tha wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

bohat khoob! is shair per bhi daad qubool keejiye.

ghazal poori pasand aayi lekin ye ashaar bohat ziyada pasand aaye.

sara

Azeezah Sara saHibah,

Ghazal ko aap ne pasaNd farmya, mujhe bahut Khooshee hoii. Himmat afzaaii ke liye aap ka bahud mamnoon hooN. Ummid hai aaindah bhi apne graNqadr tabsare se nawaztee raheNgee.

Mukhlis
Jawaid Badauni

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:48 am

Jawaid Badauni wrote:

Mohtarmee Sarwar Raz Sahab,
Aadaab.o.Niyaz

Ghazal ki pazeeraai ke liye mamnoon hooN. Aapke Khat meN koii baat jawab talab nahiN aur waise bhi buzrgoN ke aage zuban kholna zara mayoob sa lagta hai. Magar Sarkar aap ne kuch aisee dilchasp bateN likhi haiN jin per tabadla-e Khiyaal zaroori hai. Kuch shereoN per meri wazahat bhi zaroori hai kyooNkeh mujhe yaqeen hai aap ne mere isharoN per tawajjo nahiN farmayee.

mukarramee Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap kaa dilchasp jawaab dekh`aa. lekin afsos keh koyee aisee daleel naz^ar naheeN aayee jis se mujh` ko apnee raaYe badalne par majboor honaa paRtaa. maiN ne aap kee Ghazal ke :ishaaroN: par bohat sanjeedagee se Ghaur kiyaa th`aa kyoN.k maiN baGhair soche-samjh`e likh`ne kaa qaa,il aur a'adee naheeN hooN. yehee meraa t^areeq-e-kaar hai.

maiN dostoN kee raaYe kaa iHtiraam kartaa hooN. albattah un par apnee adabee shinaaKht kaa bojh` naheeN Daaltaa hooN. bar-sabeel-e-taZkirah yeh kehne meN harj naheeN hai keh mujh` se bh`ee muta,a'ddid eHbaab ne (jin meN kayee mash,hoor "Urdu-daaN" bh`ee haiN) yeh kahaa hai keh mere asha'ar meN kaheeN kaheeN "Momin", "Ghalib" aur "Iqbal" kaa raNg jh`laktaa hai. maiN ne un kee baatoN ko :dosat-daaree: aur :bandah-parwaree: par meHmool kar ke Khud ko kisee Khush-fehmee meN mubtilaa naheeN hone diyaa! aur is par Allah kaa shukr-guZaar hooN.

waise aaj-kal zamaanah Khud-sitaayee kaa hee hai. aur shaayad Manzar Bhopali jaise teesre darjeh ke shaa,i'r kee baazaar meN maaNg kee vajh bh`ee yehee hai! ab reh gayaa maiN aur mere jaise doosre shaa,i'r to :

Khud-sitaayee, Khud-saree "Sarwar" agar tujh` meN naheeN
laakh` too ho baa-kamaal-o-baa-hunar, dekh`e gaa kauN?

so is kaa koyee Gham naheeN! yaqeena" aap meree baat samajh`te hoN ge.

Angrezi meN kahawat hai "first thing first". Meri Ghazal meN koii infiradiyat hai keh nahiN is ka faiSlah maiN membran per choRta hooN. JahaN tak meri yaddasht kaam kartee hai ek darjan membran Khood yeh baat mujhe likh chuke haiN keh mere mazamin munfarid hote haiN. Main ne sirf mazamin kee infiradiyat ki taraf asharah kiya tha, ghazal ko mustanad hargiz nahiN kaha tha. Mere mazamin keh bare meN yeh baat mash,hoor UrdudaaN Mohtram Abdullah Nazir Sahab bhi kaii baar kah chuke haiN. Phir bhi shayad mujhe nahin kahna chaahiye tha, apka yeh e'traz maiN tasleem karta hooN, aur aap ka shukr guzar hooN keh meri ek jazbati amr per aap ne oongle uThaii.

infiraadiyat ke Hawaaleh se jo maiN ne kahaa hai us kaa it^laaq aap ke maZ^aameen par bh`ee hotaa hai. reh gayee :mustanad: kee baat to aap us ko samjh`e hee naheeN. maiN ne aap par apne kalaam ko :mustanad: kehne kaa ilzaam kaheeN bh`ee naheeN lagaayaa hai! maiN ne likh`aa hai keh Mir Taqi "Mir" ne Khud ko sanad qaraar diyaa hai. z^aahir hai keh kisee kaa sanad honaa us kee a'zmat aur infiraadiiyat kee daleel hai! aap jawaab dene kee jaldee meN akcar aise hee doosre lat^eef nikaat dekh` naheeN paate haiN aur doosroN kee teHreer meN woh kuch` paRh jaate haiN jo raaqim kaa maqSood naheeN hotaa hai! it^meenaan se dekh`aa kareN. jaldee kyaa hai?

Aaiye ab aap ki tanqeed ki raushni meN ashAAr ka jaaiza liya jaaye.

Waise to dilfareb hawaa thee jo chal gayee
Lekin chiragh kitne bujha kar nikal gayee

achh`aa mat^la' hai. daad qubool keejiYe. agar :kaun see hawaa?: kaa jawaab bh`ee kaheeN mil jaataa to behtar hotaa.

Yeh alamati shairee ka daur hai aur main aisee hi rawish per chalne ka a'di hooN. YahaN dilfareb hawaa se meri murad oos maghribi tahzeeb se hai jo bahut khooshgawaar hai magar jis ne hamari tahzeb ke nah jane kitne diye bujha diye. Ummid ai ab yeh she'r aap ko pasaNd aayega.

maiN :a'laamatee: shaa,i'ree se ba-Khoobee waaqif hooN. albattah aisee a'laamat jis kee tarseel shaa,i'r apne qaaree tak karne ke liYe ek lambe HaashiYe yaa taujeeh kaa muHtaaj ho bh`alaa kis kaam kee? aap ne is she'r meN :dilfareb hawaa: se :maGhribee tehZeeb: muraad lee hai. koyee qaaree aaKhir kis bunyaad par aap ke dil kee baat samajh` saktaa hai jab.k kaheeN koyee aisaa ishaarah hai hee naheeN hai?

maiN agar :dil-fareb hawaa: se :jh`ooTee maZhabiyat kee hawaa: samjh` looN to kyaa yeh Ghalat^ ho gaa jab.k yeh hawaa nihaayat dilfareb bh`ee hai aur is ke haath`oN laako`oN kaa Khoon rozaanah hee huwaa kartaa hai? yeh z^aahir hai keh maiN is taaweel meN b.ilkul SaHeeH hooN gaa!

isee t^araH har shaKhS aap ke she'r se apne mat^lab kee :hawaa: par daleel kar saktaa hai aur is t^araH aap kaa aSl mat^lab :dar bat^n-e-shaa,i'r: ho kar reh jaaYe gaa! goyaa aap she'r kaheN yaa nah kaheN koyee farq naheeN paRtaa hai! aap is ko :a'laamatee: shaa,i'ree keh leN. a'ql-e-saleem to is ko shaa,i'ree hee kehne se gurezaaN hai.

Khanjar wohee th`aa, qatl kaa maqSad bh`ee th`aa wohee
Har baar shakl-e qaatil.o bismil badal gayee

awwal awwal pehlaa miSra' yooN th`aa:

Maqtal bhi wajh-e qatl bhi Khanjar bhi tha wohee

ab bh`ee :lekin: kee kamee meHsoos hotee hai lekin Z^aroorat-e-she'ree ke pesh-e-naz^ar qaabil-e-qubool hai. achh`aa she'r hai!

Yahan meri murad jung-e HAQQ.O.BAATIL se hai. Har daur meN batil chehra badal badal kar aaya magar zulm ka Khanjar wohee tha aur maqSad-e qatl bhi wohee tha.Aap Khub samjhte haiN maiN kya kahna chaah rahahooN.

maiN aap kaa mat^lab Khoob samajh`taa hooN. lekin yeh yaad rakh`iYe keh jis ko aap aur maiN :Haqq-o-baat^il: kee jaNg se ta'beer karte haiN woh kisee aur ke nazdeek :siyaasee kh`eeNchaa-taanee: ho saktee hai!

Har cheez ab piyega zaraa phook phook kar
Achcha hoa zuban jo bachche ki jal gayee

a'rZ^ yeh hai keh :bachchah: itnee a'ql naheeN rakh`taa hai keh ek baar zabaan jal jaane par aa,indah woh har cheez :ph`ooNk ph`ooNk: kar piYe! woh pehlee baar jalaane waale cheez se miltee-jultee cheez dekh` kar muNh to ph`er saktaa hai lekin "ph'ooNk-ph'ooNk" kar piYe, aisaa naa-mumkin hai! naz^ar-e-caanee kar leN to harj naheeN hai.

Mujhe lagta hai aap she'r ke lafzee ya luGhavee ma'na per ja rahe haiN. Ya mumkin hai aap yeh samajh rahe haiN keh main ne mahawrey ka istaimal kiya hai. Arz kar dooN huzoor, yahaN maiN yeh kahna chaahta hooN keh jin logoN ko thode se nuqSaan ke bAAd aql aa jati hai woh bahut Khushnaseeb hain aur yaqeenan baRe nuqsaan se bach jate haiN.

aap jo bh`ee kehnaa chaahte th`e woh aap ke she'r se z^aahir naheeN hi ho rahaa hai. :ph`ooNk ph`ooNk kar peenaa: ek muHaawirah hai aur chaahe aap apne Zehn meN kuch` bh`ee samjh`eN, qaaree is ko isee t^araH se le gaa! haaN apne dostoN ko sunaate waqt agar aap apnee taweel tashreeH pesh kar deN to aur baat hai. daad mil jaaYe gee! aap Ghaur kareN ge to she'r kee kamzoree Khud hee waaZ^eH ho jaaYe gee. mere kehne-sun,ne se kuch` HaaSil hotaa nah pehle kabh`ee naz^ar aayaa hai aur nah shaayad kabh`ee aaYe gaa! yeh to dil behlaane kee baateN haiN!

Yeh aur baat zor-e tapish meN kamee nahiN
Waise to kafee der hoii shaam Dhal gayee

yeh "she'r baraaYe she'r" kee u'mdah micaal hai. gustaaKhee mu,a'af! is meN nah to koyee fikr-o-Khayaal kee balandee hee hai aur nah hee koyee taGhazzul. ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!

Yeh meri Ghazal ka sub se achcha sher tha jiski pazeeraai aap ne nahiN kee. Ise main apne sher ki budnaseebi hi kah sakta hooN. Yeh ek siyasi isharah hai. Hamari mulk ko azad hoe ab 26 sal hone aaye, magar qaid-e Ghulami ke kurb meN, jise main ne tapish ka naam diya hai, koii kamee nazar nahiN aati. Mujhe lagta hai ab is sher ki bare meN aapki aara meN kuch tabdeeli zaroor hogee.

bandah-parwar! aap kee is taaweel ne baaqee sab taaweelaat ke :kaan kaaT liYe haiN!: (yeh bh`ee ek muHaawirah hai aur maiN is ko isee t^araH likh` bh`ee rahaa hooN!) bh`alaa koyee aap kee in naam-nihaad :a'laamatoN: se kis t^arah :wat^an, Ghulaamee, aazaadee: kaa yeh sabaq HaaSil kar saktaa hai? is she'r kee tashreeH ke liYe to aap ke saamne hee zaanoo-e-talammuZ teh karnaa ho gaa! yaa ph`ir kisee t^araH i'lm-e-Ghaib par qaadir honaa paRe gaa! aisee "a'laamat" kis kaam kee jis ko :likh`eN E'esaa, paRheN Moosaa:? mujh ko yaqeen hai keh baGhair aap se istifaadah kiYe huwe aise ash,a'ar ke :rumooz: kisee par a'yaaN nah ho sakeN ge. yooN koyee :dost-daaree: meN :waah waah: kar de to woh aur baat hai!

Darta hooN main yeh raat kahiN aaKhree nah ho
BesaKhta mareez ki haalat saNbhal gayee

is she'r meN :be-saaKhtah: kaa ista'maal maHall-e-naz^ar hai. yeh lafz^ us waqt likh`aa jaataa hai jab kisee ko koyee iKhtiyaar bh`ee ho. macala" jab yeh kahaa jaaYe keh "be-iKhtiyaar meree haNsee nikal gayee" to is meN yeh baat posheedah hotee hai keh :mujh` ko apnee haNsee par u'mooma" qaaboo/iKhtiyaar rehtaa hai lekin us waqt aisee Soorat huwee keh maiN be-iKhtiyaar ho kar haNs paRaa:. z^aahir hai keh jaaN-ba-lab insaan ko kisee cheez par qaaboo naheeN rehtaa hai. chunaan.ch us ke liYe :be-saaKhtah: likh`naa naa-munaasib hai. aap dekh` leN!

Mazarat ke saath arz karta hooN keh BESAKHTA iss sher ki jaan hai. Iss sher meN main ne us kaffiyat ki janib isharah kiya hai jise hamare Badaun ki zuban men SANBHALA kahte haiN. Mumkin hai aap ittefaq nah kareN magar yeh bhi ek munfarid mazmoon hai. Marne se qabl, har mareez ki halat kuch lamhoN ke liye saNbahl jati hai. Shayad yeh is liye hota hai kyooNkeh Allah (SWT) har insaan ko yeh mauqa dena chahhta hai keh woh apne aaiza' ko ek baar dekh le aur waseyyat kar le. Iss ko SANBHALA kahte haiN. Is sher meN main yeh kahna chahhta hooN keh mareez ki halat meN yeh achanak sudhaar kahin SaNbhala to nahiN? Yaqeenani sher meN mera khayaal sarkaar per ab wazeh ho gaya hoga.-[/b]

aap kee naz^ar meN lafz^ :be-saaKhtah: she'r kee jaan ho gaa. is gumaan kaa aap ko pooraa Haq hai. lekin kisee lafz^ kee ciqaahat aur Salaabat-e-ista'maal meree yaa aap kee Zaatee pasand, Khayaal yaa raaYe par mabnee naheeN hotee hai. is kaa inHiSaar zabaan-o-bayaan ke musallimah uSooloN par huwaa kartaa hai aur is paimaaneh par maiN jo pich`le Khat^ meN likh` chukaa hooN wohee SaHeeH hai! aap asaatiZah kee nacree aur she'ree taKhleeqaat ko dekh` leN to mere bayaan kee taSdeeq ho jaaYe gee. "haath` kaNgan ko aarsee kyaa hai?"

Z^imna" a'rZ^ kar dooN keh BadaayooN kee zabaan Urdu se alag naheeN hai! jis :saNbh`aalaa: ko aap BadaayooN kaa sikkah-band lafz^ samajh` rahe haiN woh Urdu meN bohat a'am hai aur sab jagah hee bolaa aur samjh`aa jaataa hai!

:Jawaid: tere such peh jahaN chup rahaa magar
Chehre bataa rahe haiN tiree baat khal gayee

aap ne yeh she'r :khal gayee: ko baaNdh`ne kee Khaat^ir kahaa hai. meraa Khayaal hai keh is qaafiyeh se aap kee Ghazal kaa majmoo,e'e ta,accur kuch` kam ho gayaa hai. yooN aap maalik haiN!

Sachchi baat hamesha kaRwee hoti hai aur baat khal jana Hindi ka ek muhawrah hai jise main ne istamal kiya hai. Maqta' beshak baraye maqta' hai magar sare ashAAr to Chacha Ghalib ke bhi ek jaise nah thay. Ise isee halat men qubool kar lijiyega.

chaliYe aap ne yeh to maanaa keh :maqta' baraaYe maqta': kahaa gayaa hai! reh gayaa Ghalib kaa Zikr to maiN kyaa a'rZ^ karooN jab.k maiN ne apne ek she'r meN yooN kahaa hai keh:

shaa,i'ree apnee baraaYe bait hai "Sarwar" ke maiN
Haashiyah-bardaar-e-"Ghalib", Khaushah-cheen-e-"Mir" hooN!

apnee shaa'iree ke Hawaaleh se to maiN yehee keh saktaa hooN keh : cheh nisbat Khaak raa baa a'alam-e-paak?

ummeed hai keh aap se niyaaz HaaSil hotaa rahe gaa.

paidaa kahaaN haiN aise paraagandah-t^aba' log?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am

Mohtarmee Sarwar Raz Sahab,

Sub se pahle to mujhe aap ka shukriya adaa karna chaahiye keh aap mere kalaam per itni tawajjo farmate haiN. Khuda shahid hai mujhe is Ghazal ke kahne meN itna waqt nahiN laga tha jitna in taweel tabsaroN meN ap ka surf ho chuka hai (Chund chaupaloN men aap ne Angrezi ke saath saath Urdu “script”meN bhi likha hai ismeN yaqeenan waqt lagaa hoga.) Main is tanqeedi tabsare ko bhi apne liye ek ezaz tasawwoor karta hooN aur halankeh aapki beshtar tajaweez se puri tarah muttafiq nahin hooN, phir bhi yeh tasleem karna paRega keh yeh ek bahut a'la darje ki ilmi baHc thee jo meri janib se ab iKhtetaam pazeer hoti hai, kyooNkeh "aur bhi gham haiN zamaane meN mohabbat ke siwa..............................."

MaiN guzishta paiGham meN tasleem kar chukka hooN mujhe khood apni infiradiyat ka zikr shayad nahiN karna chaahiye tha, magar iss e’traaf ke bawoojood iss baat per aap ka ehtjaaj ya aapki Khafgee meri samjh se bahar hai. Aapne farmaya hai keh aap Khud-sitaayee, Khud-saree se gurez karte haiN yAAni ba-alfaaz-e-digar main in cheezoN se gurez nahin karta, is ka yehe matlab hota hai.(Woh kah rahe thay zamaana hai bewafa Raunaq...magar jo kahne ka matlab hai hum samajhte haiN.) Main maanta hooN in tabsaroN ka maqSad hai Khidamt-e adab magar shayad aap ko ilm nah ho, kuch membraan in tanqeedoN ko apne ilm aur doosre ke jahl ki numaa’ish se bhi tAbeer karte haiN. Yeh meri eemandari hai jo doosre aap ke samne nah kah sake main ne caafgoii se aap se kah diya Khudara mahsoos nah kijiyega.

MaiN pahle bhi arz kar chuka hooN meri aur aap ki shairana fikr meN bahut farq hai jo hamesha rahega. Main nayee daur ka ek nacheez shayar hooN aur aap puranee Ghazal ke ek kohna mashq shayar haiN. Mere Khiyaal se Ghazal meN har baat agar bilkul caaf ya khoolkar kah dee jaye to mazaa baqi nahiN rahta hai. Is e'tbaar se Basheer Badr SaHab ko to shayad aap shayar hi nahiN mante hoNge, unke beshtar ashAAr dinoN ya kabhi kabhi hafton bAAd samajh meN aate haiN. Aisa akcar hota hai keh shayar ne kuch kaha aur qaree sher ko kise aur samt le gaya. Lekin is se sher per kya farq paRta hai. Sub ko haq hai apne apne andaz se sher ka maza leN. Maclan:

Babatin maiN sarapa ilteja hooN
Bazahir ilteja koii nahin hai

Yeh kisee ki ghazal meN ek sher tha aur logoN ne oosee e'tbaar se ise liya magar maiN ise Hamdiya ya Natia samt meN le gaya aur maiNne Mushaaireh ke bAAd shayar ko bataya to mAlum hoa unka nukta-e nazar bhi wohee tha.

Ek Pakistani shayar ne Pakistan ke yaum-e azadi per ek sher kaha tha jo meri nazar meN Pakistan per kahe gaye sub se haseen sheroN meN se ek tha. Sher kuch is tarah tha:

yeh bat logoN ko shayad pasaNd aai nahiN
zara sa ghar tha magar kis qadar sajaya tha

Ek aur namwar Pakistani shayar Pakistan ke bare meN farmate haiN:

dar.o.deewar salaamat haiN nah sarmaya-e jaaN
ab ke aaNdhi ne to kuch bhi nahiN choRa ghar meN

Kya in ashAar meN kahin PAKISTAN ka lafz istaimal kiya gaya hai? Magar samajhne wale samjh gaye keh shayar kya kahna chaahta hai. Har baat agar khool kar caaf caaf kah dee jayegee to sher kahne ka kya maza baqi rahta hai?

Khood mera ek matAla jo main ne maghribi tahzeeb ke hawale se kaha tha logoN ki samajh meN nahiN aaya kisee ne Mushaaireh meN daad nah dee magar dou buzurg haZraat samajh gaye yeh matAla’ main ne maghribee tahzeeb ke hawale se kaha hai aur unhoN ne mujhe bharpur daad aur doa se nawaza. Sawal yeh hai keh aaKhir woh kaise samajh gaye keh maiN kya kahna chaahta hooN. MatAlah kuch yooN tha;

GaaooN baarish meN salamat haiN nagar doob gaye
Jo bulandee peh bane thay wohee ghar doobgaye

(YahaN barish se meri muraad thee maghribee tahzeeb aur bulandee per bane makanoN se mera matlab tha hamari High Society.)

Ijazat chaahta hooN. Bahut dilchasp gooftagoo rahee. Behud shukr guzar hooN. Aapke mashware baharHaal sar aaNkhoN per main apne ashAAr ko kuch aur Saaf karne ki koshish karooNga aur yeh koshish aaindah bhi jari rahegee Insha Allah).

Khair Andesh,
Jawaid

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:00 am

muHibbee Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!

Khat^ aur tabaadalah-e-Khayaal ke liYe mamnoon hooN. jo kuch` aap ne is beHc meN bain-as-sut^oor paRhaa hai woh baRee Had tak SaHeeH hai. aap kee juz-rasee qaabil-e-daad hai.

reh gaYe woh log jo aisee beHc se kuch` HaaSil karne kee bajaaYe doosroN par ilzaam lagaate haiN to maiN un se naa-waaqif naheeN hooN. maiN un ko unheeN ke Haal par ch`oRtaa hooN. agar maiN aur aap har shaKhS ko Khush rakh`ne kee koshish kareN ge to yeh teHSeel-e-laa-HaaSil se ziyaadah nah ho gaa. kuch` logoN kee a'adat hotee hai keh woh jab tak doosroN ko apnee sat^H tak kh`eeNch nah laaYen baat un kee samajh` meN naheeN aatee. maiN un ke Haq meN bh`ee du,a'a-e-Khair kaa t^aalib hooN. aap bh`ee rahiYe!

haaN bh`alaa kar tiraa bh`alaa ho gaa
aur darwaish kee Sadaa kyaa hai? (Mir)

yaar zindah, SuHbat baaqee!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Meri ek aur munfarid ghazal .........................

Meri ek aur munfarid ghazal .........................

Bahut khoob

Re: Meri ek aur munfarid ghazal .........................