Hayaat maut kaa hee ek shaaKhsaanah lage!

[Sarwar A. Raz]

yaaraan-e-meHfil: aadaab a'rZ^ hai!

kaafee muddat ke ba'd ek Ghazal huyee hai. Gham-e-Hayaat, Gham-e-aarzoo, Gham-e-dunyaa! wohee puraanaa qiSSah hai so baar baar us kaa kyaa Zikr? ba-har-Haal Ghazal dekh`iYe aur apnee raaYe be-takalluf likh`iYe. maiN ne mushkil alfaaz^ ke ma'nee likh` diYe haiN taa.k :sanad rahe aur ba-waqt-e-Z^aroorat kaam aawe:!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
=======================
GHAZAL:

Hayaat maut kaa hee ek shaaKhsaanah lage
hameN Khud apnee Haqeeqat bh`ee ab fasaanah lage!

gumaan, aagahee, maiN, too, umeed, naumeedee
hameN sabh`ee Gham-e-hastee kaa kaarKhaanah lage

jo dard hai woh tire qurb kee nishaanee hai
jo saaNs hai woh tiree yaad kaa bahaanah lage

pare hai sarHad-e-idraak se wujood tiraa
agar maiN sochooN tujh`e mujh` ko ik zamaanah lage

yeh meree aarzoo-mandee, yeh meree meHroomee
Khudaa Khudaa to rahe par Khudaa Khudaa nah lage!

woh teree yaad kee Khushboo, umeed kee aahaT
samand-e-shauq ko goyaa keh taazyaanah lage

Khudee ne kh`ol diYe raaz-e-beKhudee ham par
qadam qadam peh hameN teraa aastaanah lage

zamaanah tujh` ko Khirad-mand laakh` gardaane
magar hameN to ai "Sarwar"! too ik diwaanah lage!
---------------------------------------
shaaKhsaanah = ch`oTee shaaKh, off-shoot
aagahee = waaqifiyat
naumeedee = naa-ummeedee
qurb = paas honaa
pare = door, far away
idraak = samajh`
aarzoo-mandee = aarzoo karnaa
samand = gh`oRaa
samand-e-shauq = shauq kaa gh`oRaa
taazyaanah = koRaa, whip
Khirad-mand = a'ql-mand

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz. :Sarwar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal hameshah kii TaraH bahut hii dilkash hei. Saare ke saare ashAaar her liHaaz se qaabil daad o tehseen heiN. Meri dili daad qubool farmaayiye.

Hayaat maut kaa hee ek shaaKhsaanah lage
hameN Khud apnee Haqeeqat bh`ee ab fasaanah lage!

MaTlaA tamaam-tar sheAri khoobiyaoN ke bavajood qadre falsafiyaanah hei.

gumaan, aagahee, maiN, too, umeed, naumeedee
hameN sabh`ee Gham-e-hastee kaa kaarKhaanah lage

Waah waah bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei.

jo dard hai woh tire qurb kee nishaanee hai
jo saaNs hai woh tiree yaad kaa bahaanah lage

Bahut khoob, maAnavi liHaaz se bahut hii dilkash sheAr hei.

pare hai sarHad-e-idraak se wujood tiraa
agar maiN sochooN tujh`e mujh` ko ik zamaanah lage

Waah waah bahut khoob.

yeh meree aarzoo-mandee, yeh meree meHroomee
Khudaa Khudaa to rahe par Khudaa Khudaa nah lage!

MaAnavi liHaaz se mujhe ye sheAr achcha nahiN lagaa kiyuNkeh is se kuch itni maayoosi Tapakti hei ke jaise aek aadami apne wujood ko khudaa kaa zulm samajhrahaa hou.

woh teree yaad kee Khushboo, umeed kee aahaT
samand-e-shauq ko goyaa keh taazyaanah lage

Bahut achcha sehAr hei. Shayeraanah eHsaas ki firaawani hei is meiN.

Khudee ne kh`ol diYe raaz-e-beKhudee ham par
qadam qadam peh hameN teraa aastaanah lage

Waah waah, maAnavi liHaaz se sheAr kii tou baat hii kuch aur hei.

zamaanah tujh` ko Khirad-mand laakh` gardaane
magar hameN to ai "Sarwar"! too ik diwaanah lage!

MaqTaA bhii khoob hei.

Dobaarah apni daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh karne kii saAadat HaaSil karrahaa hooN.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

---------------------------------------

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab a'rZ^ hai!

Ghazal dekh`ne aur us par mufaSSil tabSireh ke liYe dilee mamnoon hooN. aap kee daad aur tanqeed se mujh` ko bohat taqwiyyat hotee hai. ab u'mr aur maSroofiyaat kee firaawaanee ke saath` Ghazal-goyee kee raftaar kam ho gayee hai. kuch` yeh fikr bh`ee hai keh jo kuch` idh`ar kahaa hai us ko kitaabee shakl meN meHfooz^ kar jaa,ooN. shaayad agle saal ke aaKhir tak (ba-shart^-e-zindagee-o-SeHat!) nayee kitaab kaa intizaam ho sake. walaah-o-aa'lam! du,a'a keejiYe!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[rahmed25682]

Salam Sarwar sahab....

Aap ki ghazal ki ta'reef karna to aisa he hay k CHHOTAY MOONH SE BARY BAAT KEE JAAYE , k hum to us behr-e-ilm k saahil per bhi nahin hain k jis main aap ghota-zan hain.

Aap ka bay-hadd shukria k aap nay humaiN apny nihayat umda ghazal se faizyaab farmaya.

Khush rahain

Khair Andesh

Raheel Ahmed

[tahira Masood]

Hayaat maut kaa hee ek shaaKhsaanah lage
hameN Khud apnee Haqeeqat bh`ee ab fasaanah lage!

kayaa gehree baat hai wallah daad qabuul fermaaiN

gumaan, aagahee, maiN, too, umeed, naumeedee
hameN sabh`ee Gham-e-hastee kaa kaarKhaanah lage

mukarrar zabardast! =D>

pare hai sarHad-e-idraak se wujood tiraa
agar maiN sochooN tujh`e mujh` ko ik zamaanah lage

bohat khooooooooob


woh teree yaad kee Khushboo, umeed kee aahaT
samand-e-shauq ko goyaa keh taazyaanah lage

bohat achaay aHsaas ki terjumaani ki hai aap ne :rose

Khudee ne kh`ol diYe raaz-e-beKhudee ham par
qadam qadam peh hameN teraa aastaanah lage

agar isay ham ishq-e-Haqeeqi per meHmuul kareN tau aik waj'd ki si kaifiyyat paidah karnay waala saher hai yeh.. wah subHaan Allah

zamaanah tujh` ko Khirad-mand laakh` gardaane
magar hameN to ai "Sarwar"! too ik diwaanah lage

yeh aap ki aajizee hai wernah.. Haqeeqat sabhi jaantay haiN

Ustaad-e-moHteram Mukarram Sarwar Saheb

majmu'ee taur per aap ki yeh ghazal seedhi dil meN uter ga'ee

dilee daad qabul fermaaeiN

wassalm

duaoN ki Talib
Tahira

[Sarwar A. Raz]

muHibbee Raheel SaaHeb: aadaab!

Ghazal kee pasandeedagee aur sitaayish ke liYe shukriyah qubool keejiYe. aap kaa yeh kehnaa SaHeeH naheeN hai keh aap meree yaa kisee aur kee Ghazal par raaYe aur tanqeed naheeN kar sakte haiN. aisee koyee baat naheeN hai. be-jh`ijh`ak likh`iYe, sawaal keejiYe, tanqeed keejiYe. is se aap tanqeed kaa DhaNg bh`ee seekh`eN ge aur sab ke liYe nayee soch kee raaheN bh`ee hamwaar kareN ge.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[Sarwar A. Raz]

a'zeezah Tahira: salaam aur du,a'a!

maiN mamnoon hooN keh aap ne itnee tafSeel se is Ghazal ko paRhaa aur us par apnee besh-qeemat raaYe bh`ee dee. maiN bohat se meHfiloN meN jaataa hooN aur un ke raNg se a'am t^aur se mut^ma,in naheeN hooN. maiN chaahataa hooN keh dost- khuSooSa" naYe likh`aaree- tabSirah aur ta'meeree tanqeed kee jaanib tawajjuh deN. shaayad log Darte haiN keh koyee Ghalat^ baat keh deN ge. so is meN kyaa harj hai? aadamee apnee Ghalat^iyoN se hee to seekh`taa hai!

ek baar ph`ir: shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[tahira Masood]

maiN mamnoon hooN keh aap ne itnee tafSeel se is Ghazal ko paRhaa aur us par apnee besh-qeemat raaYe bh`ee dee.

moHteram Sarwar Saheb

Assalamo Alaikum w.w

nawaazish naanmay kaa shuekriyah.

aap ki ghazal tareef ki mustaHiq hai. aap ki her tehreer aik shaah paarah hoti hai. aur fanee aitebaar se aik shaakaar hotee hai es baat men tau kisse ko koee kalaam nahIN.
eski tareef tau suraj ko charaagh dikhaan k mutraaadif hai.so aik Haqeer sa nazraanah bataur-e-aqeedat tareef ki surat me naz'r ker diyaa.gar qabul uftad...

Code: Select all

[b]maiN bohat se meHfiloN meN jaataa hooN aur un ke raNg se a'am t^aur se mut^ma,in naheeN hooN. maiN chaahataa hooN keh dost- khuSooSa" naYe likh`aaree- tabSirah aur ta'meeree tanqeed kee jaanib tawajjuh deN. shaayad log Darte haiN keh koyee Ghalat^ baat  keh deN ge. so is meN kyaa harj hai? aadamee apnee Ghalat^iyoN se hee to seekh`taa hai![/b] 

moHteram aap kaa ishaarah kis kee teraf hai. kioNkeh meN tau amuman tanqeed ko mucbat khayaal kerti hoN aur ese a muman esi terz per laitee bhee hoN

woh kayaa khoob haai keh

tund-e-baad-e-mukhaalif se nah ghabraa ay Uqaab
yeh tau chaltee hai tujhay oonchaa uRaanay k liye

tau tanqeed tau behtree k liye hotee hai, aur ba'az auqaat insaan kisee se kuch sun ker yaa dekh ker apnee bohat iSlaaH ker laitaa hai.

agar mairee kisee taujeeH per aap ko naagawaari kaa aHsaas huaa ho tau maiN m'azerat khawaah hoN.
mairaa khayaal hai keh jis per tanqeed ki jaaey uskaa bhee yeh Haq hotaa hai keh apnaa nuqtah-e-nazar wazeh kerna chaahay tau ker sakay. es kaa maqSuad dil aazari yaa dil shiknee nahiN hotaa balkeh seekhnaa hotaa hai. yeh mairaa apnaa khayaal hai jo keh ghalat bhee ho skataa hai aur dooseray es se ikhtilaaf bhee ker saktay heiN.

baa Her Haal ham ne aap se kaafe kuch seekha hai. hamaari teraf se itmenaan rakheN

aakhir meN aap ki khidmat meN mo'addi baanah salaam ur izhaar-e-tehniyyat

wassalam

dheroN duaaoN k saath

Tahira

[Sarwar A. Raz]

a'zeezah Tahira SaaHebah: aadaab!

aap kaa Khat^ dekh` kar Hairat huyee. Khudaa jaane aap ne meree kaun see baat se woh mat^lab nikaalaa jo aap kee teHreer se z^aahir hai. maiN ne to yeh kehne kee koshish kee hai keh logoN ko-KhuSooSa" naYe likh`ne waaloN ko- tanqeed aur tabSireh kee jaanib tawajjuh karnee chaahiYe taa.k adab kaa i'lm a'am ho. naYe likh`aaree puKhtah-mashq shaa,i'roN par tanqeed se gh`abraate haiN jab.k aisaa naheeN honaa chaahiYe.

meree teHreer ke kisee lafz^ se nah to yeh z^aahir hotaa hai aur nah hee meree aisee niyyat th`ee keh kisee kee koyee baat mujh` ko naa-gawaar guZree hai! bh`alaa is kaa kyaa sawaal hai jab.k maiN tanqeed ke liYe sab ko da'wat detaa hooN aur is kaa qaa,il hooN keh baGhair SeHatmand tanqeed ke taraqqee mushkil hai.

ummeed hai keh ab Ghalat^-fehmee door ho gayee ho gee.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[jawaid badauni]

Mohtarmee Sarwar Sahab, aadaab.o.tasleemat

Nah jane kaise aapki yeh moorassah Ghazal meree nazar ke samne nah aaii. M'aazrat chaahta hooN. MaiN aapki tamam ghazaloN ko "Aligarins" meN "sticky" kar deta hooN magar maiN aisa bhi is bar nah kar saka. Khair woh kaam to ab bhi kar sakta hooN.

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aaii. Meri janib se daad qubool farmaaiyega.

Urdu sukhan meN 'hay" girana jaa,iz hai aur buzurgaane Urdu ne bhi "hey" ko girakar alfaz ko ghazal men bakaSrat istaimal kiya hai. Albatta, yeh mera Z A T I khyaal hai keh aise alfaaz ko jahaN "hay" ya "ye" giraaii jaye qawafee nahiN banana chahiye. Is tarah har sher men "hay" girana paRtee hai jo zaati taur per mujhe pasaNd nahiN. Is nukte per aapka mujhse muttafiq hona lazim nahiN aur iske imkanaat bhi kum haiN.

Ek mazeed gustaKhee ki jisarat kar raha hooN. Aap ne farmaya tha maqtey meN apne naam se qabl "ai" lafz ka istaimal buzugane urdne ne bahut kum kiya hai aur aap ke lab.o.lahje se lagta tha aap iske khilaaf they. Magar aaj aap ne Khood apne maqtey maiN aisa kiya to mujhe bus thoRee see hairat hoii warnah maiN khoob samajhta hoon yeh durust hai aur kaii miSaleN aap ki khidmat meN pesh bhi kar chuka hooN jin se oos waqt shayad aap mutmaa,in nah they.

Aap ki aglee Ghazal ka intezaar rahega.

MuKhlis
Jawaid Badauni

[Sarwar A. Raz]

Mohtarmee Sarwar Sahab, aadaab.o.tasleemat

Nah jane kaise aapki yeh moorassah Ghazal meree nazar ke samne nah aaii. M'aazrat chaahta hooN. MaiN aapki tamam ghazaloN ko "Aligarins" meN "sticky" kar deta hooN magar maiN aisa bhi is bar nah kar saka. Khair woh kaam to ab bhi kar sakta hooN.

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aaii. Meri janib se daad qubool farmaaiyega.

mukarramee Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!

yaad-aawaree ke liYe mamnoon hooN aur tabSireh ke liYe shukr-guZaar. aap kee bandah-nawaazee hai keh yaad kar lete haiN!

Urdu sukhan meN 'hay" girana jaa,iz hai aur buzurgaane Urdu ne bhi "hey" ko girakar alfaz ko ghazal men bakaSrat istaimal kiya hai. Albatta, yeh mera Z A T I khyaal hai keh aise alfaaz ko jahaN "hay" ya "ye" giraaii jaye qawafee nahiN banana chahiye. Is tarah har sher men "hay" girana paRtee hai jo zaati taur per mujhe pasaNd nahiN. Is nukte per aapka mujhse muttafiq hona lazim nahiN aur iske imkanaat bhi kum haiN.

alfaaz^ ke girne yaa dabne par ittifaaq-e-raaYe naheeN hai. Molana Hasrat Mohani apnee kitaab :Nikaat-e-SuKhan: meN Huroof-e-i'llat ke dabne ko a'ib kehte haiN. saath` hee woh muKhtalif asaatiZah ke kalaam se is kee micaaleN bh`ee dete haiN! agar aap taqt^ee' kar ke yeh bh`ee bataa dete keh kaun saa Harf gir rahaa hai to mujh` ko aap kee raaYe samajh`ne meN aasaanee ho jaatee. ummeed hai keh jawaab meN yeh waZ^aaHat kar deN ge.

Ek mazeed gustaKhee ki jisarat kar raha hooN. Aap ne farmaya tha maqtey meN apne naam se qabl "ai" lafz ka istaimal buzugane urdne ne bahut kum kiya hai aur aap ke lab.o.lahje se lagta tha aap iske khilaaf they. Magar aaj aap ne Khood apne maqtey maiN aisa kiya to mujhe bus thoRee see hairat hoii warnah maiN khoob samajhta hoon yeh durust hai aur kaii miSaleN aap ki khidmat meN pesh bhi kar chuka hooN jin se oos waqt shayad aap mutmaa,in nah they.

is meN gustaaKhee kee koyee baat naheeN hai. nah maiN kisee baat kee sanad hooN aur nah aap! tabSireh aur tanqeed kaa har ek ko Haq hai. aap ne jo taKhalluS se qabl :ai: ke iste'maal par kahaa hai woh u'moomee t^aur se SaHeeH hai. albattah yeh yaad rakh`ne kee baat hai keh chooN.k shaa,i'ree ek fan (art) hai is liYe is meN lachak hameshah rahee hai aur hameshah rahe gee. Z^aroorat-e-she'ree isee liYe maujood hai keh isticnaayee Haalaat se nimTaa jaa sake. chunaan.ch meraa :ai: kaa ista'maal ek isticnaayee kaifiyyat hai jis kaa jawaaz Z^aroorat-e-she'ree se nikaltaa hai. aap yeh asaatiZah ke yahaaN bh`ee dekh`eN ge. wahaaN bh`ee u'moom ko KhaaS par tarjeeH naheeN dee gayee hai harchand keh unhoN ne bh`ee ba'Z^ :u'yoob: ko daanistah apne yahaaN rawaa rakkh`aa hai. Jigar Muradabadi ne to apne kulliyaat meN aise :u'yoob: ko Saaf Saaf apne liYe qaabil-e-qubool kahaa hai. maiN is par kaheeN aur tafSeel se likh` chukaa hooN.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"