"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:33 am

MuHtaramaat o MuHtarameen
aHbaab-e-sukhan,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat, :rose

YahaaN Jeddah meiN mere azeez doust Zafar Mehdi kii qiyaamgaah per 5 Jan, 2006 ko munAaqid houne waale mushaaAireh ke liye 3 TaraHi miSreA diye gaye heiN jin meiN se aek miSraA hei:

"kal yahaN sarv-o-gul ke saaye thay "

Is miSreA per apni TaraHi ghazal yahaaN pesh karne kii saAadat HaaSil karrahaa hooN. Ummeed ke aap apni giraaNqadr aaraa se mustafeed houne kaa mauqaA denge.

GHAZAL roman meiN

raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye thay
ThoukareN be-shumaar khaaye thay

Is se baRhkar hou kyaa junoon-e-wafaa
Phool bheje thay khaar paaye thay

Zindagi ban gayie thi ik uljhan
Haye kis but se dil lagaye thay

Bhool ham se bhii hougaiee thii kabhi
paauN apne bhi Dagmagaye thay

apnaa kyaa ham tou Thehre deevaane
housh waale bhi boukhlaaye thay

tazkirah apnaa bhii houaa hougaa
phool shabnam meiN jab nahaaye thay

unko kyaa jaane kiyuN Hayaa aayie
AariZ o lab jo tamtamaaye thay

faSl-e-baaraaN ki aamad aamad per
khait kitne hii lehlahaaye thay

tez tar hei samoom-e-ranj o alam
"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

bujh saki jab nah dil meiN aatish-e-gham
khooN ke qatre mizhah tak aaye thay

taubah us ne jalaadiya daaman
raat ham jiski lau lagaaye thay

Doob jaati hei qaum neendaoN meiN
Warnah kitnaoN ko ham jagaaye thay

Aise ghar meiN amaaN mili :Nazir:
Baam.o.dar jis ke sub paraye thay
=======

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir,

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:58 am

mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap kee yeh t^araHee Ghazal dekh`ee. miSra'-e-t^araH kee zameen ne ma'nee-aafreenee par qaafiyah taNg kar rakh`aa hai aur aap jaisaa qaadir-ul-kalaam bh`ee is meN jaan naheeN Daal sakaa hai. ho saktaa hai keh yeh meree kam-fehmee ho lekin is Ghazal meN aap kaa woh raNg naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo aur GhazaloN meN dekh`aa hai. bal.k jaa-bajaa yeh Khayaal hotaa hai keh qaafiyah-paimaayee kee koshish meN muHaawirah majrooH ho gayaa hai.
------------------------
raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye thay
ThoukareN be-shumaar khaaye thay

:jab se aaYe the: yaa :jab se aaYe haiN:? isee t^araH :ThokareN khaaYe the: a'jeeb saa lagaa. a'am t^aur se kehte haiN keh :ThoakreN KhaaYee th`eeN:. mujh` ko i'lm hai keh zameen kaa taqaaZ^ah kyaa hai lekin is ko nibh`aane ke liYe muHaawirah kee yeh :kh`eeNch-taan: kahaaN tak munaasib hai?
-------------------------------
Is se baRhkar hou kyaa junoon-e-wafaa
Phool bheje thay khaar paaye thay

gustaaKhee mu,a'af! aap ke :ph`ool bh`ejne: aur udh`ar se :Khaar aane: kaa :junoon-e-wafaa: se kyaa ta,a'lluq hai? yeh to mut^laq alag-alag aur ek doosre se be-niyaaz baateN haiN. yaa maiN hee Ghalat^ samajh` rahaa hooN?
-----------------------------
Zindagi ban gayie thi ik uljhan
Haye kis but se dil lagaye thay

yahaaN bh`ee :dil lagaaYe th`e: hai jab.k SaHeeH ho gaa :dil lagaayaa th`aa: ya'nee :ham dil lagaaYe th`e: kaa jawaaz meree samajh` meN naheeN aa rahaa hai. :lagaaYe baiThe: hotaa to ek baat bh`ee th`ee!
-----------------------
Bhool ham se bhii hougaiee thii kabhi
paauN apne bhi Dagmagaye thay

yeh she'r dekh`aa to be-iKhtiyaar muNh se niklaa keh:

Sirf maiN hee gunaahgaar nah th`aa
paa,ooN un ke bh`ee DagmagaaYe th`e!
------------------------
apnaa kyaa ham tou Thehre deevaane
housh waale bhi boukhlaaye thay

tazkirah apnaa bhii houaa hougaa
phool shabnam meiN jab nahaaye thay

unko kyaa jaane kiyuN Hayaa aayie
AariZ o lab jo tamtamaaye thay

faSl-e-baaraaN ki aamad aamad per
khait kitne hii lehlahaaye thay

tez tar hei samoom-e-ranj o alam
"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

bujh saki jab nah dil meiN aatish-e-gham
khooN ke qatre mizhah tak aaye thay

taubah us ne jalaadiya daaman
raat ham jiski lau lagaaye thay

Doob jaati hei qaum neendaoN meiN
Warnah kitnaoN ko ham jagaaye thay

yeh ash,a'ar achh`e haiN lekin :Naziree: naheeN haiN. yaa kam se kam mujh` ko naheeN ma'loom huwe! daad HaaZ^ir hai kyoN.k ba-har-Haal mahaarat-e-suKhan to z^aahir hee hai!
---------------------------------
Aise ghar meiN amaaN mili :Nazir:
Baam.o.dar jis ke sub paraye thay

waah! kyaa Khoob maqt^a' hai! daad qubool keejiYe.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Zahid Jahangir · Post by **Zahid Jahangir** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:22 am

Mohtram Abdullah nazir saheb,

Aadab,

Kaafi dinon bahd yahan aana howa to aap ke kalaam pe nazar paRhi......PaRh kar bahot acha laga.saada alfaz ko baRi saadgi se kalaam mein istehmaal kiya hai aap ne jiss se ghazal mein aik khaas rawaani paida ho geyi.

Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyada.

shukriya

aap ka mukhlis

zahid

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:34 am

MuHtarami
SARWAR A. RAZ. :SARWAR: SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapke tabSireh ke liye beHad shukrguzaar hooN.

MaiN jaldi meiN hooN aur poori taraH se aapki aaraa ka tajziyah nah karsakaa.

Filwaqt aapki is ibaarat per mujhe Hairaani houi aur aapki jaanib se doosraoN per bhi isi Tarah ki aaraa dekhkar maiN souch rahaa hooN ke shayad bunyaadi Taur per mujh se hi zabaan ki ghalaTi hourahi hei:
aap ne likhkhaa hei:

yahaaN bh`ee :dil lagaaYe th`e: hai jab.k SaHeeH ho gaa :dil lagaayaa th`aa: ya'nee :ham dil lagaaYe th`e: kaa jawaaz meree samajh` meN naheeN aa rahaa hai. :lagaaYe baiThe: hotaa to ek baat bh`ee th`ee!

Dekhiye maiN ne jo urdu kii QawaaAid paRhi hei uske liHaaz se ibaarat yooN houni chaahiye:

1- Ham dil lagaaye thay.
2- Ham ne dil lagaayaa thaa
(dounoN SoorataoN meiN mutakallim muzakkar aur jamA kaa Seghah hei.) Waise ba'Z auqat ham bamaAni "maiN" bhi mustaAmal hei.
3. MaiN dil lagaayaa thaa
4. MaiN ne dil lagaayaa tha (dounoN SoorataoN meiN mutakallim muzakkar aur mufrad hei.)
5. MaiN dil lagaayi thii
6. MaiN ne dil lagaayaa thaa (dounoN soorataoN meiN mutakallim moa'nnac aur mufrad hei.)
7. Ham dil lagaayi(eeN) theeN
8. Ham ne dil lagaayaa thaa. (dounoN meiN mutakallim mua'nnac JamA hei.)

Agar yeh Qawaaid ghalaT hei to mehrbaani farmaakar mujhe kisi QawaaAid ki kitaab kaa Hawaalah deejiye taakeh apni bunyaadi ghalaTiyaoN ko durust karsakuN. Arabi meiN kehte heiN ke al-ilmu fi alsighar, kalnaqshe fil Hajar. yaAni bachpan kaa ilm aisaa houtaa hei jaisaa ke patthar per koi naqsh hou.

Zaahir hei ke agar ibtidaa hi meiN koii ghalaT baat zehn meiN Daaldi jaaye tou umr baRhne ke b'ad ghalat baat hii zehn meiN rehjaati hei.

Ummeed kartaa hooN ke aap meri rehnumaayi farmaayenge.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 4:14 pm

mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap it^meenaan se baaqee Khat^ kaa bh`ee jawaab de leN to maiN ek baar hee aap kee farmoodaat ke jawaab de dooN gaa. ummeed hai keh aap ko mustaqbil-e-qareeb meN furSat mil jaaYe gee!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 5:02 pm

[
MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz. :Sarwar: SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap kee yeh t^araHee Ghazal dekh`ee. miSra'-e-t^araH kee zameen ne ma'nee-aafreenee par qaafiyah taNg kar rakh`aa hai aur aap jaisaa qaadir-ul-kalaam bh`ee is meN jaan naheeN Daal sakaa hai. ho saktaa hai keh yeh meree kam-fehmee ho lekin is Ghazal meN aap kaa woh raNg naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo aur GhazaloN meN dekh`aa hai. bal.k jaa-bajaa yeh Khayaal hotaa hai keh qaafiyah-paimaayee kee koshish meN muHaawirah majrooH ho gayaa hai.

Bahut hii iHtiram ke saatah, mandarja-e-baalaa ibaarataoN kaa mujh se koii javaab nahiN ban paRaa.

------------------------

raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye thay
ThoukareN be-shumaar khaaye thay
:jab se aaYe the: yaa :jab se aaYe haiN:? isee t^araH :ThokareN khaaYe the: a'jeeb saa lagaa. a'am t^aur se kehte haiN keh :ThoakreN KhaaYee th`eeN:. mujh` ko i'lm hai keh zameen kaa taqaaZ^ah kyaa hai lekin is ko nibh`aane ke liYe muHaawirah kee yeh :kh`eeNch-taan: kahaaN tak munaasib hai?

Jee haaN jab se aaye heiN us waqt durust hei jabkeh baat poori Tarah se zamaana-e-Haal meiN kii jaarahi hou yaa maaZi kii baat kaa Amal Haal meiN bhii qaayim hei. Jaise (raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye heiN……ThoukareN be-shumaar khaaye heiN). Lekin kyaa zamaana-e-maaZi kaa zikr mamnooA hei? YaAni agar maiN chaahooN ke maaZi ke daur kii baat karuN jiskaa Haal se taAalluq nahiN tou kyaa yeh zaroori hougaa ke "raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye thay" ko "raah-e-ulfat meiN jab se aaye heiN" kahooN? Macalan aek shakhS hamaare paRous meiN rehtaa thaa. Wo jab se aayaa thaa udaas rehtaa thaa. Is ibaarat ki taSHeeH kyaa is TaraH karuN ke (wo jab se aayaa hei udaas rehtaa hei). Shayad meri Aql maari gayi hei jou samajhne se qaaSir hei.
-------------------------------
Is se baRhkar hou kyaa junoon-e-wafaa
Phool bheje thay khaar paaye thay

gustaaKhee mu,a'af! aap ke :ph`ool bh`ejne: aur udh`ar se :Khaar aane: kaa :junoon-e-wafaa: se kyaa ta,a'lluq hai? yeh to mut^laq alag-alag aur ek doosre se be-niyaaz baateN haiN. yaa maiN hee Ghalat^ samajh` rahaa hooN?

Gustaakhee muAaf, aap jaise ustaad kaise ghalaT samajh sakte heiN. Yeh tou mujh jaise Taalib-e-ilm kii hii ghalaTi housakti hei. Shayad maiN ne sheAr kahte waqt ye nahiN samajh paayaa ke junoon-e-wafaa ke kyaa maAni heiN. Mere zehn meiN tou yeh baat thii ke wafaa kaa junoon. MuHabbat kaa umooman taqaazaa tou yehi houtaa hei ke wafaa mutabaadil hou Aashiq aur meHboob ke darmiyaan. Agar maiN phool bhejooN aur wo khaar bheje tou kyaa yeh meraa paagal pan nahiN hougaa. Shayad maiN isko nacr meiN keh detaa tou aapko iAtiraaZ nah houtaa.
-----------------------------
Zindagi ban gayie thi ik uljhan
Haye kis but se dil lagaye thay

yahaaN bh`ee :dil lagaaYe th`e: hai jab.k SaHeeH ho gaa :dil lagaayaa th`aa: ya'nee :ham dil lagaaYe th`e: kaa jawaaz meree samajh` meN naheeN aa rahaa hai. :lagaaYe baiThe: hotaa to ek baat bh`ee th`ee!

Is se pahle vaZaaHut karchukaa hooN ke mutakallim kaa seighah mufrad hou "dil lagaayaa thaa" hougaa aur mutakallim kaa seighahah jamA hou jaisa is sheAr meiN zameer mustatir "ham" hou tou "dil lagaaye thay" saHeeH hei. WaheeN maiN ne yeh bhii kahaa hei ke agar kisi QawaaAid kii kitaab meiN aise isteAmaal ke khilaaf kuch likhkhaa hou tou uskaa Havaalah dekar meri rehnumaayi farmaayeN.
-----------------------
Bhool ham se bhii hougaiee thii kabhi
paauN apne bhi Dagmagaye thay

yeh she'r dekh`aa to be-iKhtiyaar muNh se niklaa keh:

Sirf maiN hee gunaahgaar nah th`aa
paa,ooN un ke bh`ee DagmagaaYe th`e!

Waah bahut khoob. Aap ne dounoN ki ghalaTi kaa izhaar kiyaa hei jabkeh maiN itni jasaarat nah karsakaa aur Sirf apni ghalaTi ke bayaan per iktifaa kiyaa.
------------------------
apnaa kyaa ham tou Thehre deevaane
housh waale bhi boukhlaaye thay

tazkirah apnaa bhii houaa hougaa
phool shabnam meiN jab nahaaye thay

unko kyaa jaane kiyuN Hayaa aayie
AariZ o lab jo tamtamaaye thay

faSl-e-baaraaN ki aamad aamad per
khait kitne hii lehlahaaye thay

tez tar hei samoom-e-ranj o alam
"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

bujh saki jab nah dil meiN aatish-e-gham
khooN ke qatre mizhah tak aaye thay

taubah us ne jalaadiya daaman
raat ham jiski lau lagaaye thay

Doob jaati hei qaum neendaoN meiN
Warnah kitnaoN ko ham jagaaye thay

yeh ash,a'ar achh`e haiN lekin :Naziree: naheeN haiN. yaa kam se kam mujh` ko naheeN ma'loom huwe! daad HaaZ^ir hai kyoN.k ba-har-Haal mahaarat-e-suKhan to z^aahir hee hai!

Khudaa ko HaaZir o naazir jaankar kehtaa hooN keh yeh saare ashAaar Naziree hii heiN. Agar aap ko phir bhii shak hei tou daad per pardah Daal deejiye jiski mustaHiq khayaali dunya houjaayegi.
---------------------------------
Aise ghar meiN amaaN mili :Nazir:
Baam.o.dar jis ke sub paraye thay

waah! kyaa Khoob maqt^a' hai! daad qubool keejiYe.

Aapke moNh meiN ghee shakkar bashart yeh ke aap Diabetes yaa dil ke mareeZ nah houN. Aap ne maqTaA pasand farmaakar meri himmat baRhayi ke agar zaroorat pesh aaye tou mushaaAire meiN apni ghazal paRhdooN.

Ab aap meri vaZaaHataoN per bahut hii durusht qism kii tanqeed farmaayiye taakeh maiN Shauq kaa mandarja-e-zeil sheAr paRhooN aur kitaabaoN meiN idhar udhar jhaankkar apne ilm meiN iZaafah karuN.

"chaaq chauband seenah zouri meiN
phool rakhkhe houe kaTouri meiN"

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Post by **Ehsan Raza** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 9:55 am

MOHATRAM NAZIR SAHAB
AADAB
TARHEE MISRE PER GHAZAL DEKHI LAGTA HAI USTAD KI QALAM KARDA HAI BAHUT MARASSA HAI AOR MAQTE KA TO JAWAB HI NAHEEN HAI SAARI GHAZAL KA NICHORH MAQTE ME HAI
WARNA HER SHER BAHUT KHOOB HAI
MUKHLIS EHSAN BADAUNI

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 11:31 am

Mohtarm Abdullah Nazir Sahab, Talseemaat

Mujhe aapki ghazal bahut pasaNd aaii. Daad qubool farmaaiye.

MaiN ne ghantoN baiThkar Sarwar Sahab ke e'traazat aur aapki wazahateN paRheen jin se mere ilm meN izafah hoowa. EK BAHUT MAZE KI BAAT MAIN LIKHE BAGHAIR NAHIN RAH SAKTA.

Mohtram Sarwar Sahab ko shayad aap ka maqta' sub se ziyadah pasand aaya magar aap ke is nacheez khadim ko sirf maqtay ke miSra-e caane per hi e'traz hai. Aap ne jo miSra kaha hai usmeN "SUB" ka lafz bahut halka, ghairzaroori aur kuch izafat see mahsoos hota hai. Mere khyaal meN ( jo ghalat bhi ho sakta hai) aap baAAsani is lafz "sub" se gurez farma sakte thay, yAAni shayad miSra kuch yooN bhi ho sakta tha;

Jis ke deevar.o.dar paraye thay......

Is mashwary per aap ka kya Khyaal hai?

Khairtalab,

Apka MukhliS,
Jawaid Badauni

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 2:49 pm

MuHtarami o Azeezi
Jawaid Badayuni SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapka mashwirah apni jagah bilkul durust hei jiske liye beHad shukrguzaar hooN.

Meraa maqTaA yooN hei:

Aise ghar meiN amaaN mili :Nazir:
Baam.o.dar jis ke sub paraye thay

Is ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "sab" kii vajah se saare baam o dar kii Taraf ishaarah kiyaa gayaa hei.

Aapka tajveez kardah miSraA hei:

"jiske deewaar o dar paraaye thay"

yeh miSraA bahut dilkash hougayaa hei. agar is meiN lafz "sab baam o dar" kaa mafhoom adaa hourahaa hei tou aur kyaa chaahiye.

Meer ka mash'hoor maTlaA hei:

"pattah pattah booTaa boTaa Haal hamaara jaane hei
Jaane nah jaane gul hi nah jaane baagh tou saaraa jaane hei"

agar ham yeh samjheN ke lafz "saaraa" ko Hazf karne se saare baagh ka mafhoom majrooH nahiN houtaa hei to phir usmeiN lafz "saaraa" kii zaroorat nahiN.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 8:14 pm

Mohtarmee Abdullah Nazir SaHab
Tasleemaat

MaiN aapki daleel se muttafiq hooN aur aapka miSra is e'tbaar se yaqeenan durust hai keh doosree Surat meN "sub" ya "tamaam" deevar.o.dar nahiN kaha ja sakta. Lojiye sarkar maiN apni nacheez tajveez wapas leta hooN. Aapke jawab se meri ilm meN izafah hoa. Bahut bahut shukriya.

MuKhliS
Jawaid

"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

"yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

shukriya

shukriyah

Re: "yaaN kabhi sarv o gul ke saaye thay"

shukriyhah