Chand gali to utra hoga
Mujhse shayud rootha hoga
Zahar pyalaa de kar mujhko
Kuch to wo bhi tarpa hoga
Chupke chupke poNcha hoga
AaNkh se gar kuch tapka hoga
Usne khat to bheja hoga
Mujh tak hi na pahuNcha hoga
NeeNd uRa kar meri wo bhi
Shub bhar chatt par tehla hoga
Chand gali to utra hoga
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
Bahut khoob
MuHtaram
Brijinder SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapkaa kalaam nazar navaaz houaa jo bahut khoob hei. Is kaamyaab kaavish per maiN aap ko daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh kartaa hooN.
Chand gali to utra hoga
Mujhse shayud rootha hoga
zabaan ki khaami ko agar nazar meiN rakhkha jaaye tou pahlaa miSraA bahut achchaa hei. "gali to utraa hougaa" meri nazar meiN "gali meiN utraa hougaa" hounaa chaahiye. Housaktaa hei ke maiN ghalaT samajh rahaa hooN.
MaTlaA beHr meiN hei aur maAnavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei. waah waah.
Zahar pyalaa de kar mujhko
Kuch to wo bhi tarpa hoga
Lafz "zahar" likhne se yooN maAloom houtaa hei ke Harf "hey" per zabar lagaa houaa hei lekin beHr ke liHaaz se "zaih'r" hii aataa hei jo bilkul saHeeH hei. "zaih'r piyaalaa" Hindi tarkeeb hei jo bilkul durust hei.
Bahut achchaa sheAr hei. Waah waah, kyaa kehne.
Chupke chupke poNcha hoga
AaNkh se gar kuch tapka hoga
is Husn-e-maTlaA ko tarteeb ke liHaaz se No.2 per hounaa chaahiye.
Manavi eAtibaar se mafhooM meiN kuch ibhaam hei lekin samajhne waalaoN ke liye ziyaadah dushwaari nahiN pesh aati. Sawaal karne waale yeh pooch sakte heiN "aansoo ko tou Tapkne se pahle pounchaa jaasaktaa hei. Tapakne ke ba'Ad tou wo daaman meiN ya zameen meiN jazb houjaataa hei. Baharhaal "aansoo" ko pounchnaa , se mafhoom nikal aataa hei.
Usne khat to bheja hoga
Mujh tak hi na pahuNcha hoga
yeh bhi Husn-e-maTlaA hei aur tarteeb ke liHaaz se isko No.3 per hounaa chaahiye. lafz "nah" ko shaaz o naadir hii "naa" ke vazn per isteAmaal kiyaa jaataa hei aur wo bhi Aam Taur per boul chaal meiN.
BaharHaal, agar is baat ko nazar andaaz kardeN tou sheAr kaa mafhoom vaaZeh hei. Bahut khoob.
NeeNd uRa kar meri wo bhi
Shub bhar chatt par tehla hoga
Waah waah, bahut khoob. Is sheAr meiN bahut dilkash tagazzul hei.
MajmooAi Taur per yeh aapki aek kaamyaab koushish hei jo daad o taHseen ke laayiq hei. MaiN dobaarah dili daad aur mubaarkbaad pesh kartaa hooN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Last edited by Abdullah Nazir on Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Request with folded hands
MuHtaram Nazir saahib,
I hope I will be excused for writing in English as I am not fluent in urdu prose.I am very thankful for the kind words of appreciation that this poem has evoked Appreciation came from many respected poets like you too. I am grateful to all but still this was just an answer to all my well meaning critics who have been advising me to write in “behr”n “wazan”. This is to say that I CAN but I don’t CHOOSE to write like that. And this is NOT to show any disrespect to the generally accepted form.I request you all with my folded hands to let me exercise my right of having my own opinion and plz plz contemplate what I say before forming any judgment:
As I have stated very many times that I admire n love poems which have “wazan” n “behr” BUT I still feel that ART grows when we experiment and seek different forms of expression in that medium.To say no to the experimentation is to close our eyes to growth.
For example,in painting before late 19th century,the only acceptable form was imitative or figurative art.Then came the artists like Van Gogh, Monet etc. who wanted to explore other forms in the same medium.Their experimantation brought them ridicule.They were laughed at,denied permission in exhibitions,often dies lonely and unsung deaths.It was only later that their efforts and their brilliance were recognized.It opened way to so many new and vibrant forms of expression in painting-impression,surrelism,cubism,abstract and what not.And this is what is is happening all over the world litrature.Art grows with experimentation.
I am not the first one to be writing like that.I wonder sometimes where will the esteemed webmasters of different sites place the poems of Faiz like:
1.Black out
2.Sipahi ka marsiya
3.Sochnay Do
4.Heart attack
5.ZindaN say aik khat
6.Sehra Ki Raat
And the list is long.I can quote so many other established poets writing in this form like
Kaifi Azmi, Parveen Shakir n many others. Does it make these poems less beautiful?
These poems have its' own inner rythm.
Whatever I have studied has taught me that Art is the expression of one's intellectual n emotional inner landscapes.For that their are certain conditions which MUST be fulfilled before it becomes a work of art.
1.It must have clarity of thought.
2.It must have a personal signature in style which can be a mixture of influence of some previous great artists PLUS one's own distinct style.
3.It must clearly express what it originally set out to express in the same intensity.
4.It must have its own inner rythm n charactor.
5.It is able to crystalise the emotions n thoughts.
6.It must go to readers' heart n mind with an intensity.
If a poem or any art work satisfy these preconditions it becomes much more than being merely a work of craftmanship.No matter how good but it will otherwise be Craftmanship only.
For me,a raw,full boodies and vibrant poem which does not adhere to accepted form is much better than a merely pretty,mathematically precise but basically forgettable compostion.This is what is difference between ART and CRAFTMANSHIP.
Most of the feedback that I get on my poetry endorse and complement me for mature,modern perspective and forceful vibrancy of my poems.So plz credit me with this much intelligence that I know what I am doing.
I have been advised to read more poetry.Sir,I am 49 years old and have been a voracious reader all my life.My venture with ideas took me not only to urdu poetry but also to world literature. My hunger took me to study philosophy,psychology,religions,science and what not.All that reading has convinced me more and more about our need tp experimentif if ART is to grow and find new new forms.
It would be very easy for me to get the accolades and great appreciations IF I just write what I am told to write BUt then I will not be honest to myself and to my inner search and my duty as an artist.
I again request with my head bowed and folded hands to contemplate on what I have said and not form any hasty judgement. Give this form of poetry,which poets like Faiz,Kaifi etc.have also used, a respectable place in the forums and not just put it in columns reserved for amateurs.
I request you to be the initiators of this recognition rather than merely closing the eyes and not acknowledging its validity.
With lots of regards and lots of hopes
Brijinder”Sagar”
I hope I will be excused for writing in English as I am not fluent in urdu prose.I am very thankful for the kind words of appreciation that this poem has evoked Appreciation came from many respected poets like you too. I am grateful to all but still this was just an answer to all my well meaning critics who have been advising me to write in “behr”n “wazan”. This is to say that I CAN but I don’t CHOOSE to write like that. And this is NOT to show any disrespect to the generally accepted form.I request you all with my folded hands to let me exercise my right of having my own opinion and plz plz contemplate what I say before forming any judgment:
As I have stated very many times that I admire n love poems which have “wazan” n “behr” BUT I still feel that ART grows when we experiment and seek different forms of expression in that medium.To say no to the experimentation is to close our eyes to growth.
For example,in painting before late 19th century,the only acceptable form was imitative or figurative art.Then came the artists like Van Gogh, Monet etc. who wanted to explore other forms in the same medium.Their experimantation brought them ridicule.They were laughed at,denied permission in exhibitions,often dies lonely and unsung deaths.It was only later that their efforts and their brilliance were recognized.It opened way to so many new and vibrant forms of expression in painting-impression,surrelism,cubism,abstract and what not.And this is what is is happening all over the world litrature.Art grows with experimentation.
I am not the first one to be writing like that.I wonder sometimes where will the esteemed webmasters of different sites place the poems of Faiz like:
1.Black out
2.Sipahi ka marsiya
3.Sochnay Do
4.Heart attack
5.ZindaN say aik khat
6.Sehra Ki Raat
And the list is long.I can quote so many other established poets writing in this form like
Kaifi Azmi, Parveen Shakir n many others. Does it make these poems less beautiful?
These poems have its' own inner rythm.
Whatever I have studied has taught me that Art is the expression of one's intellectual n emotional inner landscapes.For that their are certain conditions which MUST be fulfilled before it becomes a work of art.
1.It must have clarity of thought.
2.It must have a personal signature in style which can be a mixture of influence of some previous great artists PLUS one's own distinct style.
3.It must clearly express what it originally set out to express in the same intensity.
4.It must have its own inner rythm n charactor.
5.It is able to crystalise the emotions n thoughts.
6.It must go to readers' heart n mind with an intensity.
If a poem or any art work satisfy these preconditions it becomes much more than being merely a work of craftmanship.No matter how good but it will otherwise be Craftmanship only.
For me,a raw,full boodies and vibrant poem which does not adhere to accepted form is much better than a merely pretty,mathematically precise but basically forgettable compostion.This is what is difference between ART and CRAFTMANSHIP.
Most of the feedback that I get on my poetry endorse and complement me for mature,modern perspective and forceful vibrancy of my poems.So plz credit me with this much intelligence that I know what I am doing.
I have been advised to read more poetry.Sir,I am 49 years old and have been a voracious reader all my life.My venture with ideas took me not only to urdu poetry but also to world literature. My hunger took me to study philosophy,psychology,religions,science and what not.All that reading has convinced me more and more about our need tp experimentif if ART is to grow and find new new forms.
It would be very easy for me to get the accolades and great appreciations IF I just write what I am told to write BUt then I will not be honest to myself and to my inner search and my duty as an artist.
I again request with my head bowed and folded hands to contemplate on what I have said and not form any hasty judgement. Give this form of poetry,which poets like Faiz,Kaifi etc.have also used, a respectable place in the forums and not just put it in columns reserved for amateurs.
I request you to be the initiators of this recognition rather than merely closing the eyes and not acknowledging its validity.
With lots of regards and lots of hopes
Brijinder”Sagar”
Last edited by Brijinder on Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
Shukriyah
MuHtarami
Brijinder SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki saari baateN sar aankhaoN per.
Aapko pooraa pooraa Haq hei ke aap jisTaraH se bhii chaaheN apne fan aur jazbaat kaa izhaar kareN.
ManTiq tou yehi kehti hei ke her cheez ko uske naam se pukaaraa jaaye.Agar aap kaheN ke aap Radio ko TV kaa naam denaa chahte heiN aur TV ko Radio kaa tou hameN aapke shakhSi Amal per koii iAtiraaZ nahiN hei lekin aisaa karne ke baAd agar sab se apni baat manvaane kii koushish karenge tou ikhtilaafaat paidaa hounge.
Aapke apne muTaaliAe kii wusAat ke baare meiN jaankar bahut khushi houi. Ilmi liHaaz se aap bahut hii ghani aur dhani insaan heiN.
Urdu meiN aazaad shayeri kaa pas-manzar yeh thaa ke wo beroon-e-mulk kii zabaanaoN kii taqleed ke andaaz meiN inqilaabi maaHaul kii Akkasi karne ke liye isteAmaal kii gayie. Siaasi afkaar ziyaadah tar Russia ke taareekhi inqilaabaat kii taqleed meiN apnaaye gaye. In baataoN kaa agar tafSeeli jaayizah liyaa jaaye tou do chaar safHaat kaafi nahiN hounge. Phir bhi yahaN chund zaati tajribaat ko pesh karne kii jasaarat karrahaa hooN.
India meiN jab aazaad shaayeri waarid houi (import houi) tou us se naArah baazi kaa kaam liyaa gayaa aur us waqt ke Haalaat kaa taqaaZaa bhi yehi thaa. Aap hii souchiye, kyaa us naArah baazi ko haalaat badal jaane ke baAd bhii usi TaraH se isteAmaal kiyaa jaanaa chaahiye??
Aapko maAloom hii hougaa ke India meiN aazaad shayeri kuch yooN houaa karti thii ke poori nazm meiN her miSreA ke chouTe baRe tukRe houaa karte they jo aSl beHr (vazn) ke daayire meiN hii houte thay jaise Ali Sardar JaAfari kii nazm:
NagahaaN shour houaa
lo shab-e-taar-e-ghulaami ki saHar aa pahonchi
ungliyhaaN jaag uTheeN
barbaT o Taa'oos ne angRaayi lii
loag chillaye ke faryaad ke din beet gaye
raahzan haargaye
raahraou jeet gaye. (waghairah)
====== Note: yeh maiN apni yaaddasht se likhrahaa hooN.
Iske baAd aek daur wo bhii aayaa ke jab usko nacri nazm kaa naam diyaa gayaa jismen ziyaadah se ziyaadah chunindah alfaaz kii nacr houaa karti thii aur ab bhii yeh nehj baaqi hei.
Goyaa ke shayeri kii bunyaad ko waqt-e-waaHid maiN nahiN Dhbaayaa gayaa balke kabhi aek Amood (piller) ko giraadiyaa gayaa tou kabhi doosre Amood (piller) ko aur yehi kahaa jaataa rahaa ke imaarat tou qaayim hei. Ab tou yeh kahaa jaane lagaa hei ke imaarat kii kyaa zaroorat hei. yaAni nacr ko shaayeri kaa naam diyaa jaane lagaa.
Arastoo (Aristotle) se lekar 60 yaa 70 saal pahle kii saari definitions ko bilkul bhulaakar yeh kehnaa ke nacr hii aSli shayeri hei, ye manTiq kam uz kam meri samajh meiN nahiN aati.
Jaisaa ke maiN ne pahle hii kahaa hei ke yeh mauZooA wusAat chaahtaa hei aur is per likhne ke liye sainkRaoN kitaabaoN kaa Hawaalah denaa paRtaa hei, sainkRoaoN shoAaraa kaa kalaam pesh karnaa paRtaa hei. Is waqt maiN is qaabil nahiN ke sab kuch likh sakuN.
Aapke ShakhSi khayaalaat per beHc karne kii tou gunjaayish hei lekin kisi ko yeh Haq nahiN pahonchtaa ke apne nuqta-e-nazar se muttafiq houne per aapko majboor kare.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazikr,