kya qiyamaat khaiz manzar kooch-e-qaatil ka hai....by farhan

[farhan]

MoHtaram o Mukarram

Ustaad-e-MoHtaram Janab Abdullah Nazir Saheb
wa deegar Azizaan-e-meHfil,

AS SALAMU AALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHI WA BARAKATUHU


urdu bandhan kay tarahi mushaira kay liye diye gaye misra-e-tarah "kya qiyamat khaiz manzar koocha-e-qaatal ka hai",per main nay taba'aazmayii ki hai...jo aap ki khidmat main peesh karnay ki saadat hasil kar raha hoon...aap apni aara say zaroor nawaziyeaga...

GHAZAL (tasHeeH shuda)

1)
kaarnama kitna dilkash mayray us qaatil ka hai.
dil ki nagri loot kar bay chain, dushman dil ka hai.

2)
ho bhala iss shouQ ka pavooN miray SHell ho gaye,
kis qadar pur paych rasta ishQ ki manzil ka hai.

3)
youN nazar andaaz voh karta rahayga gar mujhay,
bhool javooN main bhi us ko yeh taQaaza dil ka hai.

4)
haQ parastii nay kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hai mujhay,
yeh dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hai.

5)
khaak karti haiN jalaa kar dil, nigaheeN yaar ki,
"yeh" magar shaida hi rang-o-noor ki mehfil ka hai.

6)
Aashiqaan-e-Husn dil thaamay paRay hain jaa ba jaa,
"kya qiyamaat khaiz manzar kooch-e-qaatil ka hai."

7)
lut gaya khabooN ka mayray ik gharoonda is Taraf,
haath barbaadi main mayri piyaar kee, saahil ka hai.


Shajr-e-mamnooAa' yahan dil ka lagaana jo huwa,
haal aadaam ka huwa jo, ab wahii is dil ka hai.

9)
intezaar-e-yaar meiN khwaabaoN kaa khooN ho bhi to kyaa
housla mat haar yeh paigaam mayray dil ka hai.

10)
aur bhi kitna mujhay taRpayeega ::farhaan:: tu,
lauTkar aajaa keh afsaanah adhooraa dil kaa hei.


muntazir


Farhan

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Farhan SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

kaarnama kitna dilkash mayray us qaatil ka hai.
dil ki nagri loot kar bay chain, dushman dil ka hai. [/u]

MaAnavi liHaaz se doosraa miSraA pahle miSreA ke liye munaasib nahiN maAloom hourahaa hei. Dil ki nagri looT kar qaatil ka be-chain hounaa to koii kaarnaamah nahiN hei. Kaarnaamah to us waqt hougaa jab keh wo is cheerah-dasti ke baavajood muTma'in rahe. Mere zehn meiN is waqt koii mutabaadil tajveez nahiN hei. Aap hee ghaur o fikr kareN.

ho bhala iss shouQ ka pavooN miray SHell ho gaye,
kis qadar pur paych rasta ishQ ki manzil ka hai.

Lafz "paa'uN" ziyaadah mustaAmal hei. Farhang-e-aaSafyah ke mu'allif ne apnaa aek sheAr likhkhaa hei jis meiN hamzeh ke saath hei:
souzish ne aabilaoN kee jalaayaa yahaaN talak
rakhte heiN phoonk phoonk ke paa'ooN Sabaa peh ham.

aapkaa sheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.

youN nazar andaaz voh karta rahayga gar mujhay,
bhool javooN main bhi us ko yeh taQaaza dil ka hai.

achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

haQ parastii nay kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hai mujhay,
yeh dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hai.

Is sheAr meiN maAnavi liHaaz se pecheedagi hei. Pahle miSreA meiN yeh kehnaa ke "Haq-parasti ne kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hei mujhay" se yooN zaahir houtaa hei "Haq parasti ki vajh se maiN tabaah o barbaad hougayaa hooN". Doosre miSreA meiN yeh kehnaa "dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hei" is se yeh baat zaahir hourahi hei ke dil ko qaatil kaa jaanibdaar nahiN hounaa chaahiye thaa lekin hei. (Haq parasti kyaa hei? Dil-e-barbaad kaa qaatil ki jaanibdaari karnaa yaa nah karnaa)? Is ibhaam ko door kardeN to sheAr bahut achchaa houjaayegaa.

khaak karti haiN jalaa kar dil, nigaheeN naaz ki,
"yeh" magar shaida hi rang-o-noor ki mehfil ka hai.

Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Meri nazar meiN pahle miSreA meiN lafz "naaz" ke badle "yaar" behtar hei.

Aashiqaan-e-Husn dil thaamay paRay hain jaa ba jaa,
"kya qiyamaat khaiz manzar kooch-e-qaatil ka hai."

Bahut khoob, waah waah, bahut hee achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne.

lut gaya khabooN ka mayray ik gharoonda idhar,
haath barbaadi main mayri, piyaar kay saahil ka hai.

Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Usko yooN karleejiye:
luT gayaa khwabaoN ka mere ik gharoonda is Taraf
Doosre miSreA kee kitaabat yooN houni chaahiye:
haath barbaadi main mayri piyaar kee, saahil ka hai.

[u[Shajr-e-mamnooAa' yahan dil ka lagaana jo huwa,
haal aadaam ka huwa jo, ab wahii is dil ka hai.

Go keh mafhoom ki vaZaaHut hourahi hei lekiN qaare'ieen ke liye is sheAr meiN ibhaam hei. Dil kaa shajar-e-mamnooAa se muraad "havas" lenaa is qadar aasaan nahiN. Aap ne shajar-e-mamnooAa ko shajr-e-mamnooAa isteAmaal kiyaa hei jo Farisi ke taskeen-e-ausak ke qaaAide ke liHaaz se jaayiz hei.

intayzaar-e-yaar main sab khawb hotay khooN, magar,
housla mat haar yeh paigaam mayray dil ka hai.

Meri nazar meiN pahle miSreA ko yooN kerleejiye to behtar hei:
intezaar-e-yaar meiN khwaabaoN kaa khooN ho bhi to kyaa

aur bhi kitna mujhay taRpayeega ::farhaan:: tu,
louT bhi aa ab, aadhoora fasana dil ka hai.

Doosraa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Isko yooN kerleejiye:
lauTkar aajaa keh afsaanah adhooraa dil kaa hei.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.



11)
mil gayeeN "US" kay karam say, do jahaaN ki JANNATEEn,
ik Aamal ::farhaan:: ka kab, warna iss Qaabil ka hai.

[farhan]

Ustaad-e-MoHtaram Janab Abdullah Nazir Saheb

As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullhi wa barakatuhu,

main teh dil say aap ka mashkoor hoon k aap nay mayri mamooli say ghazal ko paRha aur ilmi tabsara bhi farmaya....bahut bahut shukriya....JAZAKALLAHU KHIRA.....

aap nay jis batoon ki taraf tawajjah mabzool karayii hai main Inshallah ghour karoonga....tasHeeH kay liye bhi main aap ka mashkoor hoon....


ALLAH say hua hai ki voh aap ko lambi umar aata karay aur hamaray saroon per aap ka shafeeq saya ta deer barqaraar rakhaye...AMEEN...

faqt

talib-e-dua

farhan

[haamidbaaqri]

MoHtaram o Mukarram

Ustaad-e-MoHtaram Janab Abdullah Nazir Saheb
wa deegar Azizaan-e-meHfil,

AS SALAMU AALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHI WA BARAKATUHU


urdu bandhan kay tarahi mushaira kay liye diye gaye misra-e-tarah "kya qiyamat khaiz manzar koocha-e-qaatal ka hai",per main nay taba'aazmayii ki hai...jo aap ki khidmat main peesh karnay ki saadat hasil kar raha hoon...aap apni aara say zaroor nawaziyeaga...

1)
kaarnama kitna dilkash mayray us qaatil ka hai.
dil ki nagri loot kar bay chain, dushman dil ka hai.

2)
ho bhala iss shouQ ka pavooN miray SHell ho gaye,
kis qadar pur paych rasta ishQ ki manzil ka hai.

3)
youN nazar andaaz voh karta rahayga gar mujhay,
bhool javooN main bhi us ko yeh taQaaza dil ka hai.

4)
haQ parastii nay kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hai mujhay,
yeh dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hai.

5)
khaak karti haiN jalaa kar dil, nigaheeN naaz ki,
"yeh" magar shaida hi rang-o-noor ki mehfil ka hai.

6)
Aashiqaan-e-Husn dil thaamay paRay hain jaa ba jaa,
"kya qiyamaat khaiz manzar kooch-e-qaatil ka hai."

7)
lut gaya khabooN ka mayray ik gharoonda idhar,
haath barbaadi main mayri, piyaar kay saahil ka hai.

8)
Shajr-e-mamnooAa' yahan dil ka lagaana jo huwa,
haal aadaam ka huwa jo, ab wahii is dil ka hai.

9)
intayzaar-e-yaar main sab khawb hotay khooN, magar,
housla mat haar yeh paigaam mayray dil ka hai.

10)
aur bhi kitna mujhay taRpayeega ::farhaan:: tu,
louT bhi aa ab, aadhoora fasana dil ka hai.

11)
mil gayeeN "US" kay karam say, do jahaaN ki JANNATEEn,
ik Aamal ::farhaan:: ka kab, warna iss Qaabil ka hai.


muntazir


Farhan

mohtaram farhaan saahib
salaamun alaikum

bhai aapki yeh ghazal hame.n pasand aayee.

is per mohtaram abdullah nazir saahib ke tabesre ke bad hamaare liye kuch mazeed kehna munaasib nahi.n hai.

aik acchee mukhlisaanah koshish hai.

hamaari dilee daad qubool farmaaye.n

khair andesg

haamidbaaqri

[farhan]

MuHtarami
Farhan SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Ustaad-e-MuHtaram
Janab Abdullah Nazir Saheb,

As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu


Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

kaarnama kitna dilkash mayray us qaatil ka hai.
dil ki nagri loot kar bay chain, dushman dil ka hai. [/u]

MaAnavi liHaaz se doosraa miSraA pahle miSreA ke liye munaasib nahiN maAloom hourahaa hei. Dil ki nagri looT kar qaatil ka be-chain hounaa to koii kaarnaamah nahiN hei. Kaarnaamah to us waqt hougaa jab keh wo is cheerah-dasti ke baavajood muTma'in rahe. Mere zehn meiN is waqt koii mutabaadil tajveez nahiN hei. Aap hee ghaur o fikr kareN.


ji ba'ja farmaya aap nay, main maTlAa kay dosray misrAa per ghour kar raha hoon, filwaqt koi munasib mazmoon haath nahin aa par raha hai...is liye filhaal main nay is ko jooN ka tooN rakkaha hai.....jaisay hi koi shair mouzoo hoga main Inshallah aap hi rahnumayii kay baad is ko yahan change kar dooNga...


ho bhala iss shouQ ka pavooN miray SHell ho gaye,
kis qadar pur paych rasta ishQ ki manzil ka hai.

Lafz "paa'uN" ziyaadah mustaAmal hei. Farhang-e-aaSafyah ke mu'allif ne apnaa aek sheAr likhkhaa hei jis meiN hamzeh ke saath hei:
souzish ne aabilaoN kee jalaayaa yahaaN talak
rakhte heiN phoonk phoonk ke paa'ooN Sabaa peh ham.

aapkaa sheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.


youN nazar andaaz voh karta rahayga gar mujhay,
bhool javooN main bhi us ko yeh taQaaza dil ka hai.

achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

in donno ashaar per aap ki daad kay liye main teh dil say mashkoor hooN...bahut bahut shukriya


haQ parastii nay kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hai mujhay,
yeh dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hai.

Is sheAr meiN maAnavi liHaaz se pecheedagi hei. Pahle miSreA meiN yeh kehnaa ke "Haq-parasti ne kaheeN ka bhi na choRa hei mujhay" se yooN zaahir houtaa hei "Haq parasti ki vajh se maiN tabaah o barbaad hougayaa hooN". Doosre miSreA meiN yeh kehnaa "dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil ka hei" is se yeh baat zaahir hourahi hei ke dil ko qaatil kaa jaanibdaar nahiN hounaa chaahiye thaa lekin hei. (Haq parasti kyaa hei? Dil-e-barbaad kaa qaatil ki jaanibdaari karnaa yaa nah karnaa)? Is ibhaam ko door kardeN to sheAr bahut achchaa houjaayegaa.


mayra dil-e-barbaad jaanibdaar hi qaatil hai, aur isi haq parasti nay mujhay kaheeN ka nahin choRa.Ummid karta hoon ki mazkoora shair yahi maAnay ada kar ra ha hai..



khaak karti haiN jalaa kar dil, nigaheeN naaz ki,
"yeh" magar shaida hi rang-o-noor ki mehfil ka hai.

Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Meri nazar meiN pahle miSreA meiN lafz "naaz" ke badle "yaar" behtar hei.


daad kay liye shukriya....main nay aap lafz "naaz" ko lafz "yaar" say badal diya hai.....ek baar phir aap ka bahut bahut shukriya.....lafz "yaar" say shair ziyadah nikhar gaya hai...

Aashiqaan-e-Husn dil thaamay paRay hain jaa ba jaa,
"kya qiyamaat khaiz manzar kooch-e-qaatil ka hai."

Bahut khoob, waah waah, bahut hee achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne.


mujhay yaaqeen tha ki aap is shair ko bahut ziyadah pasand kareengaye...is shair per aap ki daad kay liye bhi main aap ka mashkoor hoon....Jazakallah...


lut gaya khabooN ka mayray ik gharoonda idhar,
haath barbaadi main mayri, piyaar kay saahil ka hai.

Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Usko yooN karleejiye:
luT gayaa khwabaoN ka mere ik gharoonda is Taraf
Doosre miSreA kee kitaabat yooN houni chaahiye:
haath barbaadi main mayri piyaar kee, saahil ka hai.


tasHeeH shuda shair mujay bahut pasand aayaa....bahut bahut shukriya...


Shajr-e-mamnooAa' yahan dil ka lagaana jo huwa,
haal aadaam ka huwa jo, ab wahii is dil ka hai.

Go keh mafhoom ki vaZaaHut hourahi hei lekiN qaare'ieen ke liye is sheAr meiN ibhaam hei. Dil kaa shajar-e-mamnooAa se muraad "havas" lenaa is qadar aasaan nahiN. Aap ne shajar-e-mamnooAa ko shajr-e-mamnooAa isteAmaal kiyaa hei jo Farisi ke taskeen-e-ausak ke qaaAide ke liHaaz se jaayiz hei.

kiya shajar-e-mamnooAa say yahan yeh muraad "bhatakna ya gumraah hona " nahin li jaasakti....yahi baat mayray zahen main thi is shiar ko likhtay waqt.....main bahut mashkoor rahoonga agar aap is nuktay per roushnii daleeN to baat ziyadah wazeH ho jayegii...peeshgii shukriya....


intayzaar-e-yaar main sab khawb hotay khooN, magar,
housla mat haar yeh paigaam mayray dil ka hai.

Meri nazar meiN pahle miSreA ko yooN kerleejiye to behtar hei:
intezaar-e-yaar meiN khwaabaoN kaa khooN ho bhi to kyaa

aur bhi kitna mujhay taRpayeega ::farhaan:: tu,
louT bhi aa ab, aadhoora fasana dil ka hai.

Doosraa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Isko yooN kerleejiye:
lauTkar aajaa keh afsaanah adhooraa dil kaa hei.

tasHeeH shuda ashaar bahut munasib hain...aur mujay bahut pasand aaye...bahut bahut shukriya...



Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.


JAZAKALLAH..
Ustaad-e-MuHtaram main aap ka ek baar phir teh dil say shukriya aada karta hoon k aap apni bay panah masroofiyat say waqt nikaal ka mujh jaisay naye likhnaywalay ki itni housla afzayii kartay hain.........aisii micaleeN aaj kay dour main khaal khaal hi milti hain..... aap kay khuloos ka teh dil say qadrdaaN..............

farhan....