yaaraan-e-bazm: aadaab!
ek maah kee Ghair-HaaZ^iree ke ba'd HaaZ^ir ho rahaa hooN. is dauraan meN koyee KhaaS kaam nah ho sakaa. ph`ir bh`ee kuch` nah kuch` karne kee koshish to kartaa hee rahaa! ek bohat t^aweel maZ^moon aur do GhazaleN huyee haiN. in meN se ek Ghazal aaj pesh kar rahaa hooN. ummeed hai keh aap apnee raaYe se nawaazeN ge. shukriyah! yeh Seemab Akbarabadi ke miSre' kee zameen meN kahee gayee hai:
talaash kar miree manzil, miraa mazaaar nah pooch`!
mushkil alfaaz^ ke ma'nee likh` rahaa hooN. shaayad kisee ke kaam aa hee jaaYeN!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
=======================
Ghazal:
Hikaayat-e-Khalish-e-jaan-e-beqaraar nah pooch`!
shumaar-e-shaam-o-SaHar ai nigaah-e-yaar! nah pooch`!
hamaare dil kee Khabar ham se baar baar nah pooch!
jo sach kaheN ge to guZre gaa naa-gawaar! nah pooch!
jo aa rahee hai shab-e-Gham woh kaise guZre gee?
guZar chukee jo miree shaam-e-intiz^aar, nah pooch!
sharaab-o-she'r-o-Ghazal, naGhmah-o-rabaab-o-chaNg
ram-e-nafas kaa yeh saamaan-e-e'tibaar! nah pooch`!
maiN apne saamne hooN aur naz^ar naheeN aataa!
Ghubaar-e-Khaat^ir-e-hastee-e-naabakaar nah pooch`!
kahaaN kahaaN nah milaa ham ko daaGh-e-ruswaayee?
daraaz-dastee-e-daamaan-e-taar-taar nah pooch`!
shikastagee hee ta,a'aruf ko mere kaafee hai
miree numood-o-Haqeeqat, miraa dayaar nah pooch`!
wiSaal Hijr-e-musalsal kaa isti,a'arah hai
ma,aal-e-waSl zahe-e-raNg-e-Khoo-e-yaar nah pooch`!
ham ahl-e-dil haiN samajh`te haiN raaz-e-hast-o-bood
KhizaaN ke bh`es meN raNgeenee-e-bahaar? nah pooch`!
maqaam-e-shauq meN kin manziloN se guZraa hai!
yeh teraa apnaa hee "Sarwar"! yeh jaaN-nicaar! nah pooch`!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
----------------------------------------
Hikaayat = kahaanee
Khalish = chubh`an, pareshaanee
jaan-e-beqaraar = bechain jaan yaa dil
shumaar = gintee
shumaar-e-shaam-o-SaHar = SubH aur shaam kee ta'daad
rabaab = ek t^araH kaa saaz (sitaar kee t^araH kaa)
chaNg = ek t^araH kaa saaz (t^ableh kee t^araH kaa)
ram = bh`aag-dauR, pareshaanee
nafas = jaan
saamaan-e-e'tibaar = woh saamaan jis par e'tibaar kiyaa jaaYe
Ghubaar = dh`ool
Khaat^ir = t^abee,a't, badan
hastee = zindagee
naabakaar = besood, naakaarah
daraaz-dastee = haath` kaa baRh`aa honaa, zabar-dastee
daamaan-e-taar-taar = ph`aTaa huwaa daaman
shikastagee = TooTaa huwaa honaa
numood = paidaa,ish
dayaar = gh`ar, wat^an
ma,aal = nateejah
waSl = milan
zahe = wajh se
Khoo = a'adat
Khoo-e-yaar = meHboob kee a'adat
zahe-e-raNg-e-Khoo-e-yaar = meHboob kee a'adat ke raNg kee wajh se
Hijr-e-musalsal = kabh`ee Khatm nah hone waalee judaayee
ist^i,a'arah = :simile:, nishaanee
hast = kisee cheez kaa honaa
bood = kisee cheez kaa nah honaa
Hikaayat-e-Khalish-e-jaan-e-beqaraar nah pooch`!
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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Hikaayat-e-Khalish-e-jaan-e-beqaraar nah pooch`!
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Last edited by Sarwar A. Raz on Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
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MoHtarmee Sarwar Raz SaHab,
Tasleemaat
MaiN ne aap ko kahaN kahaN nah talash kiya. Is baar aap ne apni rooKhsat ka koii e'laan bhi nahiN kiya tha. MaiN ne "Dastak" ke liye Khusoosan ek QitA bhee bheja tha jo aap ko mil hi gaya hai.
Aap ki kamee is liye bhi maHsoos hoti hai kyooN.k yahaN akcer choToN ko maiN kahta-sunta rahta hooN, sikhaata samjhaata rahta hooN magar ek aap haiN jin se maiN Khood kuch seekh sakta hooN. "Qais" SaHab halaNkeh mujhe bohat chaahte haiN magar unse mera ziyadah raa.h.o.rabt nahiN aur Nazir SaHab hamesha meri sirf tAreef hi karte haiN lekin jab tak tanqeeed nah kareNge kya seekhne ko milega?
Ab aapki Ghazal ki taraf aata hooN. Waise to riwaayatee andaaz ki Ghazal hai jiskee radeef mujhe kuch ziyadah achchee nah lagee magar aap ne tamam ashAAr meN kohna mashqee ka mazaahira kiya hai jis ki jitnee bhi daad dee jaye kum hai. Aap ka mundarjazel sher mujhe bohat pasaNd aaya. Main ne Phalsafa.e hayaat.e insaani per bohat kuch suna hai magar is she'r meN ek ajeeb baat hai jo bayan karna aasaan nahiN. Kya karooN waqt ki kamee hai warna aap ke mundarjazel sher per ek mukammal mazmoon taHreer kiya ja sakta hai.
maiN apne saamne hooN aur naz^ar naheeN aataa!
Ghubaar-e-Khaat^ir-e-hastee-e-naabakaar nah pooch`!
Ek deegar sher meN aap ne "daraaz-dastee-e-daamaan-e-taar-taar" ke jo fiqrey istAimal kiye haiN mujhe bohat achche lage. Yeh aapki hi zubaan hai hum jaise juhala' aisee zubaan nah bol sakte hain na sheroN meN istAimal kar sakte haiN.
Ghazal per meri nacheez daad qubool kijiye. Doosri Ghazla ka intezaar rahega.
MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
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biraadaram Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:
MoHtarmee Sarwar Raz SaHab,
Tasleemaat
MaiN ne aap ko kahaN kahaN nah talash kiya. Is baar aap ne apni rooKhsat ka koii e'laan bhi nahiN kiya tha. MaiN ne "Dastak" ke liye Khusoosan ek QitA bhee bheja tha jo aap ko mil hi gaya hai.
Aap ki kamee is liye bhi maHsoos hoti hai kyooN.k yahaN akcer choToN ko maiN kahta-sunta rahta hooN, sikhaata samjhaata rahta hooN magar ek aap haiN jin se maiN Khood kuch seekh sakta hooN. "Qais" SaHab halaNkeh mujhe bohat chaahte haiN magar unse mera ziyadah raa.h.o.rabt nahiN aur Nazir SaHab hamesha meri sirf tAreef hi karte haiN lekin jab tak tanqeeed nah kareNge kya seekhne ko milega?
Ab aapki Ghazal ki taraf aata hooN. Waise to riwaayatee andaaz ki Ghazal hai jiskee radeef mujhe kuch ziyadah achchee nah lagee magar aap ne tamam ashAAr meN kohna mashqee ka mazaahira kiya hai jis ki jitnee bhi daad dee jaye kum hai. Aap ka mundarjazel sher mujhe bohat pasaNd aaya. Main ne Phalsafa.e hayaat.e insaani per bohat kuch suna hai magar is she'r meN ek ajeeb baat hai jo bayan karna aasaan nahiN. Kya karooN waqt ki kamee hai warna aap ke mundarjazel sher per ek mukammal mazmoon taHreer kiya ja sakta hai.
maiN apne saamne hooN aur naz^ar naheeN aataa!
Ghubaar-e-Khaat^ir-e-hastee-e-naabakaar nah pooch`!
Ek deegar sher meN aap ne "daraaz-dastee-e-daamaan-e-taar-taar" ke jo fiqrey istAimal kiye haiN mujhe bohat achche lage. Yeh aapki hi zubaan hai hum jaise juhala' aisee zubaan nah bol sakte hain na sheroN meN istAimal kar sakte haiN.
Ghazal per meri nacheez daad qubool kijiye. Doosri Ghazla ka intezaar rahega.
MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
buzurgoN se sunaa th`aa keh h`ooNDe se to Khudaa bh`ee mil jaataa hai!: ph`ir bh`alaa meree bisaat^ kyaa hai? maiN to yaheeN naheeN bal.k bohat se meHfiloN meN keh kar gayaa th`aa keh ek maah ke safar ko jaa rahaa hooN. ma'loom naheeN aap ko kyoN i'lm nah huwaa. Khair buRhaape meN aisaa ho jaataa hai!
Ghazal kee daad ke liYe mamnoon hooN. aap ne is kee zameen ko naa-pasand kiyaa hai. yeh zameen mushkil Z^aroor hai lekin banjar naheeN hai. u'mr ke saath` mujh` ko mushkil zameenoN meN kehne kaa shauq hotaa jaa rahaa hai. aglee Ghazal bh`ee aisee hee hai. us ko bh`ee :naa-pasand: karne ke liYe tai,yyaar rahiYe!
maZaaq bart^araf! maiN aap se muttafiq hooN keh Urdu kee meHfiloN meN sanjeedah tanqeed kee saKt Z^aroorat hai. maiN to koshish kar chukaa. ab aap kee baaree hai. agar aap Khud bh`ee qalam uThaaYeN aur doosroN ko bh`ee is jaanib mutawajjeh kar sakeN to bohat Khoob ho gaa!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
- Abdullah Nazir
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waah waah, kyaa kehne.
MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz Sarwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Bahut dinoN baAd aapki aek dilksh ghazal paRhne ko mili jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
Hikaayat-e-Khalish-e-jaan-e-beqaraar nah pooch`!
shumaar-e-shaam-o-SaHar ai nigaah-e-yaar! nah pooch`!
aek Taweel mashq-e-sukhan ke tajribaat kaa fiTri nateejah hei aapkaa yeh bahut hee dilkash maTlaA. Waah waah.
hamaare dil kee Khabar ham se baar baar nah pooch!
jo sach kaheN ge to guZre gaa naa-gawaar! nah pooch!
Waah waah, bahut khoob Husn-e-maTlaA hei.
jo aa rahee hai shab-e-Gham woh kaise guZre gee?
guZar chukee jo miree shaam-e-intiz^aar, nah pooch!
Bahut khoob andaaz-e-taghazzul hei, waah waah.
sharaab-o-she'r-o-Ghazal, naGhmah-o-rabaab-o-chaNg
ram-e-nafas kaa yeh saamaan-e-e'tibaar! nah pooch`!
Waah waah kyaa kehne is sarmasti aur bekhudi ke.
maiN apne saamne hooN aur naz^ar naheeN aataa!
Ghubaar-e-Khaat^ir-e-hastee-e-naabakaar nah pooch`!
Yeh sheAr bhee sarmastee aur bekhudi meiN Doobaa houaa hei lekin fikri bulandiyaoN ko choorahaa hei. Kyaa kahne.
kahaaN kahaaN nah milaa ham ko daaGh-e-ruswaayee?
daraaz-dastee-e-daamaan-e-taar-taar nah pooch`!
Bahut khoob, waah waah. Is sheAr meiN daraaz-dasty ke do pahloo housakte heiN. Khud shaayer kee daraaz dasty yaa doosraoN kee daraaz-dasty jiski vajh se daamaan-e-taar-taar kee khastaagi kee taraf ishaarah hei.
shikastagee hee ta,a'aruf ko mere kaafee hai
miree numood-o-Haqeeqat, miraa dayaar nah pooch`! [iu]
Waah bahut khoob izhaar-e-shikastagi hei.
wiSaal Hijr-e-musalsal kaa isti,a'arah hai
ma,aal-e-waSl zahe-e-raNg-e-Khoo-e-yaar nah pooch`!
Kyaa kahne. Aisaa sheAr aap jaisaa tajribekhaar aur kuhna-mashq shaayer hee keh saktaa hei.
ham ahl-e-dil haiN samajh`te haiN raaz-e-hast-o-bood
KhizaaN ke bh`es meN raNgeenee-e-bahaar? nah pooch`!
Waah waah, kyaa kahne.
maqaam-e-shauq meN kin manziloN se guZraa hai!
yeh teraa apnaa hee "Sarwar"! yeh jaaN-nicaar! nah pooch`!
MaqtaA bhee soune per suhaagaa hei, kyaa kehne Sarwar SaaHib, waah waah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
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Re: waah waah, kyaa kehne.
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz Sarwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Bahut dinoN baAd aapki aek dilksh ghazal paRhne ko mili jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
Hikaayat-e-Khalish-e-jaan-e-beqaraar nah pooch`!
shumaar-e-shaam-o-SaHar ai nigaah-e-yaar! nah pooch`!
aek Taweel mashq-e-sukhan ke tajribaat kaa fiTri nateejah hei aapkaa yeh bahut hee dilkash maTlaA. Waah waah.
hamaare dil kee Khabar ham se baar baar nah pooch!
jo sach kaheN ge to guZre gaa naa-gawaar! nah pooch!
Waah waah, bahut khoob Husn-e-maTlaA hei.
jo aa rahee hai shab-e-Gham woh kaise guZre gee?
guZar chukee jo miree shaam-e-intiz^aar, nah pooch!
Bahut khoob andaaz-e-taghazzul hei, waah waah.
sharaab-o-she'r-o-Ghazal, naGhmah-o-rabaab-o-chaNg
ram-e-nafas kaa yeh saamaan-e-e'tibaar! nah pooch`!
Waah waah kyaa kehne is sarmasti aur bekhudi ke.
maiN apne saamne hooN aur naz^ar naheeN aataa!
Ghubaar-e-Khaat^ir-e-hastee-e-naabakaar nah pooch`!
Yeh sheAr bhee sarmastee aur bekhudi meiN Doobaa houaa hei lekin fikri bulandiyaoN ko choorahaa hei. Kyaa kahne.
kahaaN kahaaN nah milaa ham ko daaGh-e-ruswaayee?
daraaz-dastee-e-daamaan-e-taar-taar nah pooch`!
Bahut khoob, waah waah. Is sheAr meiN daraaz-dasty ke do pahloo housakte heiN. Khud shaayer kee daraaz dasty yaa doosraoN kee daraaz-dasty jiski vajh se daamaan-e-taar-taar kee khastaagi kee taraf ishaarah hei.
shikastagee hee ta,a'aruf ko mere kaafee hai
miree numood-o-Haqeeqat, miraa dayaar nah pooch`! [iu]
Waah bahut khoob izhaar-e-shikastagi hei.
wiSaal Hijr-e-musalsal kaa isti,a'arah hai
ma,aal-e-waSl zahe-e-raNg-e-Khoo-e-yaar nah pooch`!
Kyaa kahne. Aisaa sheAr aap jaisaa tajribekhaar aur kuhna-mashq shaayer hee keh saktaa hei.
ham ahl-e-dil haiN samajh`te haiN raaz-e-hast-o-bood
KhizaaN ke bh`es meN raNgeenee-e-bahaar? nah pooch`!
Waah waah, kyaa kahne.
maqaam-e-shauq meN kin manziloN se guZraa hai!
yeh teraa apnaa hee "Sarwar"! yeh jaaN-nicaar! nah pooch`!
MaqtaA bhee soune per suhaagaa hei, kyaa kehne Sarwar SaaHib, waah waah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!
aap kaa intihaayee mamnoon hooN keh tafSeel se Ghazal dekh`ee aur apne maKhSooS andaaz meN himmat-afzaayee farmaayee. har she'r ko paRh`naa, samajh`naa aur ph`ir us par a'alimaanah tabSirah aasaan to naheeN lekin is kaa Haq aap Khoob adaa karte haiN.
Jawaid SaaHeb kaa Khat^ to aap ne dekh`aa hee hai. meraa bh`ee iltimaas hai keh aap meHfiloN meN tanqeed-o-tabSirah kee jaanib tawaajuh deN. naye likhne waaloN ko aap kee rehnumaayee kee saKht Z^aroorat hai. ummeed hai keh aap yeh kaam shuroo' kar deN ge. shukriyah!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
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a'zeezam Riaz SaaHeb: aadaab!riaz ahmed saraa wrote:Mohtaram Sarwar Sahib
aadaab
muddat ba'd aap ki ghazal parh rahaa hoon
aap ki ghazal bohat achi lagi
daad qubool kiji'ae
Riaz
ummeed hai keh aap baKhair hoN ge. Ghazal kee paZeeraayee ke liYe meraa shukriyah qubool keejiYe. aap kee nayee Ghazal kaa intiz^aar hai!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
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aap kee Ghazal
moHtaram Sarwar a'aalam Raz Sarwar SaHeb aadaab!
isee Ghazal kee hameeN talash thee so mil gaee
meree janib se dad aor mubarak badqubool kijiYe.
Wassalam
muz^affar
isee Ghazal kee hameeN talash thee so mil gaee
meree janib se dad aor mubarak badqubool kijiYe.
Wassalam
muz^affar