KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat....by farhan
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat....by farhan
Ustaad-e-MuHtaram
Janab Abdullah Nazir SaHib va deegar arakeen-e-meHfil,,,
Adaab
Guzarish # 20 kay misra-e-TaraH per apni ghazal kay saath main Hazir hooN, aap kay tabsarooN ka intayzaar rahayga...
1)
tum bashar ho to nazar aavoo bashar ki Surat.
hotii pehCHaan SHajar ki hai, camar ki Surat.
2)
zeest ki taptii hui rahooN main deekha akcar,
kaam aati haiN, duayeeN hi SHajar ki Surat.
3)
ho munawwar miray lafzooN say yeh duniya sari,
fikr mayrii rahay rouSHan youn SHarar ki Surat.
4)
bhulooN bhaTkooN ko deekhavooN main TareeQ-e-manzil,
sooCHta hooN k maiN ban jaooN Qamar ki Surat.
5)
raas aayaa na safar kooCHa-e-meHboob ka mujh ko,
KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat.
6)
ik na ik hoogii miray naamay maiN naykii ya rab,
yaar rooTha huwa mil jaye ajar ki Surat.
7)
koii louTa na kabhii bhoolay say SHahr-e-dil maiN,
ban gaya dil mira ik raah guzar ki Surat.
8)
kitna barbaad huwa hooN maiN judaii say tayrii,
aa zara deekh, miray dil kay nagar ki Surat.
9)
jab main pardes say louTa to kaha maa'N nay taRap kay,
ho gayee kaisii miray laKHt-e-jiGar ki Surat.
10)
dam say maa'N baap kay Qayiim hai jahaaN ki zeenat,
yeh na hooN gar, to ujaR jaatii hai Ghar ki Surat.
11)
lams jaduee sa hai us kay labooN ka yaroo,
taazgii rooH talak aayii acar ki Surat.
12)
un niGahooN ki Qayamat ka na kar zikr bhi mujh say,
CHain dil ka na luTay zair-o-zabar ki Surat.
13)
jaanay kis baat pay kaalak youN mal' aayaa sooraj,
kitnii tareek si hai aaj saHar ki Surat.
14)
bas gaya SHehr-e-KHamooSHaaN ka sa sannaTa dil maiN,
KHawb lagtay hain mujhay tab say khaNDar ki Surat.
15)
CHal paRa jaanib-e-manzil youN diwaana farHan!
Azm ummideeN liye zaad-e-safar ki Surat.
Syed Abdul Azeez FarHan.
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhusara_j wrote:hmmmm........... farhan sahib khoob ashaar nikaale hein. zor e qalam aur ziyada.
Mohtaram ustadji zara nazr-e-karam
Shukriya Sara Ji
yeh ghazal post karnay kay baad aur deegar ahbaab ki ghazleeN paRh kar andaza hua ki mayri yeh alfaaz tuk bandi say kuch kam nahin.....
ab zara daykheeN Ustaad shua'ra kiya kehtay hain.....shayed yeh ghazal kisi layeq bhi hai ya nahin......
dua kay liye bahut mamnoon hoon>
Jazakallah..
farhan
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hassan_bashir
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- Posts: 436
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 6:22 pm
- Location: Kuwait
- Contact:
Farhan saaHib aadaab arz hai!
mushaire meiN aap kee shirkat baaic-e-masarrat huii, mashaallah kaafi saare ash'aar kahe haiN aap ne.
"Allah kare zor-e-qalam aur ziyadah"
isii tarah likhate raheN aur apne kalaam sunaate raheN. abhi tak mohtaram ustaad ke tabSirah ka inteZaar hai aap ke kalaam par, lihazaa miree jaanib se is umdah koshish par daad qubuul keejiYe. :rose
~ Hassan ~
mushaire meiN aap kee shirkat baaic-e-masarrat huii, mashaallah kaafi saare ash'aar kahe haiN aap ne.
"Allah kare zor-e-qalam aur ziyadah"
isii tarah likhate raheN aur apne kalaam sunaate raheN. abhi tak mohtaram ustaad ke tabSirah ka inteZaar hai aap ke kalaam par, lihazaa miree jaanib se is umdah koshish par daad qubuul keejiYe. :rose
~ Hassan ~
Urdu hai jis ka naam hamiiN jaante haiN :Daagh:
saare jahaaN maiN dhum humaari zubaaN ki hai
saare jahaaN maiN dhum humaari zubaaN ki hai
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Abdullah Nazir
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- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
achchi kaavish hei
[size\18]
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz. 20 per aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. Apni beHad maSroofiyat ke sabab der se HaaZir houaa hooN aur muAzirat khwaah hooN.
MULAAHIZAAT:
tum bashar ho to nazar aavoo bashar ki Surat.
hotii pehCHaan SHajar ki hai, camar ki Surat.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz maTlaA bahut achchaa hei. Ab aap doosre miSreA kii ibaarat ko dekhiye. Shajar kee pahchan camar se houti hei. Iski mumaacilat pahle miSreA meiN nahiN. Is liye agar pahle miSreA ko yooN kaheN tou behtar hei:
aadami hou tou nazar aao bashar ki Surat
zeest ki taptii hui rahooN main deekha akcar,
kaam aati haiN, duayeeN hi SHajar ki Surat.
achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA per baAz aHbaab ko shak housaktaa hei ke be-beHr hougayaa hei. Lekin paRhne meiN agar kisi lafz meiN 3 saakin Huroof aek saath aayeN tou aakhiri Harf ko nazar andaaz kiyaa jaasaktaa hei. "zeest" mein "ye", "seen" aur "te" 3 saakin heiN jin meiN se "te" ko giraakar paRh sakte heiN. (zees' ki tapti hui raahaoN meiN dekhaa akcar)
ho munawwar miray lafzooN say yeh duniya sari,
fikr mayrii rahay rouSHan youn SHarar ki Surat.
yeh sheAr bhee achcha hei. Lekin . Pahle miSreA meiN "munawwar" kahaa jaachukaa heii is liye doosre miSreA meiN "raushan" ziyaadah meHsoos hourahaa hei. Iskaa ilaaj kaise kiyaa jaaye? Housaktaa hei keh doosraa miSraA yuN kahaa jaaye:
phail jaayeN mire naghmaat seHar ki Surat.
is sheAr meiN dobaarah "miri" kaa lafz taakeed ke liye aarahaa hei is liye Hashvo nahiN hei.
bhulooN bhaTkooN ko deekhavooN main TareeQ-e-manzil,
sooCHta hooN k maiN ban jaooN Qamar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN "bhulaoN bhaTkaoN" boul chaal meiN bhee mustaAmal nahiN albattah baAZ auqaat "bhoole bhaTkaoN" sunne meiN aataa hei. Isliye pahle miSreA meiN "bhule bhaTkaoN" banaadeejiy.
raas aayaa na safar kooCHa-e-meHboob ka mujh ko,
KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat.
Aapki gireh kaa miSraA be-beHr hugayaa hei. Iski aek Soorat yooN housakti hei:
koocha-e-yaar nah raas aayaa tasalli ke liye
ik na ik hoogii miray naamay maiN naykii ya rab,
yaar rooTha huwa mil jaye ajar ki Surat.
Is sheAr meiN aap naamay se muraad "naama-e-aAmaal" le rahe heiN. Doosri baat yeh ke lafz "ajar" yaAni jeem per zabar se nahiN balkeh "ajr" hei yaAni jee per sukoon se. Is per aap khud nazar-e-caani kareN yaa ghazal se nikaal deN.
koii louTa na kabhii bhoolay say Shahr-e-dil maiN,
ban gaya dil mira ik raah guzar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN shahr-e-dil meiN kahaa jaachukaa hei tou usi se doosre miSreA meiN istifaadah karnaa chaahiye. Macalan doosre miSreA ko yooN keh sakte heiN:
ban gayaa hei jo kisi raahguzar ki Surat
kitna barbaad huwa hooN maiN judaii say tayrii,
aa zara deekh, miray dil kay nagar ki Surat.
achcha sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA meiN judaaii se tayrii kee bajaye judaaii tiri meiN hounaa chaahiye.
jab main pardes say louTa to kaha maa'N nay taRap kay,
ho gayee kaisii miray laKHt-e-jiGar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hourahaa hei. Usko yooN kardeejiye:
Jab maiN pardes se lauTaa to miri maaN ne kahaa
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
dam say maa'N baap kay Qayiim hai jahaaN ki zeenat,
yeh na hooN gar, to ujaR jaatii hai Ghar ki Surat.
waah waah, bahut khoob.
lams jaduee sa hai us kay labooN ka yaroo,
taazgii rooH talak aayii acar ki Surat.
agar is sheAr ko jaise ka waisaa rakhna hou tou kam se kam doosre miSreA meiN aayii kee bajaay pahunchi banaadeejiye.
SheAr bahut hee saadah saa hei.
un niGahooN ki Qayamat ka na kar zikr bhi mujh say,
CHain dil ka na luTay zair-o-zabar ki Surat.
Is sheAr ka pahlaa miSrA yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
un nigaahaoN ki qiyaamat ka nah kar zikr kabhi
Doosre misreA meiN zer-o-zabar kee Surat ghair faSeeH hei. Is liye is sheAr ko ghazal se nikaal deejiye.
jaanay kis baat pay kaalak youN mal' aayaa sooraj,
kitnii tareek si hai aaj saHar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA ko yooN kardeejiye:
jaane kis baat peh mal aayaa hei kaalak sooraj
bas gaya SHehr-e-KHamooSHaaN ka sa sannaTa dil maiN,
KHawb lagtay hain mujhay tab say khaNDar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA beHr se khaarij hei aur doosre miSreA meiN khwaab ko khanDar kahnaa koii achcha kinaayah nahiN hei.
Isko yooN keh sakte heiN:
dil houaa jab se mira shehr-e-khamoushaaN kii TaraH
mujhko lagtaa hei ye veeran khanDar kii Surat.
CHal paRa jaanib-e-manzil youN diwaana farHan!
Azm ummideeN liye zaad-e-safar ki Surat.
Achcha maqTaA hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "Azm" kii bajaaye "apni" banaadeejiye.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
[/size]
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz. 20 per aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. Apni beHad maSroofiyat ke sabab der se HaaZir houaa hooN aur muAzirat khwaah hooN.
MULAAHIZAAT:
tum bashar ho to nazar aavoo bashar ki Surat.
hotii pehCHaan SHajar ki hai, camar ki Surat.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz maTlaA bahut achchaa hei. Ab aap doosre miSreA kii ibaarat ko dekhiye. Shajar kee pahchan camar se houti hei. Iski mumaacilat pahle miSreA meiN nahiN. Is liye agar pahle miSreA ko yooN kaheN tou behtar hei:
aadami hou tou nazar aao bashar ki Surat
zeest ki taptii hui rahooN main deekha akcar,
kaam aati haiN, duayeeN hi SHajar ki Surat.
achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA per baAz aHbaab ko shak housaktaa hei ke be-beHr hougayaa hei. Lekin paRhne meiN agar kisi lafz meiN 3 saakin Huroof aek saath aayeN tou aakhiri Harf ko nazar andaaz kiyaa jaasaktaa hei. "zeest" mein "ye", "seen" aur "te" 3 saakin heiN jin meiN se "te" ko giraakar paRh sakte heiN. (zees' ki tapti hui raahaoN meiN dekhaa akcar)
ho munawwar miray lafzooN say yeh duniya sari,
fikr mayrii rahay rouSHan youn SHarar ki Surat.
yeh sheAr bhee achcha hei. Lekin . Pahle miSreA meiN "munawwar" kahaa jaachukaa heii is liye doosre miSreA meiN "raushan" ziyaadah meHsoos hourahaa hei. Iskaa ilaaj kaise kiyaa jaaye? Housaktaa hei keh doosraa miSraA yuN kahaa jaaye:
phail jaayeN mire naghmaat seHar ki Surat.
is sheAr meiN dobaarah "miri" kaa lafz taakeed ke liye aarahaa hei is liye Hashvo nahiN hei.
bhulooN bhaTkooN ko deekhavooN main TareeQ-e-manzil,
sooCHta hooN k maiN ban jaooN Qamar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN "bhulaoN bhaTkaoN" boul chaal meiN bhee mustaAmal nahiN albattah baAZ auqaat "bhoole bhaTkaoN" sunne meiN aataa hei. Isliye pahle miSreA meiN "bhule bhaTkaoN" banaadeejiy.
raas aayaa na safar kooCHa-e-meHboob ka mujh ko,
KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat.
Aapki gireh kaa miSraA be-beHr hugayaa hei. Iski aek Soorat yooN housakti hei:
koocha-e-yaar nah raas aayaa tasalli ke liye
ik na ik hoogii miray naamay maiN naykii ya rab,
yaar rooTha huwa mil jaye ajar ki Surat.
Is sheAr meiN aap naamay se muraad "naama-e-aAmaal" le rahe heiN. Doosri baat yeh ke lafz "ajar" yaAni jeem per zabar se nahiN balkeh "ajr" hei yaAni jee per sukoon se. Is per aap khud nazar-e-caani kareN yaa ghazal se nikaal deN.
koii louTa na kabhii bhoolay say Shahr-e-dil maiN,
ban gaya dil mira ik raah guzar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN shahr-e-dil meiN kahaa jaachukaa hei tou usi se doosre miSreA meiN istifaadah karnaa chaahiye. Macalan doosre miSreA ko yooN keh sakte heiN:
ban gayaa hei jo kisi raahguzar ki Surat
kitna barbaad huwa hooN maiN judaii say tayrii,
aa zara deekh, miray dil kay nagar ki Surat.
achcha sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA meiN judaaii se tayrii kee bajaye judaaii tiri meiN hounaa chaahiye.
jab main pardes say louTa to kaha maa'N nay taRap kay,
ho gayee kaisii miray laKHt-e-jiGar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hourahaa hei. Usko yooN kardeejiye:
Jab maiN pardes se lauTaa to miri maaN ne kahaa
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
dam say maa'N baap kay Qayiim hai jahaaN ki zeenat,
yeh na hooN gar, to ujaR jaatii hai Ghar ki Surat.
waah waah, bahut khoob.
lams jaduee sa hai us kay labooN ka yaroo,
taazgii rooH talak aayii acar ki Surat.
agar is sheAr ko jaise ka waisaa rakhna hou tou kam se kam doosre miSreA meiN aayii kee bajaay pahunchi banaadeejiye.
SheAr bahut hee saadah saa hei.
un niGahooN ki Qayamat ka na kar zikr bhi mujh say,
CHain dil ka na luTay zair-o-zabar ki Surat.
Is sheAr ka pahlaa miSrA yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
un nigaahaoN ki qiyaamat ka nah kar zikr kabhi
Doosre misreA meiN zer-o-zabar kee Surat ghair faSeeH hei. Is liye is sheAr ko ghazal se nikaal deejiye.
jaanay kis baat pay kaalak youN mal' aayaa sooraj,
kitnii tareek si hai aaj saHar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA ko yooN kardeejiye:
jaane kis baat peh mal aayaa hei kaalak sooraj
bas gaya SHehr-e-KHamooSHaaN ka sa sannaTa dil maiN,
KHawb lagtay hain mujhay tab say khaNDar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA beHr se khaarij hei aur doosre miSreA meiN khwaab ko khanDar kahnaa koii achcha kinaayah nahiN hei.
Isko yooN keh sakte heiN:
dil houaa jab se mira shehr-e-khamoushaaN kii TaraH
mujhko lagtaa hei ye veeran khanDar kii Surat.
CHal paRa jaanib-e-manzil youN diwaana farHan!
Azm ummideeN liye zaad-e-safar ki Surat.
Achcha maqTaA hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "Azm" kii bajaaye "apni" banaadeejiye.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
[/size]
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.....
Hassan SaHib
ji ashaar to kaafi saare ashaar kaha hai......lakin cha'nd hi mAyaar kay hain....bahut saray ashaar bay baHr hain....jin ki TaSHeeH
Ustaad-e-MoHtaram farma chukay hain......
aap ki dua kay liye main teh dil say shukriya aada karta hooN.....isi tarH duaooN say nawaztay rahyeaga....
aap nay daad di jis say mujhay bahut HouSla mila.....bahut bahut shukriya....ummid karta hooN ki aap isi TaraH mayri HouSla afzayii
farmatay rahayeengaye.....
JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA
talib-e-dua
farhan
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Ustaad-e-MoHtaram Janab Abdulla Nazir SaHib.....
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu........
Guz. 20 per aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. Apni beHad maSroofiyat ke sabab
der se HaaZir houaa hooN aur muAzirat khwaah hooN.
daad ur mubarak baad kay liye main aap ka teh dil say shukriya aada karta hooN....muAzirat kar kay sharminda na
kijeaga...aap kay muKHliSana tabsaray aur rahnumayii kay liye b hi main aapa ka shukriya aada karta hooN....JAZAKALLAHU
KHAIRA
MULAAHIZAAT:
tum bashar ho to nazar aavoo bashar ki Surat.
hotii pehCHaan SHajar ki hai, camar ki Surat.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz maTlaA bahut achchaa hei. Ab aap doosre miSreA kii ibaarat ko dekhiye. Shajar kee pahchan camar se houti hei.
Iski mumaacilat pahle miSreA meiN nahiN. Is liye agar pahle miSreA ko yooN kaheN tou behtar hei:
aadami hou tou nazar aao bashar ki Surat
Ji,,, aap nay sahi niSHaan dahi ki.....pehlay aur dosray miSrA main rabt nahin hai...aap kay batayii hui Surat achchi hai
lakin ek sawaal yeh uTh sakta hai ki aadmi ka bashar ki surat main nazar aana kiya maani raktha hai? kyoun ki aadmi aur bashar hum
maa'ni alfaaz hain to shajar ki pehChaan jab camar ki surat main hoti hai to aadmi ki pehCHaan bashar ki surat main kaisay ho sakti
hai???pahlay miSrA kay talluq say mayray zahen man aur do SurateeN hain, aap in kya baray kiya kehtay hain...
1)KHulQ say apnay nazar aavo bashar ki Surat.
2)tum makaarim say nazar aavo bashar ki Surat.
zeest ki taptii hui rahooN main deekha akcar,
kaam aati haiN, duayeeN hi SHajar ki Surat.
achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA per baAz aHbaab ko shak housaktaa hei ke be-beHr hougayaa hei. Lekin paRhne meiN
agar kisi lafz meiN 3 saakin Huroof aek saath aayeN tou aakhiri Harf ko nazar andaaz kiyaa jaasaktaa hei. "zeest" mein "ye", "seen"
aur "te" 3 saakin heiN jin meiN se "te" ko giraakar paRh sakte heiN. (zees' ki tapti hui raahaoN meiN dekhaa akcar)
aap ko yeh shair pasand aaya...Shukriya....3 saakin Huroof ki aik saath aadayiigi kay mutalluq jo tafseel aap nay baayan
farmayii hai us say mayray ilm say izafa hua....bahut bahut shukriya.....lagay hatooN main yeh bhi poochta chalooN ki kiye yeh
mandarja zail alfaaz bhi harf "zeest" kay zumray main hi aatya hain...maslan....."noSHt","dost"firdos"(doo's)wagairah.....
ho munawwar miray lafzooN say yeh duniya sari,
fikr mayrii rahay rouSHan youn SHarar ki Surat.
yeh sheAr bhee achcha hei. Lekin . Pahle miSreA meiN "munawwar" kahaa jaachukaa heii is liye doosre miSreA meiN "raushan"
ziyaadah meHsoos hourahaa hei. Iskaa ilaaj kaise kiyaa jaaye? Housaktaa hei keh doosraa miSraA yuN kahaa jaaye:
phail jaayeN mire naghmaat seHar ki Surat.
is sheAr meiN dobaarah "miri" kaa lafz taakeed ke liye aarahaa hei is liye Hashvo nahiN hei.
aap say ittayfaaQ karta hoon ki doosray misray main lafz "roushan" ziyadah mehsoos horaha hai....aap nay jo ilaaj tajweez
kiya hai dosray misray ka to achcha hai lakin ik mujhay kuch munasib nahin lag raha hai...voh youN ki "naghmaat phail jaayeeN"to
sahi hai lakin "seHar ki Surat" main phaileeN to yeh kaisay ho sakta hai kyoun ki seHar phailti kahan hai?(ujala phailta hai!) seHar hoti
to main nay paRha hai...( ho sakta hai main galat keh raha hoon apni kam ilmi kay baaic....)is baray main mazeed tafseelaat yaqeenan
mayray ilm may izafay ka sabab hongii..
bhulooN bhaTkooN ko deekhavooN main TareeQ-e-manzil,
sooCHta hooN k maiN ban jaooN Qamar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN "bhulaoN bhaTkaoN" boul chaal meiN bhee mustaAmal nahiN albattah baAZ auqaat "bhoole bhaTkaoN" sunne
meiN aataa hei. Isliye pahle miSreA meiN "bhule bhaTkaoN" banaadeejiy.
yahan main chook gaya...daraSl likha to pahlay lafz "bhule" hi tha....phir yahan post kartay huay youN laga ki lafz "bhule"
sahi nahin hai "bhulaoN" hona chahye.....mA'zirat ki galati hogayii...kabhi kabhi galati hojati hai...TaSHeeH kay liye shukriya...
raas aayaa na safar kooCHa-e-meHboob ka mujh ko,
KHaak ummideeN huyeeN gard-e-safar ki Surat.
Aapki gireh kaa miSraA be-beHr hugayaa hei. Iski aek Soorat yooN housakti hei:
koocha-e-yaar nah raas aayaa tasalli ke liye
ji bayshak pahla miSraA be-beHr hogaya hai....aap ki batayii hui Surat main lafz "tasalli" hai aur dosray miSraA main
"ummideeN" donoon main rabt mujh per wazeh nahin ho saka.....
ik na ik hoogii miray naamay maiN naykii ya rab,
yaar rooTha huwa mil jaye ajar ki Surat.
Is sheAr meiN aap naamay se muraad "naama-e-aAmaal" le rahe heiN. Doosri baat yeh ke lafz "ajar" yaAni jeem per zabar se nahiN
balkeh "ajr" hei yaAni jee per sukoon se. Is per aap khud nazar-e-caani kareN yaa ghazal se nikaal deN.
yeh shair likhtay huay main yeh shak daman geer raha ki lafz "ajar" galat hoga....choonkay likh liya tha to is ko jooN ka
tooN rakkha.....aur yeh mujhay bahut pasand bhi hai.....ik duayea shair...lakin aap kehtay hain to phir nazar-e-caani zaroor
karoonga...
koii louTa na kabhii bhoolay say Shahr-e-dil maiN,
ban gaya dil mira ik raah guzar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA meiN shahr-e-dil meiN kahaa jaachukaa hei tou usi se doosre miSreA meiN istifaadah karnaa chaahiye. Macalan doosre
miSreA ko yooN keh sakte heiN:
ban gayaa hei jo kisi raahguzar ki Surat
aap ka tajweez karda miSraA behtar hai...lakin lafz "jo" ki bajaye main agar lafz "yeh" istaymaal karoon to kaisa
rahayga...youN...phir bhi aap ki raye mayray liye muqadam hogii....
ban gayaa hei yeh kisi raahguzar ki Surat
kitna barbaad huwa hooN maiN judaii say tayrii,
aa zara deekh, miray dil kay nagar ki Surat.
achcha sheAr hei waah waah. Pahle miSreA meiN judaaii se tayrii kee bajaye judaaii tiri meiN hounaa chaahiye.
ji behtar.....taSHeeH kay baad pehla miSraA youN hogaya...
kitna barbaad huwa hooN maiN judaii main tirii
jab main pardes say louTa to kaha maa'N nay taRap kay,
ho gayee kaisii miray laKHt-e-jiGar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hourahaa hei. Usko yooN kardeejiye:
Jab maiN pardes se lauTaa to miri maaN ne kahaa
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
is baar baHr ki bahut galatiyaaN hogayeeN.....farHan bashar jo hua.......aap ka tajweez karda miSraA mujhay pasand
aaya...Jazakallah..........
dam say maa'N baap kay Qayiim hai jahaaN ki zeenat,
yeh na hooN gar, to ujaR jaatii hai Ghar ki Surat.
waah waah, bahut khoob.
ji shukriya .....
lams jaduee sa hai us kay labooN ka yaroo,
taazgii rooH talak aayii acar ki Surat.
agar is sheAr ko jaise ka waisaa rakhna hou tou kam se kam doosre miSreA meiN aayii kee bajaay pahunchi banaadeejiye.
SheAr bahut hee saadah saa hei.
is shair ko zara twist karnay ki koushish karoonga...agar koi Surat na bani to phir jooN ka tooN rakhtay huay dosray
misray main lafz aayii ko pahunchi say badal doonga....
un niGahooN ki Qayamat ka na kar zikr bhi mujh say,
CHain dil ka na luTay zair-o-zabar ki Surat.
Is sheAr ka pahlaa miSrA yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
un nigaahaoN ki qiyaamat ka nah kar zikr kabhi
Doosre misreA meiN zer-o-zabar kee Surat ghair faSeeH hei. Is liye is sheAr ko ghazal se nikaal deejiye.
is shair ko likh kar main bhi kuch mutmayen nahin tha...kuch khatak sa raha tha....lakin koi sahulat muyassar nahin thi ki
kisi say tabadilay-e-khiyaal karta ......is ko nikaal hi dayna munasib hai.....rahnumayee ka shukriya...
jaanay kis baat pay kaalak youN mal' aayaa sooraj,
kitnii tareek si hai aaj saHar ki Surat.
Pahle miSreA ko yooN kardeejiye:
jaane kis baat peh mal aayaa hei kaalak sooraj
ji behtar............taSHeeH shuda miSraA ziyadah achcha hai...shukriya...
bas gaya SHehr-e-KHamooSHaaN ka sa sannaTa dil maiN,
KHawb lagtay hain mujhay tab say khaNDar ki Surat.
Pahlaa miSraA beHr se khaarij hei aur doosre miSreA meiN khwaab ko khanDar kahnaa koii achcha kinaayah nahiN hei.
Isko yooN keh sakte heiN:
dil houaa jab se mira shehr-e-khamoushaaN kii TaraH
mujhko lagtaa hei ye veeran khanDar kii Surat.
aap kay bataye hui is shakal mujhay ik uljhan main daal rahi hai voh yeh ki "veeran khanDar" ....khaNDar yani veeran
jaga...veeraan yani ujRa hua....to kiya "veeran khaNDar" ka istaymaal munasib hoga? is baray main aap ki rahnumayii ka muntazir
hoon
CHal paRa jaanib-e-manzil youN diwaana farHan!
Azm ummideeN liye zaad-e-safar ki Surat.
Achcha maqTaA hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "Azm" kii bajaaye "apni" banaadeejiye.
maQtaA kay doosray miSraA main lafz "Azm" ko "apni" karnay say kiya yeh shuba' nahin paida hora hai ki ummideeN
kisi aur ki bhi li jasakti haiN.....is baray main bhi mayri uljahan ko door karnay main aap ki madad yaqeenan mayray liye bahut ahmiyat
ki hamil hogii....
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
aap any apni maSroofiyat say waQt nikaal kar is mamooli say ghazal per tabsara kiya....yeh aap ki ilm dosti ka caboot
hai...aap kay ilm say mujhay istayfadah ka mouQata aata karnay per main aap ka shukarguzaar hooN...ummid karta hooN ki aap mayri
rahnumayii isi TaraH farmatay raheengaye.....
ALLAH aap ko behtareeN jaza apni shaan kay mutabiQ aata farmayee...Ameen.....
FarHan...
-
Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
ikhtilaaf-e-nazar
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal hei aap jo chaaheN kareN.
shukriyah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
FarhaaN bhai, aadaab
ham ne daad dene maiN taa'Kheer to zaroor kee magar is ka ye mat^lab hargiz nahiN k aap ki kaavish hameN pasand na aayee ! socha baa'd maiN dedeN ! ;)
achche kaavish hai daad Haazir hai !
Zia Baloch
ham ne daad dene maiN taa'Kheer to zaroor kee magar is ka ye mat^lab hargiz nahiN k aap ki kaavish hameN pasand na aayee ! socha baa'd maiN dedeN ! ;)
achche kaavish hai daad Haazir hai !
Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Zia Baloch
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Zia Baloch
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal hei aap jo chaaheN kareN.
shukriyah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Ustaad-e-MuHtaram
Janab Abdullah Nazir SaHib....
sub say pehlay to main maa'zirat chahoonga ki mayra koi lafz ya sawaal agar aap ko giraaN guzra ho to.....
ek baat ki main yahan wazahat munasib samajhta hooN k aap say kisi baat per istayfsaar ki wajah hargiz ya nahin hai ki aap ki tajweez karda koi Surat munsib nahin ya qabil-e-qabool nahin...wallah hargiz aisi koi baat nahin...
maQsad sirf sawaal karnay yeh tha ta k main kuch seekh sakhoon aur mayray ilm main izafa hoon....
main ik baar phir maa'zirat chahoonga....
purkhuloos rahnumayii kay liye main aap ka mamnoon hoon....JAZAKLLAHU KHAIRA....
talib-e-dua
farhan
-
Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
shukriyah
MuHtarami
FarHaan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
MukhtaSar javaab denaa is liye Zaroori houtaa hei aapki TaraH maiN bhee aek Taalib-e-ilm hooN aur mujhe bhee apni maAloomaat meiN iZaafah karne ke liye kuch kitaabeN paRhte rehne ke liye, apni mashq-e-sukhan ke liye, site per kaam karne ke liye, kuch waqt darkaar houtaa hei. Iske ilaawah ghar meiN bhee kuch maSroofiyat houti hei.
Agar tabSirah karne ke baAd sawaalaat aur javaabat kaa silsilah chale tou mushkil pesh aati hei. Aapko pooraa poora Haq hei ke sawaal kareN lekin javaab dene meiN mujh se bahut der houjaayegi. Is liye aap apne sawaalaat mujhe pm se bhej deN tou maiN jab bhee furSat mile javaab de sakungaa.
Aapko yaad hougaa ke maiN ne aap se pahle hee kahaa thaa ke aapka mujh se shakhSi Taur per milnaa Zaroori hei taakeh aap se ifhaam o tafheem ke TareeqaoN per muttafiq housakuN.
Seekhne waalaoN ko chaahiye ke wo kitni hee Taweel ghazal kahaiN, tabSireh ke liye 5 yaa 7 sheAr pesh kareN.
Sawaal kareN tou aise kareN jin ke samajhne meiN aasaani hou. Jaise aap ne kahaa ke aadami aur bashar ham-maAni hein. Agar aisaa hei tou aap kis bunyaad per yeh baat karrahe heiN? Kyaa aadami aur insaan ham-maAni nahiN heiN? Kyaa aap ne yeh miSraA nahiN sunaa:
"aadami ko bhee muyassar nahiN insaaN hounaa"
Kyaa aadami kaa lafz "aadam" se nahiN hei jis ke maAni heiN aadam ASLM kee nasl. Kyaa aap ne nahiN paRhaa "innama anaa basharun mislukum"? jiske mani hein insani Sifaat kaa paikar"
Saare ham-maAni alfaaz agar poori TaraH se aek hee maAni ke Haamil houte tou unki Zaroorat kyaa thee? Kyaa jaagnaa aur uThnaa ham-maAni nahiN heiN aur is per bhee dounoN ke alag alag maAni nahiN housakte?
Ab aap hee bataayiye is qism ke sawaalaat aur javaabaat ke liye waqt kahaaN se laauN.
MaiN aapki kisi baat ka buraa nahiN maantaa lekin mujhe is baat kaa ranj houtaa hei ke mere paas utnaa waqt nahiN hei jiski aap aur doosre doust aHbaab tavaqquA rakhte heiN. Ummeed ke aap meraa mauqif samjhenge aur koii aisi Soorat nikaalenge ke maiN aapki khaatirkhwaah khidmat karsakuN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Last edited by Abdullah Nazir on Fri Aug 18, 2006 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Star Mind wrote:FarhaaN bhai, aadaab
ham ne daad dene maiN taa'Kheer to zaroor kee magar is ka ye mat^lab hargiz nahiN k aap ki kaavish hameN pasand na aayee ! socha baa'd maiN dedeN ! ;)
achche kaavish hai daad Haazir hai !
Zia Baloch
Zia Bhai
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuhu.....
Zia bhai jaisa ka aap jaantay hain....dair aayad durust aayad.....hum to is baat kay qayel hain k aap dair say atay hain aur durust waqt per aatay hain....
adna si kaavish ko aap nay khulay dil say saraha aur daad say bhi nawaz yeh zarra nawazi hai huzoor....aur bahut kuch aap ka husn-e-nazar hai...
daad kay liye shukriya...miltay rahiyeaga....
farhan
Ustaad-e-MoHtaram
Janab Abdullah Nazir SaHib.....
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullhi wa barakatuhu......
aap say ik waqea share karna chahoonga....yeh qareeb do teen saal pahlay ki baat hai ...main jab hyd main tha to 2 buzrug hyderabadi shuAara say mulaqaat hui thi...un say main nay ilm-e-Arooz kay baray main kuch janna chaha...aur apni kuch tukbandi bhi iSlaaH kay liye peesh ki to voh dono Hazaraat Saaf kanni katargayee...ilm-e-Arooz k baray main kuch nahin bataya ....iSlaaH khaak kartay....
is waqea kay tanazur main aap ki aur Ustaad-e-MuHtaram Janab Sarwar SaHib ki KHidmaat bay louc aur bay Garz hain.....jis ki main dil say qadr karta hooN......
aur internet per yeh urdu ki meHfilayN jo ahm kirdaar aada kar rahi hain voh bhi qabil-e-tehseen hai......
main aap ki bay panah maSrufiyat kay aaGaah hooN.....aap itni masroofiyat kay bawajood jo KHidmat anjaam day rahay hain main un ka bhi Qayel hooN.....
main aap kay waQt ....aur mayri iSlaaH kay liye aap ka mamnoon hooN...JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA.......aap kay har jawab say main kuch na kuch ilm hasil karta hooN.....
ALLAH say dua hai ko VOH aap ko SaHet o Aafiyat wali umr-e-daraaz aata farmaye.......
ik baar phir shukriya kay saath
farhan