laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN!

[Sarwar A. Raz]

yaaraan-e-bazm: aadaab-o-tasleemaat!

Molana Hasrat Mohani kee kitaab :Nikaat-e-Sukhan: paRh rahaa th`aa keh Banwari Lal "Shola" kaa yeh she'r naz^ar se guZraa:

ilaahee! deedah-e-HairaaN kh`ulaa nah reh jaaYe
Thehar nah jaaYe kaheeN intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

dil ne kahaa keh is zameen meN fikr kee jaaYe. koyee Ghazal kahe ek muddat yooN bh`ee ho gayee th`ee. so fikr karne baiTh gayaa. nateejeh meN jo ash,a'ar huwe woh pesh-e-Khidmat haiN. aap kee raaYe aur tabSirah kaa intiz^aar rahe gaa. shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
==============================
GHAZAL:

laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!

Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN
--------------------------------
sogawaar = Gham se bh`araa
mai-gusaar = sharaabee
baaz-gasht = gooNj, echo
sha,o'or = aagaahee
naburd-aazmaa = jaNg par aamaadah

[Shummu]

Wah Mohtaram Sarwar Sahab wahhhhhh..bahut umda ghazal se nawaaza hai aapne....itni khoobsurat zameen mein itni koobsurat ghazla likhi hai aapne ke kya bataoon...dili daad pesh hai...mazaa aa gaya paRhke .......:)

Mukhlis,
Shumaila

[Sarwar A. Raz]

Wah Mohtaram Sarwar Sahab wahhhhhh..bahut umda ghazal se nawaaza hai aapne....itni khoobsurat zameen mein itni koobsurat ghazla likhi hai aapne ke kya bataoon...dili daad pesh hai...mazaa aa gaya paRhke .......:)

Mukhlis,
Shumaila

a'zeezah Shumaila: Khush rahiye

aap kee i'naayat hai jo aap ne itnee muHabbat se daad dee. shukriyah ke saath du,a'a go bhee hooN!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

mohtaram janab Sarwar A'alam Raz Sarwar SaHeb tasleem!

"tu bh~ee tanha hai bazm-e-hastee meN
jese meree pukaar aaNkh~ooN meN"
(muz^affar)

aap kee Ghazal deh~te hee taar-e-jigar ertea'aash meN aa gaeY. aor muGhanniee-e-rooH naGhmah sara hone laga. dil lut^f-e-Ghazal se masroor huwa jata th~a aor maiN sarmastee ke a'alam meN she'er azbard karnekheyaal se aek aek she'er ko bar bar paRh~ta raha.

kalaam meN yaas-o-HirmaaN ka aek a'alam-e-waseea' aabaad hai. yeh gumaaN qaree ko mat^la' ke mut^alea'ah se hee hone lagta hai.
chand she'erooN meN aap ka andaaz-e-bayaaN istafhamiyah hone ke bae,c mazeed dilkash ho geya hai.

aap ne kalam ko t^uwalat kee naz^ar karne se gureez barta hai.
agarcheh zameen kee zarkhezee asha'aar kee kacrat par uksatee hai.

yeh radeef mujh~e be Had pasand hai. chand she'er maiN ne bh~ee chand maah qabl kahe th~e.

is zameen meN likh~ne wala meHsoos karta hai keh dil qaraar pa geya hai. a'ajab aasudagee ka ahsaas peda kartee hai yeh zameen.




laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! bohot khoob!

Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! waah waah!!

yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

waah!! bohot khoob!!

sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! yeh Hakeemanah she'er bohot zabardast hai. waah!!

Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

waah waah!!

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!!

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

waah bohot khoob!!

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN

bohot khoob kiya kehne!! inteha kar dee hai aap ne waah waah!! bohot khaab!! waah waah!!

meree janib se is khubSurat aor har dil a'zeez Ghazal par dilee dad mubarak baad aor taliYaaN qubool kijiYe! =D>

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mohtaram janab Sarwar A'alam Raz Sarwar SaHeb tasleem!

"tu bh~ee tanha hai bazm-e-hastee meN
jese meree pukaar aaNkh~ooN meN"
(muz^affar)

aap kee Ghazal deh~te hee taar-e-jigar ertea'aash meN aa gaeY. aor muGhanniee-e-rooH naGhmah sara hone laga. dil lut^f-e-Ghazal se masroor huwa jata th~a aor maiN sarmastee ke a'alam meN she'er azbard karnekheyaal se aek aek she'er ko bar bar paRh~ta raha.

kalaam meN yaas-o-HirmaaN ka aek a'alam-e-waseea' aabaad hai. yeh gumaaN qaree ko mat^la' ke mut^alea'ah se hee hone lagta hai.
chand she'erooN meN aap ka andaaz-e-bayaaN istafhamiyah hone ke bae,c mazeed dilkash ho geya hai.

aap ne kalam ko t^uwalat kee naz^ar karne se gureez barta hai.
agarcheh zameen kee zarkhezee asha'aar kee kacrat par uksatee hai.

yeh radeef mujh~e be Had pasand hai. chand she'er maiN ne bh~ee chand maah qabl kahe th~e.

is zameen meN likh~ne wala meHsoos karta hai keh dil qaraar pa geya hai. a'ajab aasudagee ka ahsaas peda kartee hai yeh zameen.




laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! bohot khoob!

Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! waah waah!!

yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

waah!! bohot khoob!!

sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!! yeh Hakeemanah she'er bohot zabardast hai. waah!!

Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

waah waah!!

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

kiya kehne!!

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

waah bohot khoob!!

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN

bohot khoob kiya kehne!! inteha kar dee hai aap ne waah waah!! bohot khaab!! waah waah!!

meree janib se is khubSurat aor har dil a'zeez Ghazal par dilee dad mubarak baad aor taliYaaN qubool kijiYe! =D>

muHibbee Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap ke Khat aur tabSireh kaa hameshah hee intiz^aar rehtaa hai kyoN.k aap bohat tafSeel se dekh kar aur nihaayat dilchasp andaaz meN iz^haar-e-Khayaal karte haiN. is martabah bhee aap ne apnee :taareeKhee: muHabbat aur mu,addat i'naayat kee hai. jitnaa shukriyah adaa karooN kam hai.

meree Ghazal kaa aap ko pasand aa jaanaa baRee baat hai. is ko maiN apnee Khush-qismatee samajhtaa hooN. tah-e-dil se sipaas-guZaar hooN!

tum salaamat raho hazaar baras!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[jawaid badauni]

MoHtarmee Sarwar Raz SaaHab,
Aadaab

Ek arce ke bAAd mujhe maHafil meN sukoon se HaZiree lagane ka mauqa mila hai. Aapki Gazal kuch taaKheer se dekh saka jiski mAAzrat chaahta hooN.

Nihayat umdah kalam hai. Zameen behud dushwaar thee phir bhi har sher aapki kohna mashqee ki tarjumaanii kar raha hai. Zubaan kuch saqeel zaroor hai magar mushkil alfaaz gaahe maahe hi nazar aate haiN.
"Naburd-aazmaa" lafz ke m'AAna mujhe waqaii mAlum nahiN they halaNkeh aamaada.e paikaar to akcer suna tha aur kaii jagah ist'aimal bhi kar chuka hooN.

Gazal ke aaKhree chaar ashaar mujhe behud pasaNd aaye. Albattah teesrey sher meN "ashk.e Gam" ki munasibat se "zikr.e yaar" ki jagah "Karb.e yaar" ya aisa hi koii lafz hota tou shayad ziyadah achcha lagta. Mera Khyaal Galat bhi ho sakta hai.

Ek nihayat murrassah Gazal per meri daad.o.taHseen qubool farmaaiye.

Apka muKhliS
Jawaid Badauni

[Sarwar A. Raz]

MoHtarmee Sarwar Raz SaaHab,
Aadaab

Ek arce ke bAAd mujhe maHafil meN sukoon se HaZiree lagane ka mauqa mila hai. Aapki Gazal kuch taaKheer se dekh saka jiski mAAzrat chaahta hooN.

Nihayat umdah kalam hai. Zameen behud dushwaar thee phir bhi har sher aapki kohna mashqee ki tarjumaanii kar raha hai. Zubaan kuch saqeel zaroor hai magar mushkil alfaaz gaahe maahe hi nazar aate haiN.
"Naburd-aazmaa" lafz ke m'AAna mujhe waqaii mAlum nahiN they halaNkeh aamaada.e paikaar to akcer suna tha aur kaii jagah ist'aimal bhi kar chuka hooN.

Gazal ke aaKhree chaar ashaar mujhe behud pasaNd aaye. Albattah teesrey sher meN "ashk.e Gam" ki munasibat se "zikr.e yaar" ki jagah "Karb.e yaar" ya aisa hi koii lafz hota tou shayad ziyadah achcha lagta. Mera Khyaal Galat bhi ho sakta hai.

Ek nihayat murrassah Gazal per meri daad.o.taHseen qubool farmaaiye.

Apka muKhliS
Jawaid Badauni

biraadaram Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!

aap ko meHfil meN ek muddat ke ba'd raunaq-afroz dekh kar masarrat huyee. ummeed hai keh mulaaqaat hotee rahe gee.

Ghazal kee paZeeraayee aur daad ke liYe mamnoon hooN. shukriyah qubool keejiYe.

:ashk-e-Gham: ko :yaad-e-yaar: kehnaa to kalaam kee nazaakat hai. ashk Khud hee raNj aur karb kee a'laamt hai so mazeed :karb: kaa iZ^aafah Z^arooree nah huwaa! kisee kee yaad meN aaNsoo aa jaanaa fit^ree amr hai aur dilee karb kee nishaanee bhee. aap kee tajweez kaa shukriyah!

kyaa hee achhaa hotaa keh aap ne yeh tabSirah UrduDuniya meN bhee lagaa diyaa hotaa taa.k is se wahaaN bhee dost mustafeed ho lete!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[jawaid badauni]

kyaa hee achhaa hotaa keh aap ne yeh tabSirah UrduDuniya meN bhee lagaa diyaa hotaa taa.k is se wahaaN bhee dost mustafeed ho lete!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Aadaab.o.Niyaaz

Aaj subH tak mere PC per Urduduniya nahiN khool paa raha tha ab koii tabdeeli huwee ho tou nahiN kah sakta.

Baraye karam Urduduniya ek baar saheeh ho jaye to tamam mimbraan ko kisee tarah ittela' de deejiga.

Ahqar
Jawaid

[muhammad_19k]

Mohtaram Sarwar Raaz Sahib.

mujhe poetry ka kuch bhi nahi pataa. abhi naya naya hi ye shauq hei oar meri khushqismati ke aap jaisoan ba ilm logoaN ki mehfil meiN aa gia hooN. mein aap ki shairi par tabsaara karne ka ahle naheeN hooN. sirf woah likh rahaa hoon jo mujhe samajh aaya.


laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

Khyal to naya neeheeN hei oar bayan munasib laga.

Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

na jaane mujhe kyooon laga ke Iqbaal ne "khudi" ko intnaa ziada isteAmaal kiyaa hei ke "Khudi" ka lafz ubb lafz se barh kar istalaah ki shakal ikhtiar kar gia hei. Kia aaj kal ka reader khudee or bekhudee ko mutzaad ke tor par daikhnaa pasand kare ga?

yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

baaz gasht e meHroomee ki tarkeeb bohat zabardast hei.

sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!


bohat zabardast motivation wala shair he. mujhe bohat pasand ayaa. kabhi kabhi aisi kahee hoe baat kissi ke dil par iss tarah asar karti hei ke uss ki zindigi badal jaati hei.

Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bhi khoobsoorat bayan hei.


maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!


pehle misra meiN "maqaam-e-shauq" , "janoon-e-shauq" se behtar kyooN kar huwa. agar vazahaa karaiN toa shukar guzaar hooN ga.

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bus theek hei. :)

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN


naburd aazamaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar" ki baja-aye agar "naburd aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huway "Sarwar" likhaa ja-aye to kia bayaan ka daira-e-kaar barh nahi jaataa.


koi bhai aisi baat jo meiN apni kam ilmi meiN kar gayaa hooN oar aap ko buri lagi ho toa paishgi maazrat.


tifl e maktab.
muhammad khawar.

Ye kamaal ke shair hei. bohat khoobsoorat khayal hie oar zabardat motivation hei iss shair meiN. bohat aaAlaa.


Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN

[Abdullah Nazir]

Janab
Mohammad_19k Sahib.

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

MuHtarmi Sarwar SaaHib kee ghazal per aap ne tabSirah karte houe likhkhaa hei keh aap funn-e-shaayeri meiN aek mubtadi kee Haiciat rakhte heiN. In sachche aur dil se nikle houe alfaaz ne mujhe aapke tabSireh kaa javaab likhne per majboor kardiyaa hei..


laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

Khyal to naya neeheeN hei oar bayan munasib laga.


Aapka yeh jumlah koii nayaa nahiN hei. Saare alfaaz vohi heiN jou urdu meiN isteAmaal houte heiN. Aapka muTaaliAah waseeA hougaa tou patah chalegaa keh jin khayaalaat ko ham bahut se baRe shoAaraa ke munfarid mazaameen samajhte heiN un se pahle kisi nah kisi andaaz meiN bayaan houchuke heiN.


Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

na jaane mujhe kyooon laga ke Iqbaal ne "khudi" ko intnaa ziada isteAmaal kiyaa hei ke "Khudi" ka lafz ubb lafz se barh kar istalaah ki shakal ikhtiar kar gia hei. Kia aaj kal ka reader khudee or bekhudee ko mutzaad ke tor par daikhnaa pasand kare ga?


Kacrat-e-isteAmaal se koii lafz mamnooA nahiN houjaataa balkeh uski ahmiyat baRh jaati hei agar wo lughat meiN shaamil hou tou. Khudi aur bekhudi ke alfaaz ko agar yeh samjhaa jaaye ke wo matrook houchuke heiN tou is ke yeh maAni hounge ke ham Iqbaal ko shayer hee nahiN samajhte. Kyaa aap yehi kehnaa chaahte heiN? Urdu Adab ko aise parastaraoN kee Zaroorat nahiN hei jou khudi aur bekhudi jaise alfaaz ko dekhnaa pasand nahiN karte.


yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

baaz gasht e meHroomee ki tarkeeb bohat zabardast hei.


Mubtadi houne ke baavajood aap ne aek achchi baat kahi hei.


sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!

bohat zabardast motivation wala shair he. mujhe bohat pasand ayaa. kabhi kabhi aisi kahee hoe baat kissi ke dil par iss tarah asar karti hei ke uss ki zindigi badal jaati hei.


Aapka tabSirah pahli baar paRhne ko milaa hei lekin is TaraH kee ibaarat paRhkar ummeed hei ke aapkaa lab o lehjah bahut jald durust houjaayegaa.


Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bhi khoobsoorat bayan hei.


Jee aap ne Theek samjhaa.


maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

pehle misra meiN "maqaam-e-shauq" , "janoon-e-shauq" se behtar kyooN kar huwa. agar vazahaa karaiN toa shukar guzaar hooN ga.


Agar Sarwar SaaHib jaise kuhna-mashq ustaad shaayer ne "maqaam-e-shauq" kahaa hei tou usko usi TaraH se qubool keejiye yaa alfaaz kee ghalaTi hei tou bataayiye warnah unke maZmoon ko badalne kaa Haq kisi ko nahiN.


qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bus theek hei. :)


Agar aap mere muqaam per houte tou kehte "yeh dil kee gehraayiyaoN se niklaa houaa sheAr hei. Waah waah.


naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN

naburd aazamaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar" ki baja-aye agar "naburd aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huway "Sarwar" likhaa ja-aye to kia bayaan ka daira-e-kaar barh nahi jaataa.


Jee bahut ikhtilaaf houjaataa maAni meiN. Sarwar Saahib apne takhalluS ko mmukhaTib kiyaa hei jis se maqTeA kee dilkashi baaqi hei.
Aapki tajveez "kyaa huway Sarwar" se "Sarwar kyaa houe? kahaN gaye? " se unkaa maqTaA aek mubtadi shaayer kaa maqTaA houjaayegaa.


koi bhai aisi baat jo meiN apni kam ilmi meiN kar gayaa hooN oar aap ko buri lagi ho toa paishgi maazrat.


tifl e maktab.
muhammad khawar.

Ye kamaal ke shair hei. bohat khoobsoorat khayal hie oar zabardat motivation hei iss shair meiN. bohat aaAlaa.


SubH kaa bhoolaa shaam ghar lauT aaye tou us ko bhoolaa nahiN kehte. Aap se guzaarish hei ke aap tabSire likhte raheN lekin kisi site per bhejne se pahle kisi kuhnah mashq adeeb yaa shaayer se mashwarah karleN tou behtar hei.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Sarwar A. Raz]

Mohtaram Sarwar Raaz Sahib.

mujhe poetry ka kuch bhi nahi pataa. abhi naya naya hi ye shauq hei oar meri khushqismati ke aap jaisoan ba ilm logoaN ki mehfil meiN aa gia hooN. mein aap ki shairi par tabsaara karne ka ahle naheeN hooN. sirf woah likh rahaa hoon jo mujhe samajh aaya.

muHibbee Khawar SaaHeb: aadaab a'rZ^ hai!

apnee Ghazal par aap kaa tabSirah dekh kar dilee masarrat huyee. aise log bohat kam haiN jo tabSireh kee zeHmat gawaarah kareN. maiN aap kaa shukr-guZaar hooN. ummeed hai keh aap se mulaaqaat hotee rahe gee. agar aap <www.urduduniya.net> bhee tashreef laayaa kareN to i'naayat ho gee.

aap ke uThaaYe huwe nikaat ke jawaab dene kee koshish kartaa hooN.
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laraz rahaa hai dil-e-sogawaar aaNkh`oN meN
khaTak rahee hai shab-e-intiz^aar aaNkh`oN meN!

Khyal to naya neeheeN hei oar bayan munasib laga.

Urdu shaa,i'ree meN ab shaayad hee koyee aisaa Khayaal ho gaa jo kisee nah kisee na baaNdhaa nah ho. goyaa Ghazal ke imkaanaat ab andaaz-e-bayaaN tak hee meHdood ho kar reh gaYe haiN. meraa andaaz aur alfaaz^ kaa intiKhaab agar is nuqtah-e-nigaah se dekheN to she'r aap ko achhaa lage gaa!

Zaraa nah farq Khudee aur beKhudee meN rahaa
nah jaane kyaa hai tiree mai-gusaar aaNkh`oN meN!

na jaane mujhe kyooon laga ke Iqbaal ne "khudi" ko intnaa ziada isteAmaal kiyaa hei ke "Khudi" ka lafz ubb lafz se barh kar istalaah ki shakal ikhtiar kar gia hei. Kia aaj kal ka reader khudee or bekhudee ko mutzaad ke tor par daikhnaa pasand kare ga?

:Khudee/beKhudee: hamaaree zabaan kaa HiSSah haiN. Iqbal ke ista'maal ke ba'd in kee ma'nawiyyat to Khatm naheeN ho jaatee aur nah in kaa ista'maal qaabil-e-e'tiraaZ^ qaraar paataa hai. reh gayaa qaaree kee pasand kaa sawaal to she'r maiN yeh soch kar naheeN kehtaa hooN keh qaaree ko kyaa pasand ho gaa aur kyaa naa-pasand. she'r to maiN apne Zauq kee aasoodagee ke liYe kehtaa hooN! doosroN ko choRiYe aur yeh bataa,iYe keh Khud aap ko yeh she'r kaisaa lagaa?

yeh dard-e-dil naheeN, hai baaz-gasht-e-meHroomee
yeh ashk-e-Gham naheeN, hai yaad-e-yaar aaNkh`oN meN!

baaz gasht e meHroomee ki tarkeeb bohat zabardast hei.

daad ke liYe mamnoon hooN. waise itnaa to kahooN gaa keh tabSireh se yeh naheeN ma'loom hotaa keh aap is :dasht kee sai,yyaaHee: meN mubtadee haiN!

sha,o'or-e-zeest se Khaalee naheeN KhizaaN hargiz
magar hai shart^ rachee ho bahaar aaNikh`oN meN!

bohat zabardast motivation wala shair he. mujhe bohat pasand ayaa. kabhi kabhi aisi kahee hoe baat kissi ke dil par iss tarah asar karti hei ke uss ki zindigi badal jaati hei.

Zaraa Zaraa se mire raaz kh`ol detaa hai
chhupaa hai kaun miraa raazdaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bhi khoobsoorat bayan hei.

ash,a'ar kee paZeeraayee kaa shukriyah!

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

pehle misra meiN "maqaam-e-shauq" , "janoon-e-shauq" se behtar kyooN kar huwa. agar vazahaa karaiN toa shukar guzaar hooN ga.

maiN ne to :maqaam-e-shauq: ko :junoon-e-shauq: se behtar naheeN kahaa so is kaa jawaab mujh par waajib naheeN hai! agar aap yeh keh rahe haiN keh :yahaaN "junoon-e-shauq" honaa chaahiYe thaa" to maiN aap kee raaYe kaa iHtiraam kartaa hooN lekin :maqaam-e-shauq: ko Khud behtar jaantaa hooN.

qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bus theek hei. :)

aap kaa itnaa bhee keh denaa achhaa lagaa. maiN puraane zamaaneh kaa hooN jab :mubtadee: apne se ziyaadah kuhnah-mashq shaa,i'roN ke ash,a'ar par :bas Theek hai: kee muhr lagaate huwe Darte the! lekin waqt ke saath aqdaar bhee badal gayee haiN. aur ham bhee ab chiraaGh-e-saHaree haiN! Khush rahiYe.

naburd-aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar"
kuch` aur baRh gayaa apnaa waqaar aaNkh`oN meN

naburd aazamaa duniyaa se kyaa huwaa "Sarwar" ki baja-aye agar "naburd aazmaa duniyaa se kyaa huway "Sarwar" likhaa ja-aye to kia bayaan ka daira-e-kaar barh nahi jaataa.

:huwe: se she'r meN ek qism kee u'moomiyat paidaa ho jaatee hai. meraa maqt^a' meree Zaat kee jaanib ishaarah kar rahaa hai aur maiN isee andaaz ko pasand kartaa hooN. mujh ko :huwe: meN koyee baat naz^ar naheeN aayee lekin aap ko apnee baat kaa iKhtiyaar hai.

koi bhai aisi baat jo meiN apni kam ilmi meiN kar gayaa hooN oar aap ko buri lagi ho toa paishgi maazrat.

tifl e maktab.
muhammad khawar.

tabSireh ke baare meN meraa mauqif yeh hai keh har shaKhS ko sanjeedah aur baa-ma'nee tabSirah karne kaa mukammal Haq hai. aap jab chaaheN tabSirah kareN. mujh ko kabhee e'tiraaZ^ naheeN ho gaa. buraa maan,ne kee to koyee baat hai hee naheeN!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[jawaid badauni]

Muhammad Khawar SaHab
Aadaab.o.tasleemaat

Mujhe aapke garNqadr tabsarey per koii e'traaz nahiN. Yeh aap ka haq hai. Sarwar Raz SaHab ka mizaj kuch aisa hai ke woh tanqeed ko tAAreeef per tarjeeh dete haiN. Albatta aapke lub.o.lahje ne pahle Nazir Sahab ko aur ab mujhe kuch likhne per majboor kar diya hai.

Azeezam, Sarwar SaHab ek nihayat kohna mashq buzurg shayar haiN jinki darjanoN taSneefaat haiN. In maHafil meN woh hamarey liye ek n'emat haiN. Mujhe Khood sher kahte 35 saal ho gaye magar hameshah Abdullah Nazir Sahab ya Sarwar Raz SaHab se kuch na kuch seekhne ki koshish karta hooN. Allah in donoN buzurgoN ko umr-e toolani ataa farmaye.

Aap ne nihayat dilchasp tabsarah inayat farmaya hai magar kahiN kahin aap ke andaaze bayan aur lub.o.lahje se gustaKhi ki boo aati hai jo yaqeeni taur per aap ki lailmi ke sabab hai. Internet per kisee ki umr, ooskee mashq ya ooski azmatoN ka andaza lagana itni jald mumkin nahiN.

Aap se mera iltemas hai tabsarey zaroor bhejiye magar shayar ki mashq, ooski umr, aur ooski azmat ko nazar andaaz na kijiye aur jo bhi kahna hai zara eHtraam ke saath kahiyega. Agar aapko meri tajweez boori lagee ho to main mAAzrat Khuwaah hooN.

Khoosh raheN.

MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
Muscat-Oman

[muhammad_19k]

teal]

Sir aap ki hadayat sir aakhoaN par.

Bus aap se aik darkhaast hei, mujhe naa-ahal samjhiaye. naa laaique samjhiaye, bay aqal samjhiaye, laa ilm samjhiaye. Laikin badtameez na samjhiaye.

Sir aik baat ki vazhat karaiN toa mazeed mashkoor hooN gaa. aap ne likha




Aapka muTaaliAah waseeA hougaa tou patah chalegaa keh jin khayaalaat ko ham bahut se baRe shoAaraa ke munfarid mazaameen samajhte heiN un se pahle kisi nah kisi andaaz meiN bayaan houchuke heiN.


Toa sir kia iss ka matlab huwa ke naya khayal na-paid ho chuka hei? meiN ne kissi jaga parha ke ghazal meiN Meer ki shairi ke baad log yehi samajhen lage thay ke ubb koi kia likhe gaa. Laikin phir waqt ne aik "Ghalib" diya. kia aisa nahi hie?

Mein yahaaN seekhne ke leeaye hi ayaa hooN. Jo alfaaz ki tabdeeli waghiara meiN ne likhi woah sir yehi jaan-ne ke leeaye thi ke ke kuhna mashaq shair agar ye alfaaz oar khayal istemaal kar rahaa hei to uss ki kia wajaa hei.

umeed kartaa hoaN ke aaap logoaN ke nazar oar suhbat meiN rahooN ga to bohat jald "theek" ho ja-ooN ga

Shkar guzar,
Muhammad Khawar.

[muhammad_19k]

Mohtaram Sir Nazir,

Mein maazrat chahtaa hooN ke nowarid hone ki waja se iss portal ko saHeeH istaamal naheeN kar paa rahaa. Mera ooper wala message aap ke leeaye thaa.

aap ka mamnoon,
Muhammad Khawar.

[muhammad_19k]

Mohtaram Sarwar Raaz Sahib ke leeaye

[/red]

Sir,

Mien aap ki tahmmul mazaji par be intehaa shukr guzaar hooN.

aap ke uThaaYe huwe nikaat ke jawaab dene kee koshish kartaa hooN.

Sir meiN ne har giz oar har giz nakaat naheeN uthaa-aye the. sirf nikaat ki vazaahaat chahi thii ke mujh jaise koRh maghaz ke damaagh meiN bhi koi baat aa-ja-aye. Laikin ubb usaatza ki response daikh kar yaqeen ho chala hei ke mere andaaz meiN zaroor koi naa koi khaami thi jis kee leeaye meiN maazrat kha hooN.

Urdu shaa,i'ree meN ab shaayad hee koyee aisaa Khayaal ho gaa jo kisee nah kisee na baaNdhaa nah ho. goyaa Ghazal ke imkaanaat ab andaaz-e-bayaaN tak hee meHdood ho kar reh gaYe haiN. meraa andaaz aur alfaaz^ kaa intiKhaab agar is nuqtah-e-nigaah se dekheN to she'r aap ko achhaa lage gaa!

Sir vohi sawal mere zahan meiN dobaara uthh rahaa hei. ke kya ubb na-aye khayal na paid ho gia hai?

Khudee/beKhudee: hamaaree zabaan kaa HiSSah haiN. Iqbal ke ista'maal ke ba'd in kee ma'nawiyyat to Khatm naheeN ho jaatee aur nah in kaa ista'maal qaabil-e-e'tiraaZ^ qaraar paataa hai. reh gayaa qaaree kee pasand kaa sawaal to she'r maiN yeh soch kar naheeN kehtaa hooN keh qaaree ko kyaa pasand ho gaa aur kyaa naa-pasand. she'r to maiN apne Zauq kee aasoodagee ke liYe kehtaa hooN! doosroN ko choRiYe aur yeh bataa,iYe keh Khud aap ko yeh she'r kaisaa lagaa?

mein aap se aik baar phir darkhaast karooN ga ke khuda rah isse behas waghaira ke zimre meiN na la-aye ga. meiN sirf kuch cheezoaN ki vazaahat muttalim hone ki hasiat se chahtaa hooN oar uss marhale maiN jo sawalat zahan mein aate jaa rahaiN hain, poochtaa ja rahaa hooN.

Sir Nushkha hai Wafaa mein Faiz sb ko parha ke shair kaa kaam katre meiN dajlaa daikhnaa hi nahee balke dikhaanaa bhi hotaa hei. iss se meiN ye samjhaa ke shaid har shaAer jo likhtaa hei woh chahtaa ho ke Qari bhi uss ka wohi matlab samjhe.

daad ke liYe mamnoon hooN. waise itnaa to kahooN gaa keh tabSireh se yeh naheeN ma'loom hotaa keh aap is :dasht kee sai,yyaaHee: meN mubtadee haiN!

Sir saaghir siddiqui ka aik shair yaad aa gia hazr e khidmat hei

"un ke hote huway mehfil meiN jalate haiN charagh
log kia saada haiN sooraj ko dikhaate haiN charagh"

dar asal meri daad oar tanqeed (meiN kasam khaa saktaa hooN ke tanqeed karnaa to dar kinaar meiN ne socha bhi nahi) donoaN hi aap ke leeaye baikaar haiN. mein ne koi tabsaraa nahi kiyaa thaa aap ki shairi par. meiN to ye likhaa thaa ke "mujh ye samajh aa-ii hei"

phir agar aap ko meri daad se khushi hoee toa meiN isse apne leeaye ba-ise fakhar samajhtaa hooN.

maqaam-e-shauq kee sar-mastiyaaN, are taubah!
suroor-e-a'ashiqee dil meN, Khumaar aaNkh`oN meN!

pehle misra meiN "maqaam-e-shauq" , "janoon-e-shauq" se behtar kyooN kar huwa. agar vazahaa karaiN toa shukar guzaar hooN ga.

meiN hargiz hargiz ye naheeN kehnaa chah raha thaa ke yahaaN par "janoon e shauq" ziada behtar hei. mere kehne ka maqsad thaa ke aap ne "muqaam e shauq" istamaal kiya hei to kuch soch samajh kar hi kiya ho ga. oar meiN mawazana chah raha thaa ke "janoon e shauq" karne se shair ki hasiat kia ho gi.

aap yaqeenun samajh sakte haiN ke iss tarah ki ilmi nikaat mere leeaye kitnaa aik nowarid ki haseeat se mere leeaye kitne manafaa bakhs ho sakte haiN.

"qadam qadam peh tiree yaad gul kh`ilaatee hai
yeh kis ne bh`ar diyaa raNg-e-bahaar aaNkh`oN meN?

ye bus theek hei. :)"

aap kaa itnaa bhee keh denaa achhaa lagaa. maiN puraane zamaaneh kaa hooN jab :mubtadee: apne se ziyaadah kuhnah-mashq shaa,i'roN ke ash,a'ar par :bas Theek hai: kee muhr lagaate huwe Darte the! lekin waqt ke saath aqdaar bhee badal gayee haiN. aur ham bhee ab chiraaGh-e-saHaree haiN! Khush rahiYe.

mein adab o ehtaraam mein wohi jagaa chahtaa hooN jahaan hamare buzargwar the. Sir mere tamam comments sirf aik qaari ke comments ki hasiat rakhte haiN. kissi samajhdar ahel ilm ka tabsaraa naheeN. meiN ne qaari hone ki hasiat jo jaisa laga waisa likhaa. wajaa Faiz ka wohi jumlaa thaa. tabsara to ahle fun karte haiN. "bus theek hei" meri feelings theeN, aap ka shair par fanni tabsara naheeN. umeed hei aap ye gunjaish daite huway muaaf farma-ain ge.

huwe: se she'r meN ek qism kee u'moomiyat paidaa ho jaatee hai. meraa maqt^a' meree Zaat kee jaanib ishaarah kar rahaa hai aur maiN isee andaaz ko pasand kartaa hooN. mujh ko :huwe: meN koyee baat naz^ar naheeN aayee lekin aap ko apnee baat kaa iKhtiyaar hai.

aap ke jawab mera maslaa hal ho gia [:)] asal meiN choonke mujhe u'moomiyat pasand hei iss leeaye meiN pooch rahaa the ke huwe se shair ka daira kaar wase ho ga ke nahi. aap ke jawab se mujhe pataa chala meiN theek soach rahaa thaa. yaqeenun mere alfaaz na munasib hoaN ge. jis ke leeay meiN maazrat kha hooN. laikin meiN umeed kartaa hooN ke meri shakhis infradiat ke tehat meri pasand mukhtalif hona kissi tarah bhi aap par ye kissi bhi likhne walay par koi baar nahi. mere majwazaa "behtari" fanni aitbaar se na thee balkee mere zaaati khayal ki mutabiqat ke lehaaz se thi. yaqeenun mujhe forum meiN baat karte huway bohat muntikhab alfaaz meiN baat karni chah-aye.

tabSireh ke baare meN meraa mauqif yeh hai keh har shaKhS ko sanjeedah aur baa-ma'nee tabSirah karne kaa mukammal Haq hai. aap jab chaaheN tabSirah kareN. mujh ko kabhee e'tiraaZ^ naheeN ho gaa. buraa maan,ne kee to koyee baat hai hee naheeN!

[/teal]Sir mere khayal meiN kissi shaAer ki shairi koi cricket match nahi ke har airaa ghairaa uss par tabseraa kare. meiN kahaan oar meri basaat kahaaN. haaN jub kabhi moqaa milaa ye likhne meiN kabhi aar mehsoos na karooN ga ke aap ke ashhar ne mujh par kia asar choraa.

[/red][colo=teal]

aap kaa mujram,
Muhammad Khawar.