Voh SheH Jou Un-ke Labon Per Hai...........Ghazal

[najeeb]

Sara Jabeen Sahiba Assalamu Alaikum. Javed sahib ki ghazal par aap ne likhne ko kaha hai. Awwal yeh ke main tabseroN se door rahta huN. Kyunki pata nahiN kis baat par kaun naraaz ho jaaye aur danda le kar thahar jaye. Apni zabaan aur qalam ( Aaj kal key board ) ko control meN hi rakhta huN. Dost ziyaada banata huN. DushmanoN ki ta'adaad ghatata rahta huN. Laikin saale badhte hi rahte haiN. Doosre yeh ken na main is qaabil huN aur na apne aapko samajhta huN ke tabsera karuN. Aapki baat rakh lene ke liye kuchh likh raha huN pahli aur aakhri baar.
Wohh shai jo unke laboN par hai ek hansi ki tarah
Nazar fareb hai qaatil ki dosti ki tarah
Theek hai.

• Gham e hayaat ki taareekiyoN meN rah rah kar
• Tera khayaal hi aata hai roushni ki tarah
"Tera khayaal chamakta hai chaandni ki tarah" kaheN to behtar lag raha hai. Marzi.

• Wohh zakhm jo mujhe ehsaas ne diye thay kabhi
• Shagufta haiN tere aariz ki taazgi ki tarah. Pahla misra aisa ho to?
"Wohh aks jo teri yaadoN se mil rahe haiN mujhe"
Bahut khoobsoorat sher hoga. Shugaftagi aur zakhm donoN synonym haiN. Zakhm ka shaguftagi se kya lena dena?

• Tamam umr raha jinka intezaar hameN
• Wohh aaj ham se mile aik ajnabi ki tarah. Behtareen sher hai. Bahnoi sahab ne sixer mara hai

• Jala na de yeh mohabbat ki sard aag hameN
• Yeh dheeme dheeme sulagti hai chaandni ki tarah
Aag meN sardi kahaN se laayee hai? Zara poochheN. DonoN misroN meN rabt nahiN hai. Chaandni sulagti bilkul nahiN hai. Sulagti hai ki baajaye nikharti / bikharti / ubharti / chamakti kah leejiye baat poori ho jaayegi. Ya phir

• "Faza men phailti jaaye hai chaandni ki tarah" Kah kar dekheN. Phir bhi donoN misroN meN rabt nahi hai.

• Yeh hasratoN ki hai mayyat bas aaj ro leejiye
• Kabhi na aankh meN kuchh aaye phir nami ki tarahMain nahiN samajh saka ke shaayar chhote dil ki auratoN ki tarah rone kyuN lag gaya hai? Ghazal mukammil karne sirf bharti ka sher hai. Is sher ko hazaf kar deN. Aapka ekhtiyaar hai.
Shaairi meN ab, ek, to, phir, kuchh, bas, hi, hai aur isi tarah ke doosre alfaaz laga kar misra fit karne ki koshish kee jaane lagi hai. Is se sher ki khoobsoorti daaghdaar ho jaati hai. Jab saadgi jaan lewa ho to decoration ki zaroorat hi nahiN. • Ab ham to itne Javed kam sakhun bhi nahiN
• Magar mile to koyee ham se aadmi ki tarah
Pahla misra bahar se khaarij hai. Shayar sahab jahaN chaahe aur jab chahe bahar se baahar nikal jaate haiN. "Hamari zaat meN Javed be rukhi to nahiN
( Be rukhi ki bajaye kaj ravi bhi kah leN chalega )
"Mile to koyee mile ham se aadmi ki tarah"

Ghazal par shaayar se ziyada aap ne mehnat ki hai. Layout achha hai. Baqaul Gilli Nalgundavi ke: "Tirpat aankhyoN ko aap ne nagis o paimaana banane ki koshish kee hai".
Aapki dilchaspi bhi qaabil e taareef hai. Shayeri ka virus phailta hi ja raha hai. Pata nahiN iski dawa kab ejaad hogi? Apne bahnoi sahab se kaheN ke bahut mehnat ki zaroorat hai. MisroN meN rabt o zabt ka khayaal rakheN.
Najju Bhai ki ghazal par likhne ko kaha to aap ne likhna to kuja apne bahnoyee ki ghazal par mujh se hi likha liya. Wah Wah. Bahut Khoob. Ab to Bandhan par aane aur postings ke liye bhi sonchna padega. Aap dakhni padhiye na usay jila deejiye. Khuda Hafiz.

Najeeb Ahmed Najeeb

[ROSE]

zeberest!!

composing tu kamal lagi hai

thanks for sharing with us

sada khush rahiye janaab

ALLAH HAFIZ

[Mahtab Qadr]

Janab Jaweed Akhtar Hyderabadi sahib
Assalam Alaikum wa rahma .. aap ki khoobsurat ghazal nazar nawaaz huvi Sara Jabeen sahiba ki karamfarmai ke sabab. warna ye kalaam hameiN kahiN aur parhne ko kahaN milta, baharhaal aapki ghazal pasand aai. shukria.
aik do bateiN agar tab e shayer par giraN na guzreiN to arz karoN.
1-sher no. 5 mai dheeme dheeme chandni ka sulagna mahavira nahi hai.
2-Maqta ka pahla misraa bilkul bebahar ho gayaa hai , ho sakta hai ye typo ho. baharhaal aap chaheiN to Asaatizah se bhi
confirm farmaaleiN
shukria