aik nazm

Post by **Dawood_Rizwan** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:42 pm

sara ji buhat zamanooN kay baad is traf guzar howa. aap ka forum mashalllah acha ja raha hay. hazir hoonay ka saboot paish e khidmat hay.
sab dostoon ki ray ka intizar rahay ga
rizwan

Post by **yasir shah** » Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:42 am

janaab Dawood Rizwaan saaHib !
assalamoa'laikum

kaise heN ?

aap ki naZ'm paRhee khayaal ke i'tibaar se khoob hay magar kuCh "lines" ke ba'd bai.wazn ma'loom hotee hay ,,ya'nee ibtidaai do sut'oor , agar pahlee ko yooN paRhaa jaa.ay: "ab to lagtaa hay keh rastah naheeN kaTnay waalaa" baHr-e-raml ke wazn "2122-1122-1122-112" par heN,, magar aagay aisaa naheeN hay ,, woh kyooN ?

zabaan-o-bayaan ke liHaaZ' se bhi yeh sut'oor khuSooSee tawajjoh chaahtee heN :

"lahrtay khoon ki Hiddat ki taRap"

"jis ki aawaaz ke sar par thay ChiRay taar-e-badan"

"us ki aaNkhoN se tamannaa ke parind hijrataiN auRh chukay"

mukhliS
yasir

Post by **Dawood_Rizwan** » Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:13 am

yasir sahib adab
sab say pehaly too is bat kay lay mashkoor hoon kah aap nay nazm par tawajoo ki.
aap nay nazm ki wazn par bat ki hay too is ziman main sirf itna hi arz karoon ga kah yah ghazal nahi azad nazm hay aur is main mukamal behr ka istimal nahi hoota. is khas behr main jis main yah nazm main is kay lay yah ihtmam hoota hay hay pehlay aur akhri rukn koo har misray main hoona chahay. ( aap misray ko satr kahtay hain) albatta darmiyan kay rukan kisi bhi misrray main tadad main kuch bhi hoo saktay hain aur darmian ka rukan nahi bhi hoota. ( yah soorat-e-hal murakab bahoor ki hay. jaisa kah is nazam main joo behr istimal hoee hay woo murakab hay. mufrad bahoor main azad nazm main wanz ki pabandi hooti hay arkan ki tadad ki nahi.
kuch misroon ki traf aap nay nishan dahi ki hay. mazrat khwah hoon kah main aap ka mudda nahi smajh paya waran kuch wazahat ki koshish karta
rizwan

Post by **Dawood_Rizwan** » Wed Apr 04, 2007 5:54 pm

sara_j wrote:Rizwan sahib,

adaab arz hai.

aek muddat baad aapko yehan dekh ker khushi hui, umeed

ke aap aate rahenge aur apne kalaam se nawaazte rahenge.

nazm dekhi aur hamesha ki tarah bohat pasand aayi.

daad qubool keejiye.

sara

shukria sara ji. inshallah koshish karoon ga kah ab tasalsul say hazir hoon
rizwan

Post by **yasir shah** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:27 am

Dawood_Rizwan wrote:yasir sahib adab
sab say pehaly too is bat kay lay mashkoor hoon kah aap nay nazm par tawajoo ki.
aap nay nazm ki wazn par bat ki hay too is ziman main sirf itna hi arz karoon ga kah yah ghazal nahi azad nazm hay aur is main mukamal behr ka istimal nahi hoota. is khas behr main jis main yah nazm main is kay lay yah ihtmam hoota hay hay pehlay aur akhri rukn koo har misray main hoona chahay. ( aap misray ko satr kahtay hain) albatta darmiyan kay rukan kisi bhi misrray main tadad main kuch bhi hoo saktay hain aur darmian ka rukan nahi bhi hoota. ( yah soorat-e-hal murakab bahoor ki hay. jaisa kah is nazam main joo behr istimal hoee hay woo murakab hay. mufrad bahoor main azad nazm main wanz ki pabandi hooti hay arkan ki tadad ki nahi.
kuch misroon ki traf aap nay nishan dahi ki hay. mazrat khwah hoon kah main aap ka mudda nahi smajh paya waran kuch wazahat ki koshish karta
rizwan

Dawood SaaHib !

aazaad nazm ke ramooz mujhay aap ne siKhaa.ay thay ,,aap ne yeh bataayaa thaa keh aisee naZ'm meN aik yaa aik se zaaid arkaan ki takraar hotee hay ,,laiken yahaaN mu'aamalah mukhtalif hay khair meN is maidaan kaa mard naheeN ,, wazn ke muta.'alliq meraa tabSirah shaayed meree kam'ilmee ke sabab hay ,,ma'zarat ,,albattah jin sut'oor (waaZeh rahay keh miSre' she'r meN hotay heN aur aap ki naz'm meN koi she'r naheeN ) ki t'araf meN ne ishaarah kiyaa hay woh zabaan-o-bayaan ke liHaaZ' se Saaf naheeN,, mu'aanee bhee u'nqaa heN - aagay aap ki marZee

shukriyah
yasir