ho gumaaN uss par!!

[naheedv]

MuHtaramah
NaHeed V. Saahibah,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Janab Bashir Badr ke miSreA se aapkaa istidlaal bilkul bajaa hei jis meiN lafz "dunya" jo 2 sabab-e-khafeef per mustamil hei, ke Harf "alif" ko giraayaa gayaa hei yani 21 ke vazn per isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hei.

Is se pahle maiN ne MushaaAire kii forum meiN janab Jawaid Badayauni kii TaraHi ghazal per tabSirah karte houe likhkha hei:

(((
Woh yahaN aaye nah aaye gham nahiN
Ghair ke ghar aana jaana choRde
Waah waah, kyaa kehne. Seedah saadha sheAr bahut hii achche andaaz meiN pesh kiyaa hei aap ne
Lafz "aanaa" ke Harf "alif" ko giraane ke baare meiN Shamsurrahmaan Farooqi kehte heiN ke jaayiz nahiN. Is ke baavjood asaatizah ke kalaam meiN alif kaa girnaa paayaa gayaa hei jaisaa ke Zauq kii ghazal meiN:
"kartaa, beemaar-e-muhabbat ka maseeHaa jo ilaaj
itnaa diq houta ke jeenaa use mushkil houtaa"
"aata, kiyuM MiSr meiN kanAaN se nikal kar Yousuf
jazba-e-ishq-e-zulaikhaa jou nah kaamil houtaa" )))

Shamsurrahman Farouqi Ahd-e-jadeed ke Aroozi muHaqqiq aur naqqaad maane jaate heiN.

In dalaayil kii raushni meiN agar ham saari baataoN ko nazar andaaz karte houe agar sirf saaqiT shudah "alif" waale lafz kii Sauti ravaani dekheN tou hamaara zauq yeh kehtaa hei ke zaroor koii khalal hei.

Bashi Badr kaa misrA hei:
""tujhe aitebaar.o.yaqeeN naheeN, naheeN DUNYAA itnee buree naheeN"
Is misreA meiN ((dunyaa itni buree nahiN)) kii bajaaye yooN karke paRhiye:
((loag itne bure nahiN))
tou kyaa ravaani meiN kuch farq meHsoos hougaa yaa nahiN.

Waise hii Sheikh Ibrahim Zauq ke ashAar meiN bhii yeh khalal meHsoos houtaa hei.

Agar aapka zauq-e-saleem is qism ke suqooT ko gawaaraa kartaa hei tou aap asaatizah kii taqleed karsakti heiN.

Shaayeri ke ibtidaayi daur meiN mujh se mere doust ke waali Moizzuddin Multaani Saahib marhoom ne kahaa thaa: "Nazir Saahib aapka sheAr tou kuch yooN hei:
"dil jo har dam udaas rehtaa hei
Khuda jaane kis ke paas rehtaa hei"

Yani lafZ "khudaa" ka Harf "alif" buri TaraH saaqiT houraaa hei.

Meezaan-e-Adl aapke haathaoN meiN hei, kiyunkeh meraa kaam tou sirf itnaa hei ke aqvaal aur dalaayil ko samajhne aur samjhaane kii koushish karuN. Shukriyah.
[color\brown]

Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
[/color]

Mohtaram Nazir saahab,
aadaab,

aap ke tafseelee jawaab ke liye az.had mamnoon hooN.
maiN ne :Mushaira: meN bhee aap kaa tabsarah paRhaa thaa aur ab yahaaN bhee jo tafSeel aap ne beyaan kee hai, uss se buhat kuch seekhane ko milaa.

agar daikhaa jaaye tau agarche iss soorat men :alif: ko giraanaa jaa'iz naheeN samjhaa jaataa hai magar phir bhee shaa'ir ba.haalat.e.majboori aisaa kar hee lete haiN aur micaaleN aap ke saamne haiN.

bahar.kaif maiN mustaqbil meN ye khayaal rakhooN gee.

aap kee ma'loomaat kaa aik baar phir buhat buhat shukriya!!

mukhliS
Naheed

[naheedv]

naheed sahiba adab
mayra yaqeenan aap say taruf nahi hay aur aap yaqeenan mujay janti bahi nahi hoon gi ka main nay kabhi kis forum par apni shirka ka kabhi izhar hi nahi kia. taham aap ki ya ghazal paRhi too baysakhta dad daynay koo g chaha. main nay aap ki shairi mukhtalif forums aur kuch parchoon main paRhi hay. aap ki shairi main aik dhima dhima sulgaoo hoota hay jo mujay buhat acha lagta hay. albatta aap baz uqat kuch doosida say alfaz puranay manoon main hi istamal karti hain too woo kuch acha nahi lagta . amoomi toor par aap ki ghazloon main lafzi aur manvi toor par aik tazgi hooti hay. aap ki is maujooda ghazal main bhi dil a lachar jasi taraqeeb aik doo traqeen aaee hain joo khaTakti hain. baqi ashar buhat khoob soorat hain . khas toor par teesay aur panchwain sher main too aap nay kamal kar dia hay aur satwan ........... dil nikal laynay wala sher hay.
buhat mubarik hoo
poet

Poet saahab,

aap ke tabsare ke liye buaht shukriya!
aap ne farmaayaa ke meree ghazal meN aap ko :dil.e.laachaar: kee tarkeeb pasaNd naheeN aayee tau iss izhaar ke liye bhee shukriya, maiN aa'iNdah khayaal rakhooN gee ke aisaa na ho
magar iss ke saath aap ne ghazal pasaNd bhee kee hai tau uss ke liye dhairoN shukriya qubool kijiye!

mukhliS
Naheed

[naheedv]

salaam Naaheed,

aapkii Ghazal nazar guzaar huii aur yaqeen jaaniiye mujhe bahopt bhaaii. mujhe yaqeen hai ki jab aapne apnii yeh Gahzal "ba_yaad-e-Ghaalib" ke silsile se Toronto ke mushaa'ire meN to saame'yiin ne ash ash kiyaa hogaa aur 'mukarrar irshaad" ka na'ra buland huaa hogaa...agar ho sake to aap us mushaa'ire kii roodaad ham tak pahoNchaaiye plz. ham bhii maHzooz honaa chaaheNge. shukria.

aapkii Ghazal kaa har ek she'r apne mazaameen aur Khayaal ke aitebaar se bahot umda o aalaa haiN. aapke munfarid andaaz e bayaan ne chaar chaand lagaa diye haiN. Allah kare zor e qalam aur bhii ziyaada. Keep up the great work Naaheed.

yeh ash'aar mujhe sab se ziyaada pasdand aaye:

ho gumaaN uss par kisee jh`ankaar kaa
dh`eemaa dheemaa lehjah voh guftaar kaa

ik ajab haNgaam barpaa rehtaa hai
koocha.e.jaaN meN tiree mehkaar kaa

dard bhee uss ke saNbhaale baiThaa hai
Haal tau daikho dil.e.laachaar kaa

ik taraf tanhaaiyoN kaa shor hai
ik taraf chehrah shab.e.bedaar kaa

aaj bhee dil meN kaheeN aabaad hai
pyaar voh :Naheed: pehlee baar kaa

matl'a aur maqt'a ka to jawaab hii naheeN ... bahot Khoob ... thank yopu for sharing ur beautiful Ghazal with us.

salaam Hashmat bhai,

aap ne tau itne khoobsoorat alfaaz meN ta'rif kee hai ke maiN khud hee ash ash kar uThee hooN :P
mushaira buhat achaa rahaa thaa aur aap ke shehr meN tau mashaa'Allah waisey hee likhne ACHAA likhne waaloN kee kamee naheeN hai tau un sab ke saamne naa.cheez kaa shumaar kis zamre meN
lekin phir bhee ghazal kaa response achaa rahaa thaa.

mushaire kee report agar mujh tak pahoNchtee hai tau maiN aap ko inshaa'Allah zaroor bataa doon gee.

ghazal kee (aur meree bhee) pazeeraayee ke liye dili shukriya!

mukhliS
Naheed

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mukarramah Naheed SaaHebah: aadaab!

apne teen hafteh ke Haaliyah :suffer: ke dauraan aap kee yeh Ghazal ittifaaqa" chand lamHoN ke liYe naz^ar se guZree th`ee. likh`ne kaa nah to Khyaal th`aa aur nah hee mauqa'! waapas aa kar aap kee aur Nazir SaaHeb kee guftgoo paRh`ee aur mustafeed bh`ee huwaa. chand sat^reN likh`ne kee jasaarat kar rahaa hooN. guZaarish hai keh in ko aap "tanqeed, tabsirah, nuktah-cheenee" waGhairah kee qism kee koyee cheez nah samjh`eN. chand baateN sar-e-raahe Zehn meN aayee haiN. Darte Darte gosh-guZaar kar rahaa hooN. "doodh` kaa jalaa huwaa hooN aur ab ch`aach` ph`ooNk ph`ooNk kar peenaa" hee behtar hai. in ma'rooZ^aat ko aap :fikr ba-aawaaz-e-baland: par meHmool farmaa leN to behtar ho gaa. shukriyah!
---------------------------------
ho gumaaN uss par kisee jh`ankaar kaa
dh`eemaa dheemaa lehjah voh guftaar kaa

gustaaKhee mu,a'af! Khayaal achh`aa hai lekin bayaan meN behtaree kee bohat gunjaa,ish hai! awwal: jaisaa keh Nazir SaaHeb ne farmaayaa hai kee bajaaYe :jis: honaa chaahiYe. do,em: "jh`aNkaar" tez aawaaz hotee hai, dh`eemee naheeN hotee. macala" chooRiyoN meN :jh`aNkaar: naheeN hotee bal.k woh :kh`anaktee: haiN! so,em: aap kaa bayaan bohat sapaaT lagaa. maiN isee Khayaal ko yooN sochtaa hooN:

ho gumaaN jis par kisee jh`ankaar kaa
haaYe woh lehjah tiree guftaar kaa!
----------------------------------
ik ajab haNgaam barpaa rehtaa hai
koocha.e.jaaN meN tiree mehkaar kaa

:haNgaam: ke ma'nee haiN :waqt: aur aap kehnaa chaahatee haiN :haNgaamah:! pehle miSre' kee bunat bh`ee kamzor hai. yooN soch sakte haiN:

ik ajab haNgaamah rehtaa hai bapaa!
koocha.e.jaaN meN tiree mehkaar kaa
-------------------------------------
too rag.o.pai meN utar kar daikh le
raNg kaisaa hai tire iqraar kaa

:rag-o-pai: se :iqraar: kaa koyee ta,a'lluq naheeN hai! aap kisee kee :rag-o-pai: meN utar kar kisee ke :iqraar: ko kaise samajh saktee haiN? albattah us kee dilee Haalat ko shaayad samajh` leN:

rag-o-pai meN jab utre Zehr-e-Gham ph`ir dekh`iYe kyaa ho
abh`ee to talKhee-e-kaam-o-dahan kee aazmaa,ish hai! (Ghalib)

:iqraar: ko :beemaar: se badal deN to baat ban jaatee hai!
------------------------------------
dard bhee uss ke saNbhaale baiThaa hai
Haal tau daikho dil.e.laachaar kaa

aap ke dil ko to kaa dard to honaa hee hai! :dard bh`ee: se ma'loom huwaa keh ke i'laavah bh`ee koyee aur Gham hai aur kaa dard mazeed ZeHmat kaa baa,ic ho rahaa hai. aur agar dil :laa-chaar: hai to itne Gham uTh`aanaa to aur bh`ee mushkil huwaa! pehlaa miSra' apnee bunat meN bohat kamzor hai. kam se kam meree naz^ar to yehee kehtee hai:

dard dunyaa ke liYe baiTh`aa hai yeh
z^arf to daikho dil.e.Khud-daar kaa
--------------------------------------------
ik taraf tanhaaiyoN kaa shor hai
ik taraf chehrah shab.e.bedaar kaa

:ik t^araf: kee is takraar kaa taqaaZ^ah hai keh do mutaZ^aad cheezeN dikh`aayee jaaYeN. :tanhaa,iyoN ke shor: to ek t^araf hai. ab Z^aroorat hai keh doosree t^araf muqaabileh meN koyee aisee hee shakl bayaan ho. :shab-e-bedaar ke chehrah: se yeh taqaaZ^ah kahaaN pooraa hotaa hai? bal.k is t^araH to donoN miSro'N kaa rabt^ majhrooH ho rahaa hai. haaN yeh keh sakte haiN:

ik taraf tanhaaiyoN kaa shor hai
ik taraf t^oofaaN shab.e.bedaar kaa

aur she'r baa-ma'nee ho jaataa hai!
---------------------------------
chaNd aaNsoo aaNkh kee dehleez par
aik saayah zabt kee deewaar kaa

is she'r meN bh`ee miSro'N kaa rabt^ mashkook hai. yooN alfaaz^ yaqeena" dilkash haiN. kaash keh mat^lab bh`ee aisaa hee waaZ^eH hotaa!
--------------------------------------
khavaahishoN kaa raNg neelaa ho chukaa
zakhm ab bhee hai haraa inkaar kaa

yeh she'r achh`aa hai. daad HaaZ^ir hai!
-------------------------------
aaj bhee dil meN kaheeN aabaad hai
pyaar voh :Naheed: pehlee baar kaa

is she'r par kuch` likh`ne meN mujh` ko ta,ammul hai! agar aap kisee mushaa,irah meN sar-e-meHfil yeh she'r sunaa aayee haiN to maiN aap kee himmat kee daad detaa hooN. mere :daqyaanoosee: Khayaal meN kuch` baateN likh`ne aur sochne kee to hotee haiN lekin meHfil meN aap ke kehne kee naheeN hotee haiN! ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!
-----------------------------------
ummeed hai keh meree harzah-saraayee kaa buraa naheeN maaneN gee. aap ko mukammal Haq hai keh har baat ko radd kar deN aur apne ash,a'ar par qaa,im raheN. sama'-Kharaasehee ke liYe ma'Zirat-Khwaah hooN.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[irfan abid]

Naheed sahiba, aadaab!

hasb-e-maamuul ek achchhii Ghazal kahii hai aap ne. merii jaanib se daad haazir hai!

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

[naheedv]

mohtaram janaab Sarwar saahab,
aadaab,

sab se pehle tau maiN itnee taakheer se javaab dene ke liye be.had ma'zarat chaahatee hooN aur iss ke liye sharmiNdah bhee hooN. vaqt par jawaab ne de paane kee be.shumaar vajoohaat haiN jin kaa zikr karnaa yahaaN karnaa munaasib naheeN hai.

maiN ne aap ke tabsare/tanqeed ko ba.ghaur paRhaa hai aur aap kee be.had mamnoon hooN jo aap ne itnaa vaqt nikaal kar meree iss adna see kaavish par nazar Daalee.
maiN aap ke tabsare kee roshani meN iss ghazal ko phir se deikhtee hooN aur apnee naaqis aql ke mutaabiq un ko aaply karne meN koyee hiqat bhee meHsoos naheeN karooN gee.

aik baar phir aap ke vaqt tabsare kaa buaht buhat shukriya!

mukhliS
Naheed

[naheedv]

Naheed sahiba, aadaab!

hasb-e-maamuul ek achchhii Ghazal kahii hai aap ne. merii jaanib se daad haazir hai!

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

janaab Irfan jee,

ghazal pasaNd karne kaa buhat shukriya, buhat navaazish!!

mukhliS
Naheed