poet wrote:

naheedv wrote:

poet wrote:i dont under estimate any one. but mostly over estimate. so if u r sure u know me then u may keep ur confidence. this does not make any difference to me. but i am sure u dont know me as we have never been across before. and i was use to use different id. but this discussion is useless as we r conserned only with poetry
aur jahan tak wazn ka sawala hay too aap ki nazm bikul aghaz say hi bay wazn hay.
and now discussion on this poem is closed.
aap ki agali takhliq par bat hoo gi

thanks much for the feed back

BTW, maiN ne apnee 2 maqaamaat par jo vazn ke ghalatiyaaN theeN, unheN dursut kar liyaa hai:


1. teree khawaahish ke sire = teree aarzoo ke sab sire...

2. meraa saayah ban ke mere saath rehti hai = meraa saaya ban ke mere saath hi rehti hai

lekin kyaa aap siwaye in 2 maqaamaat ke jin ko maiN ne dursut kar liyaa hai, aap vazn kee ghalati nikaal kar bataa sakte haiN ke nazm aagaaz hi se kahaaN par BE.VAZN hai? aakhir ko ilm seekhne se hi tau aataa hai
again thanks alot!
Naheed

naheed sahiba adab.
wasy too lagta hay jab aap gussay main na hoon too kay aur hamaray khiyalat buhat miltay hain.
ham nay aap ki sari nazm darust kar li hay. idara tha ka post kar dain gay. lakin aap kay lehjay ki talkhi mehsoos kartay howay apna irada tark kar dia.
aap nay doo misroon main joo tabdiliyan ki hain ba ain hi ham nahi bhi wohi ki thin
ab aata hain aap kay pehlay misray ki traf too hairat kay siwa aur kar hi kia saktay hain. aap sirf apni ana kay sabab ikhtilaf farma rahi hain.

aap ki nazm ka pehla misra hay

"apnay aap say bichRay howay"
aap is ki taqtee farmaiy. agar mufaeetun kay wazn par hay too " apnay aap " mufaeelun kasay bana. agar sustafaeelun ka wazn par hay too "apnay aap say " mustafaeelun kasay bana.
aaga aap ki nazm kuch yoon shroo hoo

" khud apnay aap say bichRay howay"
too misra mufaeelun say shroo hoota hay aur nazm ka wazn mufaeelun ban jata hay.
ghoor zaroor farmay ga.

kuch aur bhi muqamat a aah o fugaN hain
aap ki tawajoo chahtay hain.
aajiz koo ijazat

poet wrote:joo chahay aap ka husn a karishma saz karay

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki nazm meiN markazi khayaal bahut hii dilkash hei.

Aazad nazm ke taAalluq se meri apni zaati raaye yeh hei keh usko aek hii beHr meiN hounaa chaahiye macalan aap ne is beHr ko ikhtiyaar kiye:

(faa'ilaa'tun .. fa'ilaa'tun... faii'laatun...fe'lun)

Farz keejiye pahle meisreA meiN:
faa'ilaa'tun fa'ilaatun
Doosre misreA meiN
fa'ilaatun
teesre misreA meiN fe'lun
(phir isi daayire ko qaayim rakhte houe)
chauthe misreA meiN faa'ilaatun
panchweN misreA meiN fa'ilaa'tun
aur chaTe miSreA meiN fa'ilaatun....fe'lun
======
Is Tarah se beHr ke daayire ko TooTnaa nahiN chaahiye. (yeh meri shakhsi raaye aur raghbat hei, is se aapkaa muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.)

Baharhaal khayaalaat ke iAibaar se mujhe aapki nazm bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.