WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah],


Aadaab oTasleemaat,

Aapke sawaalaat mutanavvuA kaifiyat ikhtiyaar karte gaye.
1) BeHr ke mauzooN houne nah houne ke baare meiN.
aur phir aapka yeh istidlaal ke aap ne faa'I'lun 5 martabah isteAmal kiyaa hei. 2) kiyaa vazn meiN izaafi rukn kaa isteAmal karnaa jaayiz hei,
3) kaa, kii, ke kaa vazn 2 or 1.

Iske bad yeh kahaa gayaa ke hanouz aapko apne sawaal kaa javaab nahiN milaa. Poochne per aap ne sawaal No.1 ko duhraayaa.

Ab aap agar ghaur kareN ke maiN aapko mandarja-e-zel ibaarat likh chukaa hooN tou aap yeh kaise kahengi ke aapko apne sawaal kaa javaab nahiN milaa.
(((Aapke sawaal kaa javaab yeh hei ke kisi beHr meiN agar izaafi rukn isteAmal kiye jaayeN tou usko mustazaad kehte heiN.))

Agar aap yeh kehtieeN aapko is silsileh meiN mazeed maloomaat darkaar heiN tou aapki baat soulah aane durust houti.

Chaliye ab tou mere muHtaram doust jou bahut hii tajribeh kaar heiN wo bhii in bikhri houii ibaarataoN ko tarteeb denaa chaahte heiN tou is se baRhkar khushii kii baat kyaa housakti hei.

Iske bavajood kiyunke abhi tak on the point guftagu karne se Sarwar Saahib aur doosre aHbaab gurez karrahe heiN, maiN apni naaqis ilmi Hudood ke andur rehte houe aapki rizaamandi aur tasalli ke liye kuch arz karne meiN jhijak nahiN meHsoos kartaa:
=====
Rasm o riyaayat ke Taur per Khalil Ibn-e-Ahmed Al-Faraaheedi aur Akhfash ko ilm-e-Arooz ke moojidaoN meiN maanaa gayaa hei. Unke daryaaft kardah arkan aur beHraoN ko bunyaadi daryaaft.

Iske b'ad, kuch izaafati beHreN bhii daryaaft houeeN aur unko saheeh maan liyaa gayaa. B'az beHraoN meiN arkaan kii nayi shakleN daryaaft kii gaieeN jinke ibraahimi daayire banaaye gaye. Ikhtilaaf ke bavajood is nayii daryaaft ko bhii yaksar rad nahiN kiyaa jaasakaa.

In sab baataoN ke madd0e0nazar ham aapke sawaal kaa mukhtasar javaab yehi samajhte heiN ke agar kisi beHr meiN uski behr ke aek do arkaan kaa izaafah kiyaa jaaye tou usko mustazad kehte heiN. Micaal ke Taur per aek beHr hei BeHr-e-MuqtaZab maTvi maqtooA mucamman jiska vazn hei:
"faa'I'laa'tu … maf'oo'lun………faa'I'laa'tu…. Maf'oo'lun
=/0//0/…/0/0/0………./0//0t…. /0/0/0
=2121… 222………… 2121 …. 222
Is vazn ko mustazaad kii shakl meiN isteAmal karne ke liye maiN ne yooN kardiyaa hei:
=2121…222 .. 2121 … 222 …2121 … 222
aur is per meraa maTlaA yooN hei:
yaas ke andheraoN meiN ik charagh jaltaa hei yaad-e-yaar baaqi hei
saans aati jaati hei, dil dhaRaktaa rhetaa hei, intizaar baaqi hei.

Nateejeh ke Taur per agar is silsileh meiN ham is sawaal ko apnaa meHvar banaakar mazeed tafseel meiN raushni Daalnaa chaaheN tou khaaskar mere ilm meiN izaafah hougaa.
=====
Doosra Tareeqa-e-fikr o nazar yeh housaktaa hei saari guzri hoii baataoN ko nazar andaaz karte houe naye sare se tabaadila-e-khayaal kiyaa jaaye jis ke liye maiN phir MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib kaa naam loongaa aur Rajkumar Saahib kii m'aloomaat se mustafeed hounaa chaahoongaa jin se arsa-e-daraaz se meHroom hooN.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]

agar aap ne iss kaa jawaab diyaa hai tau maiN ma'zarat chaahooN gee ke meree samajh meN naheeN aa sakaa aur maiN hunooz uljhan kaa shikaar hooN.

maiN aap ke tafseelee jawaab ke liye tahe dil se mamnoon hooN.
mujhey pooraa yaqeen hai ke aap ke tabsare se mere saath saath aur buhat se dostoN kaa bhee bhalaa huvaa ho gaa.
maiN umeed karti hooN ke aise ilmee behc mustaqbil meN bhee hamaare ilm meN izaafe kaa sabab banti rahe gee.

iss behc ke ikhtitaam par aik dilchasp baat sunaati chalooN.
aaj se kuch saal qabl jab maiN Computer Science meN apnee UNDER GRADUATE kar rahee thee tau meree "Data Structure" kee class ke jo Professor the voh mashaa'Allah se CS meN PHD thay (aur pore CS Department meN un kee knowledge aur un ke ro'b.o.dabdabe kaa Dankaa boltaa thaa. ) aur un ke paRhaane kaa jo style thaa voh aisaa thaa ke achaa khaasa baNdah bhee confuse ho ke reh jaaye aur class khatm ho jaane ke ba'd yahi sochtaa rahe ke aaj hum ne claas meN kyaa paRhaa hai?
dar.asl un ke jo paRhaane kaa aNdaaz thaa voh PHD level kaa hee thaa aur hum Tehre Undergrad. khair semester ke shuroo kaa aik mahina tau un ke lectures mere sar ke oopar se hee guzarte rahe, lekin wahaaN qusoor meree kam.ilmee kaa tau thaa hee magar uss ke saath saath mere un Professor kaa bhee qusoor thaa, kyoN ke voh students ke level ko saamne rakh kar apne lectures naheeN dete thay balke voh ye samajhte thay ke chooNke voh khud PHD heN tau voh saaree baateN/ilm jo un ke andar samaayaa huvaa hai, uss se hamaaree bhee aashnaayee ho gee, haalaaNke hum tau abhee Data Structre kee "alif, be" samajh rahe haiN.

iss micaal se maqsood sirf ye hai ke aap ne sab baateN vaazeH keeN magar aap ne jo techincal terms iste'maal keeN, un se baat mazeed ulajh gayee iss liye meree samajh meN n aaa sakaa aur iss ke liye maiN ma'zarat chaahooN gee.

aik baar phir aap ke vaqt aur tajziye ke liye mamnoon hooN.

mukhlis
Naheed

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Naaheed V. Saahibah,


Aadab!,

Leejiye ab mere azeez scholar Janab Rizwan Saahib bhii tashreef laaye heiN. Aisaa ma'Aloom houtaa hei keh inke paas kuch jadeed teHqeeqat aur kitaabi Hawaale heiN jin se kuch nayaa inkishaaf hougaaa aur hameN kuch seekne ko milegaa.

"aage aage dekhiye houtaa hei kyaa"



Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,


Aadaab!

Azeezi Rizwan Saahib ne likhkhaa hei:

adab doostoo
main samjta hoon ka naheed sahiba nay joo beh istimail ki hay us main koee khami nahi hay. kitabi toor par too ooper ki behc kisi had tak darust hay taham jadeed shairi main ya izafi muamlat hay. wazn aur bahoor kay tajarbay buhat agay nikal chukay hain. main shaiad kisi waqt kuch hawalay bhi paish kar doon .
naheed g main aap ki wasatat say baqi doostoon say bhi mukhatib hoon.
mujay in forums par likhnay waloon say aik shikayat hamisha rahai hay kay un main jadeed hissiyat nahi hay. nai tajarba nahi hay. sab loog kitabi dhairi kartay hian. is kay ilawa tabsra karnay walay bhi nai tahrikoon say kam hi agah lagtay hian. is ki bunyadi waja pakistan main likhi janay wali jadeed shairi say doori bhi aik baRa sabab hoo sakti hay.
aap ki shairi main mujay hamisha aik shula nazar aaya hay. min jis bat ka aap say muuqazi rahata hoon us ki jhlak is ghazal main nazar aai hay.
main aap koo mubarik paish karta hoon aur dua goo hay ka aap aur behtari ki traf safar karain
rizwan

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,


Aadaab!

Azeezi Rizwan Saahib ne likhkhaa hei:





NahiN Rizwaan Saahib aapko kyaa maAloom ke ham ko nayaa tajribah nahiN hei. Kam se kam aek kitaab kaa Havaalah tou dete jis meiN naye tajribaat kii raushni meiN kuch likhkhaa gayaa hou. Naye tajribe aaj se nahiN hourahe heiN. Taraqqi pasand muSannifeen kaa naam aaj se nahiN sunaa jaarahaa hei.

Aap ne yeh nahiN kahaa ke agar yeh beHr hei to iskaa vazn kyaa hei. Naheed Saahibah ne tou yeh kahaa thaa ke is meiN 5 martabah faa'ilun hei.

Agar maiN is vazn meiN ghazal kahuN aur koii mujh se pooche keh iska vazn kyaa hei tou maiN kahungaa:

faa'ilaa'tun.... mufaa'ee'lu... mus'taf'ilun.....faa'i'lun

Kiyunke is-TaraH se 5 arkaan nahiN hounge aur vazn hougaa:
=/0//0/0... //0/0/.../0/0//0.../0//0
=2122...1221...2212...212
Go keh yeh vazn meri nazar se guzarchukaa hei lekin maiN beHr kaa naam Dhoondne meiN naakaam rahaa.

Agar shurooA se faa'i'lun 5 martabah kii baat nah duhraayi jaati to mas'alah nisbatan aasaan houjaataa.

Ham urdu ke maHaul se door houne ke bavajood taazah tareen teHqeeqaat per nazar rakhte heiN.

Agar her shakhs ye samjhe ke saari dunyaa kii maAloomaat usi ko heiN aur doosre ahl-e-fikr o nazar jaahil heiN tou mushkil houjaayegi. Yeh baateN maiN istidlaal ke liye likhrahaa hooN ke ilmi tabaadila-e-khayaal ke waqt baahimi tafaahum aur ilmi dalaayil se kaam lenaa chaahiye.

Taraqqi pasandi iskaa naam nahiN hei ke ghazal ko nazm ka naam diyaa jaye aur nazm ko ghazal kaa. Usool ko agar bilkul tark kardeN tou phir taraqqi ke kyaa mani houe. Usko jiddat yaa jadeediyat nahiN kahenge balkeh ieejaad kaa naam denge. Shayad aapko maloom hou yaa nah hou ke India ke shayer Mazhar imaam ne aazaad nazm kii TaraH aazaad ghazal ko bhii rivaaj dene kii koushish kii.

Her adeeb aur shayer ko maAloom hei ke nazm kii hae'at nacri nazm tak pahonchi hei. B'az kaa khayaal tou yeh hei ke shayeri sirf jazbat kaa naam hei. Vazn yaa beHr kii koii zaroorat nahiN. Ikhtilaf-e-fikr aek achchi alaamat hei lekin her kas o naakas ne jo bhii kehdiyaa usko usool maan lenaa zaroori nahiN.

Ab is beHc ke ziman meiN mandarja-e-zail sawaal uThte heiN:

1- Aisi kaunsi beHr hei jis meiN 5 arkaan isteAmaal houte heiN?
2- kaunsi nayi kitaabeN heiN jin meiN is qism kii baat likhkhi gaii hei?
3- Is meiN koii shak nahiN ke meri maAloomaat bhii naaqis heiN lekin barasha baras se yeh koushish rahi hei ke maAloomaat meiN izaafah houtaa rahe.

Kisi ne abhi tak Naheed Saahibah kii ghazal per tabsirah farmaate houe yeh nahiN kahaa ke beHr meiN 5 arkaan nahiN houte aur yeh bhii koushish nahiN kii ke uskaa koii qareebi vazn bataaye.

Chaliye ab yahaN se phir is mauzooA ko cheRte heiN is ummeed ke saath ke hamaare faazil jadeed o qadeem asaatizah is beHr kaa naam talaash karenge aur sab kii maAloomaat meiN izaafah karenge. Shukriyah.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

Bhaayi
Dawood Rizwan Saahib,

Agar aap yeh samajhte heiN ke maiN ne javaab dene meiN koii ghalaTi kii hei tou maiN aap se muAafi chaahtaa hooN. Her shayer yaa shaaerah ko jo umr meiN chaahe mujh se chouTe houN apne ustaad kii TaraH samajhtaa hooN.

TabsiraoN kaa maTlab sirf usoolii baataoN kaa izhaar hei. MaiN ne sirf aapki is ibaarat per likhkhaa hei:

sab loog kitabi dhairi kartay hian. is kay ilawa tabsra karnay walay bhi nai tahrikoon say kam hi agah lagtay hian. is ki bunyadi waja pakistan main likhi janay wali jadeed shairi say doori bhi aik baRa sabab hoo sakti hay.

little abbasi wrote:

naheedv wrote:aadaab,

buhat din ke ba'd aik ghazal le kar mehfil meN haazir huyee hooN jisey aap sab kee samaa'toN kee nazr karti hooN, iss umeed ke saath ke apni raaye se aagaah farmaa kar shikriya kaa moqa' deN ge.

aaraa kee muntazir
Naheed

[ROMAN]

1.
vaqt kee ret se guzre pal ch`aanti rehtee hooN
uss kee khushboo kee sargoshiyaaN dh`ooNDati rehtee hooN
2.
mere chehre pe voh jin se ch`aa'oN kiyaa kartaa thaa
uss kee palkoN kee voh aahaTeN khojatee rehtee hooN
3.
kyoN thakan see utar aayee hai mere lehje meN ab
aaNkh kee surkhiyoN se yahee poochatee rehtee hooN
4.
dh`iyaan meN haiN abhee uss ke lehje kee sab vehshateN
maiN unhee vehshatoN meN sukooN DhooNDatee rehtee hooN
5.
lamHa dar lamHa mujh ko voh bhee toRataa rehtaa hai
lamHa dar lamHa khud ko maiN bhee joRatee rehtee hooN
6.
uljhaa rehtaa hai apne khayaaloN meN akcar voh bhee
maiN saNjeedagee auRhe kuch sochtee rehtee hooN
7.
uss ke hoNtoN se jo sun naheeN paatee :Naheed: maiN
uss kee aaNkhoN se akcar wohi poochatee rehtee hooN

SALA/\/\.

WAH WAH BOHAT KHOOB JI GHAZAL PASANDE I HAY.

ATTIQ ABBASI

Sarwar Raz wrote: chooN.k :faa-i'-lun: ba-Zaat-e-Khud rawaaN hai aur :sur-taal: meN hai, is liYe is kee takraar bh`ee :sur-taal: meN ho gee. is nukteh ke pesh-e-naz^ar yeh shakl ista'maal ho saktee hai. agar Naheed SaaHebah woh micaal i'naayat kar sakteeN jis kaa unhoN ne Zikr kiyaa hai to bohat behtar hotaa. asaatiZah ne is shakl ko kyoN ista'maal naheeN kiyaa hai? is kaa jawaab mere paas naheeN hai.

ab ek Harf-e-aaKhir! janaab RK SaaHeb se darKhwaast hai keh woh is baat par mazeed raushanee DaaleN jaisaa keh unhoN ne apnee teHreer meN likh`aa hai.

ummeed hai keh us ke ba'd ham sab aaraam se so sakeN ge!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Raj Kumar wrote: Naheed saahiba:

aap ki is Ghazal par kaafi kheeNcha-taani ho rahi hai keh is ki baihr kyaa hai? aap ke irshaad ke mutaabiq, is ki baihr hai:

faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun
212 212 212 212 212

is silsile meiN, meri jaanib se do-aek baateN arz haiN:

1. yeh baihr, baRi had tak, Ghair-maanoos hai --- albatta, agar arkaan ka ko'i bhi 'combination' rhythmic ho, ya'ani-k sur-taal ka haamil ho, to hameN us 'combination' ko baihr kehne se katraana naheeN chaahiye!

2. ain mumkin hai k yeh baihr Arabi-Faarsi ki kitaaboN meiN na milti ho, taaham ise rhythmically paRhaa jaa sakta hai aur sur-taal ke saath gungunaaya bhi jaa sakta hai!

3. aap is baihr ki deegar misaaleN naheeN de sakeeN ---------- jab-k mujhe sareehan yaad hai k janaab-e-Dawood Rizwan saahib ne Urdustan par aek Ghazal AIN isi baihr meiN post ki thi aur, us ki baihr ko pehchaan kar, maiN ne un ke aek misre ki Ghalati ki jaanib ishaara bhi kiyaa tha! unhoN ne apni Ghazal ke vuhii arkaan bataaye the jo aap ne bataaye haiN aur, mere PM ke ba'ad, unhoN ne Ghalat misre ki tas_heeh bhi kar li thi!!

For the sake of record, un ki Ghazal ka matla tha:

aek aatish-fishaaN Khud meiN khaulaa hu'aa dekhnaa
barf kaise pighalne lagii, kyaa hu'aa, dekhnaa

Precisely --------------- 212 212 212 212 212

4. sur-taal ki baat vaazeh karne ke liye, aap note kareN k agar is rukn ko teen martaba barta jaaye to bhi aek baihr banti hai, jis ki aek misaal yeh Khoobsoorat she'r hai:

yeh Khudaa'ii ka da'ava hai kyooN?
aap kab se Khudaa ho gaye?

aur agar chaar baar barta jaaye to bhi aek jaani-pehchaani baihr banti hai, jis ki misaal Naazir saahib ka diyaa hu'aa yeh misra-e-tarah hai:

aap bhii mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage!

5. ab agar isi misre ko yooN baRhaa diyaa jaaye:

aap bhii mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage! aap bhii?

to yeh misra har lihaaz se sur-taal ka haamil hoga aur ain usi baihr meiN hoga jis baihr meiN aap ne tab'a-aazmaa'ii ki hai!

maana k yeh baihr Ghair-maanoos hai aur bahut kam musta'amal hai ------- magar mujhe ise baihr kehne meiN ko'i dushvaari mehsoos naheeN ho rahi!

6. aap ki Ghazal ki samaasaya yeh hai k aap ne alfaaz kuchh aise barte haiN jo is baihr par poore to utarte haiN magar un ki madad se baihr ki shinaaKht naheeN ho paati! agar ko'i misra aisa hota, jaise

be-basii be-kasii be-dilii be-hisii be-kalii
yaa phir
husn kii be-basii, ishq kii be-kalii dekhiye

to baihr fauran vaazeh ho jaati!

[Please note that I am not saying that you should have used such misras in your Ghazal --------- all I am doing is to give an example to illustrate the dire situation that has baffled so many of your readers!]

7. Having said all that, I must say that, while a good majority of your misras conform to this baihr, there are at least 2 or 3 places where some words have been used in a manner that I feel is not right. I think, those places need a second look!

bas, mujhe yihi kehna tha. I hope, my comments are of some help!

Raj Kumar[/color]

WEBMASTER wrote:
Ab maiN MuHtaramah Naheed kii Taraf lauTte houe, apni fikr kaa mandarja-e-zail istinbaat pesh kartaa hooN.

1-Aap is per Haq bajaanib heiN ke aapke kalaam ko 5 martabah faa'I'lun ke vazn per parkhaa jaasaktaa hei.
2- Is kalaam ke vazn ko ham beHr meiN mustazaad kii shakl keh sakte heiN lekin is poore vazn ko beHr nahiN keh sakte.
3- SheAr No.6 ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "sanjeedagi" ke harf "noon" ko nahiN giraayaa jaasaktaa.
4- Bahut saare alfaaz kaa yooN taqseem hounaa ke aek rukn se doosre meiN daakhil hounaa jaayiz tou hei lekin kacrat kii vajah se unke aahang meiN lutf nahiN rehtaa hei.
5- Baaqi baateN aap khud samajh sakti heiN.

[/color]
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]
[/size]

Dawood_Rizwan wrote:naheed g aap janti hain ka main bawajoo kisi bhi forum par nahi ja raha hoon. lakin aap nay ghazl ki jis discussion ka hawala dia tha too mujay majboora aana para ka mayri pehli periorty shairi hay. main nay is behs kay kuch hissa parha hay. yaqinan aik dilchap aur maloomati behs hay. mujay nahi pata ka aap nay jis ghazal ki traf ishara kia woo koonsi ghazal thin lakin mayri bhi isi wazn main aik ghazl chap chuki hay.
aap ki ghazal main koee khami too nahi hay taham baz jaga joo aap nay harg giray hain is soorat main giranay say un ki rawani main farq part hay lakin phir bhi unhain ghalat nahi qarar dia ja sakta. khas toor par radeef rahti ki "ya" "hay" aur "waoo" kay sath giarana.
mayri ya guftagoo mukamil nahi hay. main kal apni gahazal bhi aap ki himayat main yahan paish karoon ga aur tafseel say sar aara par kar lihoon ga bhi. aap ki ya ghazal mujay aap ki purani ghazloon ki nisbat buhat behtar lagi hay. dad qabool kayjay
rizwan