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aik taazah ghazal
Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 7:31 pm
by naheedv
aadaab,
buhat din ke ba'd aik ghazal le kar mehfil meN haazir huyee hooN jisey aap sab kee samaa'toN kee nazr karti hooN, iss umeed ke saath ke apni raaye se aagaah farmaa kar shikriya kaa moqa' deN ge.
aaraa kee muntazir
Naheed
[ROMAN]
1.
vaqt kee ret se guzre pal ch`aanti rehtee hooN
uss kee khushboo kee sargoshiyaaN dh`ooNDati rehtee hooN
2.
mere chehre pe voh jin se ch`aa'oN kiyaa kartaa thaa
uss kee palkoN kee voh aahaTeN khojatee rehtee hooN
3.
kyoN thakan see utar aayee hai mere lehje meN ab
aaNkh kee surkhiyoN se yahee poochatee rehtee hooN
4.
dh`iyaan meN haiN abhee uss ke lehje kee sab vehshateN
maiN unhee vehshatoN meN sukooN DhooNDatee rehtee hooN
5.
lamHa dar lamHa mujh ko voh bhee toRataa rehtaa hai
lamHa dar lamHa khud ko maiN bhee joRatee rehtee hooN
6.
uljhaa rehtaa hai apne khayaaloN meN akcar voh bhee
maiN saNjeedagee auRhe kuch sochtee rehtee hooN
7.
uss ke hoNtoN se jo sun naheeN paatee :Naheed: maiN
uss kee aaNkhoN se akcar wohi poochatee rehtee hooN
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 1:28 pm
by najma
naheed sahiba!
adaab
apki poori ghazal hi bohat pasand aaee, waah! kya kehne
bohat khoob
khoob hi daad qubool kijiye
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 3:44 pm
by naheedv
Dear Najma ji and Sara ji,
aap kee be.had mamnoon hooN jo aap ne meree iss kaavish ko pasaNdeedagee ke qaabil samjhaa aur apnee qeematee aaraa se mustafeed kiyaa.
buhat shukriya!
Naheed
Bahut khoob
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 7:51 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki yeh kaavish bahut khoobsoorat hei. Is per meri Taraf se daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 10:15 pm
by Hashmat Usmani
salaam Naaheed,
aapkii Ghazal bare chaao se aayaa thaa paRhne ke liye magar Haif aur sad Haif ki mujhe aapkii Ghazal nazar hii nahiiN aa rahii hai 
. please bataaiye maiN kia karuuN?
faqat du'aa_go,
Hashmat
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:20 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
Naheed SaaHebah: aadaab!
aap kee ek nayee cheez ek muddat ke ba'd naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. shukriyah! yeh yaqeena" meree nigaah aur i'lm kaa quSoor hai jo mujh` ko is Ghazal ko samajh`ne meN diqqat ho rahee hai. ya'nee is meN mujh`e rawaanee kee kamee meHsoos huyee aur isee liYe is kee beHr aur wazn kaa ta,iyyun karne meN naakaam rahaa. chooN.k Nazir SaaHeb jaise SaaHeb-e-i'lm ne is par muhr-e-teHseen cabt kar dee hai is liYe kuch` keh bh`ee naheeN saktaa hooN.
aap se iltimaas hai keh is Ghazal ke wazn aur beHr se mujh` ko aagaah kar ke mamnoon keejiYe. shukriya peshagee HaaZ^ir hai!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Sarwar Saahib ke liye
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:52 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat, 
Mere mehrban aur muHtaram Sarwar Saahib ne shayad meri ibaarat nahiN paRhii jis meiN ghazal ko maiN ne sirf khoobsoorat likhkhaa hei. 8)
MaiN Sarwar Saahib se poori TaraH muttafiq hooN ke aapki is ghazal meiN sirf beHr kii hii khaamii nahiN hei balkeh alfaaz ke isteAmaal meiN bhii ghuloo kiyaa gayaa hei. IstiAaroN ko ziyaadah pur acar banaane kii koushish meiN bahut sii ghalaTiyaaN hougaii heiN.
Behtar hougaa ke aap is ghazal ko shurooA se aakhir tak dobaarah kaheN aur maujoodah shakl ko miTaadeN. Aage aapki marzi aur Muhtaram Sarwar Saahib kii khush-saleeqah-mandi jo shayad iski iSlaah meiN khaatirkhwaah madadgaar caabit hou.
Sarwar Saahib kii iSlaah ke b'ad hii maiN mazeed kuch kehne ke qaabil housakoongaa. Shukriyah.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:55 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Naheed sahiba aadaab
aap ki is nadir kawish aur aslob e fikr ne bahut mutassir kia , tajarbe karte rahne mai hi irtiqa ki manzileiN milti haiN, aap ki ye nigairsh aik acha tajarba hai, magar alh e fikr o fan ko jo rawaani aur bahr o wazan ki wazahat ki talab hai umeed ke aap poori farma kar sab ki tasalli ka saman karieNgi.
Abdullah Nazir sahib ne aapki nigarish par mohr tahseen asloob e bayaN ke barae mai cabt ki hai na ke ghazal ki tekneeki haiyat par, aur ye shayed webmasters ki majboori bhi ho.
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:30 am
by zmufti
Naheed jee,
Adaab
Aap say guzarish hai k ghazal roman maiN bhee paste kar daiN kyonK do teen baar k koshish k bawajood nazar nahin aa rahi qasoor shayad meray hi computer ka ho
regards
zarqa
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 12:35 pm
by naheedv
Sarwar Raz wrote:Naheed SaaHebah: aadaab!
aap kee ek nayee cheez ek muddat ke ba'd naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. shukriyah! yeh yaqeena" meree nigaah aur i'lm kaa quSoor hai jo mujh` ko is Ghazal ko samajh`ne meN diqqat ho rahee hai. ya'nee is meN mujh`e rawaanee kee kamee meHsoos huyee aur isee liYe is kee beHr aur wazn kaa ta,iyyun karne meN naakaam rahaa. chooN.k Nazir SaaHeb jaise SaaHeb-e-i'lm ne is par muhr-e-teHseen cabt kar dee hai is liYe kuch` keh bh`ee naheeN saktaa hooN.
aap se iltimaas hai keh is Ghazal ke wazn aur beHr se mujh` ko aagaah kar ke mamnoon keejiYe. shukriya peshagee HaaZ^ir hai!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Mohtarm janaab Sarwar saahab aur janaab Nazir saahab,
aadaab!
mujhe jis baat kaa khadshah thaa, aakhir voh sach caabit ho geyaa
aap ne meree iss kaavish kee behr/wazn kee baat kee hai tau chaNd maheene qabl aik adabi parcha paRhne kaa itefaaq huvaa aur uss meN aik ghazal :faa.i.lun faa.i.lun faa.i.lun faa.i.lun faa.i.lun: ke vazn par paRhne ko milee, shaa'ir kaa naam tau yaad na reh sakaa haaN magar ye vazn zehn meN reH geyaa thaa aur laa.sha'ooree taur par hee ye ghazal iss vazn meN ho ga'ee.
mujhe arooz ke hawaale se iss baat kaa ilm naheeN hai ke aayaa hum :faa.i.lun: ko 5 baar aik misre meN baaNdh sakte heN yaa naheeN. lekin jis baat ne mujhe iss vazn par likhne par uksaayaa voh aik nayaa tajrubah karnaa bhee maqsood thaa ke iss se qabl maiN ne in auzaan meN kuch likhaa naheeN hai. mujhe :faa.i.lun: ke 6 arkaan kee (ya'nee aik misre' meN 3 baar faa.i.lun) ghazal tau kayee baar paRhne kaa itefaaq huvaa hai magar 5 arkaan aik misre meN hoN, ye kam hee deikhne meN aayaa thaa.
agar arooz ke havaale se iss behr kee koyee shakl naheeN hai tau maiN apnee iss ghazal ko aik naye tajrube ke taur par hee le looN gee.
jahaaN tak ravaani kee baat hai tau mujhe 1, 2 maqaamaat ke ilaawah iss kee ravaani aisee bhee naheeN khal rahi hai. magar chooNke maiN ne khud likhaa hai tau mumkin hai ke iss ke kayee pehloo meree nazar se aujhal hoN.
agar aap un maqaamaat par khaas inshaarah kareN tau maiN ise phir deikh looN gee.
aap ke vaqt aur khuloos kaa shukriya!
mukhlis
Naheed
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 12:37 pm
by naheedv
Hashmat Usmani wrote:salaam Naaheed,
aapkii Ghazal bare chaao se aayaa thaa paRhne ke liye magar Haif aur sad Haif ki mujhe aapkii Ghazal nazar hii nahiiN aa rahii hai . please bataaiye maiN kia karuuN?
faqat du'aa_go,
Hashmat
Hashmat bhai,
salaam,
ghazal tau chispaaN hai aur nazar bhee aa rahi hai ( kam az kam mujhe tau nazar aa hi rahi hai).
please bataaiye ke agar ab bhee naheeN dikh rahi tau maiN ise roman meN bhee likh detee hooN.
shukriya
Naheed
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 12:45 pm
by naheedv
Mahtab Qadr wrote:Naheed sahiba aadaab
aap ki is nadir kawish aur aslob e fikr ne bahut mutassir kia , tajarbe karte rahne mai hi irtiqa ki manzileiN milti haiN, aap ki ye nigairsh aik acha tajarba hai, magar alh e fikr o fan ko jo rawaani aur bahr o wazan ki wazahat ki talab hai umeed ke aap poori farma kar sab ki tasalli ka saman karieNgi.
Abdullah Nazir sahib ne aapki nigarish par mohr tahseen asloob e bayaN ke barae mai cabt ki hai na ke ghazal ki tekneeki haiyat par, aur ye shayed webmasters ki majboori bhi ho.
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
janaab Mahtab saahab,
aadaab,
aap kee mamnoon hooN ke aap ne apne naadir khayaalaat see aagaah farmaayaa!
maiN ne behr/vazn ke havaale se janaab Sarwar/Nazir saahab ko jawaab diyaa hai, aap chaaheN tau paRh sakte heiN aur chaaheN tau apne khayaal kaa mazeed izhaar bhee kar sakte heiN.
buhat shukriya
mukhlis
Naheed
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 12:53 pm
by naheedv
zmufti wrote:Naheed jee,
Adaab
Aap say guzarish hai k ghazal roman maiN bhee paste kar daiN kyonK do teen baar k koshish k bawajood nazar nahin aa rahi qasoor shayad meray hi computer ka ho
regards
zarqa
Zarqa ji,
aap ke hukm kee ta'meel kar dee gayee hai,
umeed hai ke ab ghazal aap paRh sakeN gee :)
shukriya
Naheed
Jee aap ne khud andaazah karliye hei
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 3:08 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Hamaaraa asl maqsad apni adabi kaawishaoN ko sanwaarnaa aur aapus meiN tabaadila-e-khayaal se kisi nateejeh per pahonchnaa hei. Agar kisi nateejeh per nah pahonchen to us mauzooA ko khatm kardenaa.
Aapki ghazal kii beHr per goukeh mujhe iAtiraaz thaa lekin maiN ne nahiN chaahaa thaa ke us per beHc kii jaaye. Doosri baateN bhi zer-e-behc laayi jaasakti heiN jaise qaafiye, istiAaraoN kii ghair maloof nudrat, waghairah.
Baharhaal mere MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib ne yeh kehkar ke maiN ne aapki ghazal ke bilkul saheeh houne per apni muhr cabt kardii hei tou maiN majboor hougayaa ke kuch lihkhooN.
MaiN ne jaldi meiN aapkii ghazal ke vazn per kaam kiyaa hei jiski shakl yooN housakti hei:
Ghazal
Waqt kii raet se guzre houe pal chaanti rehti hooN
Uski khushboo kii sargoushi DhoonDti rehti hooN
Mere chereh per jin se wo saayah kartaa thaa
Uskii un palkaoN kii aahaT khoujti rehti hooN
Jaane thakan kaa lehjah kiyuN hei mere lehje meiN
Aankh kii surkhii se maiN her dam poochti rehti hooN
Dhyaan meiN hei ab bhii uske lehjeh kii sab veHshat
maiN us vaHshat meiN ab dheeraj Dhoondti rehti hooN
lamHah dar lamHah wo mujhko touRtaa rehtaa hei
lamHah dar lamHah khud ko maiN jouRti rehti hooN
uljhaa rehtaa hei akcar wo apne khayaalaoN meiN
maiN bhii tanhaayii ouRhe kuch souchti rehtii hooN
uske labaoN se sunne nahiN paati :Naheed: jo maiN
uski aankhaoN se wo baateN poochti rehtii hooN.
=====
Ab Sarwar Saahib kaa kaam hei ke is soorat meiN manavi liHaaz se apne tabsireh se navaazeN. Agar ab bhii vazn meiN koii khaami rehgaii hou tou uska zimmehdar maiN hooN. Agar kisi khaami kii nishandehi kii jaaye tou maiN usko saheeh kardoongaa.
Naye tajribat tou kiye jaane chaahiyeN. Aap aisaa karne meiN bilkul Haq bajaanib heiN.
BaharHaal, ab dekhiye MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib kyaa farmaate heiN.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Re: Jee aap ne khud andaazah karliye hei
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:52 pm
by naheedv
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Hamaaraa asl maqsad apni adabi kaawishaoN ko sanwaarnaa aur aapus meiN tabaadila-e-khayaal se kisi nateejeh per pahonchnaa hei. Agar kisi nateejeh per nah pahonchen to us mauzooA ko khatm kardenaa.
Aapki ghazal kii beHr per goukeh mujhe iAtiraaz thaa lekin maiN ne nahiN chaahaa thaa ke us per beHc kii jaaye. Doosri baateN bhi zer-e-behc laayi jaasakti heiN jaise qaafiye, istiAaraoN kii ghair maloof nudrat, waghairah.
Baharhaal mere MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib ne yeh kehkar ke maiN ne aapki ghazal ke bilkul saheeh houne per apni muhr cabt kardii hei tou maiN majboor hougayaa ke kuch lihkhooN.
MaiN ne jaldi meiN aapkii ghazal ke vazn per kaam kiyaa hei jiski shakl yooN housakti hei:
Ghazal
Waqt kii raet se guzre houe pal chaanti rehti hooN
Uski khushboo kii sargoushi DhoonDti rehti hooN
Mere chereh per jin se wo saayah kartaa thaa
Uskii un palkaoN kii aahaT khoujti rehti hooN
Jaane thakan kaa lehjah kiyuN hei mere lehje meiN
Aankh kii surkhii se maiN her dam poochti rehti hooN
Dhyaan meiN hei ab bhii uske lehjeh kii sab veHshat
maiN us vaHshat meiN ab dheeraj Dhoondti rehti hooN
lamHah dar lamHah wo mujhko touRtaa rehtaa hei
lamHah dar lamHah khud ko maiN jouRti rehti hooN
uljhaa rehtaa hei akcar wo apne khayaalaoN meiN
maiN bhii tanhaayii ouRhe kuch souchti rehtii hooN
uske labaoN se sunne nahiN paati :Naheed: jo maiN
uski aankhaoN se wo baateN poochti rehtii hooN.
=====
Ab Sarwar Saahib kaa kaam hei ke is soorat meiN manavi liHaaz se apne tabsireh se navaazeN. Agar ab bhii vazn meiN koii khaami rehgaii hou tou uska zimmehdar maiN hooN. Agar kisi khaami kii nishandehi kii jaaye tou maiN usko saheeh kardoongaa.
Naye tajribat tou kiye jaane chaahiyeN. Aap aisaa karne meiN bilkul Haq bajaanib heiN.
BaharHaal, ab dekhiye MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib kyaa farmaate heiN.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
mohtaram Nazir saahab,
aap ne meree ghazal kee mojoodah behr ke hawaale se kuch naheeN kahaa jis meN maiN ne ghazal likhee hai ke aayaa aik misre' meN faa.i.lun ke 5 rukn hum iste'maal kar sakte haiN yaa naheeN.
aap ne iss ghazal ko jis behr meN likhaa hai, voh behr maiN samajhne se qaasir rahi hooN, baraa'e mehrbaani uss ke auzaan bataa dijiye taa ke samajhne meN aasaani ho aur phir hee iss par mazeed baat ho saktee hai.
buhat shukriya!
Naheed