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Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:15 am
by Shummu
Salaamz sab ko!
aaj pehli dafaa urdubandhan ke kisi mushaire mein hissa le rahi hoon..umeed hai aap logon ko meri tukbandi pasand aayegi aur aap apni aara se zaroor nawaazenge..aur han mera kuwait aana 24th june se mazeed Tal ke 4th august ho gaya hai...filhal main india mein hi hoon. Ghazal mein koi kami beshi ho to plz mujhe zaroor aagaah kijiyega..shukriya.
jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unka saamnaa aakhir!
kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'
dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir ?!
mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
kyoN sitam kar raha hai tuu mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne kya aisa likh diyaa aakhir?
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
kab talak zindagii kaTegi yuN hi?
jaane, kab aayegi qazaa aakhir?!
kis liye Aye 'Shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
Aap ki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:21 am
by khurram_shaikh
Assalaam o alekum,
waaah waaah bahooot khooob shuuuuuuu gud work keep it up ek dum jhakas entry mari hai tumnien dad qabool karo khush raho aur khoob makhkhiyaan maroo 
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:32 am
by Mahtab Qadr
salaam
shummu behad khushi huvi aapki ghazal pakar ke aik arse baad naseeb horahi hai .
jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unse saamnaa aakhir.
wah wah kia baat hai
kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'
mashallah , haal e dil ko lab pe laane bhi waqai larhkioN ke lye dushwar hota aur aapne niswani ehsasaat ki akkasi ki hai.
dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir
khoob , pahle misre mai wazeh na ho saka ke aapka mukhatib kaun hai.
mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
shayed aap "mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir" kah rahi theiN aur typo ho gai , bahut khoob acha sher hai.
itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
shummu ji shayed 'kar raha' ke bajaye 'karte ho' ziada munasib hoga ,sher acha hai
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
usne kia aisa likh diyaa aakhir , bahut khoob
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
kab talak yuN hi zindaqi jeena , magar itni mayoosi kioN janab.
kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
bahut umda maqta hai bhai waah waah
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:33 pm
by najma
shummu
waah kya baat hay.
ese khayal nikaly hain tum ne.
chuttiyoN pe hone ke ba-wujood shareek rahheN, bohat kamal ki baat hay.
kalam meiN akcar andaz, wazn aur behtar alfaz k isti,mal ki gunjaish hay, jise asaaizah kiram hi point out kareNgay.
lekin ham logoN se to ye sam matawaqq,o hay
bohat khoob
daad bhi qubool karo
Bahut achci ghazal kahi hei aap ne
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:02 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
Azeezah Shummu,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Sab se pahle khushaamaded ke aap chuTTiyaaN guzar kar baseHHet o Aafiyat hamare darmiyan aagaieeN.
Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa jiske liye meri daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Mandarja-e-zeil ashAar behtar banaaye jaasakte heiN. Yeh meri apni raaye hei jis se yeh zaroori nahiN kah aap bhi muttafiq houN.
mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
Pahle misreA meiN ghaliban typo hei aur usko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(mujh ko de de koii pataa aakhir)
itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
Pahlaa miSraA yooN houjaye tou Theek rahega:
(kiyuN sitam karraha hei tuu mujh per)
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
Is sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN bhii shayad typo hou jisko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(usne kya aisa likh diyaa aakhir?)
kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN lafz "wajah" ghalat hei. SaHeeH lafz "wajh" hei. Isi miSreA ko qaayim rakhne ke liye lafz "sabab" isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa hei.
kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
Pahle miSreA kaa aakhiri Harf shayad "jee leN" hou. Agar nahiN tou miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi ka safar) yaa
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi kii sazaa) yaa
(kab talak zindagi ke ranj o miHan)
Dobaarah daad pesh kartaa hooN aur ummeed kartaa hooN ke aapki shaayeraan salaaHiyataoN per yooN hii nikhaar aataa rahegaa.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 6:24 am
by Shummu
khurram_shaikh wrote:Assalaam o alekum,
waaah waaah bahooot khooob shuuuuuuu gud work keep it up ek dum jhakas entry mari hai tumnien dad qabool karo khush raho aur khoob makhkhiyaan maroo
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
W'salam khurram sahab!
bahut khushi hui ye dekh kar ke na sirf fauran aap ne meri ghazal paRhi balki apne taa'suraat bhi pesh kiye..behad shukriya tah-e-dil se khusoosan un do sher ko pasand karne ke liye.
K'hafiz,
Shumaila
Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 6:36 am
by Shummu
Mahtab Qadr wrote:salaam
shummu behad khushi huvi aapki ghazal pakar ke aik arse baad naseeb horahi hai .
--w'salaammmmm!!!jee bilkul bajaa farmaaya aapne..maine taqreeban 4 maah baad kuch likha hai isliye is mein bahut ghaltiyaan thin jise maine aap ke aur Nazir sahab ke mashwaron ke baad durust kar liya hai..
jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unse saamnaa aakhir.
wah wah kia baat hai
--SHUKRIYA
kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'
mashallah , haal e dil ko lab pe laane bhi waqai larhkioN ke lye dushwar hota aur aapne niswani ehsasaat ki akkasi ki hai.
--nawaazish!
dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir
khoob , pahle misre mai wazeh na ho saka ke aapka mukhatib kaun hai.
--apne mehboob se!
mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
shayed aap "mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir" kah rahi theiN aur typo ho gai , bahut khoob acha sher hai.
--jee jee shukriya nishaandehi farmaane ka
itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
shummu ji shayed 'kar raha' ke bajaye 'karte ho' ziada munasib hoga ,sher acha hai
--is sher mein maine Nazir sahab ke bataaye hue misre se apna pehla misra tabdeel kar diya hai.
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
usne kia aisa likh diyaa aakhir , bahut khoob
--jee shukriya dubaara se sher dursut karne ke liye
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
kab talak yuN hi zindaqi jeena , magar itni mayoosi kioN janab.
--is sher ko bhi maine durust karne ki koshish ki hai..dekhiye aur bataaiye ke main kamayaab ho saki hoon ya nahi..
kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
bahut umda maqta hai bhai waah waah
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
--yahan pe 'wajah' ghalat hai isliye maine is sher ko kuch yun likha hai ab... kaisa hai ??
kis liye Aye 'Shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
--shukriya bahut bahut Mahtaab sahab detail mein reply dene aur meri hausla afzaayi farmaane ke liye...!
talib-e-dua,
Shumaila
Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"
Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 6:48 am
by Shummu
sara_j wrote:
wow shummu! what a pleasant surprise!!
kamaal kardiya kya hi khoob ashaar likhdiye!
maqta waqai bohat khoob hai.
dekhiye ustad ji kya kehte hain
bohat din baad tumahri kavish dekh ker
dil khush hua, zor e qalam aur ziyada.
sara
Salaamz dear Sara jee..kaisi hain...arey bhai aap kahein aur hum na maanein ..aise to haalaat nahi 8) Aap ka hukm tha so haazir ho gaye...bahut jaldi mein ghazal kahi thi woh bhi 4 maah baad ...dekha na kitni ghaltiyaan thin..lekin maine sab durust kar liya hai ab..ummeed hai ab ghazal behtar ho gayi hogi....waise shukriya bahut bahut itne pyaare comments dene ke liye
Shumaila
Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"
Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 7:12 am
by Shummu
najma wrote:
shummu
waah kya baat hay.
ese khayal nikaly hain tum ne.
chuttiyoN pe hone ke ba-wujood shareek rahheN, bohat kamal ki baat hay.
kalam meiN akcar andaz, wazn aur behtar alfaz k isti,mal ki gunjaish hay, jise asaaizah kiram hi point out kareNgay.
lekin ham logoN se to ye sam matawaqq,o hay
bohat khoob
daad bhi qubool karo
Dear najma sis...bahut bahut shukriya hausla afzaayi farmaane ka....
jee maine bahut jaldi mein ghazal kahi thi isliye khaasi ghaltiyaaN reh gayin thin jise maine doston ke mashwaron ke baad durust karne ki koshish ki hai .
shumaila
Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 5:13 pm
by zmufti
shummu jee
aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
khaas kar yeh sher
kab talak yuN hi zindagii guzre..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
take care
zarqa
Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:51 am
by Ibn-e-siddique
shumaila saHiba:
salaam arz hai
aap ki ghazal doosre forum per paRhi thi aur bahot pasand aayee :), yahaaN daad dene Haazir hua hooN, qubool farmaaiye
amjad
Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2005 11:03 am
by Shummu
zmufti wrote:shummu jee
aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
khaas kar yeh sher
kab talak yuN hi zindagii guzre..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
take care
zarqa
ADAAB ZARQA JEE...PEHLI DAFAA AAP SE APNI THREAD MEIN MUKHAATIB HO RAHI HOON...GHAZLA KO PASAND FARMAANE KE AUR KHAAS TAUR SE US SHER KO PASAND FARMAANE KA BEHAD SHUKRIYA!
SHUMAILA
Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2005 11:08 am
by Shummu
Ibn-e-siddique wrote:shumaila saHiba:
salaam arz hai
aap ki ghazal doosre forum per paRhi thi aur bahot pasand aayee :), yahaaN daad dene Haazir hua hooN, qubool farmaaiye
amjad
wsss Amjad jee...wah bhai do do jagah comments dene ka bahut shukriya
jee khush hua.....!!!THANXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!
shumaila
wah wah
Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:42 pm
by irfan barabankwi
mohtaramah
shumailah sahibah
itni khoobsurat ghazal daad na dena na insafi hogi. mujh nacheez ki bhi dad qubool kareiN. aaj bahut dino baad jab is taraf aaya to yeh ghazal dekhi. bahut khoob hai.
khair andaish
irfan barabankwi
