• Ghazal

Posted: **Sat Aug 06, 2005 5:38 pm**

Aadaab,

aaj buhat arse ke ba'd aik ghazal ke saath Haazir huyee hooN, umeed kartee hooN ke isey pasaNd farmaa kar apnee aaraa se vanaazeN ge.

buhat shukriya!
mukhliS
Naheed

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:12 am**

Naheed saHiba

salaam arz hai

abhi abhi aap ki ye ghazal dekhi. apni fikr ke rangaa raNg phool khilaane ke liye aap ne ne bahot khoobsurat zameen ka intikhaab kia hai :)

ash'aar khoobsurat haiN, bas she'r no. 3 ka doosra misra theek se samajh nahiN sakaa, "vasl ki Hairat sochte hue lamHe".

bahar.Haal aik umda kawish per meri jaanib se daad qubool farmaaiN, aur umeed hai ke aainda aap apni taaza ghazal sunaane mein itni taakheer nahiN farmaaiN gi

sadaa khush raheN

amjad

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:39 am**

Bahut Bahut Mubarak Naheed Varak sahiba , bahut murassa ghazal , nadir zameen aur khoobsurat mazameen ke saath aap ka andaaz e fikr sab kuch bahut acha laga.
Mahtab Qadr

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:55 am**

Dear naheed sis!!

kaisi hain aap? Longggggggg time ..no see....urdustan hi ab tak bahaal nahi hua...abhi chand roz pehle vacation se wapis aayi hoon... aaj aap ki ghazal dekhi..dil khush ho gaya waAllah..wahi aap ki jaadu bayaani jo dil ko lubhaa le jaata hai..bahut umda kaavish hai..dili daad qubool farmaayein!

SHumaila

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:39 pm**

Ibn-e-siddique wrote:Naheed saHiba

salaam arz hai

abhi abhi aap ki ye ghazal dekhi. apni fikr ke rangaa raNg phool khilaane ke liye aap ne ne bahot khoobsurat zameen ka intikhaab kia hai :)

ash'aar khoobsurat haiN, bas she'r no. 3 ka doosra misra theek se samajh nahiN sakaa, "vasl ki Hairat sochte hue lamHe".

bahar.Haal aik umda kawish per meri jaanib se daad qubool farmaaiN, aur umeed hai ke aainda aap apni taaza ghazal sunaane mein itni taakheer nahiN farmaaiN gi

sadaa khush raheN

amjad

Amjad jee,

:vasl kee hairat sochte huve lamHe :
matlab sirf itnaa hai ke kisee an.honee ke hone par shushdar,hairan O pareshaaN honaa, aur hairat meN mubtilaa honaa....
ho saktaa hai ke maiN jo kehnaa chaah rahi hooN voh vaazeh na ho paa rahaa ho, magar voh anhoni ke ho jaane kee hairaangee liye chaNd lamHe aaj tak ziNdah haiN.................

umeed kartee hooN ke baat kuch na kuch vaazeh ho gayee ho gee :)
ghazal ke epasaNdeedagee ke liye mamnoon hooN .

shukriya
Naheed

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:01 pm**

Shummu wrote:Dear naheed sis!!

kaisi hain aap? Longggggggg time ..no see....urdustan hi ab tak bahaal nahi hua...abhi chand roz pehle vacation se wapis aayi hoon... aaj aap ki ghazal dekhi..dil khush ho gaya waAllah..wahi aap ki jaadu bayaani jo dil ko lubhaa le jaata hai..bahut umda kaavish hai..dili daad qubool farmaayein!

SHumaila

Dear Shumaila,

aap kahaaN ghaaib ho gayeeN theeN? aap ko vaapis daikh kar dil buhat khush huvaa!
aap kee vacation kaisee rahi? aur kahaN kahaaN ghoom kar aa rahi haiN aap :)

ghazal pasaNd karne ke liye shukriya, kaash ke maiN vaqayee "jaadu bayaani" kar sakti hoti :)

mukhliS
Naheed

Posted: **Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:13 pm**

Shummu wrote:Dear naheed sis!!

kaisi hain aap? Longggggggg time ..no see....urdustan hi ab tak bahaal nahi hua...abhi chand roz pehle vacation se wapis aayi hoon... aaj aap ki ghazal dekhi..dil khush ho gaya waAllah..wahi aap ki jaadu bayaani jo dil ko lubhaa le jaata hai..bahut umda kaavish hai..dili daad qubool farmaayein!

SHumaila

Dear Shumaila,

aap kahaaN ghaaib ho gayeeN theeN? aap ko vaapis daikh kar dil buhat khush huvaa!
aap kee vacation kaisee rahi? aur kahaN kahaaN ghoom kar aa rahi haiN aap :)

ghazal pasaNd karne ke liye shukriya, kaash ke maiN vaqayee "jaadu bayaani" kar sakti hoti :)

mukhliS
Naheed

Posted: **Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:56 pm**

MuHtaramah
Naheed V. Saahibah,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapka andaaz-e-taghazzul bahut dilkash hei aur aap ne apni ghazal ke ashAar ko maAnaviyyat se aaraastah karne kii poori poori koushish kii hei, jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarkabaad qubool farmaayiye.

AshAar per tabSirah karne meiN mukhtalif tabSirahnigaar apne zaaviiay-e-nigaah ko malHooz rakthe heiN, is liye shayer yaa shayera ke liye zaroori nahiN ke wo unke souchne ke andaaz se muttafiq hou. MaiN bhi apni aaraa pesh karte houe yehi kahungaa ke yahaaN jou kuch maiN likhrahaa hooN wo meri apin meHdood nazar ke daayire meri apni samajh ke muTaabiq Theek hii sahi lekin is se aapkaa muttafiq hounaa bilkul zaroori nahiN.

1- Yaad ki munDeraoN se jaagte houe lamHe
ouRhkar tiraa chehrah boulte houe lamHe

MaTlaA, do lakht hougayaa hei zabaan ke liHaaz se. Agar qaqaaAid ke iAtibaar se koii pooche ke is sheAr kii ibaarat kis zamaane se taAlluq rakhti hei yani (Haa,, maazi yaa mustaqbil) kis zamaane se to ibaarat naaqis reh jaati hei. Is qism ke ashAar umooman nazm meiN meiN aasakte heiN kiyoonke her sheAr meiN zamaana-e-Haal yaa maaZi yaa mustaqbil kaa bayaan zaroori nahiN houtaa. Ghazal meiN agar qiTAa band ashAar houN tou bhi aisi Haalat qaabile qubool houti hei agar soosre ashAar se ibaarat kii takmeel hourahi hou tou.

2- karte rehte heiN akcar mujh se guftagu teri
sou'i'huvee aankhaoN meiN jaagte houe lamHe

Shamsurrahman Farouqi Saahib ne do musavvaTah yani aisal lafz jo do sabab-e-khafees se banaa hou uske aakhiri Harf ko maAyoob gardaanaa hei lekin aisi micaaleN asaatizah ke haaN milti heiN. Meri nazar meiN koushish yeh kii jaani chaahiye ke jisqadar hou iHtiyaaT barti jaani chaahiye. Aapke sheAr meiN do lafz aek saath aaye heiN jinka aakhiri Harf "ye" saaqiT kiyaa gayaa hei. Doosre miSreA meiN bhi "sooyi" aur "houi" se bhi Harf "ye" giradiyaa gayaa hei aur uske fauran b'ad alif-e-mauSool bhii. Aap agar is sheAr ko tarannum se paRheN tou khud aapko theek nahiN lagegaa.
In sab baataoN ke baavajood, agar sheAr kii taAreef nah kii jaaye tou Haq talfii hougi. Bahut hii acchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

3- Hijr ke jazere per ab bhii saans lete heiN
tere vaSl kii Hairat souchte houe lamHe

Yeh sHeAr bhii bahut hii achchaa hei lekin baqaul Amjad Nabeel Saahib ke lafz "Hairat" ibaarat meiN ibhaam paidaa karrahaa heii. Hairat souchnaa koii muHaavirah bhii nahiN hei. Albattah agar ham "Hairat" kii baajaye "baabat" yaa "ki Hairat" kii bajaaye "kaa imkaaN" kaheN tou baat vaaZehH houjaati hei.

4- aek umr tou maiN ne yeh sanbhaal kar rakhkhe
phir bikhargaye muj se TooTte houe lamHe

Bahut khoob. Bahut achchaa sheAr hei.

5- kirchi kirchi yeh tera Aks chunte rehte heiN
lamHah lamHah yeh tujhko DhoonDte houe lamHe

Yeh sheAr bhi bahut achchaa hei. Aam qaari ke liye lafz "ye" kii takraar ko samajhnaa mushkil houtaa hei lekin yahaN zour dene ke liye isteAmaal houaa hei. Bahut khoob.

6- aek waqt thaa in meiN zindagi dhaRakti thii
ab heiN saakit o jaamid boulte houe lamHe

Is sheAr meiN alfaaz ke iAtibaar se yeh koushishi kii jaani chaahiye ke Sauti iAtibaar se koii harf aek saath mukarrar nah aaye jaise is sheAr meiN lafz waqt ka Harf "te" aur lafz "thaa" kaa Harf "te" milkar kuch aisi aavaaz paidaa karrahe heiN 't'thaa".. Her shayer yaa shaayerah ke paas is qism kii micaaleN maujood heiN lekin is se gurez karnaa behtar hei.
MaAnavi liHaaz se thouRi sii taAqeed paidaa hourahi hei ke wo lamHe jo saaki o jaamid heiN wo boulte houe lamHe kaise housakte heiN. Lekin shayeraanah mubaalighah pasandi ko nazar meiN rakheN tou yeh mushkil Hal houjaati hei. Mujhe yeh sheAr bhii bahut pasand aayaa.

7- raayegaaN mehakte heiN be'nishaaN guzarte heiN
iZTiraab-e-tanhaayi, rengte houe lamHe

SheAr bahut umdah hei. Doosre meiSreA meiN Harf-e-ATf "wawo" kii bajaaye faasilah (comma) kii Alaamat zaroori hei.

8- kitni khwaahisheN dil meiN palti heiN magar Naheed
haath hii nahiN aate jaagte houe lamHe

MaqTaA bhii bahut achchaa hei.

Dobaarah maiN is kaamyaab ghazal per daad aur mubaarkbaad pesh kartaa hooN.

Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

Posted: **Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:29 pm**

Mohtaram janaab Nazir saahab,
aadaab,

sab se pehle tau miaN aap kee tavajjoh aur aap ke vaqt ke liye maiN dil se shukr guzaar hooN ke aap ne isey apne qeemati tabSare se navaazaa.

she'r 1, 2 ke baare meN aap ne khud hi iss baat kaa jawaab de diyaa ke chooNke aisee micaaleN asaatizah ke haaN miltee haiN iss liye maiN ne bhee behr kee majboori ke teht aisaa kar diyaa. magar haaN aap kee baat thee Theek hai ke aisaa karne meN ehtiyaat se kaam lenaa chaahiye aur maiN ye baat yaad rakhoon gee.

she'r 3 kee jaanib aap ne aur jo Amjad saahab ne bhee ishaarah kiyaa hai aur iss kaa jawaab maiN ne Amjad saahab ko diyaa bhee hai.
maiN aap donoN kee baat se mutafiq hooN. darasl yahaaN par "vasl kee hairat ko" honaa chaahiye thaa magar behr kee majboori kee binaa par :vasl kee hairat: kar diyaa lekiN agar mafhoom ibhaam paidaa kar rahaa hai tau yaqeenun iss meN kharaabi hai aur maiN iss kee islaah kiye letee hooN. aap ne jo tajaaviz likheN haiN, un meN "kaa imkaaN" mujhey apne khayaal se qareeb tar mehsoos huvaa hai lehaza maiN she'r ko iss se badal looN gee.
buhat shukriya!

she'r 6 meN "bolte huve lamHe" kaa itelaaq pehle misre' se hai yani aik vaqt aisaa bhee thaa ke ye (lamHe) zindah thay aur bolte thay magar ab saakit O jaamid haiN. maiN "saakit.o.jaamid" ke ba'd comma Daal detee hooN,

baaqi majmooyee taur par aap ne ghazal pasaNd farmaayee hai aur iss hosla afzaayee ke liye maiN aap kee be.had mamnoon hooN.

mukhliS
Naheed

Posted: **Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:30 pm**

Mahtab Qadr wrote:Bahut Bahut Mubarak Naheed Varak sahiba , bahut murassa ghazal , nadir zameen aur khoobsurat mazameen ke saath aap ka andaaz e fikr sab kuch bahut acha laga.
Mahtab Qadr

janaab Mahtab saahab,
aadaab

taakhir se jawaab kee ma'zarat chaahati hooN. maiN samajh rahi thee ke maiN ne aap ko jawaab likh diyaa hai magar abhi check kiyaa tau apni ghalati kaa ehsaas huvaa.
bahar.kaif,
ghazal pasaNd karne aur hosla afzaayee ke liye dil se mamnoon hooN.

shukriya
Naheed

Ghazal

Ghazal

Bahut khoob Waah waah