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"taranaH kya hua"tarhi kalaam peshe khidmat hai
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 8:05 am
by haamidbaaqri
salaamun alaikum
dosto
taza tarhi kalaam peshe khidmat hai
umeed hai pasand farmaaye.nge
arz kiya hai......
baa ^amal ^ulama ka daure ^aadilaana kya hua
qauym se ulfat woh unka dostana kya hua
souchta hoo.n aaj ki taareekiy-e maahaul mei.n
"jin dino.n daure qamar tha woh zamana kya hua"
^adl ka daaman agar thamoge mazbooti se tum
zulm khud bolega daure zaalimaana kya hua
zulm karna bhi gunah hai zulm sahna bhi gunah
jo ^amal karta tha isper woh gharana kya hua
uttho aye duniya ke mazloomo mitaado zulm ko
inquilaabi fikr ka aisa tarana kya hua
la'o tum haamid qalam se apne ab ek inquilaab
raa'h mei.n iske mile gar qaidkhaana kya hua
nateejaye fikr
haamidbaaqri
al hamdulillah
Bahut khoob
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 12:47 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Hamid Baaqri SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
baa ^amal ^ulama ka daure ^aadilaana kya hua
qaum se ulfat woh unka dostana kya hua
MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei.waah waah.
sochta hoo.n aaj ke maahaul ko mai.n dekh kar
"jin dino.n daure qamar tha woh zamana kya hua"
aapki gireh kaa miSraA TaraHi miSreA se munaasibat nahiN rakhtaa. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "qamar" kaa zikr hei jis se kuch nah kuch munaasibat houni chaahiye macalan:
(souchtaa hooN aajki taareekiy-e-maaHoul meiN)
^adl ka daaman agar thamoge mazbooti se tum
zulm khud bolega daure zaalimaana kya hua
Seedhaa saadah bahut achchaa sheAr hei.
zulm karna bhi gunah hai zulm sahna bhi gunaah
karta tha isper ^amal jo woh gharana kya hua
Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "karta" ke Harf "alif" ko giraanaa samaaAt per giraaN guzar rahaa hei. Behtar hougaa ke aap isko yooN kardeN:
(jo Amal kartaa thaa isper wo gharaana kyaa houaa)
MaAnavi liHaaz se sheAr bahut hi gehre mafhoom kaa Haamil hei.
uttho aye dunya ke mazloomo mitaado zulm ko
inquilaabi fikr ka aisa tarana kya hua
Waah waah bahut khoob, kyaa kehne.
la'o tum haamid qalam se apne ab ek inquilaab
raa'h mei.n iske mile gar qaidkhaana kya hua
Bahut achchaa maqTaA hei. Is meiN lafz "inqilaab" aur is se pahle ke sheAr meiN "inqilaabi" jaayiz tou hei lekin meri nazar meiN shaAir ke qaadir-ul-kalaam houne kaa taqaaZaa yeh hei ke jisqadar mumkin hou is se gurez karnaa chaahiye.
Manavi liHaaz se aapka maqTaA bahut hi achchaa hei.
MajmooAi Taur per yeh aapki bahut hii kaamyaab ghazal hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Re: Bahut khoob
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 4:37 pm
by haamidbaaqri
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Hamid Baaqri SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
bahut bahut shukriya.jazakallah
baa ^amal ^ulama ka daure ^aadilaana kya hua
qaum se ulfat woh unka dostana kya hua
MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei.waah waah.
aapko pasand aaya zahe naseeb
shukrguzar hai.n aapke.
sochta hoo.n aaj ki taareekiy-e maahaul mei.n
"jin dino.n daure qamar tha woh zamana kya hua"
aapki gireh kaa miSraA TaraHi miSreA se munaasibat nahiN rakhtaa. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "qamar" kaa zikr hei jis se kuch nah kuch munaasibat houni chaahiye macalan:
(souchtaa hooN aajki taareekiy-e-maaHoul meiN)
lijiye humne tarmeem kardi.
waaqayee mei.n sher ko sanwaar diya aapne.
salaamat rahe.n.
^adl ka daaman agar thamoge mazbooti se tum
zulm khud bolega daure zaalimaana kya hua
Seedhaa saadah bahut achchaa sheAr hei.
shukriya aapka.
zulm karna bhi gunah hai zulm sahna bhi gunaah
jo ^amal karta tha isper woh gharana kya hua
Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "karta" ke Harf "alif" ko giraanaa samaaAt per giraaN guzar rahaa hei. Behtar hougaa ke aap isko yooN kardeN:
(jo Amal kartaa thaa isper wo gharaana kyaa houaa)
MaAnavi liHaaz se sheAr bahut hi gehre mafhoom kaa Haamil hei.
isko bhi humne aapke hukm ke mutaabiq durust kardiya hai.
daad ke liye hum aapke mamnoon hai.n.
uttho aye dunya ke mazloomo mitaado zulm ko
inquilaabi fikr ka aisa tarana kya hua
Waah waah bahut khoob, kyaa kehne.
shukriya mohtaram
la'o tum haamid qalam se apne ab ek inquilaab
raa'h mei.n iske mile gar qaidkhaana kya hua
Bahut achchaa maqTaA hei.
shukriya aapki daad ka.
Is meiN lafz "inqilaab" aur is se pahle ke sheAr meiN "inqilaabi" jaayiz tou hei lekin meri nazar meiN shaAir ke qaadir-ul-kalaam houne kaa taqaaZaa yeh hei ke jisqadar mumkin hou is se gurez karnaa chaahiye.
Manavi liHaaz se aapka maqTaA bahut hi achchaa hei.
insha allah aayindaH is baat ka khayaal rakkhe.nge.filhaal hum ise chedna nahi.n chaahte.
MajmooAi Taur per yeh aapki bahut hii kaamyaab ghazal hei.
aapne hamaari adna see kaavish ko ghaur se padhne ki zahmat farmaayee aur apne zarreen mashwaro.n se hame.n nawaaza jiskeliye hum aapke behad mamnoono mashkoor hai.n.
allah(sbhnwt)aap per apni khaas nazre karam farmaaye.aameen
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
tifle maktab
haamidbaaqri