Ahl-e-bazm
aadaab
maiN apni adna si kaawish aap ki khidmat maiN pesh kar rahi hoN umeed hai aap apni aaraa se agah farmaayieN ge
regards
zmufti

1. chaand jab who surmaayii aanchal zara sarkaaye hei
dil machal kar kyouN mirra seeney se baahir aaye hei

2. shaam dhalte hi wohi gham phir mirri jaaN khaye hei
Dil ke zakhmoN ka laho yeh aankh phir tapkaaye hai

3. hosh khoyaa, neend roothi, chain lut’ta jaaye hei
haaye kyaa kahiye ke dil ke saath kyaa kyaa jaaye hei

4. ik ishara kar ke who phir ajnabi ban jaaye hei
har ghari sangdil sanam youN hi mujhe tarpaaye hei

5. jaan laiwa who taghaful who ada-e-dilbari
kyaa kahoN kaisey kahoN woh mujhe kiyoN bhaaye hei

6. tu hi tu hai chaar soo gul main tu bulbul main tu
aks tera hi mujhe har aayinah dikhlaaye hei

7. din maheeney saal guzrey faasley barhtey gaye
Phair liiN us ne nigahieN milney se katraaye hei

MuHtaramah Zmufti Sahibah,

Tasleemaat,

Aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye daad aur mubarakbad qubool farmayiye.

Mulahizat:

1. chaand jab who surmaayii aanchal zara sarkaaye hei
dil machal kar kyouN mirra seeney se baahir aaye hei

Lafz "baahir" saHeeH hei yaa "baahar", iski taHqeeq zaroori hei. Standard Twentieth Century Dictionary- Urdu to English, meiN likhkhaa hei ke lafz "baahir" saHeeH hei aur "baahar" boul chaal kaa lafz hei. Iske barkhilaf, Farhang-e-aasafyah meiN "baahir" kaa koii zikr nahiN sirf "baahar" hi likhkhaa houaa hei jisko Hindi ka lafz kahaa gayaa hei.

"baahir" Arabi ka lafz hei jou urdu meiN isteAmaal nahiN houtaa hei. Iske mani heiN "AyaaN yaa numaayaN"

MaTlaA manavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei lekin pahle miSreA meiN kamzouri hei. Lafz "wo" Hashv" kii Soorat meiN hei yani bharti kaa hei.
Waqti Taur per is miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
chaand jab bhi surmaayii aanchal zara sarkaaye hei


2. shaam dhalte hi wohi gham phir mirri jaaN khaye hei
Dil ke zakhmoN ka laho yeh aankh phir tapkaaye hai

yeh Husn-e-maTlaA mukammal mafhooM pesh karne se qaaSir hei. Pahle miSreA meiN "vohi gham phir miri jaaN khaaye" is baat kaa mutaqaaZi hei ke doosre miSreA meiN us gham ki nishaandehi kii jaaye. Is maTleA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
(shaam Dhalte hii, gham-e-furqat miri jaaN khaaye hei
chashm-e-giryaaN be iraadah khoon-e-dil Tapkaaye hei)

3. hosh khoyaa, neend roothi, chain lut’ta jaaye hei
"haaye kyaa kahiye ke dil ke saath kyaa kyaa jaaye hei"

Gireh kaamyaab hei jis meiN aap keh rahi heiN (housh khoyaa jaaye hei, neend rooThi jaaye hei, chain looTaa jaaye hei) isi ko aap ne mukhtaSar Taur per bayaan kiyaa hei.

4. ik ishara kar ke who phir ajnabi ban jaaye hei
har ghari sangdil sanam youN hi mujhe tarpaaye hei

Yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhii Theek hei aur maAnavi liHaaz se bhi achcha hi hei. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "sangdil" ki vajah se miSraA bebeHr houraha hei. Isko vazn meiN rakhne ke liye "sangdil" ko "sandil" paRhne kii Zaroorat pesh aarahi hei. Is liye aap bajaye "sangdil" ke (zaalim" kardengi tou miSraA vazn meiN rahegaa aur maAni bhii nahiN badlenge.

5. jaan laiwa who taghaful who ada-e-dilbari
kyaa kahoN kaisey kahoN woh mujhe kiyoN bhaaye hei

Manavi liHaaz se yeh sheAr bhi achcha hei lekin maujoodah kitabat kii bunyaad per doosra miSraA be vazn hougayaa hei. Shayad yeh kitabat kiii ghalaTi hou. Isko aap yooN theek karleejiye:
(kyaa kahooN, kaise kahooN, wo kiyuN mujhe taRpaaye hei).

6. tu hi tu hai chaar soo gul main tu bulbul main tu
aks tera hi mujhe har aayinah dikhlaaye hei

Yeh sheAr achchaa hei lekin pahle miSrea meiN kuch kami rehgaiee hei vazn ke liHaaz se. vazn meiN laane ke liye pahle miSreA ko agar ham yooN kardeN "tu hi tu hai chaar soo gul main bhi tu bulbul main tu " tou ibaarat ghair munaasib maAloom hougi. HaaN filwaqt isko yooN karsakte heiN (tu hi tu hai chaar soo bulbull main tu gul main bhi tu ). Doosre miSreA kaa mafhoom tou paidaa hourahaa hei lekin "her aayenah" kii ibaarat maand paRrahi hei. Aek tajveez yooN housakti hei:
Aks tera mujhko paiham aayienah dikhlaaye hei.

Is kamyab koushish per dobarah meri daad aur mubarakbad qubool farmayiye.

khair andesh
Ruswa




2. shaam dhalte hi wohi gham phir mirri jaaN khaye hei
Dil ke zakhmoN ka laho yeh aankh phir tapkaaye hai

3. hosh khoyaa, neend roothi, chain lut’ta jaaye hei
haaye kyaa kahiye ke dil ke saath kyaa kyaa jaaye hei

4. ik ishara kar ke who phir ajnabi ban jaaye hei
har ghari sangdil sanam youN hi mujhe tarpaaye hei

5. jaan laiwa who taghaful who ada-e-dilbari
kyaa kahoN kaisey kahoN woh mujhe kiyoN bhaaye hei

6. tu hi tu hai chaar soo gul main tu bulbul main tu
aks tera hi mujhe har aayinah dikhlaaye hei

7. din maheeney saal guzrey faasley barhtey gaye
Phair liiN us ne nigahieN milney se katraaye hei

Janab Ruswa Saheb,
Tasleemat
maiN aap ki be had mamnoon hoN keh aap ne meri adna si kawish per tafseelan tabsara farmaya aur saath hi islah bhee farma di.
aap ke tamam mashwarey laiq-e-tehseen haiN unki roshni maiN ghazal tabdeel shuda surat maiN arsaal kar rahi hoN.
aik baat jiski janib aap ne tawajh dilaayii meray paas urdu dictionary maiN
baahar=bairoon, khaarij, ailehda
baahir= roshan, wazeh
ghalati ki nishandahi k liye aap ki mamnoon hoN
wasalaam
zmufti

1. chaand jab bhee surmaayii aanchal zara sarkaaye hei
dil machal kar kyouN mirra seeney se baahar aaye hei

2. shaam dhalte hi gham-e-furqat mirri jaaN khaye hei
Chashm-e-giryaaN be irada khoon-e-dil tapkaaye hai

3. hosh khoyaa, neend roothi, chain lut’ta jaaye hei
haaye kyaa kahiye ke dil ke saath kya kyaa jaaye hei

4. ik ishara kar ke who phir ajnabi ban jaaye hei
har ghari zalim sanam youN hi mujhe tarpaaye hei

5. jaan laiwa who taghaful who ada-e-dilbari
kyaa kahoN kaisey kahoN woh kiyuN mujhe tarpaaye hei
or
kyaa kahoN keh tu mujhe kiyuN yaad har pal aaye hei

6. tu hi tu hai chaar soo bulbul main tu gul main bhee tu
aks tera mujhko paiham aayinah dikhlaaye hei

7. din maheeney saal guzrey faasley barhtey gaye
Phair liiN us ne nigahieN milney se katraaye hei

zarqa behen

salaam arz hai

aap ne taraHi misre ki zameen meiN umda ghazal kahee hai. Ruswa saHib ki aaraa aur tajaaveez pasand aaiiN.

meri jaanib se daad Haazir hai, qubool farmaaiN

amjad

Amjad bhai
aap ka buhat shukria
regards
zmufti

Sara jee
aap ka buhat shukria
khush rahiye
zmufti

zarqa sahebah
aadaab
aap ki is tarHi ghazal ke liye meri janib se dili daad Hazir hai qubool farmayeN
Husaini

Raji wrote:Azeezah Zarqa Sis:

Aadaab,
aap kee taraHee ghazal achii lagee. Ruswa SaHeb ka tabSarah bhi pasand aayaa.
meree janib se daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye keh meree naZar meN miSraH-e-taraH par likhnaa aasaan naheeN thaa.
Khuda kare zor-e-qalam aur ziyadah.

wassalam

Zahida Raees :Raji:

Zahida jee
MaiN aap ki az had mamnoon hoN keh aap ne is ghazal ko pasand farmaya aap ki dua k liye bhee shukria
khush rahiye
zmufti