• tarHi ghazal kiyuN kalaam e yaar meN shamil hai tAnah kiya h

Posted: **Mon Feb 06, 2006 3:59 pm**

hazreen e mehfil
assalam oalaikum
aap ki LHidmat men aaj aik tarHi ghazal pesh kar raha hoon is ghazal ne
aik urdu web site per teesra muqaam hasil kiya hai meN ummeed karta hoon aap sabhi KHawateen o hazraat apni aara se nawaaz kar mamnoon farmayenge
shukriyah
Husaini

Ghazal

kiyun kalaam e yaar meN shaamil hai tAnah kiya hua
yak ba yak andaaz uska walehanah, kiya hua

jaanta hai mot hii degi aseeri se nijaat
fikr taair kiya kare keh aashiyanah kiya hua

zulf bikhraii hai usne ya keh Dala hai naqaab
warnah kiyuN din ka bhi manzar hai shabanah, kiya hua

aasmaaN se kheench laya rizq tere jaal tak
dekh le saiyaad behr e aab o daanah kiya hua

tere chahre per numayaan waqt ne ki jhurriyaan
woh shabaab o husn ka tera KHazanah kiya hua

raasta din bhar takeNge bhooke bachche baap ka
subha dam mazdoor ik ghar se rawanah kiya hua

par jala kar shamAa ke qadmoN meN taRpe hai patang
dekh sarshaar e mohabbat ka Thhikanah kiya hua

us ke dam se aa gai hai meri duniya meN bahaar
kal achanak aik beganah , yaganah kiya hua

goshah goshah ban gaya hai shehr ka zulmat kadah
"jin dinoN dour e qamar tha woh zamanh kiya hua

aHl e shar duniya meN teri horahe hen sarfaraaz
be Sada yarab tira woh taaziyanah kiya hua

hai bohat purdard roodaad e Husaini dosto
dekheN unka Haal sun kar yeh fasanah kiya hua

Husaini Khandwi

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:12 pm**

MuHtarami
Khozema Husaini SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki yeh TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MulaaHizaat

kiyun kalaam e yaar meN shaamil hai tAnah kiya hua
yak ba yak andaaz uska walehanah !, kiya hua

Bahut achchaa maTlaA hei, waah waah.

jaanta hai mot hii degi aseeri se nijaat
fikr taair kiya kare keh aashiyanah kiya hua

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

zulf bikhraii hai usne ya keh Dala hai naqaab
warnah kiyuN din ka bhi manzar hai shabanah?,kiya hua

Achcha sheAr hei.

aasmaaN se kheench laya rizq tere jaal tak
dekh le saiyaad behr e aab o daanah kiya hua

Waah waah, kyaa kehne, aab o daane ke liye hii tou aadami jaal meiN pahns jaataa hei.

tere chehre per numayaaN waqt ne ki jhrriyaaN
woh shabaab o husn ka tera KHazanah kiya hua

Pahle miSreA meiN aapko jhurriyaaN likhnaa chaahiye. Shayad aap se TibaAat ke waqt "u" jo pesh ke mumaacil houtaa hei, chooT gayaa. Waise pahle miSreA ko mazeed behtar banaane kii koushish kijiye.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

raasta din bhar takeNge bhooke bachche baap ka
subha dam mazdoor ik ghar se rawanah kiya hua

Jee bahut khoob, achchaa mazmoon hei.

par jala kar pa e shamma meN taRapta hai patang
dekh sarshaar e mohabbat ka Thhikanah kiya hua

Pahle miSreA meiN alfaaz kii kacrat se "shamAa" kii ravaani ke liye usko "shamAaa" yaa "shaama" ke talaffuz kii Zaroorat pesh aarahi hei. Behtar hougaa ke aap hii koii achcha niAm-ul-badal soucheN.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei. Waah waah.

us ke dam se aa gai hai meri duniya meN bahaar
kal achanak aik beganah , yaganah kiya hua

Bahut achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Yagaanah ba-maAni "qarabatdaar" ke bilkul saHeeH hei lekin is maAni meiN bahut kam isteAmaal houtaa hei.

goshah goshah ban gaya hai shehr ka zulmat kadah
"jin dinoN dour e qamar tha woh zamanh kiya hua

Waah, kyaa kehne, bahut achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne.

aHl e shar duniya meN teri horahe hen sarfaraaz
be Sada yarab tira woh taaziyanah kiya hua

Achcha sheAr hei. Javaab tou aapko maAloom hii hei. Kehte heiN "khudaa kii laaThi meiN der hei andher nahiN hei".

hai bohat purdard roodaad e Husaini dosto
dekheN unka Haal sun kar yeh fasanah kiya hua

maqTaA bhi achchaa hei lekin doosre miSreA ko mazeed behtar banaane kii koushish keejiye.

Aakhir meiN aapki is kaamyaab kaavish per dobaarah dili daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh kartaa hooN.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Posted: **Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:16 am**

Husaini Khandwi SaaHeb:
Aadaab-o-tasleemaat,

aap kee taraHee ghazal mujhe bhi pasand aayii meree janib se ek kaamyaab koshish par dilee daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

aap kee ghazal par moHtaram janab-e-Abdullah Nazir SaaHeb ka tabSaraa bhi achaa lagaa.

wassalam
Zahida Raees :Raji:

Posted: **Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:53 pm**

mohtarma zahida sahebah
aadaab
is hosla afzaii ke liye men aap ka tah e dil se shukr guzaar hoon
Husaini

Posted: **Thu Feb 09, 2006 1:00 pm**

mohtaram nazir saheb
aadaab
men aap ka behud shukrguzaar hoon jo aap ne meri gazal per apna tafseeli tabsara kiya aap ki rahnumai men men lagataar apne kalaam men kuchh khoobi paida karne ki koshish karta rahoonga meri aap se darKHuwast hai keh aap meri adna si kawishon ko thoda sa waqt zaroor den aur mujhe kuchh seekhne meN madad farmayeN
is daad o tahseen ke liye bohat bohat shukriyah aap ke bataye huwe miSron ko behtar banane ki zaroor koshish karoonga

Husaini

tarHi ghazal kiyuN kalaam e yaar meN shamil hai tAnah kiya h

tarHi ghazal kiyuN kalaam e yaar meN shamil hai tAnah kiya h

bahut khoob, waah waah