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HAR DUA GAR QOBOOL HO JAAYE....
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:43 am
by munir-armaan-nasimi
PYARE DOSTO,
Tasleemaat,
MERI GHAZLON KI AAP LOGON NE JO PAZEERAI KI HAI.... US KE LIYE SHUKR GUZAAR HOON.
EK TAZA GHAZAL AAP KE ROBARO HAI... APNI AA'RA SE NAWAZEIN.
Luvs,
GHAZAL roman meiN:
Her duAa gar qubool houjaaye
Zindagi bhi fuZool houjaaye
Yeh duAa hei ke apni hasti bhi
Unke qadmaoN ki dhool houjaaye
Rashk aataa hei uski qismat peh
Jiski taubah qubool houjaaye
Bhool jaauN maiN usko pal bhar meiN
Kaash mujh se yeh bhool houjaaye
kisTaraH tum chalouge ai armaan
gar yeh dunyaa babbool houjaaye
Khair andesh,
ARMAN,
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:37 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Munir ArmaN Nasimi SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
Her duAa gar qubool houjaaye
Zindagi bhi fuZool houjaaye
MaTlaA maAnavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei. Iske doosre miSreA meiN lafz "bhi" Hashvo hei jiski vajah se yeh sawaal paidaa houtaa hei ke (zindagi ke saath aur kyaa kyaa fuZool houjaye?). Meri nazar meiN is miSreA ko mandarja-e-zeil 2 HaalataoN meiN se kisi aek Haalat meiN qaabil-e-qubool samjhaa jaasaktaa hei:
1- (zindagaani fuZool houjaaye)
2- (zindagi hii fuZool houjaaye)
yaa aap jaisaa bhi munaasib samjheN.
Yeh duAa hei ke apni hasti bhi
Unke qadmaoN ki dhool houjaaye
Yeh sheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah. Is sheAr meiN lafz "bhi" Hashvo nahiN hei kiyunkeh javaab meiN kahaa jaasaktaa hei ke jahaN doosraoN ki hasti unke qadmaoN kii dhool houjaaye, wahaN apni hasti bhi.
Bahut khoob.
Rashk aataa hei uski qismat peh
Jiski taubah qubool houjaaye
Bahut khoob waah waah, bahut achchaa sheAr hei. Lafz "peh" bamaAni "per" bilkul saHeeH hei lekin jis jagah "peh" kii bajaaye vazn ke liHaaz se "per" isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa hei tou "per" hi isteAmaal karnaa chaahiye.
Farhang-e-aasafyah kii jild-e-doam, safHa raqm 360 per (rashk-e-hoor, pari, Yousuf ke maAni yooN likhkhe heiN:
jiske Husn o Jamaal per Hoor, pari, aur Yousuf ko bhii rashk aaye. Is TaraH "rashk aanaa" kaa isteAmaal durust hei. BaAZ lughaat meiN "rashk karnaa" bhi maujood hei aur "rashk hounaa" bhi. Is liye meri nazar meiN aapke pahle miSreA meiN "rashk aataa hei uski qismat per" aabil-e-tanqeed nahiN.
Bhool jaauN maiN usko pal bhar meiN
Kaash mujh se yeh bhool houjaaye
Is sheAr meiN aapke apne ehsaasaat heiN ke kaash aap se aisi bool houjaye ke aap apne meHboob ko "pal bhar meiN" yaAni bahut hi kam waqt meiN bhool sakeN.
Agar aap "pal bhar ke liye" kehnaa chaahte heiN tou iskaa mafhooM "pal bhar meiN" se nahiN nikaltaa.
BaharHaal sheAr kaa mafhoom adaa hourahaa hei.
kisTaraH tum chalouge ai armaan
gar yeh dunyaa babbool houjaaye
Bahut achchaa maqTaA hei, waah waah.
Urdu meiN aap se lafz "ai" choot gayaa hei jiski vajah miSraA bebeHr houjaataa hei, lekin ahl-e-sukhan samajh sakte heiN.
Is kaamyaab ghazal per dobaarah meri dili daad qubool farmaayiye.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Re: HAR DUA GAR QOBOOL HO JAAYE....
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:43 pm
by jawaid badauni
Azeezi Arman SaHab
Aadaab
Aapki Ghazal nazar nawaz hoii. Bohat achcha kahte haiN magar
miSroN meN cafaaii ki kami maHsoos hoti hai. Yeh hunar 20/25
saal ki mashq se aata hai. Main ne aap ke kuch miSroN ke
hawaley se mashwarey diye haiN. Ummid hai nagaware Khatir
nah hoga. Mumkin hai mera Khyaal ghalat ho. In mashwaroN
se aapka muttafiq hona ya unper amal karna qatAn lazim nahiN.
MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
Her duAa gar qubool houjaaye
Zindagi bhi fuZool houjaaye
Yahan miSrae caani meN "bhi" ka lafz
achcha nahiN lag rahaa hai, "Zindgaani
fuzool hojaye" kaisa rahega?
Yeh duAa hei ke apni hasti bhi
Unke qadmaoN ki dhool houjaaye
Aapko "bhi" lafz se itna pyaar kyoon hai?
Ek din kaash yeh miree hastee
unke qadmoN ki dhoool ho jaaye.
Rashk aataa hei uski qismat peh
Jiski taubah qubool houjaaye
Bohat achcha khyaal hai magar miSra
caaf nahiN hai. Rashk hota hai aata nahiN hai.
Rashk hota hai aise aaSee per
Jiski toba qubool ho jaaye
(Agar aaSee lafz achcha nahiN to mujrim
bhi kah sakte haiN waise gunahgaar ko aaSee
hi kahte hain)
Bhool jaauN maiN usko pal bhar meiN
Kaash mujh se yeh bhool houjaaye
Doosra miSra bohat tez pahla zara kum
tez hai.
Ek pal usko maiN bhula baiThooN
Kaash mujh sed yeh bhool ho jaaye
kis TaraH tum chalouge ai armaan
gar yeh dunyaa babbool houjaaye
Sher caaf nahiN hai kuch samajh meN nahiN aaya.
Babool se aapki murad shayad oos daraKht se hai
jismeN kaaNte hote hain.
BEHAD SHUKRIYA
Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 6:32 am
by munir-armaan-nasimi
BERADARAM NAZIR AUR JAWAID SAHEB,
SALAM-O-REHMAT !
Aap dono ki Islaah sahi hai, matlaa main ne... "Zindagi Hi Fozool Ho Jaaye" kaha hai par Urdu Inpage main type karte waqt galti ho gayi hai 'hi' 'bhi' ho gaya hai...jisko main ne dhyaan nahin diya tha.
Urdu main...mera sher hai...
"Bhool Jaaon Us se main pal bhar ko
Kaas Mujh se Ye Bhool Ho Jaaye"
Yahi sher ROMAN main likhte waqt galat ho gaya hai....
Bhool jaauN maiN usko pal bhar meiN
Kaash mujh se yeh bhool houjaaye
ANYWAY, MAIN DOBARA SHUKR GUZAAR HOON AAP DONO USTAAD-E-FAN KA KE AAP DONO NE MERI GHAZAL KO APNI ISLAAH SE PAAK AUR SAAF KAR DIYA. AB YE AUR JIYADA HASEEN LAGTI HAI.
APNI QEEMATI AA'RA SE NAWAZTE RAHEIN.
Taalib-e-Dua,
Munir Armaan Nasimi