Page 1 of 1
Tarahii ghazal - Guzaarish # 16
Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 2:09 pm
by Munawwar
dostoN,
Guzaarish # 16 pe apnii ghazal pesh karne kii ijaazat chaahtaa huuN.
Arz hai,
Ishq sey baRhke koii aur jahaaNgiir nahiiN
ishq sey baRhke koii aur jahaaN giir nahiiN
uspe ghaalib koi talwaar, koii tiir nahiiN
haath baaNdhey jo mire, zulf-e-girahgiir nahiiN
tau mujhe rok sakey aisi yeh zanjiir nahiiN
tifl kaa khel nahiiN! ishq hai dushwaar bahut!
in jawaaNmiir kii rahoN meN koii piir nahiiN
sang pheNkaa hi kiye ahl-e-jahaan uski taraf
Qais majnuuN tha magar, laaiq-e-taazeer nahiiN
sangdil, tuu bhi mire Haal pe rotaa hai, ke waah!
ashk patthar ke gire! Kyaa ye ju-e-shiir nahiiN?
aise mat toR, mire yaar, ke aa'iina hai dil!
"kyaa mire dil meN tire Husn kii taswiir nahiiN?"
mujh se naaraaZ haiN wo waqt ki ghaflat ke liye
unko manzoor meri maut meN taaKhiir nahiiN
Haif manzar hai! baghal meN jo muqaabil ke mire
surKh-o-uriyaaN hai, faqat aek wo shamshiir nahiiN.
aur majbuur na kar, yaar "Munawwar", tu hameN
aur kii jaayegi ham se to yeh tahriir nahiiN
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kaisii banii hai ghazal, farmaayegaa, dostoN!
Aadaab,
Bhaswar Dasgupta "Munawwar"
bahut khoob
Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:38 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami o Azeezi
Munawwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guzarish 16 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye khaaksaar ki daad aur mubaarak
ishq sey baRhke koii aur jahaaN giir nahiiN
uspe ghaalib koi talwaar, koii tiir nahiiN
Jee ishq se baRhkar dunyaa per Hukoomat karne waal aur koii nahiN aur us per nah talwaar kaa bus chaltaa hei nah teer kaa.
haath baaNdhey jo mire, zulf-e-girahgiir nahiiN
tau mujhe rok sakey aisi yeh zanjiir nahiiN
Aapka mafhoom to yooN hougaa ke jo mere haath baandh sake aisi koii zulf-e-girahgeer nahiN jo aisi zanjeer nahiN ke mujhe rok sake. Agar aap meHsoos karte heiN ke muTaaleAe ki kami hei tou is kami ko pooraa keejiye. Sab se baRi baat yeh hei ke aapke ashAar beHr se khaarij nahiN houte.
tifl kaa khel nahiiN! ishq hai dushwaar bahut!
in jawaaNmiir kii rahoN meN koii piir nahiiN
Achchaa sheAr hei. Is meiN lafz "in" se yuN meHsoos houtaa hei ke ishq karne waale naujawaanoN ki Taraf ishaarah karke kahaa jaarahaa hei. Jabkeh ghazal meiN aise ishaaraoN se gurez karnaa behtar hei.
sang pheNkaa hi kiye ahl-e-jahaan uski taraf
Qais majnuuN tha sahii, laaiq-e-taazeer nahiiN
Achcha sheAr hei waah waah. Meri nazar meiN lafz "sahi" ki jagah "magar" ziyaadah puracar hei. Waise " sahi" bhi Theek hei.
sangdil, tuu bhi mire Haal pe rotaa hai, ke waah!
ashk patthar ke haiN kamqadr-e-ju-e-shiir nahiiN
sheAr achchaa hei. Bus "kamqadr-e-juye-sheer nahiN" ki tarkeeb se ibhaam paidaa hourahaa hei.
yooN na tuu toR, mire yaar, ke aa'iina hai dil!
"kyaa mire dil meN tire Husn kii taswiir nahiiN?"
gireh ke miSreA ko kam alfaaz meiN adaa kiyaa jaasaktaa hei (aise mat touR mire yaar ke aayienah hei dil)
mujh se naaraaZ hai wo waqt ki ghaflat ke liye
unko manzoor meri maut meN taaKhiir nahiiN
Is sheAr meiN: mujh se naaraaz "heiN" hounaa chaahiye doosre miSreA meiN lafz "unko" ki munaasibat se.
Haif manzar re Khudaa! baghl meN dushman ke mire
surKh-o-uriyaaN hai faqat aek wo shamshiir nahiiN.
sheAr kaa mafhoom adaa hourahaa hei lekin lafz "baghl" nahiN balkeh "baghal" hei jiski vajah se ghalaTi paidaa hourahi hei.
aur majbuur na kar, yaar "Munawwar", tu hameN
aur kii jaayegi ham se to yeh tahriir nahiiN
maqTaA bhi achchaa hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir,
Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:10 am
by Munawwar
Nazir Saahab
Aapkaa bahut bahut shukriyah! Aakhir meri ghazal aapki nigaah ke qaabil ho hi gayee :)
Aapki har baat durust hai, aur zaroori tabdeeliyaN meN kar duuNga. Bas ek daf'aa is sher par apne khayaal ko saaf kar duuN..
haath baaNdhey jo mire, zulf-e-girahgiir nahiiN
tau mujhe rok sakey aisi yeh zanjiir nahiiN
Aapka mafhoom to yooN hougaa ke jo mere haath baandh sake aisi koii zulf-e-girahgeer nahiN jo aisi zanjeer nahiN ke mujhe rok sake. Agar aap meHsoos karte heiN ke muTaaleAe ki kami hei tou is kami ko pooraa keejiye. Sab se baRi baat yeh hei ke aapke ashAar beHr se khaarij nahiN houte.
Mere kehne kaa matlab thaa, jo zanjeer mere haathoN ko is waqt baaNdhe hue hai, wo zulf-e-girahgeer naheeN hai. Agar zulf-e-girahgeer hoti to maiN apne haath aazaad naheeN kar paataa. Balke, aashiq mizaaj hone ke sabab aur ulajh jaataa. Chunke jo zanjeer mujhe baaNdh rahi hai woh zulf-e-girahgeer naheeN hai. Ho sakta hai ke lohe ki zanjeer hai, yaa kucch aur, lekin in meN mujhe rokne ki taaqat naheeN hai. MaiN khud ko ba-aasaani aazaad kar looNga. Gar ye zulf-e-girahgeer hoti to maiN phaNs jaataa....
Kyaa aap tajweez de sakte haiN ke baghair ibhaam, ye khayaal kaise pesh kiyaa jaa saktaa hai.
Girah kee jo shakl aapne bataayi, wo waaqaii khoob hai. Ek ishaarah bhii hai girah meN... Aaiine kaa TuuTna kisii bad-qismatee kaa nishaan maanaa jaataa hai (ap-shagun). Shaayar mahboob se kahtaa hai, dil aaiina hai, ise mat toR...
Mazeed aapkaa shukr adaa kartaa hooN,
Aapkaa khaadim
Munawwar
tashreeh durust hei lekin alfaaz saath nahiN de rahe heiN
Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 1:39 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami o Azeezi
Munawwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz.16 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal kaa Husn-e-maTlaA yooN hei:
haath baaNdhey jo mire, zulf-e-girahgiir nahiiN
tau mujhe rok sakey aisi yeh zanjiir nahiiN
Ab aap ne likhkhaa hei:
Mere kehne kaa matlab thaa, jo zanjeer mere haathoN ko is waqt baaNdhe hue hai, wo zulf-e-girahgeer naheeN hai. Agar zulf-e-girahgeer hoti to maiN apne haath aazaad naheeN kar paataa. Balke, aashiq mizaaj hone ke sabab aur ulajh jaataa. Chunke jo zanjeer mujhe baaNdh rahi hai woh zulf-e-girahgeer naheeN hai. Ho sakta hai ke lohe ki zanjeer hai, yaa kucch aur, lekin in meN mujhe rokne ki taaqat naheeN hai. MaiN khud ko ba-aasaani aazaad kar looNga. Gar ye zulf-e-girahgeer hoti to maiN phaNs jaataa....
Kyaa aap tajweez de sakte haiN ke baghair ibhaam, ye khayaal kaise pesh kiyaa jaa saktaa hai.
Yeh tashreeH us khayaal ki hei jo aapke zehn meiN thaa yaa hei lekin ibaarat se kyaa zaahir hourahaa hei?
haath baaNdhey jo mire, zulf-e-girahgiir nahiiN
is miSreA kaa mafhoom yooN paidaa hourahaa hei:
haath baandhe jo mire = Jumla-e-sharTiiah(conditional clause)
= jo mire haath baandh sake
jaise
(jo mujhe Dubooye, mauj-e-balaa nahiN (yaAni housaktaa hei Toofaan ho) lekin nacr yooN hougi:
jou mujhe Dubosake, mauj-e-balaa nahiN.
Aapki vazaaHut ko nazar meiN rakhkheN to sheAr kii Soorat aisi housakti hei:
Haath jo baandh sake, zulf-e-girahgeer nahiN
aur hi kuch hei yeh, kamzour sii zanjeer nahiN
Housaktaa hei ke aap mazeed koushish farmaayeN to is se behtar Husn-e-maTlaA keh sakeN.
Yeh bhi housaktaa hei keh aako mere nuqta-e-nazar se ittifaaq nah hou. Aisi Soorat meiN aap apni aazaadiy-e-fikr ko barqaraar rakh sakte heiN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.