ghazal--"thhe jo rashk-e-qamar jameel-e-shab"

[Daanish]

yaaraan-e-bazm

aadaab-o-tasleemaat

Prof. Yousuf Kamal (geologist) ki zameen meiN mere dost, Shafeeq Ahmed ki dilkash ghazal paRHne ke ba'ad khaaksaar ki adna kaavish mulaheza farmaiye:

thhe jo rashk-e-qamar jameel-e-shab
aakhirash ho gaye qateel-e-shab

kis qadar hai giraaN, shab-e-hijraaN
hai seher zer-e-paa-e-fiil-e-shab

tere qadmoN se le ke dars-e-khiraam
kya subukgaam hai raheel-e-shab

haNs paRi zindagi pe jab zulmat
ja mili qabr se faseel-e-shab

huN abhi na rasa-e-noor-e-seher
kar ke tai saare sang-e-meel-e-shab

Daanish ab kis se ho umeed-e-sehar
chaaragar khud hua aleel-e-shab

[Mahtab Qadr]

Danish sahib
salaam e masnoon
Wah wah bahut achi ghazal inayat ki hai aap ne , khas taur par zail ke sher bahut pasand aaye.
shukria
MQ

thhe jo rashk-e-qamar jameel-e-shab
aakhirash ho gaye qateel-e-shab
wah waah

kis qadar hai giraaN, shab-e-hijraaN
hai seher zer-e-paa-e-fiil-e-shab
kia khyal bandha hai , waqai girani ka ehsaas hota hai sher ko parh kar.:)

tere qadmoN se le ke dars-e-khiraam
kya subukgaam hai raheel-e-shab
bahut acha sher hai .

haNs paRHi zindagi pe jab zulmat
ja mili qabr se faseel-e-shab
bahut khooob

huN abhi na rasa-e-noor-e-seher
kar ke tai saare sang-e-meel-e-shab
wah wah

Daanish ab kis se ho umeed-e-sehar
chaaragar khud hua aleel-e-shab
bahut acha maqta kaha hai
Mubarak
_________________

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami o Azeezi
Daanish SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT

thhe jo rashk-e-qamar jameel-e-shab
aakhirash ho gaye qateel-e-shab

Is maTleA ke pahle miSreA mein "jameel-e-shab" ki iZaafi tarkeeb ko maiN saHeeH maan kar uske baare meiN ghaur kartaa rahaa. Mushkil yeh pesh aati hei (agar ham raat ki khoobSoorati = jamal-e-shab ki bajaye jameel-e-shab kaheN to tarkeeb ghalaT ma'Aloom houti hei). Sirf yeh gunjaayish nikal sakti hei ke Jameel kisi kaa naam hou aur kehne ka maTlab yeh hou (Jameel-e-shab = raat ke Jameel SaaHib). Kisi doosri tafseer ki khouj meiN yeh bhi souchaa ke "lait o laAal" ki TaraH asl maAani se koii aur bhi maAni Aam hougaye hooN lekin koii daleel nahiN mil saki. Mehrbaani farmaakar aap aur aapke doust Shafeeq SaaHib is uqda-e-la-yanHal ko suljhaayeN.

kis qadar hai giraaN, shab-e-hijraaN
hai seher zer-e-paa-e-fiil-e-shab

SheAr bahut dilkash hei lekin "shab-e-hijraaN" jo muannac hei usko "feel-e-shab" kehne kaa javaaz aap hi behtar samajh sakte heiN.

tere qadmoN se le ke dars-e-khiraam
kya subukgaam hai raheel-e-shab

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

haNs paRHi zindagi pe jab zulmat
ja mili qabr se faseel-e-shab

HaNs paRi ko aap ne ghalaTi se haNs paRHi likh diyaa hei jo aek typo hei. Yeh SheAr bahut achcha hei, kyaa kehne, waah waah.

huN abhi na rasa-e-noor-e-seher
kar ke tai saare sang-e-meel-e-shab

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

Daanish ab kis se ho umeed-e-sehar
chaaragar khud hua aleel-e-shab

Achcha maqTaA hei, waah waah.

Note: Jin ashAar ko samajhne meiN mujhe diqqat pesh aayi hei, zaroori nahiN keh doosre aHbaab-e-sukhan ko bhi diqqat pesh aaye. MaiN apni kam-ilmi kaa iAtiraaf kartaa hooN aur apne ilm meiN izaafe ki justajoo hei.


Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Daanish]

Mukarrami Mahtab Qadr Saheb
aadaab-o-tasleemaat

ghazal pasand farmaane ke liye aap ka bohat bohat shukriyah. umeed hai ke aap aaindah bhi isi tarah hausla afzaai farmayenge.

khaaksaar
Daanish

[Daanish]

Mohtarami Nazir Saheb
"hui takheer tau kuchh baic-e-takhheer bhi thha"-- kal Mahtab saheb ko likhne ke ba'ad socha ke yeh shukriyahnaama likhuN lekin us waqt ujlat meiN thha, ma'zeratkhwaah huN.
aap ne khaaksaar ki ghazal paRHi aur izzat afzaai ki jis ke liye maiN aap ka mamnoon huN. eik mubtadi ki haisiyat se meri jaanib se kucch vazahateN pesh karne ki ijaazat deejiye. mulaheza farmaaiye.

matl'A meiN isteA'maal ki gayi tarkeeb "jameel-e-shab" par aap ki giraft lughvi aitebaar se bilkul durust hai. taaham, jaisa ke aap jaante haiN, 'shab' bazaat-e-khud ya fi_nafasi haseen nahiN hoti jis ki micaal yeh hai k hamare sho'ra ne 'raat' ko museebat-o-takleef ke isteA're ke taur par isteAmaal kiya hai aur 'sub^ha ' ko khush^haali aur masarrat ke mA'noN meiN. lihaaza, is lehaaz se "jameel-e-shab" koi mustehsan tarkeeb nahiN hai. b'aAz auqaat 'shab' rashk-e-sub^ha ho jaaya karti hai. maSla" hazrat Khumaar ka shayr hai:

aap ne din bana diya thha jisay
zindagi bhar woh raat yaad aayi

chuN ke mehboob ki maujoodgi ne raat ko din meiN tabdeel kar diya lihaaza mehboob "jameel-e-shab" ki tareef meiN aata hai y'ani woh cheez jo raat ko haseen aur jameel bana de. "jameel-e-shab" kahi ja sakti hai. rahi baat tarkeeb-e-izaafi ki tau is ziman meiN arz hai ke yeh tarkeeb umooma" do tareeqoN se musteAmil hui hai- jaise "zulmat-e-shab"--ya'ni "raat ki zulmat" jis ki taraf aap ne isharah farmaya hai. lekin doosri soorat yeh hai ke tarkeeb "rashk-e-Yousuf" "gheerat-e-qamar" , "fakhr-e-mashriq" ki shakl ki tarah bhi isteAmaal ki jaati hai jis meiN 'zer' 'ki' 'ka' 'ke' ka mafhoom nahiN ada karta.
doosri giraft jo aap ne farmayi hai "fiil" ko 'shab' ke iste'Are ke muta'alliq hai. yeh baat aap jaise baaligh nazar se makhfi nahiN ke tashbeeh ya iste'Ara khusoosiyaat aur ausaaf ki qadr-e-mushtarak ki buniyaad par diye jaate haiN na k jins ki buniyaad par. maSla" 'pahaaR jaisi bhhaari raat'--yahaaN pahaaR ki tarah raat ka taweel hona murad hai, jo kaaTe nahiN kaT^ti....haalaNke 'raat' muannac hai aur 'pahaaR' muzakkar. is mauqe par Meer ka yeh shayr baRi ahimayat ka haamil hai:
hijr-e-ShiireeN meiN kyoNke kaatega
kohkan yeh pahaaR si raateN

yahaaN 'raat' ko 'pahaaR' se tashbeeh di gayi hai jab k 'raat' muannac hai aur 'pahaaR' muzakkar.
ummeed hai ke kuchh had tak meri baat vazeh hui hai.
aap se guzarish hai ke mustaqbil meiN bhi khaaksaar ki rehnumaayi farmayeN.

khaaknasheen
Daanish

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami o Azeezi,
Daanish SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aap ne apne ashAar ki vaZaaHat farmaate houe likhkhaa hei:

matl'A meiN isteA'maal ki gayi tarkeeb "jameel-e-shab" par aap ki giraft lughvi aitebaar se bilkul durust hai. taaham, jaisa ke aap jaante haiN, 'shab' bazaat-e-khud ya fi_nafasi haseen nahiN hoti jis ki micaal yeh hai k hamare sho'ra ne 'raat' ko museebat-o-takleef ke isteA're ke taur par isteAmaal kiya hai aur 'sub^ha ' ko khush^haali aur masarrat ke mA'noN meiN. lihaaza, is lehaaz se "jameel-e-shab" koi mustehsan tarkeeb nahiN hai. b'aAz auqaat 'shab' rashk-e-sub^ha ho jaaya karti hai. maSla" hazrat Khumaar ka shayr hai:

aap ne din bana diya thha jisay
zindagi bhar woh raat yaad aayi

chuN ke mehboob ki maujoodgi ne raat ko din meiN tabdeel kar diya lihaaza mehboob "jameel-e-shab" ki tareef meiN aata hai y'ani woh cheez jo raat ko haseen aur jameel bana de. "jameel-e-shab" kahi ja sakti hai. rahi baat tarkeeb-e-izaafi ki tau is ziman meiN arz hai ke yeh tarkeeb umooma" do tareeqoN se musteAmil hui hai- jaise "zulmat-e-shab"—ya'ni "raat ki zulmat" jis ki taraf aap ne isharah farmaya hai. lekin doosri soorat yeh hai ke tarkeeb "rashk-e-Yousuf" "gheerat-e-qamar" , "fakhr-e-mashriq" ki shakl ki tarah bhi isteAmaal ki jaati hai jis meiN 'zer' 'ki' 'ka' 'ke' ka mafhoom nahiN ada karta.

MaiN aapki tashreeH samajh rahaa hooN lekin meraa sawaal mukhtaSar saa hei. Phir bhi aapki vaZaaHut ki raushni meiN chund baateN ArZ kartaa chalooN.
Izaafati Tarkeeb ki Soorat meiN muZaaf aur muZaaf ilaih se 2 maAni liye jaasakte heiN.
1- kaa, kee, ke (ke maAnaoN meiN) jaise:
Deewaan-e-Ghalib = Ghalib ka deewaan
Raah-e-ulfat = ulfat ki raah
Giryah-e-shab = raat kaa giryah
2- Sifat yaa Haalat ke maAnoN meiN macalan:
Shab-e-taar = kaali raat
SubH-e-nau = nayi SubH
Chashm-e-tar = bheegi houi aankh
MulaaHizah: dounoN SoorataoN meiN iZaafati tarkeeb ism (noun) se shurooA houti hei (sifat se nahiN)
Mazkoora-e-baalaa micaalaoN meiN deewaan, raah, giryah, shab, SubH aur Chashm saare ke saare asmaa'a (nouns) heiN.

Jameel-e-shab meiN lafz "jameel" ism nahiN balkeh Sifat hei. Agar kisi lughat meiN yeh likhkhaa houaa hei ke yeh lafz ism hei yaa ism bhi hei to mere ilm meiN iZaafah farmaayiye.
Jameel ke maAni heiN khoobSoorat. Kyaa ham yooN keh sakte heiN khoobSoorat-e-shab???
Albattah yooN kehsakte heiN:
ism-e-jameel, Tarz-e-jameel, waghairah.
=======


doosri giraft jo aap ne farmayi hai "fiil" ko 'shab' ke iste'Are ke muta'alliq hai. yeh baat aap jaise baaligh nazar se makhfi nahiN ke tashbeeh ya iste'Ara khusoosiyaat aur ausaaf ki qadr-e-mushtarak ki buniyaad par diye jaate haiN na k jins ki buniyaad par. maSla" 'pahaaR jaisi bhhaari raat'—yahaaN pahaaR ki tarah raat ka taweel hona murad hai, jo kaaTe nahiN kaT^ti....haalaNke 'raat' muannac hai aur 'pahaaR' muzakkar. is mauqe par Meer ka yeh shayr baRi ahimayat ka haamil hai:
hijr-e-ShiireeN meiN kyoNke kaatega
kohkan yeh pahaaR si raateN

yahaaN 'raat' ko 'pahaaR' se tashbeeh di gayi hai jab k 'raat' muannac hai aur 'pahaaR' muzakkar.

Girift ki koii baat nahiN hei. MaiN koii maahir-e-fan yaa naqqad nahiN hooN. Agar koii baat samajh meiN nah aaye to samajhne ki koushish kartaa hooN.
Aapkaa sheAr hei:
kis qadar hai giraaN, shab-e-hijraaN
hai seher zer-e-paa-e-fiil-e-shab
sheAr ki nacr yooN housakti hei: (shab-e-hijraaN kisqadar giraaN hei (kiunkeh) seHar haathi ke paauN ke neeche hei.)
Is sheAr meiN koii tashbeeh hei nah tashaabuh. Is TaraH maAni bhi vaaZeH aur SaHeeH heiN.
Is se pahle maiN ne bhi is sheAr ko samajhne meiN ghalaTi kii thii jis ke liye muAafi chaahtaa hooN.
Aapki mandarja-e-zeil micaal meiN yaqeenan tashbeeh hei:

hijr-e-ShiireeN meiN kyoNke kaatega
kohkan yeh pahaaR si raateN

Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "kaaTega" Meer kaa kamaal-e-sukhan hei. Doosre miSreA meiN pahaaR si (yaAni pahaaR jaisi) raateN nacr meiN bhi jaayiz hei aur sheAr meiN bhi.

Ummeed kartaa hooN ke jameel-e-shab ke baare meiN mujhe tashaffi-bakhsh javaab denge.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.