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aik ghazal
Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:41 pm
by naheedv
Aadaab,
Aaj kal masroofiyat kee binaa par inn mehfiloN meN zeyaadah aanaa naheeN ho rahaa hai aur na hee dostoN kee takhliqaat paRhne kaa moqa mil rahaa hai. mujhey poori umeed hai ke ye ghair haaziri aarzi caabit ho gee.
kaafi arse se kuch nayaa naheeN likhaa hai magar buhat din pehle kee likhee huyee aik ghazal post kar rahi hooN. umeed hai apnee qeemati aaraa se navaazeN ge.
shukriya
Naheed
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Ghazal
1.
sochnee paRe gee zeest ke kahaani
lafz lafz uss ko hai agar sunaani
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
3.
raakh ho gayee hai ab talab kee lau bhee
choR! aise meN kyaa HasrateN bataani
4.
aik doosre kaa saaya ban rahe haiN
apni apni lekin hai Saleeb uThaani
5.
yaad haiN abhee bhee roz.O.shab voh saare
khavaab kee kahaani khavaab meN sunaani
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqt
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
7.
ik hansee ki khavaahish, ik khushee kee hasrat
meree tau faqat hai itnee se kahaani
8.
zindagee ke saare roop haiN suhaane
shamma' aarzoo kee hai magar bujhaani
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:18 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
a'zeezah Naheed: salaam!
do teen din pc ke naKhre uThaataa rahaa. ab kaheeN jaa kar woh qaaboo meN aayaa hai! yeh pc bh`ee Urdu shaa,i'ree ke meHboob se kisee t^araH kam naheeN hai! agar rooTh jaaYe to jaan Z^eeq meN kar detaa hai! 
aap ne Ghazal kee beHr KhaaSee Ghair-maanoos muntaKhib kee hai. ash,a'ar achh`e nikaale haiN aur zameen kaa Haq bh`ee adaa kiyaa hai. meree daad qubool keejiYe. saath` hee do ek baatoN kee ijaazat bh`ee deejiYe! agar yooN hee :Khushk: chalaa jaa,ooN gaa to meree dereenah "riwaayat" TooT jaaYe gee!
---------------------------------
1.
sochnee paRe gee zeest ke kahaani
lafz lafz uss ko hai agar sunaani
ke-------->kee (:typo: ma'loom hotaa hai)
maZ^moon ph`eekaa reh gayaa aur she'r kam-acar! yooN bh`ee agar zeest kee kahaanee us ko lafz^ lafz^ sunaane ke laa,iq hai to aap ko azbar honee chaahiYe! Khair, yeh alag baat hai.
-------------------------------
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
pehlee baat to yeh keh :paalee: ko :paali: kehnaa paR rahaa hai, jo nah hotaa to behtar th`aa. kyaa muHaawarah :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaana, yaa nibaah karnaa: naheeN hai? :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaanee hai: kaan ko Ghair-maanoos saa lagtaa hai. yaa ph`ir mere hee kaan :baj rahe haiN!:
mazeed yeh keh agar aap ne :us kee Khwaahish paalee hee naheeN hai: to ph`ir Gham kis baat kaa hai? yaa aap ne :aur: ko :doosre: ke ma'nee meN liyaa hai? so Theek hai!
----------------------
3.
raakh ho gayee hai ab talab kee lau bhee
choR! aise meN kyaa HasrateN bataani
:lau: chiraaGh yaa diYe kee hotee hai. aag kee bh`ee hotee hai. lekin kisee Soorat meN bh`ee :lau: ko kabh`ee :raakh`: hote naheeN sunaa. :HasrateN bataanee: ko agar aap ph`ir dekh` leN to harj naheeN hai. :ch`oR: bh`ee be-lut^ naz^ar aayaa.
-------------------------------
4.
aik doosre kaa saaya ban rahe haiN
apni apni lekin hai Saleeb uThaani
kaun :ek doosre kaa saayah: ban rahe haiN? "ham" donoN, yaa dunyaa meN sab log? Khayaal achh`aa hai. bayaan behtar ho saktaa hai?
---------------------------------
5.
yaad haiN abhee bhee roz.O.shab voh saare
khavaab kee kahaani khavaab meN sunaani
:bh`ee: ko :tak: kar deN? mazeed yeh keh miS^roN kaa baahimee rabt^ qaa,im karne ke liYe :jab/jin: hotaa to :woh: kaa achh`aa jawaaz nikal aataa. ek baat yeh bh`ee hai keh :roz: (ya'nee :din:) meN :Khwaab meN sunaanee: kaise ho gaa. :Day dreaming:?
------------------------------
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqt
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
alfaaz^ to dilkash haiN. meraa Khayaal hai keh maiN aap kaa mat^lab kam-o-besh samajh` rahaa hooN. ph`ir bh`ee agar aap Khud hee she'r kee tashreeH kar deN to behtar ho gaa. meraa mat^lab pehle miS^re kee ma'nee-aafreenee se hai. shukriyah!
-----------------------------
7.
ik hansee ki khavaahish, ik khushee kee hasrat
meree tau faqat hai itnee se kahaani
se---------->see (typo)
doosraa miSra' sust meHsoos huwaa. yooN kar ke dekheN?
meree gar hai kuch` to ik yehee kahaanee!
-----------------------------
8.
zindagee ke saare roop haiN suhaane
shamma' aarzoo kee hai magar bujhaani
donoN miSre' dilkash haiN lekin in kaa rabt^ mujh` par z^aahir naheeN ho sakaa. yeh meree fehm kaa quSoor bh`ee ho saktaa hai. agar aap waaZ^eH kar deN to mehrbaanee ho gee.
------------------------------
aap kee yeh Ghazal aap kee doosree GhazaloN se nisbata" kamzor hai. maSroofiyat meN aisaa har ek ke saath` hotaa hai. majmoo,e'e t^aur se Ghazal kaamyaab Z^aroor hai aur meree mubaarakbaad HaaZ^ir hai.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:37 am
by naheedv
Sarwar Raz wrote:a'zeezah Naheed: salaam!
do teen din pc ke naKhre uThaataa rahaa. ab kaheeN jaa kar woh qaaboo meN aayaa hai! yeh pc bh`ee Urdu shaa,i'ree ke meHboob se kisee t^araH kam naheeN hai! agar rooTh jaaYe to jaan Z^eeq meN kar detaa hai!
aap ne Ghazal kee beHr KhaaSee Ghair-maanoos muntaKhib kee hai. ash,a'ar achh`e nikaale haiN aur zameen kaa Haq bh`ee adaa kiyaa hai. meree daad qubool keejiYe. saath` hee do ek baatoN kee ijaazat bh`ee deejiYe! agar yooN hee :Khushk: chalaa jaa,ooN gaa to meree dereenah "riwaayat" TooT jaaYe gee!
---------------------------------
1.
sochnee paRe gee zeest ke kahaani
lafz lafz uss ko hai agar sunaani
ke-------->kee (:typo: ma'loom hotaa hai)
maZ^moon ph`eekaa reh gayaa aur she'r kam-acar! yooN bh`ee agar zeest kee kahaanee us ko lafz^ lafz^ sunaane ke laa,iq hai to aap ko azbar honee chaahiYe! Khair, yeh alag baat hai.
-------------------------------
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
pehlee baat to yeh keh :paalee: ko :paali: kehnaa paR rahaa hai, jo nah hotaa to behtar th`aa. kyaa muHaawarah :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaana, yaa nibaah karnaa: naheeN hai? :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaanee hai: kaan ko Ghair-maanoos saa lagtaa hai. yaa ph`ir mere hee kaan :baj rahe haiN!:
mazeed yeh keh agar aap ne :us kee Khwaahish paalee hee naheeN hai: to ph`ir Gham kis baat kaa hai? yaa aap ne :aur: ko :doosre: ke ma'nee meN liyaa hai? so Theek hai!
----------------------
3.
raakh ho gayee hai ab talab kee lau bhee
choR! aise meN kyaa HasrateN bataani
:lau: chiraaGh yaa diYe kee hotee hai. aag kee bh`ee hotee hai. lekin kisee Soorat meN bh`ee :lau: ko kabh`ee :raakh`: hote naheeN sunaa. :HasrateN bataanee: ko agar aap ph`ir dekh` leN to harj naheeN hai. :ch`oR: bh`ee be-lut^ naz^ar aayaa.
-------------------------------
4.
aik doosre kaa saaya ban rahe haiN
apni apni lekin hai Saleeb uThaani
kaun :ek doosre kaa saayah: ban rahe haiN? "ham" donoN, yaa dunyaa meN sab log? Khayaal achh`aa hai. bayaan behtar ho saktaa hai?
---------------------------------
5.
yaad haiN abhee bhee roz.O.shab voh saare
khavaab kee kahaani khavaab meN sunaani
:bh`ee: ko :tak: kar deN? mazeed yeh keh miS^roN kaa baahimee rabt^ qaa,im karne ke liYe :jab/jin: hotaa to :woh: kaa achh`aa jawaaz nikal aataa. ek baat yeh bh`ee hai keh :roz: (ya'nee :din:) meN :Khwaab meN sunaanee: kaise ho gaa. :Day dreaming:?
------------------------------
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqt
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
alfaaz^ to dilkash haiN. meraa Khayaal hai keh maiN aap kaa mat^lab kam-o-besh samajh` rahaa hooN. ph`ir bh`ee agar aap Khud hee she'r kee tashreeH kar deN to behtar ho gaa. meraa mat^lab pehle miS^re kee ma'nee-aafreenee se hai. shukriyah!
-----------------------------
7.
ik hansee ki khavaahish, ik khushee kee hasrat
meree tau faqat hai itnee se kahaani
se---------->see (typo)
doosraa miSra' sust meHsoos huwaa. yooN kar ke dekheN?
meree gar hai kuch` to ik yehee kahaanee!
-----------------------------
8.
zindagee ke saare roop haiN suhaane
shamma' aarzoo kee hai magar bujhaani
donoN miSre' dilkash haiN lekin in kaa rabt^ mujh` par z^aahir naheeN ho sakaa. yeh meree fehm kaa quSoor bh`ee ho saktaa hai. agar aap waaZ^eH kar deN to mehrbaanee ho gee.
------------------------------
aap kee yeh Ghazal aap kee doosree GhazaloN se nisbata" kamzor hai. maSroofiyat meN aisaa har ek ke saath` hotaa hai. majmoo,e'e t^aur se Ghazal kaamyaab Z^aroor hai aur meree mubaarakbaad HaaZ^ir hai.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
moHtarmee janaab Sarwar saaheb,
sab se pehle tau muaafi chaahooN gee ke bar.waqt aap ke tabsare par jawaab na likh sakee.
aur uss ke ba'd aap ke ustaadaanah tabsare ke liye aur ghaltiyoN kee nishaan.dahee ke liye maiN be.had mamnoon hooN aur dil se shukriya adaa kartee hooN. maiN sochti hooN ke agar aap in meHfiloN kaa hissah na hote tau hum sab hee yahaaN andhoN meN kaane raaje bane phirte 
maiN samajhtee hooN aur hameshaa maiN ne iss kaa a'teraaf bhee kiyaa hai ke mujhey aaj agar shaa'iree kee alif, be samajhnaa aayee tau iss kaa sehraa aap ko jaata hai. aap kee muhabbat aur mehrbaaniyoN kaa haq kam az kam mujh se tau adaa naheeN hone waalaa!
ab aati hooN iss ghazal kee taraf.
maZ^moon ph`eekaa reh gayaa aur she'r kam-acar! yooN bh`ee agar zeest kee kahaanee us ko lafz^ lafz^ sunaane ke laa,iq hai to aap ko azbar honee chaahiYe! Khair, yeh alag baat hai.
yahaaN 2nd misre' meN maiN ne :agar: kaa isi liye iste'maal kiyaa hai ke aisee soorat meN tau mujhey soch kar azbar karnee paRe gee. ke koyee bhee qissah, kahaani ho, uss kaa markazi khayaal tau yaad rehtaa hai magar tafseelee bayaaN ke liye soch ko jama' karnaa paRtaa hai. ye maiN ne apni samajh boojh ke lehaaz se kahaa hai aur ho saktaa hai meree khayaal ghalat ho.
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
pehlee baat to yeh keh :paalee: ko :paali: kehnaa paR rahaa hai, jo nah hotaa to behtar th`aa. kyaa muHaawarah :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaana, yaa nibaah karnaa: naheeN hai? :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaanee hai: kaan ko Ghair-maanoos saa lagtaa hai. yaa ph`ir mere hee kaan :baj rahe haiN!:
mazeed yeh keh agar aap ne :us kee Khwaahish paalee hee naheeN hai: to ph`ir Gham kis baat kaa hai? yaa aap ne :aur: ko :doosre: ke ma'nee meN liyaa hai? so Theek hai!
maiN ne 'nibhaanee' ko mo'annac iss liye bhaaNdhaa hai ke yahaaN maiN khud moannaC hooN. ba'z martabah ye sunne ko miltaa hai ke "mujh se in jhameloN se nibaah naheN hotaa" yaa phir "mujh se ye rishta.daariyaaN naheeN nibaahi jaateeN".... tau isee liye maiN ne "nibhaani" kahaa hai, agar ye ghalat hai tau bataaiye gaa.
2nd misre' meN :aur: ko :dusre: ke ma'nee meN liyaa geyaa hai.
3.
raakh ho gayee hai ab talab kee lau bhee
choR! aise meN kyaa HasrateN bataani
:lau: chiraaGh yaa diYe kee hotee hai. aag kee bh`ee hotee hai. lekin kisee Soorat meN bh`ee :lau: ko kabh`ee :raakh`: hote naheeN sunaa. :HasrateN bataanee: ko agar aap ph`ir dekh` leN to harj naheeN hai. :ch`oR: bh`ee be-lut^ naz^ar aayaa.
aap kee baat samajh meN aa gayee hai. maiN ne :lau: ko :shola': ke taur par baaNdhaa thaa jo ke bujh jaane ke ba'd raakh choR detaa hai. lekin agar ye ravaa naheeN hai tau maiN iss par ghaur kar letee hooN.
iss she'r kee aik soorat ye bhee ho sakti hai:
raakh ho gayeeN haiN aarzooyeN saaree
aise meN tujhe kyaa hasrateN sunaanee
4.
aik doosre kaa saaya ban rahe haiN
apni apni lekin hai Saleeb uThaani
kaun :ek doosre kaa saayah: ban rahe haiN? "ham" donoN, yaa dunyaa meN sab log? Khayaal achh`aa hai. bayaan behtar ho saktaa hai?
yahaaN muraad "ham" donoN hai.
iss ko yooN kiya jaa saktaa hai:
"aik doosre kaa saayah ban gaye hum"
5.
yaad haiN abhee bhee roz.O.shab voh saare
khavaab kee kahaani khavaab meN sunaani
:bh`ee: ko :tak: kar deN? mazeed yeh keh miS^roN kaa baahimee rabt^ qaa,im karne ke liYe :jab/jin: hotaa to :woh: kaa achh`aa jawaaz nikal aataa. ek baat yeh bh`ee hai keh :roz: (ya'nee :din:) meN :Khwaab meN sunaanee: kaise ho gaa. :Day dreaming:?
jee haaN, yahaaN kuch mu'aamlah aisaa hee hai :)
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqt
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
alfaaz^ to dilkash haiN. meraa Khayaal hai keh maiN aap kaa mat^lab kam-o-besh samajh` rahaa hooN. ph`ir bh`ee agar aap Khud hee she'r kee tashreeH kar deN to behtar ho gaa. meraa mat^lab pehle miS^re kee ma'nee-aafreenee se hai. shukriyah!
yahaaN sirf ye kehnaa chaaH rahi hooN ke shaam kaa waqt mukhtasar hotaa hai aur phir raat kaa andheraa jo lambaa aur kaRaa hotaa hai, tau shaam jaisee muhabbat jo thoRe waqfe ke liye haiN aur phir aik jaan levaa andhi aur lambi raat jaisaa saath hai jis se jaane kab tak nabard.aazmaa rehnaa paRe gaa!
7.
ik hansee ki khavaahish, ik khushee kee hasrat
meree tau faqat hai itnee se kahaani
se---------->see (typo)
doosraa miSra' sust meHsoos huwaa. yooN kar ke dekheN?
meree gar hai kuch` to ik yehee kahaanee!
jee behtar, misra badal liyaa hai. shukriya!
8.
zindagee ke saare roop haiN suhaane
shamma' aarzoo kee hai magar bujhaani
donoN miSre' dilkash haiN lekin in kaa rabt^ mujh` par z^aahir naheeN ho sakaa. yeh meree fehm kaa quSoor bh`ee ho saktaa hai. agar aap waaZ^eH kar deN to mehrbaanee ho gee.
hmmmmmmm, aap keh rahe haiN ke misroN meN rabt naheeN hai tau phir sahi hee ho gaa. jahaaN tak mere khayaal kaa ta'luq hai tau maiN ye kehnaa chaaH rahi thee ke zindagee har kehaaz se buaht khoobsoorat hai magar kyaa kijiye ke zindagee ke saath saath jo khavaahisheN/aarzooyeN haiN, unheN miTaanaa paRe gaa taa ke agar voh poori na hoN tau zindagee kaa lutj kirkiraa na ho.
------------------------------
ye ghazal 2, 3 mahine pehle kee likhee huyee hai aur rahi ye baat ke ye nisbata" doosree ghazaloN se kamzor hai tau iss kee zameen aur khayaalaat haiN, ab voh kamzor hoN yaa zordaar, mujhe tau apne dil kee baat kehne se gharz hai naa :) aur phir baat kehne kaa DhaNg tau aate aate hee aaye gaa :D
aap kee zarrah navaazee ke liye buhat buhat shukriya!
mukhliS
Naheed
Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 5:31 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
a'zeezah Naheed: salaam!
aap ne mujh` ko sharmindah kar diyaa. kasr-e-nafsee naheeN hai bal.k iz^haar-e-waaqi,a'h hai keh "man aanam keh man daanam"! ba-har-kaif, aap ke Husn-e-z^an kaa shukriyah!
jawaab meN der-sawer kee koyee baat naheeN. sab log maSroof haiN. zindagee shaayad isee kaa naam hai!
asha'ar kee tashreeHaat kaa shukriyah. do baateN ma'rooZ^ee haiN, so likh`taa hooN.
--------------------------------
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
[pehlee baat to yeh keh :paalee: ko :paali: kehnaa paR rahaa hai, jo nah hotaa to behtar th`aa. kyaa muHaawarah :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaana, yaa nibaah karnaa: naheeN hai? :mujh` ko sau dukh`oN se nibhaanee hai: kaan ko Ghair-maanoos saa lagtaa hai. yaa ph`ir mere hee kaan :baj rahe haiN!:
mazeed yeh keh agar aap ne :us kee Khwaahish paalee hee naheeN hai: to ph`ir Gham kis baat kaa hai? yaa aap ne :aur: ko :doosre: ke ma'nee meN liyaa hai? so Theek hai!]
"maiN ne 'nibhaanee' ko mo'annac iss liye bhaaNdhaa hai ke yahaaN maiN khud moannaC hooN. ba'z martabah ye sunne ko miltaa hai ke "mujh se in jhameloN se nibaah naheN hotaa" yaa phir "mujh se ye rishta.daariyaaN naheeN nibaahi jaateeN".... tau isee liye maiN ne "nibhaani" kahaa hai, agar ye ghalat hai tau bataaiye gaa."
Urdu meN fe'l (verb) hameshah faa,i'l (subject) kee paaband naheeN hotee hai. macala" maiN keh saktaa hooN keh "mujh` ko yeh baat to naibh`aanee hee hai"; yaa "mujh`e is baat ko nibhaanaa hee hai"; yaa "mujh` ko apnaa wa'dah nibhaanaa hee hai". goyaa yahaaN :nibhaanaa/nibhaanee: maf,o'ol (object) ke paaband haiN. so aap kaa yeh kehnaa keh chooN.k aap Khud :mu,annac: haiN is liYe laazima" :nibhaanee: hee kehnaa ho gaa durust naheeN hai. fiqreh kee bunat siyaaq-o-sibaaq se badal saktee hai.
-----------------
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqt
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
[alfaaz^ to dilkash haiN. meraa Khayaal hai keh maiN aap kaa mat^lab kam-o-besh samajh` rahaa hooN. ph`ir bh`ee agar aap Khud hee she'r kee tashreeH kar deN to behtar ho gaa. meraa mat^lab pehle miS^re kee ma'nee-aafreenee se hai. shukriyah!]
"yahaaN sirf ye kehnaa chaaH rahi hooN ke shaam kaa waqt mukhtasar hotaa hai aur phir raat kaa andheraa jo lambaa aur kaRaa hotaa hai, tau shaam jaisee muhabbat jo thoRe waqfe ke liye haiN aur phir aik jaan levaa andhi aur lambi raat jaisaa saath hai jis se jaane kab tak nabard.aazmaa rehnaa paRe gaa!"
aap kee tashreeH bajaa! lekin agar yehee kehnaa hai to ph`ir yeh tashreeHee note aap ko Ghazal ke saath` lagaanaa ho gaa! yaqeen nah aaYe to kisee dost se apne she'r kaa mat^lab pooch` dekh`iYe. agar wohee bataaYe jo aap ne likh`aa hai to maiN gunaah-gaar!
--------------------
baaqee raawee chain boltaa hai.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 1:44 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Naheed V. SaaHibah,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT
Sab se pahle is beHr ke baare meiN kuch ArZ kartaa chalooN. HeHr-e-hazaj ki aek mash'hoor shakl hei, BeHr-e-hazaj-ashtar-mucamman jiskaa vazn hei: faa'ilun…muafa'eelun…faa'ilun…mufaa'eelun.
Agar mufaa'eelun per ZaHaaf "Hazf" kaa acar DaaleN to mufaa'eelun bachegaa "mufaa'ee" =//0/0 = 122 jo hei f'uoo'lun ke barabar.
Is liye ham is beHar ko kahenge ke yeh hei: BeHr-e-hazaj ashtar meHzoof Mucamman.
Iskaa vazn hougaa:
Faa'ilun.....fu'oo'lun....... Faa'ilun.....fu'oo'lun
=/0//0..........//0/0............/0//0.........//0/0
=212...........122...............212..........122
1.
sochnee paRe gee zeest ki kahaani
lafz lafz uss ko hai agar sunaani
MaTlaA achcha hei. Go keh meHboob ke firaaq meiN guzri houi zindagi ke waaqiAat azbur houne chaahiyeN. Phir bhi housaktaa hei ke aap zindagi ki gehmaa gehmi meiN bahut si baateN yaad nah rakh saki houN aur isi liye keh rahi houN "souchni paRegi.
2.
maiN ne uss kee khawaahish paali hee naheeN hai
aur so dukhoN se hai mujhe nibhaani
Meri nazar meiN is sheAr kaa ilaaj yooN housaktaa hei:
mere dil mein uski aarzoo kahaaN hei
zindagi dukhaoN meiN hei mujhe nibhaani
3.
raakh ho gayee hai ab talab kee lau bhee
choR! aise meN kyaa HasrateN bataani
Is sheAr kaa ilaaj meri nazar meiN yooN housaktaa hei:
raakh ho gaye heiN sab sharaar-e-Hasrat
Haalat-e-dil apni kisko hei bataani
4.
aik doosre kaa saaya ban rahe haiN
apni apni lekin hai Saleeb uThaani
Meri nazar meiN yeh sheAr bahut hi achchaa hei. Ghazal meiN Aam Taur per guftgu meHboob se houti hei. YahaaN bhi vohi Haal hei "aek doosre" se muraad (maiN aur tum) hei. Aek doosre kaa saayaa ban rahe heiN se muraad hei maiN tumhaara saayah ban rahi hooN (yaAni tumhaare kisi kaam nahiN aasakti siwaaye saath chalne ke) aur tum bhi mere kisi kaam nahiN aaskate siwaaye saath chalne ke. Phir doosre miSreA meiN yeh kehnaa ke "apni apni lekin hei Saleeb uThaani" yaAni apni apni zindagi kaa bojh uThaanaa hei.
Agar yehi sab kuch is sheAr kaa mafhoom hei to meri nazar meiN aek bahut hi kaamyaab sheAr hei.
Housaktaa hei ke MuHtarami Sarwar Raz. Sarwar SaaHib ki raaye hi bilkul SaHeeH ho aur maiN apni khayaali dunyaa meiN ghoom rahaa hooN.
5.
yaad haiN abhee bhee roz.O.shab voh saare
khavaab kee kahaani khavaab meN sunaani
SheAr kaa aek dhundlaa sa mafhoom to samajh meiN aarahaa hei jiski vajah se sheAr ko badalne ki zaroorat nahiN albattah meri nazar meiN agar pahle miSreA ko yooN kardeN to behtar hei:
yaad heiN wo apne roz o shab ki baateN
6.
shaam see muhabbat, raat see rafaaqat
jaane kab talak hai ab mujhey nibhaani
Yeh sheAr bhi meri nazar meiN bahut hi achchaa hei aur aek alamiye kaa patah derahaa hei.
7.
ik hansee ki khavaahish, ik khushee kee hasrat
meree tau faqat hai itnee si kahaani
Yeh sheAr bhi laajavaab hei. Meri nazar meiN doosre miSreA ko yooN kardeN tou aur ziyaadah behtar houjaayega:
meri zindagi ki hei itni si kahaani
8.
zindagee ke saare roop haiN suhaane
shamma' aarzoo kee hai magar bujhaani
is sheAr ko yaa to badal deejiye yaa ghazal se khaarij kardeejiye.
KhaaS baat: agar meri kisi baat se muttafiq nah houN to nazar andaaz kardeejiye.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:57 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Naheed ji
salaam e masnoon
Asatiza ki raye aur islahaat aur tabsiroN ke baad , meri bisaat sirf itni hai ke aapki ghazal ko bharpoor daad o tahseen don. bahut khoob
shukria
MahtaqQadr