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gazal ......khumar barabenkoi
Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:29 am
by ummassad
gazal
Khumar ki ghazal
Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:10 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
ummassad SaaHibah,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aap ne Khumar Barabankwi ki ghazal ki jiske liye ham aapke shukrguzaar heiN.
Is ghazal meiN bahut si ghalaTiyhaaN heiN, jinki vajah se iski ifaadiyat ke bnajay manfi acar paRtaa hei. LiHaaza behtar hei ke aayindah se aap ghazal pesh karne se pahle usko achchi TaraH se dekh leN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
asak
Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:16 pm
by ummassad
muhtaram nazir saahib
aadab araz hey
yeh ghazal main ne aik risale se li hey.galtiyan houn tu baraye mehebani
tashi farmadijiye.shukriya ah
Peshkardah Khumar ki ghazal ki TaSHeeH
Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:22 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
ummassad SaaHibah,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aap ne Khumaar ki jo ghazal pesh ki hei us meiN mandarja-e-zeil ghalaTiyaaN heiN:
1- doori ke ham kuch aur siwaa houke reh gaye
Yeh pahle sheAr ka pahla miSrA hei jis meiN aap ne lafz kuch nahiN likhkhaa hei.
sheAr No.2 bilkul Theek hei.
Shear No.3 ke pahle miSreA meiN lafz "pa'e" baghair alif ke hounaa chaahiye jisko alif se likhkhaa gayaa hei "paaye" jo ghalaT hei.
Aap ne "de diyaa" likhkha hei jo bilkul saHeeH hei jabke unki kitaaB 'SHABTAB" meiN ghalaT likhkhaa houaa hei.
Isi sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "aake" saHeeH hei jisko aap ne ghalaTi se "aaye" likhkhaa hei.
SheAr No.4 bilkul SaHeeH hei.
SheAr No.5 bilkul SaHeeH hei.
SheAr No.6 jo maqTaA hei uske pahle miSreA kaa pahla lafz hei "lillah" jisko aap ne ghalaTi se "Allah" likhdiyaa hei.
Umeed ke ghalatiyaoN ki tashaffi-bakhsh nishandehi karsakaa.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.