• Tarhee ghazal: tujhko dekhaa ke but-e-aainah-seemaa dekhaa

Posted: **Mon May 01, 2006 6:35 pm**

dostoN,

Daanish Hyderabadi saahab ne mujhe ek mazedaar mental exercise kaa mauqaa diyaa hai. Ek mushkil beHr aur ek dilchasp zameen, Jigar saahab kee "tere dhoke meN khud apnaa hee tamaashaa dekhaa".

Daanish Saahab kaa shukr adaa karte hue, aaghaaz-e-bayaaN hee ijaazat chaahtaa huN:

tujhko dekhaa ke but-e-aainah-seemaa dekhaa

tujhko dekhaa ke but-e-aainah seemaa dekhaa!
"tere dhoke meN khud apnaa hee tamaashaa dekhaa"

marte marte rukh-e-qaatil ba tamannaa dekhaa
meHrbaanee! dam-e-aakhir tira chehraa dekhaa

shamm-e-maghroor ka tumko yeh machalnaa khaTkaa
hamne parwaanah-e-bebas ka taRapnaa dekhaa!

apni dhaRkan ko tire qadmoN ki aahaT samjhaa
dil ke ruk jaate talak teyra hi rastaa dekhaa!

laRtey haiN shaam-o-saHar donoN he mujhko lekar
khoon dekhaa jab yeh dil aur kaleejaa dekhaa!

teri shahrat tiri ruswaai banee jab sab ne
teer-e-mizhgaaN se chalaktaa hua daryaa dekhaa

banke MajnooN jo "Munawwar" ne yeh duniyaa dekhee,
Husn-e-Laila se bhi aagey rukh-e-SeHraa dekhaa.

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Aapke khayaal-o-fikr kaa muntazir,
Mamnoon,

Bhaswar Dasgupta Munawwar

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2006 6:07 pm**

Janaab Nazir Saahab aur doosre dostoN,
Yeh meree chhotee see kaavish aapkee aaraa kee muntazir hai.

Munawwar

Posted: **Fri May 05, 2006 1:03 pm**

MuHtarami o Azeezi
Munawwar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayhiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

tujhko dekhaa ke but-e-aainah seemaa dekhaa!
"tere dhoke meN khud apnaa hee tamaashaa dekhaa"

MatlaA jo gireh ke miSreA ke saath hei, bahut khoob hei, waah waah.

marte marte rukh-e-qaatil ba tamannaa dekhaa
meHrbaanee! dam-e-aakhir tira chehraa dekhaa

achcha sheAr hei. waah.

shamm-e-maghroor ka tumko yeh machalnaa khaTkaa
hamne parwaanah-e-bebas ka taRapnaa dekhaa!

SheAr bahut hi achchaa hei. Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "yeh" ki jagah "jo" hou to ibaarat behtar houjaayegi.doosre miSreA meiN "parvaanah-e-bebas" per iAtiraaz housaktaa hei kyunkeh farsi meiN "bus" "kaafi" ke maAnaoN meiN aataa hei aur hindi meiN "naachaar" ke maAni detaa hei.

apni dhaRkan ko tire qadmoN ki aahaT samjhaa
dil ke ruk jaate talak teyra hi rastaa dekhaa!

achcha sheAr hei. Doosre miSreA meiN ghaliban aap ne lafz "jaane" ko ghalaTi se "jaate" type kardiyaa hei.

laRtey haiN shaam-o-saHar donoN he mujhko lekar
khoon dekhaa jab yeh dil aur kaleejaa dekhaa!

is sheAr meiN aek to doosraa miSraA beHr se khaarij hougayaa hei. Doosre yeh keh sheAr ke mafhoom meiN ibhaam paidaa hougayaa hei.
Pahle miSreA meiN:
laRte heiN shaam o seHar dounoN hi mujhko lekar,
is meiN mujhko lekar ki ibaarat kaa mafhoom samajh meiN nahiN aarahaa hei. DounoN hi laRte heiN se kyaa muraad hei? kyaa sham o seHar aapus meiN aek doosre se laRte heiN? Phir doosraa miSraA beHr se khaarij houne ki vajah se aur ziyaadah taAqeed paidaa hougayi hei. Aap is per nazar-e-caani farmaaleN.

teri shahrat tiri ruswaai banee jab sab ne
teer-e-mizhgaaN se chalaktaa hua daryaa dekhaa

Agar ham is sheAr ki nacr kareN to yooN kahenge (teri shohrat tiri ruswaayi meiN tabdeel hougayi jab se teer-mizhgaaN se daryaa chalaktaa houaa dekhaa). Is meiN aap yeh kehnaa chaahte heiN ghaaliban (jab se tire teer-e-mizhgaaN meri samt chale aur maiN majrooH houkar aabdeedah hougayaa to teri shohrat tabdeel hougayi teri ruswaaii meiN. Is mafhoom tak Aam qaari ko pahunchne meiN diqqat pesh aayegi.
SheAr bahut acchaa hei. Bahut khoob, waah waah.

banke MajnooN jo "Munawwar" ne yeh duniyaa dekhee,
Husn-e-Laila se bhi aagey rukh-e-SeHraa dekhaa.

MaqTaA bhii khoob hei. Husn-e-Laila se bhi aage rukh-e-seHraa dekhaa, kii ibaarat se yeh mafhoom paidaa hourahaa hei ke Husn-e-Lailaa aur rukh-e-SeHraa meiN dauR (race) hourahi thi jis meiN Husn-e-SeHraa ko sabqat HaaSill houi aur yeh sab Munawwar ke majnnoN bankar is dunyaa ko dekhne se zaahir houaa.

MaqTaA theek hei Magar aajkal ke qaari her sheAr ko isqadar souch kar nahiN paRhte.

BaharHaal is kaamyaab ghazal per maiN dobaarah aapko dili daad pesh kartaa hooN.

Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.