Page 1 of 1
GHazal guzarish # 17 ab aik saaNs bhi lena muHaal hota hai
Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 5:24 pm
by khozema husaini
Hazeeen meHfil
assalam o alaikum
diye gaye miSre per apne chand TooTe phoote ashAar ke saath Haazir hua hooN aur mujhe ummeed hai keh aap sabhi Khwaateen o Hazraat apni aara ka izhaar farma kar mujhe meri GHaltiyaan durust karne ka mouqa faraham farmayenge jis ka men peshgi shukriyah ada karta hoon
Husaini
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 1:52 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Khozema Husaini SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
Miraa jo un se sawaal-e-viSaal houtaa hei
Hayaa se rang-e-rukh-e-yaar laal houtaa hei
MaTlaA mafhoom ke liHaaz se achchaa hei lekin behtar yeh hei ke pahle miSreA meiN "un se" ki bajaaye kuch aur isteAmaal kareN. Aek soorat yooN husakti hei miSreA ki: kabhi kabhi jo sawaal-e-viSaal houtaa hei
HameN yeh lagtaa hei ab intiqaal houtaaa hei
"Ab aek saans bhi lenaa muHaal houtaa hei"
Gireh mujhe bhali nahiN lagi. Behtar hei ke koii aur miSraA kaheN.
Tumhaare Husn kaa jaise nahiN koii caani
Jafaa kaa Dhang basaaN be-micaal houtaa hei
sheAr achchaa hei "basaaN be-micaal" per mere taHaffuz ke saath. Waah waah.
HooN irtiqaay-e-jafaa-e-sanam ka mut'manni
Her ik urooj kaa aakhir zavaal houtaa hei
Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Pahle miSreA meiN "mutamanni" ko "mut'manni" kehnaa jaayiz hei faarsi ke taskeen-e-ausaT ke qaaAide ke liHaaz se. "meem" per pesh hei, "te" per zabar hei aur phir "meem" per zabar. Is liye beech ke harf "te" per jazm lagaadiyaa gayaa hei.
Ham unke ranj meiN houte heiN ghamzadah lekin
unheN hamaari khushi per malaal houtaa hei
shear her lihaaz se Theek hei lekin mazmoon bahut hi aasaan hei.
tiraa firaaq bhi detaa nahiN hei tanhaayi
tuu paas ho na ho teraa khayaal houtaa hei
achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.
wo dil meiN kartaa hei meelaoN ki dooriyaaN paidaa
shigaaf-e-qalb jo maanind-e-baal houtaa hei
pahle miSreA ko yooN kardeejiye to ziyaadah vaZaaHut hujaayegi:
dilaoN meiN kartaa hei meelaoN ki dooriyaaN paida
achchaa sheAr hei. Bahut khoob.
Husaini fikr ko kuch aur deejiye parvaaz
Isi se sheAr meiN HaaSil kamaal houtaa hei.
Achcha maqTaA hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 3:15 pm
by khozema husaini
mohtaram nazir sahab
aap ki Inayaton ke izhaar e shukr ke liye mere paas alfaaz nahi heN men apne aap ko gung mehsoos kar raha hoon aap jis tarah aik aik lafz ki baarikiyaan mujhe bata rahe hen aur jitna waqt mujhe de rahen hen bila shubah woh aap ka baRappan hai aur mere liye aik bohat baRa toHfa aap ki is rahnumaai se meri urdu bhi kafi sudharti ja rahi hai Allah s. t. aap ko jazaa e KHair Ataa farmaye aameen
nacheez aap ke haq men sirf duAa kar sakta hai aur aap ka tah e dil se shukriyah ada kar sakta hai jo men kar raha hoon ise qubool farmayeN
Husaini