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Ghazal: Jism daam-e-jaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 4:51 pm
by Munawwar
Dosto!
Ek chhotee behr kee ghazal pesh karne ki ijaazat chaahtaa huN. Ghazal ko apne fikr-o-khayaal se nawaaziye.
Jism daam-e-jaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Jism daam-e-jaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
zindagee zindaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
jab ke hai zanjeer-e-gham, phir zindagee
qaid-e-baa jaulaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
zuhd se kyaa kaam mere shauq ko?
ishq be eemaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
ashk shukraane meN bahte jaaye haiN
gham tiraa aHsaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
poochhte ho, "khwaab ko kyaa chaahiye?"
masnad-e-mizhgaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
uNgliyaaN haiN rizq-e-dandaaN to lahoo
baadah-e-dandaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
khaamushee-e-ranj ko kyaa jaaniye?
mukhbir-e-toofaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
mausam-e-gul meN, qafas ke ham aseer!
hote gar naalaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Sach kahaa Ghaalib ne! ab kyaa poochhiye,
aadmee insaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Kiske dam par hai "Munawwar" naamwar?
Kilk-e-noor afshaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
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Ghazal aapkee nigaah-e-karam kee nazr kar rahaa huN. Inaayat famaayeN,...
Mamnoon,
Bhaswar Dasgupta Munawwar
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 10:04 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Munawwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
TafSeeli tabSirah karne se Aajiz hooN jiske liye muAafi kaa khwaastgaar hooN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 10:10 am
by Raji
Munawwar wrote:
ashk shukraane meN bahte jaaye hai
gham tiraa aHsaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
poochhte ho, "khwaab ko kyaa chaahiye?"
masnad-e-mizhgaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
khaamushee-e-ranj ko kyaa jaaniye?
mukhbir-e-toofaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
mausam-e-gul meN, qafas ke ham aseer!
hoteN gar naalaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Sach kahaa Ghaalib ne! ab kyaa poochhiye,
aadmee insaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Kiske dam par hai "Munawwar" naamwar?
Kilk-e-noor afshaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
-------------------------------------------------------
Bhaswar Dasgupta Munawwar jee:
Aadaab,
aap kee is choTe behr kee zameen ko maiN bohat dushwaar kahoNgii jise nibhanaa itnaa aasaan naheeN hai jitnaa keh naZar aa raha hai.
mashaAllah aap ne bohat Khoobii se nibhayaa hai ise.
quoted ashaar bohat pasand aaYe heN.
meree jaanib se ek kaamyaab Ghazal kehne par dilee daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.
muKhliS
Zahida Raees :Raji:
Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 11:39 am
by Munawwar
Nazir Saahab,
Aapkaa bahut bahut shukriyah ke aapne meree ghazal pasand kee. Lekin janaab, yeh doosree baar aapne meree ghazal kaa tafseelee tabsira naheeN kiyaa
Aapkaa tabsira aapkee inaayat kaa woh naqsh hai, jo aap a'mooma" har shaayar kee qismat meN taHreer farmaate haiN. Tanhaa maiN hee aapkee inaayat se do baar maHroom rah gayaa. :?
Kyaa aap kisee wajh se mujhse naaraaz yaa pareshaan haiN? Gar haiN to aagaah kar deN, taake maiN sudhar jaauN
Bas yooNhi dillagee kar rahaa huN. MaiN samajhtaa huN, ke aap bahut maSroof rahte haiN, aur har kalaam ko paRhkar us par tabSirah pesh karnaa kisee bhi shakhS ke liye bahut mushkil hotaa hai. Phir bhee janaab, woh aapkaa tabSirah, aur doosre dostoN kee rahnumaaee hi hai jiskee khaatir maiN apnee har ghazal, kuchh achheeN, kuchh bureeN, sab UrduBandhan par post kartaa huN.
Kabhi furSat se kuchh karam ham par bhi farmaaiye!
Aapkaa dost,
Munawwar
Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 11:57 am
by Munawwar
Zahida Raees 'Raji' Saahibah,
MaiN aapkaa mamnoon huN ke aapne ghazal paRhee aur us par apnee raaYe kaa izhaar kiyaa. Ghazal kee pasandeedagee farmaane aur pasandeedah asha'ar muntakhib karne kaa bahut bahut shukriyah.
Ji, aapne saHeeH farmaayaa, zameen kaafi mushkil thee. Matla haftoN se dimaagh meN ghoom rahaa thaa, par us se insaaf kar sake, aise asha'ar naheeN ban rahe thhe. Koshish kee hai, ke baaqi ashaar zubaanee taur par durust bhi hoN, aur majmooee taur par, agar dilkash naheeN to kam az kam dilchasp hoN. Ab koshish kitnee kaamyaab huee hai, yeh to aap aur doosre dost hi bataa paayeNge. MaiN aapkee zarrah nawaazee kaa shukr adaa kartaa huN.
Khair andesh
Munawwar
shukriyah
Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 11:44 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami o Azeezi
Munawwar SaaHib
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapka purluTf gilah sar aankhaoN per. TafSeeli tabSirah karne se pahle mujhe yeh souchnaa paRtaa hei ke aap ne jo sheAr kahe houNge us meiN apne naaqiS ilm ki bunyaad per kahiN maiN aisi baat nah likhdooN jo mere liye baaAic-e-nadaamat ho. Iske ilaawah mujh se basaa auqaat jaldbaazi meiN chook bhi houne lagi hei.
BaharHaal, aapke iSraar per meri harzah saraayi HaaZir hei jo kisi kaam nah aasake to nazar andaaz kardeejiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
Jism daam-e-jaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
zindagee zindaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
MaTlaA her liHaaz se bahut dilkash hei, waah waah.
jab ke haiN zanjeer-e-gham, phir zindagee
qaid-e-baa jaulaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Pahle miSreA meiN "haiN" bhi ghalaT nahiN hei lekin meri nazar meN agar "hei" kardiyaa jaaye to behtar hei.
ShaeAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.
zuhd se kyaa kaam mere shauq ko?
ishq be eemaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Qadeem andaz kaa maZmoon hei lekin bahut khoob hei. Waah waah.
ashk shukraane meN bahte jaaye hai
gham tiraa aHsaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Pahle miSreA meiN ibaarat yooN houni chaahiye:
ashk shukraane meiN bahte jaaye heiN
Ihtimaal hei ke TibaaAat ki ghalaTi hougayi hei. Durust farmaaleejiye.
SheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.
poochhte ho, "khwaab ko kyaa chaahiye?"
masnad-e-mizhgaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
uNgliyaaN gar rizq-e-dandaaN, phir lahoo
baadah-e-dandaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Is sheAr meiN feAl "heiN" ko mustatir rakhne se ibaarat naaqiS maAloom hourahi hei. Iskaa aek Hal yeh hei ke aap pahle miSreA ko yooN karleN:
uNgliyaaN heiN rizq-e-dandaaN tou luhoo
Naye maZmoon kaa sheAr hei. Waah waah.
khaamushee-e-ranj ko kyaa jaaniye?
mukhbir-e-toofaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Achcha sheAr hei. Waah waah.
mausam-e-gul meN, qafas ke ham aseer!
hoteN gar naalaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Doosraa miSraA yooN ho to behtar hei:
houte gar naalaaN naheeN to aur kyaa.
Shaayad TibaaAat ki ghalaTi thi.
Achcaa sheAr hei, waah waah.
Sach kahaa Ghaalib ne! ab kyaa poochhiye,
aadmee insaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Seedhaa saadah achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
Kiske dam par hai "Munawwar" naamwar?
Kilk-e-noor afshaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
MaqTaA bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 5:15 pm
by Munawwar
Janaab Nazir Saahab,
Aapkaa bahut bahut shukriyah janaab, ke aapne meree faryaad qabool farmaayee, aur meree naacheez ghazal ko apne besh qeematee tabSirah se
nawaazaa. Mujhe beHad khushi hai ke meree ghazal majmooee taur par aapkee nazar meN "Pass" ho chukee hai. KaheeN kaheeN ism ke a'dad meN ghaflat huee hai, jise durust kar letaa huN.
Asl baat hai, ke maiN ne is ghazal par bahut maHnat kee thee, aur jhooT naheeN bolooNgaa, aapne tabSirah naheeN farmaayaa to kuchh maayoos ho gayaa thaa. Ab khush huN.
Aap bhi sadaa khush raheN,
Munawwar
Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 2:19 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
janaab Munawwar SaaHeb: aadaab!
kal aap kee Ghazal par likh`aa hee th`aa keh mere pc ne daGhaa dee aur sab kuch` miT gayaa! aaj kal isee chakkar meN hooN. Khair, ph`ir likh`taa hooN.
aap kee Ghazal aap kee meHnat aur soch kee aa,eenahdaar hai. majmoo,e'e t^aur se pasand aayee. meree daad HaaZ^ir hai. do ek baateN a'rZ^ kartaa hooN. shaayad kisee qaabil hoN:
-------------------------------
Jism daam-e-jaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
zindagee zindaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
she'r achh`aa hai. albattah :jism daam-e-jaaN: bh`alaa naheeN lagaa. yooN kar ke dekh` leN:
Said-e-Sad armaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
zindagee zindaaN---------------
ab she'r baland ho gayaa. kyaa Khayaal hai?
-------------------------------
jab ke haiN zanjeer-e-gham, phir zindagee
qaid-e-baa jaulaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
pehlaa miSra' ulajh` gayaa hai. ma'nee bh`ee Saaf naheeN haiN. yooN keh sakte haiN:
zindagee ko aur kyaa kahiYe keh yeh
qaid-e-baa-----------
-------------------------------------
zuhd se kyaa kaam mere shauq ko?
ishq be eemaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
--------------------------------------------
ashk shukraane meN bahte jaaye hai
gham tiraa aHsaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
hai---------------> haiN
she'r achh`aa hai. daad!
-----------------------------------
poochhte ho, "khwaab ko kyaa chaahiye?"
masnad-e-mizhgaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
Khoob! :masnad: kee jagah :koochah: bh`ee keh sakte haiN!
--------------------------------
uNgliyaaN gar rizq-e-dandaaN, phir lahoo
baadah-e-dandaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
meree raaYe meN is she'r ko nikaal deN to behtar hai.
------------------------------
khaamushee-e-ranj ko kyaa jaaniye?
mukhbir-e-toofaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
:Khaamushee-e-ranj: achh`ee tarkeeb naheeN hai. bandish bh`ee sust meHsoos huyee. ek shakl yeh hai:
be-zabaanee aur ranj-e-a'ashiqee!
muKhbir-e----------------
------------------------------
mausam-e-gul meN, qafas ke ham aseer!
hoteN gar naalaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
meN------------> hai
ke---------> meN
hoteN gar----------> hoN agar
--------------------------------
Sach kahaa Ghaalib ne! ab kyaa poochhiye,
aadmee insaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
pooch`iYe-----------> jaaniYe
--------------------------------
Kiske dam par hai "Munawwar" naamwar?
Kilk-e-noor afshaaN naheeN to aur kyaa?
par---------> se
-------------------------------------
ek kaamyaab kaawish par daad qubool keejiYe.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Leejiyhe SaaHib aapki muraad bar aayi
Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 12:35 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami o Azeezi
Munawwar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat, 
Leejiye SaaHib aapki muraad bar aayi aur Sarwar SaaHib ne baghair kisi hichkichaahaT ke sab kuch keh diyaa jo aek ustaad-e-sukhan apne khaaS shaagird se keh saktaa hei.
Daagh Dehlawi ne apne khaaS shagird Ghani Delawi ki mash'hoor ghazal ke mandarja-e-zeil maTleA ke doosre miSreA ko badalne ke liye kahaa tha:
BaiTh jaataa hooN jahaaN chaauN ghani houti hei
kuch Ajab cheez gareeb-ul-waTani houti hei.
Jab Ghani, ustaad Daagh ki fikr ke muTabiq nah keh sake to Ustaad ne yooN iSlaaH ki:
BaiTh jaataa hooN jahaaN chaauN ghani houti hei
haaye kyaa cheez ghareeb-ul-waTani houti hei.
Shaagird ko bhi yeh iSlaaH bahut pasand aayi.
MaiN isqadar buzdil hooN ke chouTi baataoN per nukthcheeni se gurez kartaa hooN lekin Sarwar SaaHib bebaaki se sab kuch keh jaate heiN aur doosraoN kii baateN sunne kaa bhi HauSlah rakhte heiN. Is liye mere khayaal meiN unko apnaa ustaad maan leejiye taakeh aapke masaayil bhi hameshah ke liye Hal houjaayeN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.