yaaraan-e-bazm: aadaab!

ek Ghazal le kar aayaa hooN. zameen (radee+qaafiyah), beHr aur zabaan sab hee seedh`e saadeh haiN. apnee raaYe se nawaaziYe. shukriyah!

is Ghzal kee radeef :i'dhar bh`ee hai, udh'ar bh`ee: hai jo lambee hai aur is liHaaz^ se mushkil hai keh maZ^moon-aafreenee par baRee paabandee lagaa rahee hai. :idh`ar: aur :udh`ar: se do muKhtalif ikaa,iyoN kaa taSawwur waabastah hai. yeh do maqaamaat bh`ee ho sakte haiN, do shaKhSiyaat bh`ee aur do kaifiyyaat bh`ee. lekin jab radeef ko qaafiyoN (Haalaat, jaZbaat, barsaat, baat) se milaa,iYe to maZ^aameen aur bh`ee diqqat-t^alab ho jaate haiN. aisee Haalat meN sab se aasaan yehee hotaa hai keh :saamne kee baat: lee jaaYe. ya'nee :idh`ar: se apnee jaanib ishaarah ho aur :udh`ar: se meHboob kee jaanib! so aap dekh`eN ge keh maiN ne bh`ee yehee kiyaa hai! aap bh`ee fikr kareN. kyaa a'jab keh aap kisee aur t^araH zameen kaa Haq adaa kar sakeN!

aisee zameenoN meN ek mas,alah acar-pazeeree (=acar paidaa karnaa) kaa bh`ee hotaa hai. ash,a'ar to jaise-taise ho jaate haiN lekin be-acar aur be-lut^f! so yeh to koyee achh`ee baat naheeN hai! Khair, ab aap Ghazal dekh`eN aur apnee be-laag tanqeed likh`eN. maiN muntaz^ir hooN.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
========================
GHAZAL

majbooree-e-Haalaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee
ik shorish-e-jaZbaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

yaadoN kee yeh baaraat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee
be abr kee barsaat idh`ar bh`ee hai udh`ar bh`ee!

mil baiThne kee koyee banaataa naheeN Soorat
kehne ko magar baat idh`ar bh`ee hai , udh`ar bh`ee!

duzdeedah naz^ar, soz-e-durooN, aah-e-pareshaaN
yeh i'shq kee sauGhaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

yaadoN kaa sar-e-shaam dabe paa,ooN yeh aanaa
ham-raNg-e-mulaaqaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Dar Dar ke qadam rakh`te haiN ham koochah-e-Gham meN
ikraam-e-riwaayaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

teree hee a't^aa, teraa karam, teree i'naayat
ai gardish-e-Haalaat! idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

ham kaise kaheeN, kyaa kaheN aur kis ko bataaYeN?
"Sarwar" jo yeh ik baat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!
-------------------------------
shorish = haNgaamah, uth`al-puth`al
shorish-e-jaZbaat = jaZbaat meN halchal
duzdeedah = chor (thief) kee see
duzdeedah naz^ar = kisee ko naz^ar bachaa kar yaa kan-aNkhiyoN se dekh`naa
soz = jalan, aag
durooN = andaroonee, dil kee
soz-e-durooN = dil kee jalan
sauGhaat = tuHfah
sar = shuroo' hone kee jagah
sar-e-shaam = shaam hote hee
ham-raNg = ek hee raNg kee (=similar)
koochah = galee
ikraam = i'zzat, paas, Khayaal
a't^aa = dee huyee cheez, tuHfah
gardish = gh`oomnaa
gardish-e-Haalaat = Haalaat kaa badalnaa, zamaaneh kaa ulaT-ph`er
==============
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

jawaid badauni wrote:
Janab Sarwar Raz SaHib,
Tasleemaat

Bohat Haseen Ghazal hai.Mujhe tamaam ashAAr bohat achche lage. Dushwaar radeef ka haq bohat Khubsoortee se adaa kiya hai jo aap ka hi kaam hai.

Log chunindah ashAAr ki daad apni pasand ki mutabiq deta haiN magar mera andaz yahan bhi rawish se haTkar hai. Mujhe aap ke mudarjah zel Fiqrey aur unka haq bajanib istaimal behud pasaNd aaya.

be abr kee barsaat

duzdeedah naz^ar, soz-e-durooN

dabe paa,ooN yeh aanaa

koochah-e-Gham meN

ai gardish-e-Haalaat


Is Hasen Ghazal per meri nacheez daad qubool kijye.



Apka MuKhlis,
Jawaid

janaab Jawaid SaaHeb: salaam!

aap kee nawaazishaat kaa shukriyah adaa karte karte :qalam: Khush ho chalaa hai! yaa yooN kahooN keh keyboard th`ak gayaa hai?

sach to yeh hai keh ab shaa,i'ree kaa mazaa bohat hee kam reh gayaa hai. agar aap jaise log nah hoN to shaayad ch`oR hee dooN.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar: SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut hi mushkil Zameen meiN houne ke baavajood, bahut hee dilkash hei aur aap kee shaayeraanah mahaarat kii aayeenahdaar hei. Is kaamyaab takhleeq per meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT

majbooree-e-Haalaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee
ik shorish-e-jaZbaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Bahut khoob maTlaA hei, waah waah.l

yaadoN kee yeh baaraat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee
be abr kee barsaat idh`ar bh`ee hai udh`ar bh`ee!

Bahut achchaa sheAr hei. "yeh" dekhne meiN iZaafi lafz maAloom houtaa hei lekin ghazal ki zameen "idhar bhi hei urdhar bhii" kee vajh se bilkul munaazib hei.

mil baiThne kee koyee banaataa naheeN Soorat
kehne ko magar baat idh`ar bh`ee hai , udh`ar bh`ee!

Is sheAr meiN agar mujh aisaa saTHi fikr rakhne waalaa houtaa to pahle miSreA ko yooN kehtaa:
mil baiThne kee koii nikalti nahiN Soorat.
Lekin aapke sheAr kaa javaab nahiN, waah waah.

duzdeedah naz^ar, soz-e-durooN, aah-e-pareshaaN
yeh i'shq kee sauGhaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Waah waah, kyaa kehne, sheAr hou to aisaa hou.

yaadoN kaa sar-e-shaam dabe paa,ooN yeh aanaa
ham-raNg-e-mulaaqaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

Dar Dar ke qadam rakh`te haiN ham koochah-e-Gham meN
ikraam-e-riwaayaat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Bahut khoob waah waah. Meri nazar meiN lafz "ham" is sheAr meiN (tum aur ham) ke liye aayaa hei.

teree hee a't^aa, teraa karam, teree i'naayat
ai gardish-e-Haalaat! idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Waah waah, kyaa kehne.

ham kaise kaheeN, kyaa kaheN aur kis ko bataaYeN?
"Sarwar" jo yeh ik baat idh`ar bh`ee hai, udh`ar bh`ee!

Bahut khoob maqTaA hei Sarwar SaaHib.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

muHtaram Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!

shaa,i'ree apnee baraaYe bait hai :Sarwar: keh maiN
Haashiyah-bardaar-e-Ghalib, Khoshah-cheen-e-Mir hooN!

yeh aap kee muHabbat aur dostdaaree hai jo aise alfaaz^ se is naacheez ko yaad kar lete haiN. dilee shukriyah qubool keejiYe. waalid marHoom ne kyaa Khoob kahaa th`aa keh:

:Raz:! mil jaatee hai fikroN se najaat
shaa,i'ree se aur kuch` HaaSil naheeN!

Khush rahiYe!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"