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tarHi GHazal guz.# 20 KHaak ummedeN huyeeN gard e safar ki S
Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 4:58 pm
by khozema husaini
moAzziz KHawateen o Hazraat
apni aik mamooli si koshish ke saath Haazir hooN aur ummeed karta hoon aap apni aara se nawaaz kar mamnoon farmayenge
shukriyah
Husaini
GHazal
kaash ho koii tire faiz e nazar ki Soorat
khil uThe mera bhi dil GHuncha e tar ki Soorat
jooNhii rooposh huii jaan e jigar ki Soorat
" KHaak ummeedeN huiiN gard e safar ki Soorat "
yah hai insaan ke maKHlooq nai hai koii ?
fAil HaiwaaN ka hai zaahir meN bashar ki Soorat
aa gaya hai dar o deewaar meN beganah pan
badli badli si nazar aati hai ghar ki Soorat
hamsari kya miri aaNkhoN se tiri, kali ghaTaa
Tu baras sakti hai kya deedah e tar ki Soorat ?
chshm e janaaN se yeh ruKHsaar pe behte aaNsoo
aik ik qatrah lage mujh ko guhar ki Soorat
teri aaNkhoN men Sanam jheel si gehraaii hai
zulf ke paich se milti hai bhaNwar ki Soorat
baic e Tarz e shahadat ae Husain ibn e Ali
naam roshan hai tira shams o qamar ki Soorat
Sirf jayeNge tire saath Husaini , aAmaal
jaanib e mulk-e-Adam zaad e safar ki Soorat
Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 10:27 am
by jawaid badauni
Zindabad Husiani SaHab.
Sub se pahle is mushaaireh meN Ghazal maiN bhejta tha magar aap ne tou mujhe "chaaroN Khaaney chit" kar diya hai is baar. Mujhe jo bhi kahna hota hai 10/15 minute meN kah leta hooN magar ab woh chund minute bhi dushwaar ho gaye haiN.
Aapki Ghazal bohat pasaNd aaii, Khusoosan woh salam ka sher jo aap ne Ghazal meN shamil kar liya hai. Doa hai Imaam.e mazloom aap ka Khiraaj.e adeedat qubool farmayeN. Ghazal per meree naacheez daad qubool farmaaiyega.
Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
muscat - Oman
Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 1:33 pm
by khozema husaini
janab jawaid saheb
assalam alaikum
aap ki muKHlisanah daad aur is houSlah afzaai ka bohat shukriyah aap ko aap ko salaam ka sher pasand aaya is ke aap ka batour e KhaaS shukriyah ada karta hoon qubool farmayen
Husaini
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:11 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Khozemah Husaini SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz.20 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
kaash ho koii tire faiz e nazar ki Soorat
khil uThe mera bhi dil GHuncha e tar ki Soorat
Bahut achchaa maTlaA hei, waah waah.
jooNhii rooposh huii jaan e jigar ki Soorat
" KHaak ummeedeN huiiN gard e safar ki Soorat "
Gireh ke saath Husn-e-maTlaA bhee bahut khoob hei, waah waah.
yah hai insaan ke maKHlooq nai hai koii ?
fAil HaiwaaN ka hai rakhta hai bashar ki Soorat
Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA mein lafz "hai" kee takraar se bachne ke liye usko yooN karsakte heiN:
feAl Haiwaan kaa hei aur bashar kee Soorat
yaa
feAl HaiwaaN kaa hei zaahir meiN bashar kee Soorat
aa gaya hai dar o deewaar meN beganah pan
badli badli si nazar aati hai ghar ki Soorat
Waah waah, bahut khoob.
hamsari kya miri aaNkhoN se tiri, kali ghaTaa
Tu baras sakti hai kya deedah e tar ki Soorat ?
Bahut khoob, waah waah.
Soorat e yaar se jab rista hai kuchh Arq e badan
qaTrah e aab chamakta hai guhar ki Soorat
Lafz "Arq" nahiN balkeh "Araq" hei.. Isko badal deN tou SheAr durust hojaayegaa lekin meri nazar meiN aap isko aur behtar bnaasakte heiN, mican yooN keh sakte heiN:
chashm-e-makhmoor se chalke hei jou sehbaa-e-Hayaa
aek ik qaTrah lage mujhko guhar kee Soorat
Waise aapki marZi hei. SheAr meiN koii aur khaami nahiN.
teri aaNkhoN men Sanam jheel si gehraaii hai
zulf ke paich se milti hai bhaNwar ki Soorat
Waah waah, bahut khoob.
baic e Tarz e shahadat ae Husain ibn e Ali
naam roshan hai tira shams o qamar ki Soorat
Waah waah bahut khoob. Salaam kaa yeh sheAr bahut achchaa hei.
Sirf jayeNge tire saath Husaini , aAmaal
basoo e mulk Adam zaad e safar ki Soorat
MaqTaA bhee achchaa hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "basoo-e-mulk-e-Adam" kee vajh sheAr rawaani se nahiN paRhaa jaasaktaa. Is liye behtar hei ke aap usko yooN kardeN:
jaanib-e-mulk-e-Adam zaad-e-safar ki Soorat
Note: Aaapki shaayeri meiN kaafi taraqqi hourahi hei jis se yeh andaazah houtaa hei ke aape muTaaleAe meiN kaafi iZaafah houaa hei. Is munaasibat se meri raaye hei ke aap apne paas (Standar Twentieth Century Dictionary, urdu into English) Zaroor rakhkheN taakeh her lafz ke hijaa meiN zer, zabar, pesh ke baare meiN ghalatiyaoN se gurez karsakeN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:28 pm
by khozema husaini
mohtaram nazir saheb
aadaab o tasleemaat
aap ki daad o taHseen aur mashwaron ka behud shukrguzaar hoon chashm e makhmoor se chalke hai jo Sehba e Hayaa wala mirA yaqeenan bahut Khoobsoorat hai lekin men ne aik aur koshish ki hai aur ise yuN kar diya hai " chashm e janaaN se ruKHsaar pe behte aansoo""mera maqsad sirf itna hai ke men apne ashAar ko sharaab ke zikr se paak rakhna chahta hoon mujhe ummeed hai aap KHayaal nahi karenge deegar men aap ki batai huee dictionary jald hii Haasil karne ki koshish karoon ga waise abhi mere paas farhang e Aamirah hai
aap ko agar meri shairi men behtari nazar aa rahi hai to yeh sab aap ka karam hai jo aap ne mujh jaise shir e nao ko itna waqt diya hai meN aap ke har mashware ko yaad rakhne ki koshish kar raha hoon
mujhe ummeed hai aap ki inayaat ka yeh silsilah jari rahega bahut bahut shukriyah
Husaini
Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:36 pm
by khozema husaini
mohtarma sara sahhebah
aadaab
ghazal ki pazeeraii ka bahut bahut shukriyah
Husaini