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Tarahi guz # 20
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 5:19 pm
by zmufti
Ahl-e-bazm
aadaab-o-tasleemaat
apni maamooli si ghazal mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN umeed hai aap apni aaraa se aagah farmaayieN ge
wasalaam
zmufti
1. dil badalte hi badal jaati hai ghar kee soorat
phir bhali lagti hai deewar nah dar kee soorat
2. apne hontoN pe sajayii hai haNsi mushkil se
ashk aankhoN maiN chupaye haiN guhar kee soorat
3. dil ki duniya pe udasi ke andheray chaaye
kon chamke ga yahaN shams-o-qamar kee soorat
4. roz kitne hi haseeN khawab yahaN marte haiN
maut ne dekh li hai kiyoN mirre ghar kee soorat?
5. Bujh gaya dil ka diyya khawhishoN ke marte hi
“khaak ummeedeN houeeN gard-e-safar kee Soorat”
6. zeest ki tapti hui raahieN jalatiiN na mujhe
Tu agar rehta mirre saath shajar kee soorat
Q
7. zulm ki aandhi ne gehna diyya hai sooraj ko
muddatoN se nahiN dekhi hai sahar kee soorat
8. maut bhee muft kissi ko nahiN milti hai jahaN
Aisi duniya maiN bhala kyaa ho guzar kee soorat
9. ham siyah bakht flakat maiN jiyye haiN barsoN
kash hoti koi qismat se mafar kee soorat
10. phir ZameeN per hai zaroorat kissi chara gar ki
Aye khuda bhaij malaek hi basher kee soorat
Q
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:16 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Zarqaa Mufti SaaHibah,
Tasleemaat,
Guz.20 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
1. dil badalte hi badal jaati hai ghar kee soorat
ajnabi lagti hai phir deewar-o-dar kee soorat
MaTlaA mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "phir deewaar-o-dar" ko badalnaa Zaroori hei taakeh be-beHr
nah hou. Aek Soorat yooN housakti hei:
Phir bhali lagti hei deewaar nah dar kee Soorat
warnah jaiose bhee aap munaasib samjheN.
2. apne hontoN pe sajayii hai haNsi mushkil se
ashk aankhoN maiN chupaye haiN guhar kee soorat
Bahut khoob, waah waah.
3. dil ki duniya pe udasi ke andheray chaaye
kon chamke ga yahaN shams-o-qamar kee soorat
SheAr achchaa hei. Waah waah. Doosre miSreA meiN yeh bhee mumkin thaa ke aap "yahaaN shams-o-qamar" kee bajaye "dlaavez qamar" kehteeN.
4. roz kitne hi haseeN khawab yahaN marte haiN
haadcoN ne dekh li hai mirre ghar kee soorat
sheAr maAnavi liHaaz se achchaa hei lekin doosraa miSraA khaarij uz beHr hei. Ab dekhte heiN ham doosre miSreA ke mutabadil miSreAe kaise keh sakte heiN:
1- HaadicaoN ko mili jab se mire ghar kee Soorat.
Is meiN HaadicaoN ko ghar kee Soorat milnaa muHawire ke liHaaz se ghalaT hei. Agar HaadicaoN ko nazar aai mire ghar kee Soorat Theek hei lekin ibaaarat ke liHaaz se naaqiS.
2- yaas ne dekhli jab se mire ghar kee Soorat.
"yaas" kee jagah "zulm", "bughZ",aur "jaur" meiN se koii lafz bhee isteAmaal housataa hei. Yaa aap chaaheN tou koii aur munaasib miSraA pesh karsakti heiN.
5. Bujh gaya dil ka diyya khawhishoN ke marte hi
“khaak ummeedeN houeeN gard-e-safar kee Soorat”
achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne.
6. zeest ki tapti hui raahieN jalatiiN na mujhe
Tu agar rehta mirre saath shajar kee soorat
Bahut khoob, waah waah.
Q
7. zulm ki aandhi ne gehna diyya hai sooraj ko
muddatoN se nahiN dekhi hai sahar kee soorat
8. maut bhee muft kissi ko nahiN milti hai jahaN
Aisi duniya maiN bhala kyaa ho guzar kee soorat
9. ham siyah bakht flakat maiN jiyye haiN barsoN
kash hoti koi qismat se mafar kee soorat
Pahle miSreA meiN siah hei jismeiN alif nahiN hei.
10. phir ZameeN per hai zaroorat kissi chara gar ki
Aye khuda bhaij malaek hi basher kee soorat
Q
Is qiTAa-band meiN aek baat mushtarak hei " alamiye kaa bayaan aur us se najaat kee duAaa"
MajmooAi Taur per ghazal bahut achchi hei.
Khair-andesh,
Nazir.
Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 2:49 pm
by zmufti
Mohtaram Nazir Saheb
Tasleemaat
ghazal per aap ke mufasal tabsarey ke liye maiN aap ki be had mamnoon hoN.
Allah aap ko jaza-e-khair ata kare.
ghazal maiN 2 misre khaarij-uz-bahr haiN
haadcoN ne dekh li hai mirre ghar kee soorat
kyaa is ko is tarah keh sakte haiN
dekh li haadcoN ne kiyoN mirre ghar kee soorat
ya
haadcoN ko bhaa gayyi hai mirre ghar ki soorat
ya
maut ne dekh li kiyoN meray hi ghar kee soorat
doosra misra hai
ajnabi lagti hai phir deewar-o-dar kee soorat
is ke liye aap ki tajweez bhee pasand aayii
aik sawal hai keh kyaa is misre se "phir" nikaal dene se wazn theek ho jata hai ya nahiN
yaani
ajnabi lagti hai deewaar-o-dar ki soorat
ajnabi lag/ti hai deewaa/r-o-dar ki /soorat
aik baar phir aap ka shukria
wasalaam
zmufti
Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 6:51 pm
by Star Mind
waah ! zarqa behen ! achchi Ghazal hai !
nazir SaaHib k tabSire k baa'd ab raaye zanee ki zaroorat nahiN rahee ! daad Haazir hai ! shukriya
Zia Baloch
shukriyah
Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 8:35 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Zarqaa Mufti SaaHibah,
Tasleemaat,
Aapka mandarja-e-zeil javaab milaa jiske liye mamnoon hooN.
Mohtaram Nazir Saheb
Tasleemaat
ghazal per aap ke mufasal tabsarey ke liye maiN aap ki be had mamnoon hoN.
Allah aap ko jaza-e-khair ata kare.
ghazal maiN 2 misre khaarij-uz-bahr haiN
haadcoN ne dekh li hai mirre ghar kee soorat
kyaa is ko is tarah keh sakte haiN
dekh li haadcoN ne kiyoN mirre ghar kee soorat
ya
haadcoN ko bhaa gayyi hai mirre ghar ki soorat
ya
maut ne dekh li kiyoN meray hi ghar kee soorat
doosra misra hai
ajnabi lagti hai phir deewar-o-dar kee soorat
is ke liye aap ki tajweez bhee pasand aayii
aik sawal hai keh kyaa is misre se "phir" nikaal dene se wazn theek ho jata hai ya nahiN
yaani
ajnabi lagti hai deewaar-o-dar ki soorat
ajnabi lag/ti hai deewaa/r-o-dar ki /soorat
aik baar phir aap ka shukria
wasalaam
zmufti
Aapkaa maTlaA yooN hei:
1. dil badalte/ hi badal jaa/ti hai ghar kee/ soorat
ajnabi lagti hai phir deewar-o-dar kee soorat
Pahle miSreA kee taqseem ko dekhiye jo bilkul lbeHr meiN hei:
Dil badalte = /0//0/0 = 2122 = faa'ilaa'tun
H'badaljaa = ///0/0 = 1122 = fa'ilaa'tun
(is rukn meiN "hee" kee "ye" saaqiT hourahi hei jo jaayiz hei.)
T'h'ghar kee = ///0/0 = 1122 = fa'ilaa'tun
(is rukn meiN "tee" kee "ye" aur "hei" kee "ye" saaqiT hourahi hei jo jaayiz hei.)
Soo'rat = /0/0 = 22 = feA'lun
=========
Ab ham aapke doosre miSreA ko dekhte heiN:
Ajnabi lag = /0//0/0 = 2122 = faa'ilaa'tun (SaHeeH hei)
T'h'deewaa = ///0/0 = 1122 = fa'ilaa'tun (SaHeeH hei)
R'dar'kee = //0/0 = 122 = fu'oo'lun(ghalaT hei)
Soo'rat = /0/0 = 22 = feA'lun (bilkul SaHeeH hei)
KhulaaSah
doosre miSreA meiN teesre rukn kee ghalaTi se yeh samajh meiN aataa hei ke "deewaar o dar" isteAmaal karnaa naamumkin hei.
Aek Soorat yeh mumkin hei:
baam o dar daste heiN veeran khanDar kee Soorat
aapka mandarja-e-zeil bhee Theek hei:
maut ne dekh lee kiyuN mere hee ghar kee Soorat
======
Khair-andesh,
Nazir.
Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:11 am
by zmufti
Mohtaram Nazir saheb
Tasleemaat
aap ka be had shukria aap ne waqt nikal kar mujhe tafseeli jawab diyya
aap ke mashwarey ke mutabiq ghazal ko edit kar diyya hai
umeed hai aayinda bhee rahnumaaii farmaate rahieN ge
wasalaam
zmufti
Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:13 am
by zmufti
Star Mind wrote:waah ! zarqa behen ! achchi Ghazal hai !
nazir SaaHib k tabSire k baa'd ab raaye zanee ki zaroorat nahiN rahee ! daad Haazir hai ! shukriya
Zia Baloch
shukria bhai saheb
khush rahiye
Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 1:14 pm
by hassan_bashir
Zarqa saaHiba,
bohat khuub, ache ash'aar nilaale haiN aap ne, Ghazal pasaNd aa'ee, so daad haazir hai qubuul keejiYe. :rose
Khush raheN!
~ Hassan ~
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:00 pm
by zmufti
Hasan saheb
aap ka buhat shukria
regards
zmufti