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SUKHANWARAN-E- URDUBANDHAN KE LIYE MERI TAZA
Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 11:52 pm
by Ehsan Raza
GHAZAL
KIS TRHA KAH DOON USEY ARZO SAMAN ACCHA LAGA
JISKO TAPTEE DHOOP MEN JALTA MAKAN ACCHA LAGA
JISKI SHIRYANOM MEN HAI DAHSHAT PARASTEE KA LAHOO
USKO MAZLOOMON KA KHOONE RAYEGAN ACCHAA LAGA
SHAAM KI DAHLEEZ PER OOREH UDASI KI REDA
IK SHAJAR KO NEEM SHAB IK MEHMAN ACCHA LAGA
WOH JO RISHTON KE KISEE AADAB SE WAQIF NA THA
BARMALA USKI ZUBAN SE LAFZE MAN-N ACCHA LAGA
KANPTEY HATON MEN APNEE JEET KA PARCHAM LIYE
HAOSLON KE DOSH PER IK NA TAWAN ACCHA LAGA
MASHRIQI TAHZEEB KI MAYYAT KO DAFNATE HUYE
KIY KISI KO DAORE HAZIR KA JAWAN ACCHA LAGA?
ISKI BUNYADON MEN HAI SHAMIL SHAHEEDON KA LAHOO
IS LIYE ''E H S A N ' KO HINDOSTAN ACCHA LAGA
Bahut khoob, waah waah.
Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:34 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Ehsan Raza SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat, 
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
YEH ZAMEEN ACCHI LAGI NA AASMA ACCHA LAGA
USKO TAPTEE DHOOP MEN JALTA MAKAN ACCHA LAGA
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "nah" ko aap ne "faa" ke vazn per isteAmaal kiyaa hei jou qadeem shaayeri meiN bhee shaaz o naadir hee miltaa hei. Aam Taur per "nah" bavazn-e-(noon + zabar) hee aataa hei "hey" ko saaqiT karne ke baAd.
MaAnawi liHaaz se agar "usko" ko "meHboob ko" ke mutaraadif qaraar de rahe heiN tou baat samajh meiN aajaati hei.
KHAMSHI KI CHEEKH SE BEDAR HOKER BHI USEY
TEEN SE AWAZ CHAPPER SE DHUAN ACCHAA LAGA
Ghazal kee radeef "achchaa lagaa" aapko paabund karrahi hei ke yaa tou waaqaAi achcha nateejah akhz kiyaa jaaye yaa phir Tanziyah mafhoom adaa hou.
JISKI SHIRYANOM MEN HAI DAHSHAT PARASTEE KA LAHOO
USKO MAZLOOMON KA KHOONE RAYEGAN ACCHAA LAGA
Waah waah, bahut khoob.
SHAAM KI DAHLEEZ PE OOREH UDASI KI REDA
IK SHAJAR KO NEEM SHAB IK MEHMAN ACCHA LAGA
sheAr achcha hei, waah waah. Lekin pahle miSreA meiN "peh" se behtar "per" hei kiyunkeh vazn meiN aasaktaa hei.
WOH JO RISHTON KE KISEE AADAB SE WAQIF NA THA
BARMALA USKI ZUBAN PE LAFZE MAN-N ACCHA LAGA
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSreA meiN "zubaaN se" hounaa chaahiye kiunkeh uski zubaan per maaN ke lafz ko dekh nahiN sakte. Uski zubaan se adaa hou tou sun sakte heiN.
MEZ PER IK CHAYE KI PIYALEE KO TANHA DEKH KER
KHAMSHI MEN QAHQAHON KA YEH SAMAN ACCHA LAGA
doosre miSreA meiN lafz "yeh" Hashvo hei. Yeh kahne per poochaa jaaegaa "kaunse qahqahe". Aapke sheAr kee ibaarat baghair "yeh" ke mukammal hourahi hei aur "yeh" Sirf vazn kee kami ko poori karrahaa hei.
KANPTEY HATON MEN APNEE JEET KA PARCHAM LIYE
HAOSLON KE DOSH PE IK NATAWAN ACCHA LAGA
achchi manzar kashi hei, waah waah. Iske doosre miSreA meiN bhee "pe" kee bajaaye "per" mustaHsan hei.
MASAHRIQI TAHZEEB KI MAYYAT KO DAFNATEY HUYE
DAOR-E- HAZIR MEN UBHARTA NAO JAWAN ACCHA LAGA
is sheAr meiN bhee radeef, qaabil-e-ghaur hei !
ISKI BUNYADON MEN HAI SHAMIL SHAHEEDON KA LAHOO
IS LIYE ''E H S A N ' KO HINDOSTAN ACCHA LAGA
achcha maqTaA hei, waah waah.
Mazeed mulaaHizah:
Meri aaraa se aapka muttafiq hounaa bilkul zaroori nahiN hei jo sare se ghalaT housakti heiN.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Re: [color=darkblue]SUKHANWARAN-E- URDUBANDHAN KE LIYE MERI
Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:08 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
Ehsan Raza wrote:
GHAZAL
YEH ZAMEEN ACCHI LAGI NA AASMA ACCHA LAGA
USKO TAPTEE DHOOP MEN JALTA MAKAN ACCHA LAGA
KHAMSHI KI CHEEKH SE BEDAR HOKER BHI USEY
TEEN SE AWAZ CHAPPER SE DHUAN ACCHAA LAGA
JISKI SHIRYANOM MEN HAI DAHSHAT PARASTEE KA LAHOO
USKO MAZLOOMON KA KHOONE RAYEGAN ACCHAA LAGA
SHAAM KI DAHLEEZ PE OOREH UDASI KI REDA
IK SHAJAR KO NEEM SHAB IK MEHMAN ACCHA LAGA
WOH JO RISHTON KE KISEE AADAB SE WAQIF NA THA
BARMALA USKI ZUBAN PE LAFZE MAN-N ACCHA LAGA
MEZ PER IK CHAYE KI PIYALEE KO TANHA DEKH KER
KHAMSHI MEN QAHQAHON KA YEH SAMAN ACCHA LAGA
KANPTEY HATON MEN APNEE JEET KA PARCHAM LIYE
HAOSLON KE DOSH PE IK NATAWAN ACCHA LAGA
MASAHRIQI TAHZEEB KI MAYYAT KO DAFNATEY HUYE
DAOR-E- HAZIR MEN UBHARTA NAO JAWAN ACCHA LAGA
ISKI BUNYADON MEN HAI SHAMIL SHAHEEDON KA LAHOO
IS LIYE ''E H S A N ' KO HINDOSTAN ACCHA LAGA
[/color]
mukarramee Ehsan SaaHeb: aadaab!
aap kee Ghazal naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. Nazir SaaHeb ke tafSeele tabSireh ke ba'd meraa kuch` kehnaa teHSeel-e-laaHaaSil ke mutaraadif ho gaa. chunaan.ch meree dilee daad qubool keejiYe! shukriyah!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:34 am
by jawaid badauni
Azeezi Ehsaan MiyaaN
Doa
Isay ittefaaq hi kah sakte haiN keh aap ki Gazal per jo mashwarey main dena chaahta tha mujh se qabl hi MoHtaram Nazir SaHab dey chuke haiN. BaRee khushbaKhtee hai aap ki keh Nazir SaHab aur Sarwar SaHab jaise buzurgoN se kuch seekhne ka mauqa mil rahaa hai iska faaidah uThaaiye.
Aap ne Nah ko jo FA ke wazn per istaimal kiya hai is per tou bohat taweel taZkira ho chuka hai yahaN jo shayad aap ki nazar se nahiN guzrah ho. "Yeh" aur "Woh" ko bawazn "FA" istaimal kar sakte haiN magar "Nah" ko nahiN. MaiN Badauni ke hi dou shoAra ke miSrey pesh kar raha hooN jin se aap ko "Nah" ka saheeh wazn mAlum ho jayega.
Yeh kya kahaa bekason kee aaheN nah kaam aayeeN nah kaam aayeN
"Auj Sabzwaari marHoom"
Nah jaane kya kahaa saaqi ne maiKhuwaaron ne kya samjha
"Dilkush Badauni"
Majmooii taur per ap ki Gazal achchi lagee. Aap ka jadeed andaaz.e suKhan mujhe pasaNd hai. Daad qubool kijiye.
Khair talab wa doago
Jawaid Badauni
Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 1:05 am
by Ehsan Raza
MOHATRAM JAWAID SB
TASLEEM
MOHATRAM NAZIR SB KE NUQAT PER NAZRE SANI KARNE KE BAAD GHAZAL IRSAAL KER DEE HAI GHAZAL KI PASANDEEDGI KE LIYE MAMNOON HOON.
Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 1:09 am
by Ehsan Raza
MOHATRAM NAZIR SB
AADAB
GHAZAL KE HAWALE SE JO ISHARE AAPNE TAHREER KIYE THE UN PER NAZRE SANI KE BAAD GHAZAL IRSAL KI HA I AP JAISE ASATAZA SEY BAHUT KUCH SEEKHNE KO MILTA HAI GHAZAL KI PAZI RAI KE LIYE SHUKRIYA
Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 1:15 am
by Ehsan Raza
MOHATRAM SARWAR RAAZ SB TASLEEMAT
AAPNE GHAZAL KO SARAHA AOR HIMMAT AFZAI KI ISKE LIYE BEHAD MASHKOOR HOON .
APKI NAI WEB SITE KE INAQAAD PER APKO DILI MUBARAK BAAD PESH KARTA HOON AOR SAATH HI RAMADHAN KI BHI MUBARAKBAAD QUBOOL FARMAYEN
EHSAN BADAUNI