[align=center]Yaraan-e-bazm

Guzarish 25 ke liYe apnee aek ma'mulee see kawish pesh karne kee sa'adat HaSil kar raha hooN. mujh~e qawee ummeed hai. keh aap in chand asha'aar ko mulaHeZ^ah farma kar apnee giraaN qeemat aara' se Z^aroor aagah farmaeeN ge!

Ghazal

1,

reg-e-SeHra-o-khas-o-khaar-e-muGheelaaN kiYa kiYa!
dasht-e-Ghurbat se uTh~a laYa hooN samaaN kiYa kiYa!

2,

sozish-e-zakhm-e-jigar qehr bapa rakh~tee hai.
khooN rulata hai mera seenah-e-saozaaN kiYa kiYa!

3,

ae khuda wusa't-e-dunYa-e-karam kitnee hai?
teree aaGhaosh-e-muHabbat meN hai pinhaaN kiYa kiYa?

4,

raat bh~ar rota hooN deewar se lag kar hamdam
yaad aate haiN tire wa'dah-o-pemaaN kiYa kiYa!

5,

Yeh mira dil hai Ya mehmaan sara hai koee?
do gh~aRee ruk ke chale jate haiN mehmaaN kiYa kiYa!

6,

teree duzdeedah naz^ar kaam nah kar de mera
is ne be noor kiYe mehr-e-darikhshaaN kiYa kiYa!

7,

mere hone se huwa lalah-o-gul ko khadshah
muntashir hone laga kaar-e-gulistaaN kiYa kiYa!

8,

be sahara th~a maiN is a'alam-e-rang-o-bu meN
"mere Allah ne mujh~ par kiYa aHsaaN kiYa kiYa"

9,

kh~ul geYa qufl-e-zabaaN jab bh~ee Muz^affar mera
naale utth~eeN ge sar-e-kochah-e-janaaN kiYa kiYa!

dua'a gao!
Muz^affar[/align]

[align=center]moHtaram Abdullah Nazir SaHib aadaab!

aap ne khaaksaar kee adna se kawish par apnee hamdardanah aor munSifanah raeY faraham kar ke mujh~ par yaqeena" aek adabee eHsaan kiYa hai. aap kee muHabbatooN aor shafqatooN ka shumaar mere aaHat^ah-e-teHreer meN naheeN raha. pas bajuz shukriYah aor dua'a ke aor kar bh~ee kiYa sakta hooN.

1,

raat ph~ar rota hooN deewar se lag kar hamdam
yaad aate haiN tire wa'dah-e-pemaaN kiYa kiYa!

pahle miSreA meiN "bhar" kee bajaye "phar" aur doosre miSreA meiN waAdah o paimaaN kee bajaaye "waAdah e paimaaN" shayad typo hei durust kerleejiye.
SheAr meiN deewaar se lag kar rounaa meiN "deewar se lag kar" kaa kinaayah sheAr kee ibaarat se zaahir nahiN keh kis Taraf ishaarah hei. Aisi kaifiyat deewaanagi meiN tou mumkin hei.
SheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.

jee, is she'er meN typo kee maojodagee z^ahir hai. aor is kee justuju ke liYe aap ka mamnoon hooN.

2,

teree duzdeedah naz^ar kaam nah kar de mera
is ne be noor kiYe mehr-e-darikhshaaN kiYa kiYa!

MuHavirah "kaam tamam karnaa" hei jisko Sirf "kaam nah karde meraa" se baat poori nahiN houti. BaharHaal is baat ko agar nazar-andaz kardeN tou mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

miSra' kee aek yeh Surat mulaHeZ^ah farmaiYe!

"teree duzdeedah naz^at maar nah Dale mujh~ ko"

3,

Yeh mira dil hai Ya mehmaan sara hai koee?
do gh~aRee aa ke chale jate haiN mehmaaN kiYa kiYa!

is she'er meN meree janib se typo aagaee hai. dusre miSra' meN (aa) ke bajae (ruk) hai. Ya'nee" do gh~aRee ruk ke chale jate haiN mehmaaN kiYa kiYa"

4,

mere hone se huwa lalah-o-gul ko khadshah
muntashir hone laga kaar-e-gulistaaN kiYa kiYa!

murad yeh th~ee keh mere diwanah pan se ehl-e-gulistaaN pareeshan-o-harasaaN haiN. mere gulshan meN maojudagee se chaman ka niz^aam aor amn darham barham hone laga hai. khaer maiN is maZ^moon ko mazeed behtar banane kee koshish karooN ga.

5,

kh~ul geYa qufl-e-zabaaN jab bh~ee Muz^affar mera
naale utth~eeN ge sar-e-kochah-e-janaaN kiYa kiYa!

MaAnavi liHaaz se maqTaA bahut khoob hei, waah waah. Lekin pahle miSreA meiN feAl-e-maaZi(past tense) aur doosre meiN feAl-e-mustaqbil (future tenSe) ibaarat kee kamzouri kaa sabab hei. Pahle miSreA meiN agar is ibaarat kaa yuN izhaar housake (agar meraa qufl-e-zabaaN khul jaaye tou).

maiN ne miSra'-e-ula meN zamanah-e-mustaqbil se hee kaam lene kee koshish kee hai. keh jab kabh~ee mera qufl-e-zabaaN kh~ul geYa.....Ya'nee jab kabh~ee aesa huwa........to YooN ho ga......... is miSra' meN (fa'l-e-mustaqbil mukammal=future parfect tense) ko baru-e-kar lane kee koshish kee hai.aor dusre miSra' meN iradae ka iz^haar hai. keh "nale uTTh~eeN ge.....................>agar mera kafl-e-zabaaN kh~ul geYa to.

jesa keh kaha jata hai. keh :agar jahaaz :aa geYa: to musafir madeenah pohonch jaeeN ge. Ya agar chapRasee(aa geYa) to daftar ka darwazah kh~ool de ga. Ya, YooN bh~ee kehte haiN keh :darwazah kh~ul geYa to ham bahir ja paeeN ge: Ya agar DakiYah :aa geYa: to khat^ le aae ga.jesa keh in jumlooN meN (aa geYa ) mustaqbil ke SeeGhah ko z^ahir kar raha hai.lekin baz^ahir maZ^ee ka SeeGhah lagta hai. isee t^araH faqeer ke miSra' meN (kh~ul geYa) SeeGhah-e-mustaqbil kee nishaan dahee kar raha hai. lekin is baat par mera iSraar hargiz naheeN hai!!!!!

maiN aap ka dil-o-jaan se mamnoon-o-aHsaan mand hooN keh aap is qadar taalaash-o-inhemaak se kalam ko mulaHeZ^ah farma kar khafeef se khafeef tar lekin qabil-e-iSlaaH nuqaat par t^ae,iranah nigaah Dalte haiN. khuda aap ka saayah-e-shafqat hamare sarooN par sakamat rakh~e. (aameen)

ijazut chahooN ga.

dua'a gao!
khadim
Muz^affar[/align][/color]

Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:[align=center]Yaraan-e-bazm

Guzarish 25 ke liYe apnee aek ma'mulee see kawish pesh karne kee sa'adat HaSil kar raha hooN. mujh~e qawee ummeed hai. keh aap in chand asha'aar ko mulaHeZ^ah farma kar apnee giraaN qeemat aara' se Z^aroor aagah farmaeeN ge!

Ghazal

1,

reg-e-SeHra-o-khas-o-khaar-e-muGheelaaN kiYa kiYa!
dasht-e-Ghurbat se uTh~a laYa hooN samaaN kiYa kiYa!

2,

sozish-e-zakhm-e-jigar qehr bapa rakh~tee hai.
khooN rulata hai mera seenah-e-saozaaN kiYa kiYa!

3,

ae khuda wusa't-e-dunYa-e-karam kitnee hai?
teree aaGhaosh-e-muHabbat meN hai pinhaaN kiYa kiYa?

4,

raat bh~ar rota hooN deewar se lag kar hamdam
yaad aate haiN tire wa'dah-e-pemaaN kiYa kiYa!

5,

Yeh mira dil hai Ya mehmaan sara hai koee?
do gh~aRee ruk ke chale jate haiN mehmaaN kiYa kiYa!

6,

teree duzdeedah naz^ar kaam nah kar de mera
is ne be noor kiYe mehr-e-darikhshaaN kiYa kiYa!

7,

mere hone se huwa lalah-o-gul ko khadshah
muntashir hone laga kaar-e-gulistaaN kiYa kiYa!

8,

be sahara th~a maiN is a'alam-e-rang-o-bu meN
"mere Allah ne mujh~ par kiYa aHsaaN kiYa kiYa"

9,

kh~ul geYa qufl-e-zabaaN jab bh~ee Muz^affar mera
naale utth~eeN ge sar-e-kochah-e-janaaN kiYa kiYa!

dua'a gao!
Muz^affar[/align]

mohtaram muzaffar bhai


bahut khoob ghazal kahi hai aapnay

khaasker.
sher 1 3 6 aur girah ka tau jawaab nahi.n.maasha allah

is dilkash ghazal per hamaari dilee daad qubool keejiye taaliyo.n kay saath. :rose :rose :rose

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.

mukhlis
haamidbaaqri

[align=center]moHtarmah Sara SaHibah aadaab!
aap kee dad aor taliYaaN hameshah yad raheeN geeN.
khush raheeN.

Wassalam
muz^affar[/align]

mophtaramee

MUZAFFAR SAHEB

salam-e-Ehtiram-o-aqeedat

wah wah

aaj pahlibar aapki khoobsurat Ghazal paRhi aur zaban se wah wah
nikli. bahut hi achhi Ghazal aapney khai hai. taqreeban sabhi
ashAar umdah aur qabil-e-taAreef haiN . meri janib se dili mubarakbad
qubool kareiN.

koshik karooNga ke ayendah bhi is bazm meiN aakar aapke kalam
se mazzzoz hooN.

khair andaish

irfan barabankwi

Muzaffar bhai
aap ki riwayati mushkil tarakeeb se bharpoor ghazal aap ki mehnat ki aayeena daar hai
mashallah
daad qabool kijye
regards
zmufti

Salam Muzaffar Sb,

aap ne ye ghazal sub se pehlay post ki meiN ne ussi waqt paRh li thi laikin taa-assurat qalm band karne ka moqaa ub milaa hai. chooNke saari ghazal hi achchhi hai iss leeaye saair ghazal par comments ke baja-aye un batoaN par zor dooN gaa jo aap ki ghazal paRne ke forun baad maire zahn meiN aa-eeN.

1. Matla khoobsoorat alfaaz ki aisi masHoor kun baarish hai ke yaqeen janiaye ke bohat dairaa tak alfaaz dimagh se takrate rahay. bohat jaandar matlA hai. balke aap ki ub tak meiN ne jo bhi shaAer iss web site par paRhi hai uss meiN se agar mujhe pasandeeda shaAer pasand karne ka kaha jaa-aye to meiN ye matlA hi utaa kar paish kar dooN ga.


2. aap ki jub bhi koi cheez paRhtaa hooN to phorun eHsaas hotaa hai ke aap alfaaz ke chanao meiN bohat baa zouaq haiN. ( yehi comments meiN aap ki nayee ghazal par comments daite huway bhi day chukaa hooN )

3. iss sheAer meiN aisaa lagaa jaise hamdam ka lafz sirf wazn poora karne ke leeaye lagaayaa gaya hai. waise to meiN apni shaAer meiN aadhay se ziaadaa lafz wazn poore karne ke leeaye bharti ke lagaa daitaa hooN. laikin aap ke shaAeri ko aap ke maiyaar par daikhte huwaay mujhe lagaa ke mujhe iss "taassur" ka izhaar zaroor karnaa chahiaye jo uss paRne ka baad huwaa.


Muzaffar sb, meiN abhi iss meHfil meiN aapni aap ko kuch misfit meHsoos kar rahaa hooN. kyoon ke meiN ne apne buzargoaN se hamesha ye his seekhaa hai ko dost ko raa-aye hameishaa eeeman dari so do. aap jaante haiN ke karobari masroofiat meiN ye mumkin naheeN hotaa ke bohat ziadaa time nikaalaa ja sake. aor choonke yahaaN par kaafi saare dost shaAeri ko appreciate kar ke dostoaN ki hoslaa afazai farmaa daiteN haiN. iss leeaye jo time mujhe miltaa hai uss meiN un batoaN ko karnaa ziadaa behtar samajhtaa hooN jin ko kissi bhi takhleeq meiN daikh kar mujhe bojhal pan, manfi, kamzori ya na pasandeedgi ka eHsaas hotaa hai. aor meiN aisaa sirf iss leeaye kartaa hooN ke ho saktaa hai maria khayaal theek hi ho aor kissi ko iss se faidaa ho ja-aye.

Agar aap ko bhi mairi baat buri lagi ho toa meiN maazarat chaahooN ga.


naa cheez,
Muhammad Khawar.

moHtaram MuHammad khawar SaHib aadab!

aap ne ye ghazal sub se pehlay post ki meiN ne ussi waqt paRh li thi laikin taa-assurat qalm band karne ka moqaa ub milaa hai. chooNke saari ghazal hi achchhi hai iss leeaye saair ghazal par comments ke baja-aye un batoaN par zor dooN gaa jo aap ki ghazal paRne ke forun baad maire zahn meiN aa-eeN.

kaese mizaaj haiN baRee khushee huee keh aap ne meree Ghazal ko itnee dilchaspee aor talash se dekh~a. is muHabbat aor i'nayat ke liye aap ka shukrguzaar hooN.

1. Matla khoobsoorat alfaaz ki aisi masHoor kun baarish hai ke yaqeen janiaye ke bohat dairaa tak alfaaz dimagh se takrate rahay. bohat jaandar matlA hai. balke aap ki ub tak meiN ne jo bhi shaAer iss web site par paRhi hai uss meiN se agar mujhe pasandeeda shaAer pasand karne ka kaha jaa-aye to meiN ye matlA hi utaa kar paish kar dooN ga.

aap kee muHabbat hai keh faqeer ko aesa samajh~te haiN. warnah maiN kisee qabil naheeN. sab aap ka Husn-e-naz^ar hai. aap ka baRee meherbanee, aor maze kee bat yeh hai keh mujh~e bh~ee yeh mat^la' itna hee pasand hai....

2. aap ki jub bhi koi cheez paRhtaa hooN to phorun eHsaas hotaa hai ke aap alfaaz ke chanao meiN bohat baa zouaq haiN. ( yehi comments meiN aap ki nayee ghazal par comments daite huway bhi day chukaa hooN )

maiN samajh~ta hooN keh khubSurat alfaaz^ aor u'mdah kheyaal hee she'er-o-naGhmah kee jaan hota hai. isee liye maiN qaSda" a'aam baol chaal ke alfaaz^ se gurez karta hooN. aor koshish karta hooN keh nafees alfaaz^ chun kar iz^haar-e-kheyaal karooN. agarcheh sadah aor a'aam fehem alfaaz^ ka bh~ee apna Husn hai. aor un se bh~ee she'eree jadu jagaya ja sakta hai. jaesa keh maZ^ee maiN DaGh Dehlawi, ASGhar, jigar, Seemaab Akbar Abadi, Raz Chandpuri waGhaerah ne jagaya. aor maZ^ee qareeb meN SaHir, FaeZ^ AHmad FaeZ^, NaSir Kazmi, Nadeem, Jaon Eliya,Munir Niyazi, MoHsin Bh~opali, ne sadah alfaaz^ se khud ko manwaya. aor isee t^arH hamare e'hed meN AHmad Faraz, Hamayat Ali Shai'er, Amjad Islam Amjad, Khalid Majeed, Abdullah Naz^ir, Sarwar A'lam Raz Sarwar aor kaee dusre shamil haiN jo nafees alfaaz^ aor sadagee meN purkaree paeda karne par qadir haiN.

aor faqeer ka bh~ee yahee wat^irah hai keh jo kaha jae a'aam fehem aor sadah ho ta keh har lamHah par mazaaq-e-jamhoor ko malHooz^-e-khat^ir rakh~a jae. aap kee dad aor muHabbat ka shukriyah!

3. iss sheAer meiN aisaa lagaa jaise hamdam ka lafz sirf wazn poora karne ke leeaye lagaayaa gaya hai. waise to meiN apni shaAer meiN aadhay se ziaadaa lafz wazn poore karne ke leeaye bharti ke lagaa daitaa hooN. laikin aap ke shaAeri ko aap ke maiyaar par daikhte huwaay mujhe lagaa ke mujhe iss "taassur" ka izhaar zaroor karnaa chahiaye jo uss paRne ka baad huwaa.

aap durust farma rahe haiN :hamdam: meHeZ^ khanah puree ke t^aor par aageya hai.....aor Z^arurat-e-she'er ko khat^ir nasheen rakh~te huwe likh~a hai.

Muzaffar sb, meiN abhi iss meHfil meiN aapni aap ko kuch misfit meHsoos kar rahaa hooN. kyoon ke meiN ne apne buzargoaN se hamesha ye his seekhaa hai ko dost ko raa-aye hameishaa eeeman dari so do. aap jaante haiN ke karobari masroofiat meiN ye mumkin naheeN hotaa ke bohat ziadaa time nikaalaa ja sake. aor choonke yahaaN par kaafi saare dost shaAeri ko appreciate kar ke dostoaN ki hoslaa afazai farmaa daiteN haiN. iss leeaye jo time mujhe miltaa hai uss meiN un batoaN ko karnaa ziadaa behtar samajhtaa hooN jin ko kissi bhi takhleeq meiN daikh kar mujhe bojhal pan, manfi, kamzori ya na pasandeedgi ka eHsaas hotaa hai. aor meiN aisaa sirf iss leeaye kartaa hooN ke ho saktaa hai maria khayaal theek hi ho aor kissi ko iss se faidaa ho ja-aye.

mujh~e aap kee karubaree maSrufiyaat ka baRee shiddat se aHsaas hai. aor khuSuSa" Lahore kee karubaree daoR dh~oop se kaon aagah naheeN. yahaaN Bart^aniyah meN to aaTh~ gh~anTe kaam kiya aor gh~ar aa gae.....panch din kaam haftah itwaar ch~UTTee!

meree khuwahish hai keh aap in sab batooN ke bawajood meHfil meN baqaeedagee se tashreef laeeN. aor aek khaaS waqt muqarrar kar leeN. keh maiN ne falaaN waqt aek ya do gh~anTe Z^aroor meHfil meN jana hai. ya kam az kam haftah meN aek din hee sahee,,,, aap ke aane se ham sab kee HaoSilah afzaee hotee hai. aor khuSuSa" aap aese sanjeedah aadmee aor sukhanwar ka aesee adabee maHafil meN aana baRe aa'zaaz kee bat hotee hai.

Agar aap ko bhi mairi baat buri lagi ho toa meiN maazarat chaahooN ga.

aesee koee baat naheeN mujh~e to khushee is baat kee hai keh tashreef le aate haiN aor baRee deyanatdaree se kalam ko mulaHiZ^ah(janchna, paRtaal karna,) farmate haiN. aor Haqiqat yeh hai keh kalam ko laRee par lagane ka maqSad bh~ee to yahee hota hai. is Halawe se aap ka marhoon-e-minnat hooN keh aap kalam ko dekh~ne meN meree madad farmate haiN.

agar kabh~ee London kisee bahane aana ho to Ghareeb khanah par tashreef la kar khidmat ka maoqa' Z^aroor didiye ga.

Wassalam
MUz^affar A Muz^affr