Sarwar Raz wrote:
faaSile aur baRhe manzil-e-gumkardah ke
aur karte rahe ham zeest ke saamaaN kyaa kyaa!

dhoop aur chhaa,oN kaa woh khel, a'yaaza" billaah!
raNg dekhe tire ai u'mr-e-gurezaaN kyaa kyaa!

haaYe yeh laZZat-e-aazaar-e-shikastahpaayee!
ham ne Khud DhooND liYe apne bayaabaaN kyaa kyaa!

--------------------
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

moHteram mukarram Sarwar SaHeb
salaam-e-khuloos

waise tau puree ki puree ghazal hi aik Haseen muraqq'A hai magar yeh teen ash'Aar tau khaaS taur per pasand aaey. dilee daad Hazir hai. :rose :rose :rose

wassalam

jawaid badauni wrote:MoHtarmee Sarwar SaaHab,
aadaab qubool farmaaiye

Aapki Ghazal nazar nawaaz huwee. Awwal tou aapki koii Ghazal hi arSe bAAd paRhne ko mili hai aur yeh bhi kahna Ghalat nah hoga keh kisee tarahee mushairey meN aap ki shirkat bohat din bAAd huwee hai. WajH shayad yeh hai keh aap ne Khud ko "administrative" intezamiya umoor meN itna uljha liya hai keh ab shairee ke liye waqt kum hi mil pata hai.

Ghazal nihayat dilkush hai. Zubaan lajawab hai. TaGhazzul aur taKhayyul ke e'tbaar se bhee aapki ilmee wa funnee SalaaHiyaton ki aaiinadaar hai. Meri naacheez daad qubool kijiye.

Chund mushahidaat pesh karne ki ijazat chaahta hooN.

1. Doosrey sher meN aap ne "sham.e GhareebaN" alfaz ka istaimal kiya hai. JahaN tak mujhe ilm hai Jung-Karbala ke bAAd se yeh alfaz ek maKhSoos shaam keliye mauqoof ho gayee haiN waise chund shoara ab bhi inka istAimal Ghazal meN karte haiN. Yeh baat bus yuuN hi zimnan Arz kar dee isey e'traaz na tasawwoor kijiyega.

2. Teesre sher ko main ne baar bar gungunaya aur yaqeen maaniye "apna kaheN" ki jagah "apnayeN" bandish ke e'tbaar se ziyada chust hai. Aage aap ki marZee. Yaqeenan aap mujh se behtar jante haiN.

3. Chautha sher mujhe bohat pasand aaay aur kaii baar gunguna chuka hooN. YahaN bhee m'eraj.e ishq ki jagah meraj.e wafa paRhne meN ziyadah aasan aur achcha lagta hai. Tajweez phir tajweez hai Ghauar karne men kya harj hai.

4. Dhoop ChaaoN wala sher khub hai is maHawrey ka istaimal main ne kisee Ghazal meN pahli baar dekha hai. SubHaan Allah.

5. BiyabaaN qafiye wala sher mere e'tbaar se HaaSil.e Ghazal hai. Mujhe yeh sher bohat achcha laga. KhuSooSee daad qubool kijiye.

Ummid hai aindah bhi tarahee mushairoN men apne kalam.e balaGhat nizaam se nawazte raheNge.

Apka MuKhliS
Jawaid

janaab-e-Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!

Ghazal par aap kaa tabSireh aur mushaahidaat se mustafeed huwaa. daad ke liYe sipaas-guzaar hooN. Ghazal-goyee aaj kal yaqeena" kam ho gayee hai. is kee wajh meree UrduDuniiya ke intiz^aamee mu,a'amilaat meN maSroof honaa naheeN hai kyoN.k intiz^aam meN meraa haath bohat kam hai. albattah doosree maSroofiyaat itnee baRh gayee haiN keh waqt ke par lage rehte haiN! ek yeh bhee Khayaal aataa hai keh in GhazloN kaa mere ba'd ho gaa kyaa? chauthaa majmoo,a'h taiyyaar hai lekin chhapwaane se gurez kar rahaa hooN keh kitaaboN kee nikaasee joo-e-sheer laane se kam naheeN hai!

aap ke mushaahidaat ke muKhtaSar jawaab HaaZ^ir haiN:
-----------------------------
1. Doosrey sher meN aap ne "sham.e GhareebaN" alfaz ka istaimal kiya hai. JahaN tak mujhe ilm hai Jung-Karbala ke bAAd se yeh alfaz ek maKhSoos shaam keliye mauqoof ho gayee haiN waise chund shoara ab bhi inka istAimal Ghazal meN karte haiN. Yeh baat bus yuuN hi zimnan Arz kar dee isey e'traaz na tasawwoor kijiyega.

mujh ko i'lm hai keh :shaam-e-GhareebaaN: Hind-o-Pak meN ek maslak waale maKhSooS ma'nee meN ista'maal karte haiN. lekin is lafz^ kee koyee deenee Haiciyyat a'am naheeN huyee hai jab.k muta,a'ddis doosre alfaaz^ aisaa maqaam paa chuke haiN. is liYe :shaam-e-GhareebaaN: kaa ista'maal a'am hai jaisaa keh aap ne Khud bhee iqbaal kiyaa hai.
---------------------------
2. Teesre sher ko main ne baar bar gungunaya aur yaqeen maaniye "apna kaheN" ki jagah "apnayeN" bandish ke e'tbaar se ziyada chust hai. Aage aap ki marZee. Yaqeenan aap mujh se behtar jante haiN.

she'r ko gungunaa kar yaa gaa kar paRhnaa Khat^reh se Khaalee naheeN hai! aap ne sunaa ho gaa keh Mehdi Hasan, Ghulam Ali, Shaukat Aziz aur doosre gaane waale be-wazn ash,a'ar ko bhee :kheeNch-taan: kar sur-taal meN le aate haiN. aSl cheez taqt^ee' hai aur woh bhee 1-2 kee gardaan waalee naheeN bal.k a'rooZ^ee! aap is paimaaneh par she'r dekh leN to harj naheeN hai.
---------------------------
3. Chautha sher mujhe bohat pasand aaay aur kaii baar gunguna chuka hooN. YahaN bhee m'eraj.e ishq ki jagah meraj.e wafa paRhne meN ziyadah aasan aur achcha lagta hai. Tajweez phir tajweez hai Ghauar karne men kya harj hai.

aap kee tajweez sar aaNkhoN par magar :Husn: kee munaasibat se maiN ne :i'shq: pasand kiyaa. :wafaa: bhee achhaa hai. shukriyah!
-----------------------
4. Dhoop ChaaoN wala sher khub hai is maHawrey ka istaimal main ne kisee Ghazal meN pahli baar dekha hai. SubHaan Allah.

nawaazish, karam, shukriyah, mehrbaanee!
--------------------------
5. BiyabaaN qafiye wala sher mere e'tbaar se HaaSil.e Ghazal hai. Mujhe yeh sher bohat achcha laga. KhuSooSee daad qubool kijiye.

dilee shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:
moHtaram Sarwar A.R Sarwar SaHib aadaab!

"tune kuch~ bh~ee nah kaha ho jaese
mere hee dil kee Sada ho jaese"

kaha jata hai. keh banee aadam ko mehed se laHad tak Hawadic-e-duniYa ka samna hai. aor agar kaheeN panah hai. to woh aaGhaosh-e-laHad meN hee hai. Ya'nee musafar-e-hastee ko raHat agar hai. to aHat^ah-e-qabar meN hai. agarcheh faqeer ko is se qadr-e-ikhtelaaf hai......woh yooN keh gaor meN darHqiqat masaae,il ka daor-e-canee shura' ho jata hai. aor jise ham Harf-e-a'aam meN a'zaab-e-qabar waGhaerah se ta'beer karte haiN....agarcheh paarsa aor sae'eed wujood in Hawadic se mustacna haiN. lekin ham aese gunehgaar kiYa kareeN

khuda ma'loom is taodah-e-khaak meN kiya geeraee hai. keh jo geYa woh waheeN ka ho ke reh geYa.aor in khaak nasheenaan-e-a'dam meN se koee bh~ee wahaaN kee kaefiYat aor dilchaspiYooN ke barah meN aa kar naheeN batata.....aor aek ham haiN. keh iz^haar-e-dard-o-ranj ke bahaane talaash karte rehte haiN. maoseeqaar hai. to woh baaNsuree kee sureelee dh~unooN meN apnee tasallee aor raHat ka saaman pa leta hai. agar Sufee hai. to woh Yaad-e-ilahee se jee behla leta hai. ......rind-o-badmast jaam-o-meena se peYaas bujh~a leta hai. muSawwir hai. to woh a'ks ko apne rangooN se aek paekar ka roop de kar us ka mazah le leta hai.

GharZ^ reh gae ham shaae,i'r fit^rat laog....to ham fit^ree t^aor par chunkeh sust rao waqea' huwe haiN. is liYe a'malee maedaan meN Ya zindagee kee daoR meN tez gaam nah hone ke bae,ic pech~e reh jate haiN. agarcheh hameeN is ka malaal naheeN hota. agar kuch~ tasuf hota hai. to Sirf itna keh ham jo apne meHboob se kehna chahate th~e woh bh~ee nah keh pae. aor hamaree khuwahish Harf zer-e-lab ban kar dabee rahee.......aor yeh dabee huee khuwahish aor tamamna hameen kahaaN sukoon ka sans lene detee hai. seene meN sha'lah ban kar taRpatee hai. aor kabh~e aaNkh~ meN aaNsu ban kar sar-e-meHfil baae,ic-e-ruswaee bantee hai. lekin ham paas-e-meHboob ko muqadam rakh~te huwe kabh~ee bh~ee apnee naok-e-zabaaN par dilbar ka naam tak naheeN aane dete.....keh kaheeN woh pardah nasheeN zamanah kee naz^rooN aor mua'aashirah meN ruswa-o-badnaam nah ho jae. aor kabh~ee dil-o-jaaN par jabr karte haiN. aor meHboob ko bh~ulne ke waste her mumkin wat^eerah baru-e-kaar late haiN.....lekin sab kuch~ kar guzarne ke ba'd meHsoos karte haiN .keh hamaaree tamaam kawisheeN aor Harbe saa'ee-e-laHaSil hee nikle. aor akhir-e-kaar muqaddar hee ko murad-e-ilzaam Th~erate haiN. aor ratooN kee tareekee meN gaoshah-e-khalwat meN ja kar keh uTh~te haiN.


ham huwe gardish-e-dauraaN se pareshaaN kyaa kyaa!
kyaa thaa afsaanah-e-jaaN aur the u'nwaaN kyaa kyaa!

aaaahhhh.....kiYa naam deeN is fasanah-e-muHabbat ko.....ise afsanah-e-jaaN lekh~eeN ya barbadee-e-jaaN.....ise HaSil-e-u'mr-e-rawaaN lekh~eeN ya bedaad-e-kawish-e-nakaam.....kaon hai. jo hamare teer-e-neem kash kee chubh~an aor aaNkh~ooN kee namee ko meHsoos kar sakta hai...koee naheeN......laog to apnee jagah pure ka pura sheher hee dar pe aazaar ho jata hai...kise apna dhukh~Ra ja kar sunaeeN kis ke aage farYaad kareeN koee naheeN sunta....aakhir deewanah apne meHboob kee zulf ka darbastah (bandh~a huwa) keh uTh~ta hai.


tere aawaarah kahaaN jaaYeN,kise apnaa kaheN?
tujh se ummeed thee ai shehr-e-nigaaraaN kyaa kyaa

lekin a'aashiq-e-lachaar himmat naheeN harta aor apnee dh~un meN janib-e-manzil chalta jata hai.....rah kee dushwariYaaN apnee jagah rehzan-o-rehnuma apnee jagah....rastooN ke nasheeb-e-faraaz apnee jagah.......gard-o-Ghubaar-e-rah apnee jagah......aablah-o-khaar-e-muGheelaan-e-dasht-e-Ghurbat kee chubh~an apnee jagah..... saraab-e-dash ka fareb-e-naz^ar apnee jagah......aslaaf ke naqsh-e-kaf-e-pa apnee jagah.......kushtaagaan-e-rah-e-muHabbat ke kasah-e-sar apnee jagah....aor a'ashiq kee lagan aor justaju-e-shaoq apnee jagah dareeN aacna kaheeN kunj-e-dasht-e-weHshat meN talkhee-e-Halaat-o-Sau'bat-e-musafarat se tang aakar agar she'er yooN keh de to kiYa laae,iq-e-dad nah ho ga?


faaSile aur baRhe manzil-e-gumkardah ke
aur karte rahe ham zeest ke saamaaN kyaa kyaa!

justuju ka safar abh~ee khatam naheN huwa abh~ee to sakhtee-e-rah-e-t^alab aor baRh~e gee......aor baRh~e gee.......itnee baRh~e gee keh a'aashiq chilla uTh~e ga. dil apnee jagah mae,il ba faryad ho ga...shikastahpaaee rah kee deewar ban jae gee. qadam uTh~ana dobh~ar ho jae ga. aor manzil door se apne musafir kee haNsee uRa rahee ho gee.....jitna safar t^ae huwa ho ga faSilah aor baRh~e ga...kiYa t^urfah tamashah hai. keh a'ashiq jitna barh~ta jata hai.. manzil aor door hotee jatee hai......kabh~ee falak se shikwah sanj hota hai......to kabh~ee khud apne aap se.....akhir safar kee talkhee aor qalb-o-jigar ke Z^ae'f se tang aakar jab apne laho aor paseene ko dekh~ta hai. keh itna arzaaN ho geYa hai. keh raste ke patth~ar use chaaT rahe haiN. to khud bh~ee us dard ka mazah leta hai. aor falak se dad pa leta hai. aor unheeN wiranooN ko mehmaan sara-e-u'shshaaq jan kar kuch~ der qaYaam bh~ee kar guzarta hai. tab apnee zabaan-e-Haal se kehta hai.

haaYe yeh laZZat-e-aazaar-e-shikastahpaayee!
ham ne Khud DhooND liYe apne bayaabaaN kyaa kyaa!

bayaabaaN DooNDne se raHat-e-jaaN kahaan miltee hai. dard-e-dil to wohee rehta hai. saoz-e-jigar to taRpata hee rehta hai....lekin kaamal-e-Harat hai..keh in tamaam musafatooN, pareeshaniYooN, aor ibtalaooN ke bawajood a'ashiq mayoos naheN hota maZ^ee kee tamaam sakhtiYooN aor meHshar bapa takleefooN ko bh~ula kar ummeed lagata hai.aor ummeed-e-bahaar rakh~ta hai. aor shayad yahee kamyabee aor kamranee kee kaleed hai. to "Sarwar-e-pur ummeed se kis baat ka asfoos? woh to baharooN kee rah dekh~ raha hai.




Haif, "Sarwar"! tujhe aiyyaam-e-KhizaaN yaad naheeN?
i'shq meN hai tujhe ummeed-e-bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa!

meree dilee dad aor mubarak baad qubool kijiYe!


Wassalam
dua'a gao!

Muz^affar A Muz^affar

qiblah Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab!

kahaaN se laaYeN Sabr-e-HaZ^rat-e-Ayyoon ai saaqee?
Khum aaYe gaa, SuraaHee aaYe gee, tab jaam aaYe gaa!

soch rahaa hooN keh is tabSireh ke jawaab ke liYe waqt, dimaaGh aur qaabiliyyat kahaaN se laa,ooN?

aap ne jis meHnat aur muHabbat se itnaa t^aweel aur is qadar dilchasp tabSirah likhaa hai us se maiN is nateejeh par poNhchaa ke England meN din meN 24 kee bajaaYe 36 ghanTe hote haiN! ho nah ho yeh aap kee Her Majesty kaa sarkaaree Hukm hai!

wallaah! ma'loom naheeN keh aap ko itnaa waqt kahaaN se mil jaataa hai. phir tabSirah bhee dilkash aur baa-ma'nee! maiN to aap kaa qaa,il ho gayaa SaaHeb! aap kee daad-o-teHseen ke liYe dilee mamnoon hooN:

tum salaamat raho hazaar baras!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki mandarja-e-zeil ghazal baghair kisi mulaaHizaat ke bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbad qubool keejiye.


GHAZAL:

ham huwe gardish-e-dauraaN se pareshaaN kyaa kyaa!
kyaa thaa afsaanah-e-jaaN aur the u'nwaaN kyaa kyaa!

har nafas ik nayaa afsaanah sunaa kar guzraa
dil peh phir beet gayee shaam-e-GhareebaaN kyaa kyaa!

tere aawaarah kahaaN jaaYeN,kise apnaa kaheN?
tujh se ummeed thee ai shehr-e-nigaaraaN kyaa kyaa!

bandagee Husn kee jab se huyee me'raaj-e-i'shq
sajhdah-e-kufr banaa HaaSil-e-eemaaN kyaa kyaa!

faaSile aur baRhe manzil-e-gumkardah ke
aur karte rahe ham zeest ke saamaaN kyaa kyaa!

dhoop aur chhaa,oN kaa woh khel, a'yaaza" billaah!
raNg dekhe tire ai u'mr-e-gurezaaN kyaa kyaa!

haaYe yeh laZZat-e-aazaar-e-shikastahpaayee!
ham ne Khud DhooND liYe apne bayaabaaN kyaa kyaa!

Haif, "Sarwar"! tujhe aiyyaam-e-KhizaaN yaad naheeN?
i'shq meN hai tujhe ummeed-e-bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa!

Aap ne Jawaid Badauni SaaHib ke tabSire ke javaab meiN likhkhaa hei:

aSl cheez taqt^ee' hai aur woh bhee 1-2 kee gardaan waalee naheeN bal.k a'rooZ^ee! aap is paimaaneh par she'r dekh leN to harj naheeN hai.

Agar aap kisi aisi kitaab kaa Hawaalah de sakeN jisko paRhkar yeh samajh sakooN ke aSli arkaan ke vazn aur mumaacil Harakaat o sakanaat, sabab-e-khafeef, sabab-e-caqeel, mukhtalif qism ke auTaad aur phir Hindi maatraaoN ke mumaacil auzaan (jo baAz auqaat niSf aur aek se aur baAZ auqaat 1 aur 2 ke zariyeA samjhe jaate heiN) in sab meiN SauTi taqTeeA karne se kyaa farq paidaa houtaa hei?. Bahut mehrbaani hougi.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

mukarramee Nazir SaaHeb: aadaab!

Zarrah-nawaazee ke liYe sipaas-guzaar hooN. Ghazal kaa aap ko pasand aa jaanaa us kee kaamyaabee kee daleel hai. aur yeh mere liYe kaafee hai! shukriyah!

jaisee kitaab kee aap ko talaash hai mujh ko kisee aisee kitaab kaa i'lm naheeN hai. maiN 1-2 kee gardaan ko mo'tabar naheeN jaantaa kyoN.k woh taqt^ee' kee saaree nazaakatoN aur baareekiyoN kaa iHaat^ah naheeN kar saktee hai. albattah ibtidaayee tarbiyat ke liYe us ko liyaa jaa saktaa hai. mumkin hai keh aap is Khayaal se muttafiq nah hoN. so koyee harj naheeN hai. iKhtilaaf-e-raaYe buree cheez naheeN hai.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Sarwar Raz wrote:yaaraan-e-meHfil: aadaab a'rZ^!

chand din huwe Jawaid Badauni SaaHeb ne ek Ghazal i'naayat kee thee jis kee zameen thee :HairaaN kyaa kyaa, pareshaaN kyaa kyaa:. paRh kar jee meN aayee keh maiN bhee fikr karooN. so jo keh sakaa HaaZ^ir-e-Khidmat hai. aap kee raaYe aur tabSiroN kaa intiz^aar rahe gaa. shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
------------------------
GHAZAL:

ham huwe gardish-e-dauraaN se pareshaaN kyaa kyaa!
kyaa thaa afsaanah-e-jaaN aur the u'nwaaN kyaa kyaa!

har nafas ik nayaa afsaanah sunaa kar guzraa
dil peh phir beet gayee shaam-e-GhareebaaN kyaa kyaa!

tere aawaarah kahaaN jaaYeN,kise apnaa kaheN?
tujh se ummeed thee ai shehr-e-nigaaraaN kyaa kyaa!

bandagee Husn kee jab se huyee me'raaj-e-i'shq
sajhdah-e-kufr banaa HaaSil-e-eemaaN kyaa kyaa!

faaSile aur baRhe manzil-e-gumkardah ke
aur karte rahe ham zeest ke saamaaN kyaa kyaa!

dhoop aur chhaa,oN kaa woh khel, a'yaaza" billaah!
raNg dekhe tire ai u'mr-e-gurezaaN kyaa kyaa!

haaYe yeh laZZat-e-aazaar-e-shikastahpaayee!
ham ne Khud DhooND liYe apne bayaabaaN kyaa kyaa!

Haif, "Sarwar"! tujhe aiyyaam-e-KhizaaN yaad naheeN?
i'shq meN hai tujhe ummeed-e-bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa!
--------------------
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

mohtaram sarwar A raz saahib

aapki ustaadaanah takhleeq laajawaab hai.

bahut seekhnay kau mila hame.n.

is behtareen ghazal per hamaari dilee daad aur mubaarkbaad haazir hai qubool farmaaye.n :rose :rose :rose

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.

mukhlis
haamidbaaqri

haamidbaaqri wrote:

Sarwar Raz wrote:yaaraan-e-meHfil: aadaab a'rZ^!

chand din huwe Jawaid Badauni SaaHeb ne ek Ghazal i'naayat kee thee jis kee zameen thee :HairaaN kyaa kyaa, pareshaaN kyaa kyaa:. paRh kar jee meN aayee keh maiN bhee fikr karooN. so jo keh sakaa HaaZ^ir-e-Khidmat hai. aap kee raaYe aur tabSiroN kaa intiz^aar rahe gaa. shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
------------------------
GHAZAL:

ham huwe gardish-e-dauraaN se pareshaaN kyaa kyaa!
kyaa thaa afsaanah-e-jaaN aur the u'nwaaN kyaa kyaa!

har nafas ik nayaa afsaanah sunaa kar guzraa
dil peh phir beet gayee shaam-e-GhareebaaN kyaa kyaa!

tere aawaarah kahaaN jaaYeN,kise apnaa kaheN?
tujh se ummeed thee ai shehr-e-nigaaraaN kyaa kyaa!

bandagee Husn kee jab se huyee me'raaj-e-i'shq
sajhdah-e-kufr banaa HaaSil-e-eemaaN kyaa kyaa!

faaSile aur baRhe manzil-e-gumkardah ke
aur karte rahe ham zeest ke saamaaN kyaa kyaa!

dhoop aur chhaa,oN kaa woh khel, a'yaaza" billaah!
raNg dekhe tire ai u'mr-e-gurezaaN kyaa kyaa!

haaYe yeh laZZat-e-aazaar-e-shikastahpaayee!
ham ne Khud DhooND liYe apne bayaabaaN kyaa kyaa!

Haif, "Sarwar"! tujhe aiyyaam-e-KhizaaN yaad naheeN?
i'shq meN hai tujhe ummeed-e-bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa!
--------------------
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

mohtaram sarwar A raz saahib

aapki ustaadaanah takhleeq laajawaab hai.

bahut seekhnay kau mila hame.n.

is behtareen ghazal per hamaari dilee daad aur mubaarkbaad haazir hai qubool farmaaye.n :rose :rose :rose

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.

mukhlis
haamidbaaqri

biraadaram Baaqri SaaHeb:aadaab!

aap kee be-intihaa i'naayaat kaa dilee shukriyah. Ghazal aap ko pasand aayee hai to Theek hee ho gee. lekin :ustaadaanah: to naheeN ho saktee kyoN.k :ustaad: yahaaN kahaaN?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"