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Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:08 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Saara JabeeN SaaHibah,
- -- -
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat, 
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Aapki ghazal yuN hei:
Ghazal:
1. Behr-e-hastee meiN heiN aane lage toofaaN kyaa kyaa
... apni saansaoN ke tamavvuj meiN hei pinhaaN kyaa kyaa.
2. raah-e-ulfat mein moyassar houe samaaN kyaa kyaa
... dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar, gardish-e-dauraaN, kyaa kyaa
3. jism ko rooh tou khwaabon ke liye ta'abeereN
... "mere allah ne mujh per kiye iHsaaN kyaa kyaa"
4. jab bhi karta hai koii shaqs wafa ki baatein
...yaad ajaate hain guzre hue paimaaN kyaa kyaa
5. har taraf bheeR hai phir bhi hoon main kitni tanhaa
...aankh ruswaa hai magar dil mein hain armaaN kyaa kyaa
6. jaane kab tak rahe apnaoN se judaayi :Saara:
...dekhiye aur dikhaayegi bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa
Saare ashAar aapke andaaz-e-fikr ke iAtibaar se bahut dilkash hei jiske baare meiN yehi kahoongaa aap ne is baar ziyaadah iHtiyaat se sheAr kahe heiN. Ummeed hei urdubandhan ke saare saathiyaoN ko bahut pasand aayenge. Dobaarah meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:16 pm
by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
moHtarmah Sara JabeeN SaHibah aadaab!
aap kee Ghazal Guzarish 25 ke t^arHee miSra' par numae,ish ke liYe pesh kar dee gaee hai. faqeer ko dekh~ne ka maoqa' mila aor dekh~ne ke ba'd baRee tasallee aor raHat ka aHsaas huwa. keh itnee u'mdah aor dilkash Ghazal keh kar aap ne apnee qalamee SalaHiYatooN aor adabee zaoq kee numaee,indagee kar dee hai.
Ghazal ka lab-o-lehjah aap kee dakhlee taab-o-tawanaee ka a'kkaas hai. aap ke haaN Sirf nafees maZ^ameen hee naheeN. balkeh sikwah-e-meHboob kee farawaanee bh~ee hai. agar baYaan meN kaheeN kaheeN shu'lagee paeda ho gaee hai. to aage chal kar shaae,istagee ka ras bh~ee gh~ool diya geya hai.
aap ka zakhmee magar khuddaar lehjah asha'aar meN munfarid rang aor pur aa'tmaad shanaakht banane meN madadgaar hai. kabh~ee khabh~ee aap ke ashaa'aar meN ummeed-o-aas ka rang ch~alak jata hai. agarcheh aap ke haaN dard ka qadre fuqdaan hai. lekin is ke bara'aks shikayat ka a'nSar zeyadah fa'aal dikh~aee deta hai. bahar kaef aap kee kalam rawayat aor infaradiyat ka HaseeN sangam hai.
Ghazal:
1. Behr-e-hastee meiN heiN aane lage toofaaN kyaa kyaa
... apni saansaoN ke tamavvuj meiN hei pinhaaN kyaa kyaa.
2. raah-e-ulfat mein moyassar houe samaaN kyaa kyaa
... dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar, gardish-e-dauraaN, kyaa kyaa
3. jism ko rooh tou khwaabon ke liye ta'abeereN
... "mere allah ne mujh per kiye iHsaaN kyaa kyaa"
4. jab bhi karta hai koii shaqs wafa ki baatein
...yaad ajaate hain guzre hue paimaaN kyaa kyaa
5. har taraf bheeR hai phir bhi hoon main kitni tanhaa
...aankh ruswaa hai magar dil mein hain armaaN kyaa kyaa
6. jaane kab tak rahe apnaoN se judaayi :Saara:
...dekhiye aur dikhaayegi bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa
aap kee HaseeN kawish par dilee dad aor mubarak baad qubool kijiYe!
Wassalam
Muz^affar
Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:06 am
by muhammad_19k
Saaraa ji,
abhi kuch dair ke leeaye log in huwa tao apa ki ghazal par nazar paRh gayee. aik khoobsoorat takhleeq par mubaarikbaad qabool keejiaye.
aap mujh jaise naalaiq ki is bazm mairi hasiat jaanti haiN. aik tifl se ziada kia ho gi. mujh ye haq hi naheeN pohanchtaa ke kissi ki shaAeri par tabsiraa karooN. laikin jub kabhi koi baat samajh naheeN aati to pooche baghair naheeN reh saktaa. kia aap mairi hoslaa afazai farmaa-aiN gi?
1. Behr-e-hastee meiN heiN aane lage toofaaN kyaa kyaa
... apni saansaoN ke tamavvuj meiN hei pinhaaN kyaa kyaa.
mujhe lagaa ( jis ke ghalat hone ke gumaan ghalib hai bus iss leeaye zikr kar rahaa hooN ke is bahane kuch seekhne ka moqaa mil ja-aye ga) ke doosre misre meiN apni ki jagaa "mairi" ka lafz ziadaa suite kar saktaa hai.
Behr-e-hastee meiN heiN aane lage toofaaN kyaa kyaa
mairi saansaoN ke tamavvuj meiN hei pinhaaN kyaa kyaa.
on the whole shaAer bohat jaandaar lagaa.
2. raah-e-ulfat mein moyassar houe samaaN kyaa kyaa
... dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar, gardish-e-dauraaN, kyaa kyaa
iss shaAer meiN agar misroaN ki tarteeb badal di jaa-aye toa kia asar ho ga?
dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar, gardish-e-dauraaN, kyaa kyaa
raah-e-ulfat mein moyassar houe samaaN kyaa kyaa
dard e dil walee misraA meiN mujh mosiqiat ki kuch kami mehsoos haee.
3. jism ko rooh tou khwaabon ke liye ta'abeereN
... "mere allah ne mujh per kiye iHsaaN kyaa kyaa"
bohat khoobsoorat gira hai. pehle misrA meiN "jism ko rooH" yani ko isteAmaal oar baad meiN "ke liaye" ka istemaal maire zahan par kuch bohat achha taa'assur na chhor sakaa.
mujhe lagaa jaise ye shakal ziadaa behtar hai, " jism ko rooH toa khaaboaaN ko haiN taabeeraiN mileeN". meiN ne iss meiN donoaN jagaa ko ka isteAmaal kiyaa hai. aap ka iss bare meiN kia khayaal hai?
4. jab bhi karta hai koii shaqs wafa ki baatein
...yaad ajaate hain guzre hue paimaaN kyaa kyaa
bohat khoob.
5. har taraf bheeR hai phir bhi hoon main kitni tanhaa
...aankh ruswaa hai magar dil mein hain armaaN kyaa kyaa
iss shaAer mein bheer meiN akaile hone ka aankh ki ruswai aor dil ke armanoan se taaluq kuch bohat ziadaa mazboot naheeN mehsoos huwaa. donoaN misraa apni apni jagaa par mutaSSir kun lage.
6. jaane kab tak rahe apnaoN se judaayi :Saara:
...dekhiye aur dikhaayegi bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa
bohat khoob.
meiN umeed kartaa hooN ke agar aap ke pass time huwaa tao mairi ghalat fehmiaN door farmaa daiN gi.
regards,
Muhammad Khawar.
Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 10:33 am
by Mahtab Qadr
saara ji
salam e masnoon
ghazal ka har sher bahut khoosurat hai. is murassa ghazal ke lye mubarakbaad
Mahtab
Re: Ghazal # 25..........Sara Jabeen
Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 6:04 am
by haamidbaaqri
sara_j wrote:Ahl-e-mehfil,
adaab arz hai.
guzarish # 25 per meri adna si koshish pesh hai
ummeed ke pasand fermayenge.
[align=center]
Ghazal:
1. Behr-e-hastee meiN heiN aane lage toofaaN kyaa kyaa
... apni saansaoN ke tamavvuj meiN hei pinhaaN kyaa kyaa.
2. raah-e-ulfat mein moyassar houe samaaN kyaa kyaa
... dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar, gardish-e-dauraaN, kyaa kyaa
3. jism ko rooh tou khwaabon ke liye ta'abeereN
... "mere allah ne mujh per kiye iHsaaN kyaa kyaa"
4. jab bhi karta hai koii shaqs wafa ki baatein
...yaad ajaate hain guzre hue paimaaN kyaa kyaa
5. har taraf bheeR hai phir bhi hoon main kitni tanhaa
...aankh ruswaa hai magar dil mein hain armaaN kyaa kyaa
6. jaane kab tak rahe apnaoN se judaayi :Saara:
...dekhiye aur dikhaayegi bahaaraaN kyaa kyaa
[/align]
sara bahen
bahut khoob .....waah waah.
is baar tau aapnay kamaal kardiya.
saaray sher hame.n pasand aaye.
aik murassa ghazal hai yeh aapki
is kaamiyaab kaavish per hamaari dilee daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool keejiye. :rose :rose :rose
allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.
aapka bhai
haamidbaaqri
Bahut khoob
Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 2:48 pm
by irfan barabankwi
mohtarmah
SARA SSAHIBA
aapki Ghazal khoobsurat Ghazal nazar nawaz huwi. wah wah kiya
khoob ghazal kahi hai. meri janib se dili mubarakbad qubool kareiN.
khair andaish
irfan barabankwi
Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:16 am
by zmufti
buhat khoob
Sara jee
aap ki yeh ghazal meN aik pukhta shayera ke kalam ki jhalak pesh kar rahi hai
sabhi ashaar achche heN
meri janib se daad qabool kijye
regards
zmufti
Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:50 pm
by muhammad_19k
Saraa ji,
aik do baar on line huwa to daikha ke aap ne baaqi logoaN ko jawab likhaa huwaa hay laikin maire sawalooaN ka jawab nadaarid. aik baar to aisa lagaa jaise aap ne ghussa kar leeaye ho. (iss ka izhaar meiN ne muzaffar sb ki ghazal par tabsira karte huway bhi kiyaa hai. ubb aap ke itnay itmenaan bakhs jawaabat daikh kar kuch hoslaa huwaa hai. balke kuch kia bohat huwaa hai.
aap ki shaAeri par tabsira karte karte to meiN "gulookaar" ho jaa-ooN ga. ( just a joke!).
Allah aap ko khush rakhay,
Duagoa,
Muhammad Khawar.