Page 1 of 1
MERI TAZA GHAZAL
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:12 am
by Rizwan Saba
GHAZAL (1)
Unki nazaroN meN andhera hi andhera hoga
jisne sooraj ko bohat paas se dekha hoga
Bhao Bazar Ke Girne ki Dua Mat Mango
Bhao Girne Se Lahu Aur Bhi Sasta Hoga
Usne Kal Raat Ujalon Ki Qasam Khayee Thi
Aisa Lagta Hai Ke Sooraj Kahin Nikla Hoga
DastakeN Di ThiN Yahi soch Ke DarwazoN Par
Shahar Mera hai Yahan Koi To apna Hoga
Jisko Dunya Ne Burai Ki Nazar Se Dekha
Zahan Kehta hai Wahi Aadmi Achchha Hoga
Khab Sachcha Hai to Tabeer Bhi Sachchi Hogi
Zahan Jhoota hai to Har Khab Bhi Jhoota Hoga
Rizwan saba
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:47 am
by muhammad_19k
Rizwan SaHib,
Assalam o Alaikum.
aap ki khoobSoorat ghazal nazar meiN aayaa toa socha lab kushai kar looN. ijaazat hai?
Unki nazaroN meN andhera hi andhera hoga
jisne sooraj ko bohat paas se dekha hoga
bohat zabardast khyaal paish kiyaa hai aap ne. bohat achha sha'er hai laikin pehly miSra meiN Unki oar doosre miSra meiN jis manasib naheen hai. iss aib ko asaataza ne shutar gurbaaN ka naam diyaa hai. pehle miSra meiN bhi Uski ki mansab rahay ga.
Bhao Bazar Ke Girne ki Dua Mat Mango
Bhao Girne Se Lahu Aur Bhi Sasta Hoga
khayaal acchchhaa hai. laikin mujhe pehly miSraa rawanee meiN thoRa kamzor meHsoos huwaa.
Usne Kal Raat Ujalon Ki Qasam Khayee Thi
Aisa Lagta Hai Ke Sooraj Kahin Nikla Hoga
kuch kami kami ka eHsaas huwaa. mafHoom apne poore HuSn ke saath wazeh naheeN huwaa.
DastakeN Di ThiN Yahi soch Ke DarwazoN Par
Shahar Mera hai Yahan Koi To apna Hoga
bohat khoob!
Jisko Dunya Ne Burai Ki Nazar Se Dekha
Zahan Kehta hai Wahi Aadmi Achchha Hoga
dooSre miSra meiN wohi ke saath sirf ka taaSSur milaa. jis se mafhoom bohat sakht ho jaataa hai. aor agar woh bhi ka mafhoom wazeH kiyaa jaa-aye toa ziadaa bhalaa maaloom ho ga ( sirf aik dost ki raa-aye hai. )
Khab Sachcha Hai to Tabeer Bhi Sachchi Hogi
Zahn Jhoota hai to Har Khab Bhi Jhoota Hoga
ye aik aam sa sha'er lagaa.
kissi bhi qism gustaakhi ke leeaye maa'zirat,
Muhammad Khawar.
Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:04 am
by Anmol
Rizwan Saba wrote:GHAZAL (1)
Unki nazaroN meN andhera hi andhera hoga
jisne sooraj ko bohat paas se dekha hoga
Bhao Bazar Ke Girne ki Dua Mat Mango
Bhao Girne Se Lahu Aur Bhi Sasta Hoga
DastakeN Di ThiN Yahi soch Ke DarwazoN Par
Shahar Mera hai Yahan Koi To apna Hoga
Aadaab,
Rizwan SaaHib!
Aap ki ghazal bahut achchhi hai, aur is per Khawar SaaHib ka tabsara bhi bahut Khoob hai aur mujhe bhi un ke sabhi points se ittefaq hai. Quoted ashaar per meri dili daad qubool kijiye.
Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:01 am
by yasir shah
muHtaram RiZwaan sabaa!
assalaamOa'laikum
Phir Haazir-e-khidmat hooN apne ma'moolee tabSire ke saath :
Rizwan Saba wrote:GHAZAL (1)
Unki nazaroN meN andhera hi andhera hoga
jisne sooraj ko bohat paas se dekha hoga
bahut khoob ! kyaa kehne janaab-(baqol Khawar SaaHib "unki" bajaae "uski" kaheN)
wese "andhera honay" ke liye "bahut paas" ki shart' bhi iZaafee hay laiken is isti'aaray se janam lene waalaa maZmoon u'mdah hay wagarnah isti'aaray ki kamzoree ko door karne ke liye aik Soorat yeh bhi so saktee thee :
"jis ne sooraj ko zaraa Ghor se daiKhaa ho gaa"
Bhao Bazar Ke Girne ki Dua Mat Mango
Bhao Girne Se Lahu Aur Bhi Sasta Hoga
waah !
Usne Kal Raat Ujalon Ki Qasam Khayee Thi
Aisa Lagta Hai Ke Sooraj Kahin Nikla Hoga
ma'nee u'nqaa hay- she'r mojoodah raNg ke shaayaaN naheeN
DastakeN Di ThiN Yahi soch Ke DarwazoN Par
Shahar Mera hai Yahan Koi To apna Hoga
khoob hay ,,aik apnaa she'r yaad aa gayaa :
bheego barsaat meN keh raat ga.ay
kis kaa darwaazah KhaTKhaTaao gay !
Jisko Dunya Ne Burai Ki Nazar Se Dekha
Zahan Kehta hai Wahi Aadmi Achchha Hoga
pehle miSre' ki bandish sust aur Ghair.faSeeH hay ,,"buree nazar se daiKhnaa" faSeeH.tar hay--ma'nee ke liHaaz se she'r aChChaa hay ,,waaqi'ee "zahn" yahee kahtaa hay magar dil kaa mu'aamalah aur hay -
Khab Sachcha Hai to Tabeer Bhi Sachchi Hogi
Zahan Jhoota hai to Har Khab Bhi Jhoota Hoga
aChChaa hay !
Rizwan saba
aap ki deegar kaawishoN kaa intizaar rahay gaa-
mukhliS
yasir
Re: MERI TAZA GHAZAL
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 7:16 pm
by jawaid badauni
Rizwan Saba wrote:GHAZAL (1)
Unki nazaroN meN andhera hi andhera hoga
jisne sooraj ko bohat paas se dekha hoga
Bhao Bazar Ke Girne ki Dua Mat Mango
Bhao Girne Se Lahu Aur Bhi Sasta Hoga
Usne Kal Raat Ujalon Ki Qasam Khayee Thi
Aisa Lagta Hai Ke Sooraj Kahin Nikla Hoga
DastakeN Di ThiN Yahi soch Ke DarwazoN Par
Shahar Mera hai Yahan Koi To apna Hoga
Jisko Dunya Ne Burai Ki Nazar Se Dekha
Zahan Kehta hai Wahi Aadmi Achchha Hoga
Khab Sachcha Hai to Tabeer Bhi Sachchi Hogi
Zahan Jhoota hai to Har Khab Bhi Jhoota Hoga
Rizwan saba
Biraadram Rizwan Saahab!
aadaab.o.tasleemaat
"Qayamat yaqeenan qareeb aa gaii hai." Kaisee ajeeb ajeeb cheezeN saamne aa rahee haiN. Y'AAni aap Urdubandhan meN tashref ley bhee aaye aur hameN Khabar bhee nah huwee. Ghaltee shayad meri hi hai. "Aligarhnetwork" ki zimedaari jab se saNbhaali hai doosree chaupaloN meN kum hi ja pata hooN. WahaaN hazaar se ziyadah membraan haiN. Woh "Yahoogroup" hai har "post" ko "approve"karne se qabl tawajjo se paRhna paRta hai. Ab tou maiN Khood apni mehfil yAAni "mehfil_e_Jawaid" meN bhi kum hi ja pata hooN.
Aapki mundarjabala Ghazal acchchee lagee. Azeezi wa moHibbee Khawar Saahab ne jin giraNqadr mashwaroN se nawaza hai mere zahn meN bhii wohee nuktey thEy. Yahan dastoor yeh hai tamam membraan ek doosrey ko apnee aara se nawazte haiN jo sirf "wah wah" se ziyadah mufeed hotee hai.
MaiN ek baar phir Ghazal per aap ko apnee nacheez daad pesh karta hooN aur Urdubandhan meN aap ka istaqbaal karta hooN. Ummid hai apne kalam se yuuN hee nawaazte raheNge. Aapse mulaqqat karke yuuN lagta hai kuch lamhoN ke liye main goya Badaun pahooNch gaya hooN.
Apka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni