• Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish!

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:33 am**

[align=center]Yaran-e-meHfil aadaab!

Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish pesh-e-khidmat hai. mulaHiZ^ah farma kar mashkoor hooN.

Ghazal

1,
qafas meN aah-o-giryah se giraaN janee naheeN jatee
agarcheh raae'gaaN a'ashiq kee qurbanee naheeN jatee!

2,
kaee baar is ka aek ik taar dh~oya khun-e-dil se par
qaba-e-chaak se kiyoN bu-e-zindanee naheeN jatee?

3,
kahaaN le aaee hai yarab miree waraftagee mujh~ ko
mujh~ee se apnee Surat aap pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

4,
jahaaN tak dekh~ta hooN bazm-e-Herat khanah-e-dil hai.
lehed meN bh~ee junooN kee yeh hunar danee naheeN jatee!

5,
use dekh~a to khud taSweer ban kar reh geya hooN maiN
maiN woh aae'inah hooN keh jis kee Heranee naheeN jatee!

6,
yeh bazm-e-Ghaer hai lab bastagee yaaN shart^-e-awwal hai.
magar maiN hooN keh meree yaaN bh~ee man manee naheeN jatee!

7,
nah puch~o qeematee hai kis qadar har she zamane kee
magar khun-e-banee adam kee arzanee naheeN jatee!

8,
kisee but kee muHabbat meN pareeshaaN Haal ho jana
faqat^ is baat se wae'z^ musalmanee naheeN jatee!

9,
mire baam-o-dareechah par haiN saae meree Ghurbat ke
mira gh~ar hai keh jis kee khanah weeranee naheeN jatee!

10
ilahee kiya qeyamat hai keh mere khanah-e-dil se
"shab-e-Ghab aarzuoo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

11,
hazarooN baar seeNcha hai ise khun-e-rag-e-jaaN se
ta'ajub hai mire gulshan kee weeranee naheeN jatee!

12,
GhamooN se choor hai lekin yeh marta hai HaseenoN par
kisee Surat dil-e-nadaaN kee nadanee naheeN jatee!

13,
woh yooN aawaaz dete haiN sara-e-weHshat-e-dil se
sunaaee Saaf detee hai pah pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

14,
ta'ajub hai muz^affar kaesee wZ^a'* ka to mujrim hai?
sar-e-maqtal bh~ee teree khandah peshanee naheeN jatee!

*t^abiyat, a'adat, khaSlat.

Muz^affar A Muz^affar[/align]

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:57 am**

Janab Muzaffar Sb,

aap ki shaa'iri hamesha hi masHoor kun hoti hai. aor dil kartaa hai ke iss par likhtaa hi chalaa jaa-ooN. laikin qillat e waqt ki wajaa se mukhtisiran likh rahaa hooN. umeed hai ke tabiat ko naagwar naheeN guzray ga.

1. waah! bohat khoob khyaal hai. sha'er bohat pasand aayaa. pehla misra meiN agar aap ijaazat daiN to aik tarmeem tajveez kar saktaa hooN?

kaee baar is ka aek ik taar dh~oya khun-e-dil se par

is meiN agar aek ki jagaa bhi ik hi istemaal kar laiN to giraa-aye jaane walaay haroof kam ho ja-aiN ge,

kaee baar is ka ik ik taar dhoyaa khun e dil se par

2. waah! ye bhi kamaal ka sha'er hai. khoob aashiqui ki hai aap ne.

3. bazm e hairat, khaana e dil ki tarkeeb samajh naheeN aa-ii. baaqi tamam dost parH laiN to iss ki tashreeH mairay waastay farma dijiaye ga. ya agar message kar daiN to banda mamnoon ho ga.

4. sha'er paRhne ke forun ba'ad toa zubaan se waah nikalti hai. laikin ghhor karne par iss ka mafhoom bhi mairi samajh se baalaa tar hai.

5. bohat khoob janab. baray zabardast mood meiN lag rahaiN haiN aap. yaaN phir iss ghazal ki zameen aap ki shokh fitrat ka aasmaan ho gayee hai. phir se paRhtaa hooN.

yeh bazm-e-Ghaer hai lab bastagee yaaN shart^-e-awwal hai.
magar maiN hooN keh meree yaaN bh~ee man manee naheeN jatee!.

6. Allah ho Akbar! kamaal kar diyaa janab aap ne,

kisee but kee muHabbat meN pareeshaaN Haal ho jana
faqat^ is baat se wae'z^ musalmanee naheeN jatee!

phir bhi aik raa-aye dooN ga Hazrat, chhup kar rahiaye issi meiN hi aafiat hi. agar aap "but" ko ik kar daitay haiN haiN to sha'er meiN soofi raNg barH saktaa hai. aor har paRhne waaalaa apni zouq ke mutaabiq matlab akhaz kar sake gaa.

kisee ik kee muHabbat meN pareeshaaN Haal ho jana
faqat^ is baat se wae'z^ musalmanee naheeN jatee!
[/b]ik ki mohabbat[/b] ka sufism meiN bohat ziadaa parchaar hai.

7. doosre ashaar ke muqabalay meiN ye sha'er koi khaas achcha naheeN lagaa.

8. achhchhi giraa hai.

9. weeraani ke qaafiyaa meiN ye sha'er , No. 7 se behtar lagaa.

10. achaa kyaal hai pehlay miSra meiN "unka" zikr hai. oar doosree misr'a meiN aawaaz ka. mairaa khyaal hai sha'er ko saaf karne ki zaroorat hai. jaise ke,

mujhe aawaaz aati hai saraa-e-wahshat-e-dil se

ub iss miSra meiN bhi awaaz ka zikr hai. aap apni tabiyat ke mutabiq soch sakte haiN. mazeed baraaN saraa-e-dil to samajh aataa hai oar wehshat-e-dil bhi laikin saraa-e-wehshat-dil ki tashreeh ke leeaye aap ki zaroorat hai

11. maqt'a bhi khoob hai. pehle miSra ka wazn aik nazar dobaraa daikh leejiaye. mujhe kuch abhaam ho rahaa hai.

aap jaantaiN haiN ke raa-aye meiN dosti ki wajaa se daitaa hooN, ilm ki waja se naheeN aor wajaa hameshaa aap ki mohabbat rahi. phir bhi koi baat naagwaar ho gayee ho to a ma'zirat.

mukhiS,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2007 7:43 am**

Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:[align=center]Yaran-e-meHfil aadaab!

Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish pesh-e-khidmat hai. mulaHiZ^ah farma kar mashkoor hooN.

1,

kaee baar is ka aek ik taar dh~oya khun-e-dil se par
qaba-e-chaak se kiyoN bu-e-zindanee naheeN jatee?

2,

kahaaN le aaee hai yarab miree waraftagee mujh~ ko
mujh~ee se apnee Surat aap pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

3,

jahaaN tak dekh~ta hooN bazm-e-Herat khanah-e-dil hai.
lehed meN bh~ee junooN kee yeh hunar danee naheeN jatee!

4,

use dekh~a to khud taSweer ban kar reh geya hooN maiN
maiN woh aae'inah hooN keh jis kee Heranee naheeN jatee!

5,

yeh bazm-e-Ghaer hai lab bastagee yaaN shart^-e-awwal hai.
magar maiN hooN keh meree yaaN bh~ee man manee naheeN jatee!

6,

kisee but kee muHabbat meN pareeshaaN Haal ho jana
faqat^ is baat se wae'z^ musalmanee naheeN jatee!

7,

mire baam-o-dareechah par haiN saae meree Ghurbat ke
mira gh~ar hai keh jis kee khanah weeranee naheeN jatee!

8,

ilahee kiya qeyamat hai keh mere khanah-e-dil se
"shab-e-Ghab aarzuoo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

9,

hazarooN baar seeNcha hai ise khun-e-rag-e-jaaN se
ta'ajub hai mire gulshan kee weeranee naheeN jatee!

10,

woh yooN aawaaz dete haiN sara-e-weHshat-e-dil se
sunaaee Saaf detee hai pah pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

11,

ta'ajub hai muz^affar kaesee wZ^a'* ka to mujrim hai?
sar-e-maqtal bh~ee teree khandah peshanee naheeN jatee!

*t^abiyat, a'adat, khaSlat.

Muz^affar A Muz^affar[/align]

muzaffar bhai

aapki ghzal waaqayee bahut acchee hai......................har sher umda hai.

lafzaoN ka chunaao tau koyee aapsay seekhay.....aisa lagta hai keh urdu kay lafzoN ka ambaar hai aapkay paas jo itna khoob kehtay haiN.

matlay ka intezaar rahay ga........apkay liye koyee mushkil nahiN hai.

aapki is dilkash peshkash per hamaari dilee daad qubool farmaayeN. aur isee tarah apnay ash'aar kay zariye lafzoN ki baarish kartay raheN.

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.

jazakallah
mukhlis
haamidbaaqri

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2007 11:03 pm**

haamidbaaqri wrote:
Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:[align=center]Yaran-e-meHfil aadaab!

Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish pesh-e-khidmat hai. mulaHiZ^ah farma kar mashkoor hooN.

1,

kaee baar is ka aek ik taar dh~oya khun-e-dil se par
qaba-e-chaak se kiyoN bu-e-zindanee naheeN jatee?

2,

kahaaN le aaee hai yarab miree waraftagee mujh~ ko
mujh~ee se apnee Surat aap pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

3,

jahaaN tak dekh~ta hooN bazm-e-Herat khanah-e-dil hai.
lehed meN bh~ee junooN kee yeh hunar danee naheeN jatee!

4,

use dekh~a to khud taSweer ban kar reh geya hooN maiN
maiN woh aae'inah hooN keh jis kee Heranee naheeN jatee!

5,

yeh bazm-e-Ghaer hai lab bastagee yaaN shart^-e-awwal hai.
magar maiN hooN keh meree yaaN bh~ee man manee naheeN jatee!

6,

kisee but kee muHabbat meN pareeshaaN Haal ho jana
faqat^ is baat se wae'z^ musalmanee naheeN jatee!

7,

mire baam-o-dareechah par haiN saae meree Ghurbat ke
mira gh~ar hai keh jis kee khanah weeranee naheeN jatee!

8,

ilahee kiya qeyamat hai keh mere khanah-e-dil se
"shab-e-Ghab aarzuoo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

9,

hazarooN baar seeNcha hai ise khun-e-rag-e-jaaN se
ta'ajub hai mire gulshan kee weeranee naheeN jatee!

10,

woh yooN aawaaz dete haiN sara-e-weHshat-e-dil se
sunaaee Saaf detee hai pah pehch~anee naheeN jatee!

11,

ta'ajub hai muz^affar kaesee wZ^a'* ka to mujrim hai?
sar-e-maqtal bh~ee teree khandah peshanee naheeN jatee!

*t^abiyat, a'adat, khaSlat.

Muz^affar A Muz^affar[/align]

muzaffar bhai

aapki ghzal waaqayee bahut acchee hai......................har sher umda hai.

lafzaoN ka chunaao tau koyee aapsay seekhay.....aisa lagta hai keh urdu kay lafzoN ka ambaar hai aapkay paas jo itna khoob kehtay haiN.

matlay ka intezaar rahay ga........apkay liye koyee mushkil nahiN hai.

aapki is dilkash peshkash per hamaari dilee daad qubool farmaayeN. aur isee tarah apnay ash'aar kay zariye lafzoN ki baarish kartay raheN.

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah.

jazakallah
mukhlis
haamidbaaqri

mohtaram Hamid bh~aee aadaab!

Ghazal ko pasand farmane aor hammat afzaee ke lie aap ka mamnoon hooN. khuda aap ko salamat rakh~e.(Ameen)

aap kee Hasb-e-khuwahish mat^la' keh diya hai. mulaHeZ^ah farma leeN. is kee i'lawah do aek she'er aor ho geya-e haiN woh bh~ee shamil kar diye haiN. dekh~ leeN.shukriyah!

ijazut dijiye!
Wassalam
Muz^affar

Posted: **Wed Apr 04, 2007 2:55 pm**

muzaffar bhai

matlaa hameN bahut pasand aaya.....

kisee soorat dilae naadaaN ki naadaani nahiN jaati...

kya kehnay ...........muzaffar bhai........ =D>

bahut accha sher hai.......

hamaari dilee daad qubool farmaayeN aur yuN hi likhtay raheN.

muklhlis
haamidbaaqri

Posted: **Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:26 pm**

Yaran-e-meHfil aadaab!

Guzarish 27 ke liye apnee Ghazal meN qafiyah aor she'er#7 aor #12 ka iZ^afh kiya hai. mulaHeZ^ah farmaiye.

Wassalam
Muz^affar

Posted: **Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:51 pm**

Janab muzaffar sb,

leejiaye meiN bhi apne taccuraat meiN izaafa kiaye daitaa hooN.

qafas meN aah-o-giryah se giraaN janee naheeN jatee
agarcheh raae'gaaN a'ashiq kee qurbanee naheeN jatee!

waah SaHib waah! bohat khoob matlaa hai.

7. nah puch~o qeematee hai kis qadar har she zamane kee
magar khun-e-banee adam kee arzanee naheeN jatee!

waah! aik bohat ziadaa ist'emaal huway huway khyaal ko aap ne bohat khoobSoorat andaaz meiN paish kiya hai.

lafz qadr ke ghalat tallufuz ki wajaa se pehla miSra bebeHr maloom hotaa hai. daikh leejiaye.

12.GhamooN se choor hai lekin yeh marta hai HaseenoN par
kisee Surat dil-e-nadaaN kee nadanee naheeN jatee!

achhchaa sh'aer hai.

du'aa goa,
muhammad k. siddiqui.

Posted: **Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:17 pm**

Mohtaram Muzaffar Saheb

Aapki ghazal par meri daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmayeN.
Shukria

Posted: **Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:03 pm**

sbashwar wrote:Mohtaram Muzaffar Saheb

Aapki ghazal par meri daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmayeN.
Shukria

moHtaram S. Bashwar SaHib aadaab!

pehlee baar aap ne meree kisee Ghazal par gul ha-e-teHseen nich~awar farma kar mujh~e shukriyah ada karne ka maoqa' diya hai. khuda aap ko salamat rakh~e!

ummeed hai aael'ndah bh~ee HaoSlah baRh~ate raheeN ge.

Wassalam
Muz^affar

Posted: **Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:35 pm**

sara_j wrote:muzaffar sahib,

tasliimat.

is baar aapki ghazal bohat zabardast hai aur is baar bhi

aapne 14 ashaar likhe hain daad qubool kejiye

aur ashaar # 2, 4, 5, 8, 12, 13, 14. per qusoosi daad

jo mujhe bohat ziyada pasand aaye.

sara

moHtarmah Sara JabeeN SaHibah aadaab-o-tasleemaat!

sochta hooN kin alfaaz^ meN aap ka shukriyah ada karooN Sirf dua'a de sakta hooN. keh khuda aap ko salamat rakh~e. aor aap yooNhee HaoSlah afzaee kartee raheeN.

Wassalam
Muz^affar

Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish!

Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish!

Re: Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish!

Re: Guzarish 27 ke liye meree adna se koshish!