• Guzarish # 27.......Saara Jabeen

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:09 pm**

Salam Saraa ji,

aap ne choonke baRay khaaS tore par typing ki mistake ka poochaa hai. to pehlay yehi kaam kar laitay haiN.

4. nahi hai koii shireeN saaz ab barbaT ke taaron meiN --------barbaT ke taaroN meiN. barbaT to-aye se hai. urdu meiN bhi theek karaiN
mere naghmon ki dhun Khud mujh se pehchaani nahiN jaatee

5. meri shaameiN bhi ghamgheeiN subH bhee utnee hi ghamgeeN hai ---SubH
Ilaahi kyuuN mire dil se pareshaani nahi jaatee

8. hamare dil se :Sara: ik sadaa kuch aisee uThtee hai -- Sadaa
keh jo apni si lagti magar janee nahi jaatee ---- lagti hai magar.

ab aa-iaye ghazal ki taraf,

1.mire dil se bhee meri baat ab maanee nahiN jaatee
keh ik choTee see Ghaflat ki pashemaanee nahiN jaatee ------------------ matlA pasand aayaa

2. khushi chehroN se gum aanKhoN meN aansu dil hai afsurdah
na jaane kyun mataa.e Gham ki arzaanii nahi jaatee --------------------- bohat khoob

3. juda jab se huuey tum aur armaaN baRh gaye dil ke
"shab-e-Gham aarzuo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee" ---------------- Ahaa haa. bohat khoob janab. bohat khoob

4. nahi hai koii shireeN saaz ab barbat ke taaron meiN
mere naghmon ki dhun Khud mujh se pehchaani nahiN jaatee ... -------bohat khoob. daad qabool kijiaye.

5. meri shaameiN bhi ghamgheeiN subH bhee utnee hi ghamgeeN hai --utni se pehlay koi ishaara hona chahiaye ke kitni
Ilaahi kyuuN mire dil se pareshaani nahi jaatee --------------------------- over all bhi is shaer ne koi khaaS asar na choRa

6. gham-e-furqat meiN yaadoN ke dareeche khol deti hooN
miree aanKhon se ashkoN ki farawanee nahi jaatee -----------------------bohat khoob.

7. tiree aaNkhoN men apna Aks dekhooN bus yeh Hasrat hai
ab aaiiney meN apni shakl pehchaanee nahii jaatee ----------------------- mujh lag rahaa hai jaise kuch chhut gyaa hai

8. hamare dil se :Sara: ik sadaa kuch aisee uThtee hai -------------------mire dil se sadaa-e-dard saaraa aisee uthti hai. kya khyaal hai
keh jo apni si lagti magar janee nahi jaatee -------------------------------- maqT'a bhi achhchha hai

majmooee Tor par ghazal ka taSSur bohat achchhaa hai.

dua'aa gao,
Muhammad Khawar Siddiqui

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:04 pm**

moHtarmah Sara JabeeN SaHibah tasleemaat! :rose

mera to yeh kheyaal th~a keh is baar aap Ghazal nah keheeN geeN. lekin meree Haerat aor khushee ke inteha nah rahee jab aap kee yeh shaahkaar Ghazal aaj Urdubandhan kee zeenat bankar chamkee.

aaTh she'erooN par mushtamil yeh Ghazal kisee ta'areef kee mohtaaj naheeN. zabaan kee sadagee, halka ph~ulka andaaz-e-bayaaN. wohee aap kee makhSooS ada bandee, wohee rang-e-taGazzul, wohee taqdeer aor tadbeer ka bahamee imtezaaj ka rujHaan, jaesa keh a'aam kalaseekal rawayat tadbeer par taqdeer kee bartaree kee rahee hai. zeyadah tar aap ka jh~ukaao Ghazal kee rawayatee aor kalaseekal t^arz-e-bayaan kee t^araf maae'il hai.

aap bilashubah haiyyat aor maoZ^o' donooN leHaaz^ se rawayat ke shanah bashanah chaltee haiN. baharHaal majaaz kee garift aap kee Ghazal par baRee numaayaaN hai.

1.mire dil se bhee meri baat ab maanee nahiN jaatee
keh ik choTee see Ghaflat ki pashemaanee nahiN jaatee

Bohot khoob!

2. khushi chehroN se gum aanKhoN meN aansu dil hai afsurdah
na jaane kyun mataa.e Gham ki arzaanii nahi jaatee

Kiya kehne! waah!

3. juda jab se huuey tum aur armaaN baRh gaye dil ke
"shab-e-Gham aarzuo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

Bohot khob! waah! waah!

4. nahi hai koii shireeN saaz ab barbat ke taaron meiN
mere naghmon ki dhun Khud mujh se pehchaani nahiN jaatee

kiya kehne! (barbat---->barbat^)

5. meri shaameiN bhi ghamgheeiN subH bhee utnee hi ghamgeeN hai
Ilaahi kyuuN mire dil se pareshaani nahi jaatee

kiya kehne! waah! waah!

6. gham-e-furqat meiN yaadoN ke dareeche khol deti hooN
miree aanKhon se ashkoN ki farawanee nahi jaatee

Bohot khob! bohot khubSurat she'er hai.

7. tiree aaNkhoN men apna Aks dekhooN bus yeh Hasrat hai
ab aaiiney meN apni shakl pehchaanee nahii jaatee

kiyakehne! nudrat-e-bayaan khub hai! waah!

8. hamare dil se :Sara: ik sadaa kuch aisee uThtee hai
keh jo apni si lagti magar janee nahi jaatee

Bohot khob! kiya achch~a mat^la' hai!

mujh~e ummeed hai keh aap aae'indah bh~ee isee t^arH mushae'irooN meN apne makhSoS aor munfarid t^arz-e-bayaan se U'shshaaqaan-e-Urdu Ghazal ke mazaaq ka kheyaal farmatee raheeN geeN.

Wassalam
Muz^affar A Muz^affar

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2007 3:50 pm**

buhat khoob
Sara jee
Mushaire meN aap ki khoobsurat ghazal dekhi
buhat pasand aayii
meri janib se daad qabool kijye
khush rahiye
zmufti

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2007 6:08 pm**

Sara Sahiba,

1.mire dil se bhee meri baat ab maanee nahiN jaatee
keh ik choTee see Ghaflat ki pashemaanee nahiN jaatee

Matla bohat achcha hai. wah.

2. khushi chehroN se gum aanKhoN meN aansu dil hai afsurdah
na jaane kyun mataa.e Gham ki arzaanii nahi jaatee

Wah Wah

3. juda jab se huuey tum aur armaaN baRh gaye dil ke
"shab-e-Gham aarzuo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

Yeh sheir bhi bohat achcha hai. Wah

4. nahi hai koii shireeN saaz ab barbat ke taaron meiN
mere naghmon ki dhun Khud mujh se pehchaani nahiN jaatee

Wah

5. meri shaameiN bhi ghamgheeiN subH bhee utnee hi ghamgeeN hai
Ilaahi kyuuN mire dil se pareshaani nahi jaatee

Wah

6. gham-e-furqat meiN yaadoN ke dareeche khol deti hooN
miree aanKhon se ashkoN ki farawanee nahi jaatee

Kya kehney, bohat umda sheir hai.

7. tiree aaNkhoN men apna Aks dekhooN bus yeh Hasrat hai
ab aaiiney meN apni shakl pehchaanee nahii jaatee

Wah bohat khoob

8. hamare dil se :Sara: ik sadaa kuch aisee uThtee hai
keh jo apni si lagti magar janee nahi jaatee

Wah Wah

Meri dili daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmaye.

Posted: **Fri Apr 27, 2007 6:58 am**

sara_j wrote:Ahle mehfil ki khidmet mein tasliimat,

meri koshish, umeed ke pasand ayegi.

Ghazal.

1.mire dil se bhee meri baat ab maanee nahiN jaatee
keh ik choTee see Ghaflat ki pashemaanee nahiN jaatee

2. khushi chehroN se gum aanKhoN meN aansu dil hai afsurdah
na jaane kyun mataa.e Gham ki arzaanii nahi jaatee

3. juda jab se huuey tum aur armaaN baRh gaye dil ke
"shab-e-Gham aarzuo'N kee farawanee naheeN jatee"

4. nahi hai koii shireeN saaz ab barbat ke taaron meiN
mere naghmon ki dhun Khud mujh se pehchaani nahiN jaatee

5. meri shaameiN bhi ghamgheeiN subH bhee utnee hi ghamgeeN hai
Ilaahi kyuuN mire dil se pareshaani nahi jaatee

6. gham-e-furqat meiN yaadoN ke dareeche khol deti hooN
miree aanKhon se ashkoN ki farawanee nahi jaatee

7. tiree aaNkhoN men apna Aks dekhooN bus yeh Hasrat hai
ab aaiiney meN apni shakl pehchaanee nahii jaatee

8. hamare dil se :Sara: ik sadaa kuch aisee uThtee hai
keh jo apni si lagti magar janee nahi jaatee

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mukhlis

sara

P.S. typing mistakes ki nishandahi zaroor kerdeejiye sahi kardoongi.

azeezah sara saahebah
Assalaam o alaikum

bahut acchee ghazal hai yeh aapki

hameN bahut pasand aayee.

daad qubool keejiye. :rose :rose :rose

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah

aapka bhai
haamidbaaqri

Guzarish # 27.......Saara Jabeen

Re: Guzarish # 27.......Saara Jabeen