• Guzarish # 29

Posted: **Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:12 am**

Sadr e mushairaa janab Abdullah Nazir SaHeb,

aap ki ijaazat se apni kaavish yahaaN paish kar rahaa hooN.

shurkiyaa.

meN jaantaa hai k akcar qara,eeN ke paas waqt bohat kam hotaa hai. so darkhaast hai ke agar aap tafseelun naheeN likh sakte to sirf ashaar ke number likh dijiaye.

Jo ashaar bohat pasand aa-aye =----------
Jo ashaar pasand aa-aye =---------
jo ashaar theek lagay =---------
jin ashaar meN tabdeeli honi chahiaye =---------
jo ashaar ghazal se nikaal daine chahiaye =---------

shukrguzaar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

Posted: **Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:28 am**

ROMAN

1. falak se aagay bhi daikhaa hai ik jahaaN meN ne
kuch is taraH [color=redkiya[/color dushman hai aasamaaN meN ne

2. tairay khayaal se furSat naheeN mili mujh ko
tiray wajuud ko dhooNdaa abhi kahaaN meN ne.

3. tiray khyaal meN guzri hai to ye kiase kahooN
"tamaam umr guzaari hai raa-igaaN meN ne

4. qasam naheeN the ke har baat raaz rakhooN ga,
ye aor baat ke kholi naheeN zubaaN men ne

5. mujhe hai ranj ke is baat par khafaa woh huwaa,
usay khabar thi ke day rakhi hai zubaaN meN ne

6. na poocho khhaal salaamat hai kyooN miri ab tak
abhi kiyaa hai anal Haq kahaaN bayaaN meN ne

7. jhukaa jo ghair ke aagay to yaad aayaa mujhe
suni thi 'ahde tufoolat meN ik azaaN meN ne

8. guloN ke Daal se wahshat hay ho gayee muj ko
yahaaN bachaa na banaaya jo aashiyaaN meN ne

9. kabhi milay tujhay furSat to daikhnaa aa kar,
banyaa shehr se haT kar hai ik maakaaN meN ne

10. jahaaN meN ab bhi haiN :khawar: agar ye ranj o alam
sabab ye hai ke banaayaa naheeN jahaaN meN ne.

meN jaantaa hai k akcar qara,eeN ke paas waqt bohat kam hotaa hai. so darkhaast hai ke agar aap tafseelun naheeN likh sakte to sirf ashaar ke number likh dijiaye.

Jo ashaar bohat pasand aa-aye =
Jo ashaar pasand aa-aye =
jo ashaar theek lagay =
jin ashaar meN tabdeeli honi chahiaye =
jo ashaar ghazal se nikaal daine chahiaye =

shukrguzaar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

Posted: **Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:39 pm**

muhammad_19k wrote: ROMAN

1. falak se aagay bhi daikhaa hai ik jahaaN meN ne
kuch is taraH kiy dushman hai aasamaaN meN ne
Main ne socha aap ka PM aaye us se qabl he tabsara bhej
dooN. Aajkal waise bhi Muscat Toofan ki zad meN hai hum
log 24 GhanTey ghar pe rahte haiN.

MaTley ka doosra misra wazn meN nahin Sahayad "typo" ki
Ghalatee hai.

2. tairay khayaal se furSat naheeN mili jujh ko
tiray wajuud ko dhooNdaa abhi kahaaN meN ne.
Pahle miSrey meN Mujh ki jagah aap jujh type kar gaye
haiN. Doosra miSra kamzor hai baat wazeh nahiN huwee bhaii.

3. tiray khyaal meN buzri hai to ye kiase kahooN
"tamaam umr guzaari hai raa-igaaN meN ne
YahaN bhi aap guzree lafz ko saheeh type nahiN kar sake.
Thik kar deejiyega. Tazmeen tou ho gaii magar bohat achchee
nahiN.

4. qasam naheeN the ke har baat raaz rakhooN ga,
ye aor baat hai ke kholi naheeN zubaaN men ne
Doosra miSra bohat tez hai jiske muqabiley meN pahla aur bhee
kamzor lag raha hai. Ittegaaq dekhiye Anwar Sahab ne bhi 30 saal qabl yehee miSra lafz ba lafz kaha tha jo aap ne kaha hai. Unka mukammal sher jo bohat Haseen tha bhej raha hooN:

tumhaare jaur.o.sitam ki tou koii Hud na rahee
yeh aur baat ke khole nah ho zubaaN maiN ne

5. mujhe hai ranj ke is baat par khafaa woh huwaa,
usay khabar thi ke day rakhi hai zubaaN meN ne
Doosrey miSrey ko aur saaf kar lijiyega. Sher ka maTlab wazeh
hona chaahiye.

6. na poocho khaal salaamat hai kyooN miri ab tak
abhi kiyaa hai anal Haq kahaaN bayaaN meN ne
Doosrey misrey meN kuch typo lagtee hai.

7. jhukaa jo ghair ke aagay to yaad aayaa mujhe
suni thi 'ahde tafoolat meN ik azaaN meN ne
Sher kuch ulajh sa gaya. MaTlab samjha deejiyega.

8. guloN ke Daal se wahshat hay ho gayee muj ko
yahaaN bachaa na banaaya jo aashiyaaN meN ne
Wahshat hai ki jagah wahsaht see ho rahee hai ziyadah achca lagega.
"na buch sakaa jo banaya tha aashyaaN maiN ne".

9. kabhi milay tujhay furSat to daikhnaa aa kar,
banyaa shehr se haT kar hai ik maakaaN meN ne
HaTker ke bAAd "hai" achcha nahin lag raha hai.
nagar se door banaya hai ik makaN maiN ne

10. jahaaN meN ab bhi haiN :khawar: agar ye ranj o alam
sabab ye hai ke banaayaa naheeN jahaaN meN ne.
JahaaN tou Khaliq.e kaunain ne banaya hai.Tou kya aap kahna chaahte
haiN keh uske banane meN (naoozbillah)kuch kami rah gaii hai ?

Mujhe mAlum hai aap tanqeed ka bura nahin maante aapki tou farmaaiish hi yeh hoti hai keh tanqeedee nazar Daali jaye. Isee liye qalam kholker
likha hai jo Aam Halaat meN meri aadat ke Khilaaf hai.

Achchee koshish ki hai aap ne magar nazar.e.Sane kee zaroorat phir bhee barqaraar rahtee hai.

Khoosh raheN!

Aapka MuKhliS,
Jawaid

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:39 pm**

moHtaram M. Khawar SaHib aadaab!

mah-e-rawaaN ke liye aap kee GhaZal dekhee mashAllah baRee u'mdah aor dil kash koshish hai. sabhee asha'aar deedah Zeb haiN. aor aap kee lagan aor meHnat kee gawahee de rahe haiN.

mat^la' kaa miSra'-e-Awwal bohot pasand aayaa. aor maqt^a' meN to aap ne bohot khubSurat andaaZ meN naee baat kahee hai. daad HaZ^ir hai.

Jo ashaar bohat pasand aa-aye = 2,8,9
Jo ashaar pasand aa-aye = deegar bhee achchee haiN
jo ashaar theek lagay = waese to sabhee Theek lage
jin ashaar meN tabdeeli honi chahiaye = tabdeelee kee Gunjae'ish to har shakhS apne t^aor par bataae gaa lekin aap khud naz^ar-e-cani farmaa leeN.
jo ashaar ghazal se nikaal daine chahiaye = koee naheeN.

is kamyaab koshish par dilee daad aor mubarak baad Qubool keejiYe.
mujhe ummeed hai keh aap apnee dilchaspee ko yooN hee barQaraar rakheeN ge.

Wassalam
MuZaffar AHmad MuZaffar

Posted: **Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:12 pm**

Assalaam o alaikum
biradaram mohammed khawar saahib

aapki kaavish nazar nawaaz huee.

aik kaamiyaab kaushish hai.

aap yuNhi tadreejan aagay badheN yeh hamaari dilee dua hai.

is kaamiyaab kaushish per hamaari dilee daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayeN :rose

.

allah(karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah

aapka apnahaamidbaaqari

Guzarish # 29 - Muhammad K. Siddiqui

Guzarish # 29 - Muhammad K. Siddiqui

masha allah