• aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 6:42 pm**

aadaab arz hai

aik muddat baa'd is bazm meiN apni aik ghazal ke saath Haazir hua hooN, umeed hai apni aaraa se navaazeN ge.

aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne

bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne

naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne

umr bhar tere ghamoN ne mujhe ghairay rakkhaa
ab chalaa hooN gham-e-dauraaN ka aHaata karne

Amjad

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:25 am**

Ibn-e-siddique wrote:aadaab arz hai

aik muddat baa'd is bazm meiN apni aik ghazal ke saath Haazir hua hooN, umeed hai apni aaraa se navaazeN ge.
Azeezi wa moHibbee Amjad SaaHab,
aadaab

"Muddat ke bAAd aap ko dekha Khushee huuwee." Aapki Ghazal paRhee aur dil Khush huuwa. Bohat achche ashAar kahe haiN. Daad qubool kihiye. MaiN Amuman tafSeeli tabsaroN se gurez karta hooN magar aaj kuch waqt mil gaya hai tou socha aapke ashAAr ka tafSeeli jaaiza liya jaye magar Khudara meree muKhliSaanaa tajaweez ko meri tanqeed na samajhiyega.

aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne
Achcha Khyal hai magar mujhe miSra-e Saane meN
"ke" lafz kuch izaafee sa lagta hai. Baat doosre andaz
meN bhi kahe ja saktee thEE, masla","hum yahan aaye dil.o. jaaN..."

din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"
Bohat achcha she'r hai magar meri nacheez raye meN agar
"izafah" lafz ka bharpoor faidah uThana chaahte haiN tou din
meN bhi kuch Gham ka izhaar karna hoga. Izafah us chez meN
hota hai jo pahle se maujood ho. Masla"

YuuN tou din men bhi kahaN mujh ko mayassar tha sukoon
raat aaye hai mire Gham meN izafah karne

Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne
Bohat achcha sher hai. Mujhe Ghazal meN is qism ke maZameen pasaNd haiN. Bus ek nukta yeh zaroor hai keh Hakim-e-waqt ko sauda karne ki kya zaroorat hai woh tou Khud jo Hukm chahe de sakta hai.

raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne
"dete huuwe tum ne" fiqre kuch ziydah achche naheeN lage magar sher ka khyaal bohat Haseen hai. Yeh kaisa hai: "Raushnee dene ko aaye thEy makaN phooNk diya"?

bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne
Kya kahna. Bus dou nikaat per tawajjo. Awwal jo jaan
ki jagah "meri zubaan-e-Urdu" ziyadah achcha lag raha hai.
Neez yeh ke "saNwara karne" maiN ne kabhi suna nahiN. Shayad
aap saNwarne kahna chaahte haiN zaroorate sheree ke sabab
aisa kaha hai.

naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne
Bohat Haseen Khyal hai. Bus yeh Arz karooNga keh
tamanna karne ke liye kahaiN jana zaroori nahiN. MiSra-e
Saanee per nazar-e Saanee ki zarorat hai.

umr bhar tere ghamoN ne mujhe ghairay rakkhaa
ab chalaa hooN gham-e-dauraaN ka aHaata karne
Achcha sher hai; phir bhi "aHata karne" fiqroN per zara
see nazar.e Saane kar lijiyega.

Meri tamam tajaweez Ghalat bhee ho saktee haiN. In per aapka amal karna hargiz lazim nahiN hai.

Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni

Amjad

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:58 am**

Ibn-e-siddique wrote:aadaab arz hai

aik muddat baa'd is bazm meiN apni aik ghazal ke saath Haazir hua hooN, umeed hai apni aaraa se navaazeN ge.

aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne

bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne

naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne

umr bhar tere ghamoN ne mujhe ghairay rakkhaa
ab chalaa hooN gham-e-dauraaN ka aHaata karne

Amjad

din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

bohat khoob janab. aap ki girah bohat hi shaandaar lagi.

Posted: **Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:18 am**

sara_j wrote:
Amjad sahib,

tasliimaat.

dil khush hua aapko yehan dekh ker aur
bohat hi umda kalaam ke saath :rose .

har shair lajawaab hai aur seedhe dil mein utarjaata hai.

dili daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

kal hi aapki site per aayi tou Azm sahib ki post dekhi jahan
haaliya houne wale mushaire ki tafseel hai, aapki tareef unke
zabaani paRh ker bohat acha laga, main bhi aapki tehreeroN
se hamesha aapko bahot baRe samajhti thi per aapne
bohat kam umri mein bohat alaa maqaam haasil kiya hai.
zor e qalam aur ziyada

mukhlis

sara

moHtarma sara saHiba

salaam arz hai

aap ko ghazal pasand aayee, maiN aap ka dil se mamnoon hooN. aap ki daad aur mubaarak.baad ka bahot bahot shukria.

jee Azm saHib se mulaaqaat bahot dilchasp rahi aur yaad.gaar bhi. usi forum meiN maine mushaaire ki kuch tasaaveer bhi lagaai haiN, fursat mile to dekhiye ga.

aik baar phir ghazal ki pazeeraai ke liye maiN aap ka mamnoon hooN.

sadaa khush raheN

Amjad

Posted: **Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:21 am**

jawaid badauni wrote:
Azeezi wa moHibbee Amjad SaaHab,
aadaab

"Muddat ke bAAd aap ko dekha Khushee huuwee." Aapki Ghazal paRhee aur dil Khush huuwa. Bohat achche ashAar kahe haiN. Daad qubool kihiye. MaiN Amuman tafSeeli tabsaroN se gurez karta hooN magar aaj kuch waqt mil gaya hai tou socha aapke ashAAr ka tafSeeli jaaiza liya jaye magar Khudara meree muKhliSaanaa tajaweez ko meri tanqeed na samajhiyega.

moHtaram Jawaid bhai

salaam arz hai

aik muddat baa'd aap se baraah-e-raast mukhaatib hone ka mauqa milaa. umeed hai aap khairiyat se honge.

aap ne ghazal per mufassil tabsira farmaaya, aur umda tajaaveez se navaaza, is ke liye maiN aap ka bahot mamnoon hooN.

aap ki tamaam aaraa qaabil-e-ghaur haiN aur mujhe un se ittefaaq bhi hai. maiN ghazal ke aksar ash'aar per nazar-e-caani karooN ga insha'Allah.

aap ka bahot bahot shukria

Amjad

Posted: **Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:13 pm**

Ibn-e-siddique wrote:aadaab arz hai

aik muddat baa'd is bazm meiN apni aik ghazal ke saath Haazir hua hooN, umeed hai apni aaraa se navaazeN ge.

aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne

bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne

naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne

umr bhar tere ghamoN ne mujhe ghairay rakkhaa
ab chalaa hooN gham-e-dauraaN ka aHaata karne

Amjad

biraadar-e-a'zeez: salaam!

aap kee Ghazal par UrduAnjuman meN guftgoo ho hee chukee hai. yahaaN aayaa to aur dostoN ke tabSire bhee dekhe. sochaa keh tabaadilah-e-Khayaal kee takmeel ke liYe apne Khayaalaat bhee shaamil kar dooN. is se ziyaadah aur kuchh maqSood naheeN hai.

maiN Europe ke :suffer: kee tai,yyaariyoN meN lagaa huwaa hooN. maiN ne sochaa keh jab tak maiN waapas aa,ooN gaa :maar-gazeedah: kaa jaane kyaa Haal ho gaa! (taa tiryaaq az Iraqa aawurdah shawad, maar-gazeedah murdah shawad!) so chand baateN likhne chalaa aayaa. in se tanqeed maqSood naheeN hai bal.k ek muKhtalif nuqtah-e-naz^ar pesh karnaa manz^oor hai.

sab se pehle to ek achhee kaawsih par daad qubool keejiYe.

ab, aamadam bar sar-e-mat^lab! aap kee Ghazal achhee hai. albattah do ek maqaamaat par mere Zehn meN kuchh taraddud paidaa huwaa aur maiN aap se poochhne chalaa aayaa. ummeed hai keh jawaab-e-baaSawaab se nawaazeN ge. maiN ne jahaaN kaheeN apnee soch likhee hai wahaaN aap kaa Khayaal jooN kaa tooN rakhne kee koshish kee hai.
-------------------------------
aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

she'r achhaa hai. tamannaa kaa :huwaidaa: karnaa albattah Ghair-maanoos lagaa. tamannaa :z^aahir kee jaatee hai, rakhee jaatee hai, miTaayee jaatee hai: lekin kabhee kisee ko :tamannaa huwaidaa: karte naheeN dekhaa. lekin is kaa yeh mat^lab bhee naheeN hai keh kisee ne yeh baaNdhaa hee naheeN hai! ek shakl yeh Zehn meN aayee so sun leejiYe:

meHfil-e-dard meN tajdeed-e-tamannaa karne
ham chale aaYe dil-o-jaaN----------------
-----------------------------
din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

yahaaN mujh ko "Fani" Badauni yaad aa gaYe jin ko :mai,yyat, janaazah, na'sh: se bohat raGhbat thee! is se tanqeed manz^oor naheeN hai. yooN hee Khayaal aayaa aur maiN ne likh diyaa!
--------------------------
Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

mujh ko is she'r ke pas-manz^ar kaa i'lm hai. phir bhee :a'adil: ko :munSif: kar ke dekh leN aur :daftar: ko kuchh aur likheN. is meN to she'riyat hai hee naheeN! aur kaise ho jab.k yeh hai hee :daftaree: lafz^!

--------------------------
raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne

yeh she'r sapaaT lagaa. pehlaa miSra' KhaaS t^aur se behtaree chaahataa hai. yooN soch sakte haiN:

waah! kyaa raushanee dee, ghar ko mire phooNk diyaa
ab nah aanaa----------------------------
-------------------------------
bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne

ek to :ai jaan zabaan-e-Urdu: bohat bhoNDaa fiqrah hai. doosre yeh keh :saNwaaraa karnaa: muHaawirah naheeN hai. kyaa hee achhaa ho keh aap is she'r ko mazeed :saNwaareN:!
---------------------------
naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne

SaaHeb! aap kee meHboobah kuchh ziyaadah hee :ma'Soom: ma'loom hotee hai keh gulshan meN :gulaaboN kee tamanaa karne: jaatee hai! tamannaa hee karnee thee to ghar meN hee kar letee! haaN :tamannaa meN: jaatee to maiN bhee saath ho letaa (aap kee naz^reN bachaa kar!)!

maZaaq bar-t^araf! meraa Khayaal hai keh is she'r ko aur tawajjuh kee Z^aroorat hai. yooN :maalik: kee marZ^ee!
-------------------------
umr bhar tere ghamoN ne mujhe ghairay rakkhaa
ab chalaa hooN gham-e-dauraaN ka aHaata karne

kyoN, kyaa :un: ke GhamoN se najaat mil gayee? dekhiYe ek shakl yeh hai:

u'mr bhar us ke GhamoN se nah thee furSat "Amjad"
ab chale ho Gham-e-dauraaN kaa iHaat^ah karne?
---------------------------
koyee baat Khaat^ir-e-naazuk par giraaN guzree ho to ma'Zirat! ab ijaazat?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Posted: **Thu Jun 14, 2007 5:32 am**

muhammad_19k wrote:
din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

bohat khoob janab. aap ki girah bohat hi shaandaar lagi.

janaab Khaawar saHib

salaam arz hai

tazmeen ke she'r ko pasand farmaane ke liye khaaksaar mamnoon-o-mutashakkir hai.

aap ka bahot bahot shukria

Amjad

Posted: **Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:58 am**

moHtaram Sarwar saHib

aadaab arz hai

aap ke tafseeli tabsire ke liye maiN mamnoon
aap ke pesh.karda taqreeban tamaam nukaat se maiN mutaffiq hooN.

-------------------------------
aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

she'r achhaa hai. tamannaa kaa :huwaidaa: karnaa albattah Ghair-maanoos lagaa. tamannaa :z^aahir kee jaatee hai, rakhee jaatee hai, miTaayee jaatee hai: lekin kabhee kisee ko :tamannaa huwaidaa: karte naheeN dekhaa. lekin is kaa yeh mat^lab bhee naheeN hai keh kisee ne yeh baaNdhaa hee naheeN hai! ek shakl yeh Zehn meN aayee so sun leejiYe:

meHfil-e-dard meN tajdeed-e-tamannaa karne
ham chale aaYe dil-o-jaaN----------------

aap durust farmaate haiN ke "huwaidaa" ghair maanoos hai, magar huwaida ke maa'ni bhi zaahir karne ke haiN, is liye jab tamanna zaahir ki jaa sakti hai, to huwaida bhi kar ke dekh lete haiN.

-----------------------------
din gayaa meri masarrat ka janaaza le ker
"raat aayee hai mire gham meiN izaafah karne"

yahaaN mujh ko "Fani" Badauni yaad aa gaYe jin ko :mai,yyat, janaazah, na'sh: se bohat raGhbat thee! is se tanqeed manz^oor naheeN hai. yooN hee Khayaal aayaa aur maiN ne likh diyaa!

vaise aap ko Ghalib ka khayaal kyuN nahiN aaya ? "janaazah, dafn hona, laash" in alfaaz se to Hazrat-e-Ghalib ko bhi bahot raghbat thi, Faani saHib to bahot baa'd meiN aaye :)

--------------------------
Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

mujh ko is she'r ke pas-manz^ar kaa i'lm hai. phir bhee :a'adil: ko :munSif: kar ke dekh leN aur :daftar: ko kuchh aur likheN. is meN to she'riyat hai hee naheeN! aur kaise ho jab.k yeh hai hee :daftaree: lafz^!

dar.asl Parvaiz Musharraf saHib ne apne "daftar" hi bulaaya tha, is liye yehi likh diya

--------------------------
raushni dete hue tum ne to ghar phooNk diyaa
ab na aana miree dunyaa meiN ujaala karne

yeh she'r sapaaT lagaa. pehlaa miSra' KhaaS t^aur se behtaree chaahataa hai. yooN soch sakte haiN:

waah! kyaa raushanee dee, ghar ko mire phooNk diyaa
ab nah aanaa----------------------------

kia maiN "raushni dete" ki jagah "raushni karne" lagaa sakta hooN ?

-------------------------------
bazm meiN aata hooN ae jaan zabaan-e-Urdu !
teree bikhree hui zulfoN ko sanvaaraa karne

ek to :ai jaan zabaan-e-Urdu: bohat bhoNDaa fiqrah hai. doosre yeh keh :saNwaaraa karnaa: muHaawirah naheeN hai. kyaa hee achhaa ho keh aap is she'r ko mazeed :saNwaareN:!

jee aap bajaa farmaa rahe haiN, main "jaan" ki jaga "meri" lagaa dooN ga, aur misra-e-caani ko tabdeel karne ki koshish karooN ga.

---------------------------
naazuk andaam haiN kaaNToN se voh ghabraate haiN
aur jaate haiN gulaaboN ki tamannaa karne

SaaHeb! aap kee meHboobah kuchh ziyaadah hee :ma'Soom: ma'loom hotee hai keh gulshan meN :gulaaboN kee tamanaa karne: jaatee hai! tamannaa hee karnee thee to ghar meN hee kar letee! haaN :tamannaa meN: jaatee to maiN bhee saath ho letaa (aap kee naz^reN bachaa kar!)!

maZaaq bar-t^araf! meraa Khayaal hai keh is she'r ko aur tawajjuh kee Z^aroorat hai. yooN :maalik: kee marZ^ee!

jee ye bahot ahm baat hai jis ki jaanib meri tavajjoh nahiN gayee. maiN is she'r per bhi nazar-e-caani karooN ga insha'Allah.

aap ki tamaam tajaaveez ka bahot bahot shukria. umeed hai isi taraH khaaksaar ki rehnumaai farmaate raheN ge :).

Amjad

Posted: **Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:59 am**

ye javaab aik aur meHfil meiN alag se pesh kia tha is liye yahaaN bhi apne javaab ke saath pesh kar rahaa hooN :

moHtaram Sarwar saHib

aap ko phir se mukhaatib karne ka maqsad sirf itna hai ke mujhe un alfaaz per do asnaad miliN jin ker baare meiN aap ne apne tabsire meiN zikr kia tha, socha yahaaN pesh kar dooN. maqsad sirf tabaadla-e-khayaal hai.

=======================================

-------------------------------
aik daireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne
ham ke aaye hain dil-o-jaaN ka taqaaza karne

she'r achhaa hai. tamannaa kaa :huwaidaa: karnaa albattah Ghair-maanoos lagaa. tamannaa :z^aahir kee jaatee hai, rakhee jaatee hai, miTaayee jaatee hai: lekin kabhee kisee ko :tamannaa huwaidaa: karte naheeN dekhaa. lekin is kaa yeh mat^lab bhee naheeN hai keh kisee ne yeh baaNdhaa hee naheeN hai!

tamanna ko huvaidaa karna mere liye bhi nayaa tha, magar aaj Iqbal ki nazm "Mohabbat" per nazar paRee jahaaN Iqbal ne "tamanna" ke saath "huvaidaa" ko iste'maal kia hai.

kamaal-e-nazm-e-hastee ki abhi thi ibtidaa goyaa
huwaidaa thi nageenay ki tamannaa chashm-e-khaatam se

--------------------------

Haakim-e-vaqt ne aadil ko bulaaya daftar
chand sikkoN ke ivaz adl ka saudaa karne

mujh ko is she'r ke pas-manz^ar kaa i'lm hai. phir bhee :a'adil: ko :munSif: kar ke dekh leN aur :daftar: ko kuchh aur likheN. is meN to she'riyat hai hee naheeN! aur kaise ho jab.k yeh hai hee :daftaree: lafz^!

yehi "daftaree" lafz Hazrat-e-Ghalib ne bhi iste'maal kia hai, do ash'aar mulaaHiza hoN :

bazm-e-shahanshaah meiN ash'aar ka daftar khulaa
rakhiyo yaarab ye dar-e-ganjeena-e-gauhar khulaa

aik aur jagah isi radeef ke saath :

phir hua mid'Hat taraazi ka khayaal
phir mah-o-khursheed ka daftar khulaa

dar.asl is lafz meiN she'riyyat maujood hai, magar aaj kal jo "daftar" ka tasavvur hai us ki vajah se is ki she'riyyat kam ho gayee.

umeed hai aap se isi taraH mustafeez hone ka mauqa milta rahe ga

Amjad

aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne

Re: aik deireena tamannaa ko huvaidaa karne