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aik puraani Nazm
Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 7:25 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Aik Saraapa, aik ayeena (Nazm)
Mahtab Qadr
teri tasveer mai jo kuch bhi hai paaya likhoN
chand chahre ko to zulfoN ko mai saaya likhoN
dil ne chaha ke tujhe sher ghazal ka likhoN
rubaroo baith ke teraa mai saraapa likhoN
dil ki sachai se raoshan jo jabeeN lagti hai
zulf e khamdar bhi shanoN pe haseeN lagti hai
surkhie lab se tu aashiq ka lahu jhalke hai
teri ankheiN mai koi aks e sabu chamke hai
tera andaaz e takallum bhi juda hai sab se
aisa lagta hai ke tu jaise khafa hai sab se
tere chahre se ayaaN khauf ka aalam kioN hai
muskurahat mai chupi yuN saf-e-matam kioN hai
dil ne chaha, tera khushioN se mai daman bhardoN
itney gul paish karoN mai tera aaNgan bhardoN
mai bhi insaaN hooN baharhaal farishta to nahi
tu ne dekha hai mujhe, per mujhe parkha to nahi
soochta hooN ke teri bazm mai aaoN ke nahi
hath mai apna teri simt barhaaoN ke nahi
meri aazaad mizaaji tujhe nuqsaan na de
yani sahil ki tamanna ko bhi toofaan na de
teri tasveer mera husn e nazar hi to nahiN
mera iqraar-e-wafa jhoot ka ghar hi to nahi
tere ekhlas ka jadoo, tere lahje ki mithaas
meri oobash tabiyat ka hai beja ehsaas
tu bhi ek aam si laRki, jo sar-e-raah mili
mai bhi ek aam sa insaN jo sar-e-raah mila
ab zara tu hi bata tujh ko mai kia kia likhoN
teri tasveer mai jo kuch bhi hai paaya likhoN
Bahut dilkash nazm hei
Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 11:36 am
by Abdullah Nazir
Janaab
Mahtab Qadr Saahib
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki nazm bahut pasand aayi. Ba'z misraoN ke beHr se khaarij houne kaa sabab mumkin hei kuch typing mistakes houN.
a) chand chahre ko aur zulfoN ko mai saaya likhoN
a) Yeh msraA beHr se khaarij hei. Isko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei: (chand chehre ko tou zulfaoN ko maiN saaya likhuN)
b)dil ki sachai se raoshan jo jabeeN lagti hai
b)Is misreA meiN (jo jabeeN) tanafur-e-lafzi hei jis ko khaaskar Maulanaa Hasrat Mouhani ne bahut hii maAyoob samjhaa hei. Waise bahut se asaatizah ke haaN paayaa jaataa hei.
c)teri ankheiN haiN ke tasveer sabu chamke hai
c) Is misreA meiN mushabbah beh kamzour hei.
d) yani sahil ki tamanna ko ek tufaan na de
d) Yeh misraA bhi beHr se khaarij hei. Isko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
(yani sahil ki tamanna ko bhii tufan na de)
e)tu bhi ek aam si laRki, jo sar-e-raah mili
mai bhi ek aam sa insaN jo sar-e-raah mila
e) Is sheAr ke dounoN misrAoN meiN qaafiye aik se heiN.
=====
Waise majmooAi taur per bahut hii dilkash nazm hei jiske liye maiN daad aur mubaarakbaad paish kartaa hooN.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]
shukria
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 6:24 am
by Mahtab Qadr
sara_j wrote:Waah waah ! mahtaab saahib purani hi sahi lekin bohat pasand aayi apki mehboob ki tasweer :D.
bohat ache asha'ar kahe hain bohat umdagi se jazbaat ko qalamband kiye hain.
sara
sara ji inayat aapki ke is purani nazm ko bhi aapne sitayesh ke pholoN se nawaza .
Re: Bahut dilkash nazm hei
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 6:29 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Mohatram Abdullah Nazir sahib
Tasleemat
Behad mamnoon hoN ke aap ne apni qeemti raye aur mashwaroN se nawaza , mai ne aapke mashwaroN ke mutabiq hattal imkaan tabdeeli ki koshish ki hai. mazeed koi aib ho to zaroor inayat kijiye. sath hi mashkoor hoN ke aapne tabsira aur daad se bhi nawaza . shukria
niazmand
Mahtab Qadr
Re: aik puraani Nazm
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 11:25 am
by najma
Mahtab Qadr wrote:Aik Saraapa, aik ayeena (Nazm)
Mahtab Qadr
teri tasveer mai jo kuch bhi hai paaya likhoN
chand chahre ko to zulfoN ko mai saaya likhoN
dil ne chaha ke tujhe sher ghazal ka likhoN
rubaroo baith ke teraa mai saraapa likhoN
dil ki sachai se raoshan jo jabeeN lagti hai
zulf e khamdar bhi shanoN pe haseeN lagti hai
surkhie lab se tu aashiq ka lahu jhalke hai
teri ankheiN mai koi aks e sabu chamke hai
tera andaaz e takallum bhi juda hai sab se
aisa lagta hai ke tu jaise khafa hai sab se
tere chahre se ayaaN khauf ka aalam kioN hai
muskurahat mai chupi yuN saf-e-matam kioN hai
dil ne chaha, tera khushioN se mai daman bhardoN
itney gul paish karoN mai tera aaNgan bhardoN
mai bhi insaaN hooN baharhaal farishta to nahi
tu ne dekha hai mujhe, per mujhe parkha to nahi
soochta hooN ke teri bazm mai aaoN ke nahi
hath mai apna teri simt barhaaoN ke nahi
meri aazaad mizaaji tujhe nuqsaan na de
yani sahil ki tamanna ko bhi toofaan na de
teri tasveer mera husn e nazar hi to nahiN
mera iqraar-e-wafa jhoot ka ghar hi to nahi
tere ekhlas ka jadoo, tere lahje ki mithaas
meri oobash tabiyat ka hai beja ehsaas
tu bhi ek aam si laRki, jo sar-e-raah mili
mai bhi ek aam sa insaN jo sar-e-raah mila
ab zara tu hi bata tujh ko mai kia kia likhoN
teri tasveer mai jo kuch bhi hai paaya likhoN
bohat khoob mahtab qadr sahib!
purani sahii, lekin jazba purana naheen :) mujhay bohat pasand aaee apki ye nazm.mubarak aur daad qubool kijiyey
khair andesh
najma
:)
Re: aik puraani Nazm
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 6:41 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Najma ji aapki sitayeshoN ka shukria ,jazbe yaqeenan taza rahte haiN.:) bashartekay samjha jaaye. jazboN ki tarseel itni asaan bhi nahi hoti.
shukria
Mahtab qadr
Kamaal haiy
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 5:10 am
by Safiya
Waah
waah Sarfaraz saahab bohot khoob, gustaakhi mvaaf maghar is nazm ko paDhne ke baad mein ye sochne pe majboor ho gayi, ke vo tasveer keysi rahi hogi jisko dekh kar aap muttaassir huve.
Humesha ki taraah dil se likha haiy aapne.
SAFIYA...
Re: Kamaal haiy
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 7:42 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Safiya wrote:Waah
waah Sarfaraz saahab bohot khoob, gustaakhi mvaaf maghar is nazm ko paDhne ke baad mein ye sochne pe majboor ho gayi, ke vo tasveer keysi rahi hogi jisko dekh kar aap muttaassir huve.
Humesha ki taraah dil se likha haiy aapne.
SAFIYA...
Safiya sahiba bahut dilchasp andaaz mai daad dene ka shukria , chaliye aap ne aakhir apne darshan to karaye isi bahane :) aati rahiye aur apni daad aur shayeri donoN se nawazti rahiye .
shukria
Mahtab Qadr