Shehr e Sanam
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:16 pm
Page 1 of 1
Re: Shehr e Sanam
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:44 pm
sumanshah wrote:
MoHtarma Suman SaHibah,
aadaab
Aapka Urdubandhan meN istaqbaal hai.
Aap ki Ghazal majmoii taur per achchee hai. Meri nacheez daad qubool kijiye.
Chund ashAAr per kuch kahna chaahta hooN magar aap se naii naii mulaqaat hai Darta bhee hooN kahiN nagawaar.e Khatir nah ho jaye. Phir bhi apna farz adaa kar raha hooN aap per lazim nahiN keh aap mere mashwaroN per amal kareN woh Ghalat bhee ho sakte haiN.
Matley ka matlab kuch wazeh nahiN phir bhi itna kahooNga keh wazn meN lane ke liye pahle miSrey meN "zindagee" lafz se qabl "ik" lafz aur doosre miSrey men "kya" lafz ke bAAd "hai" lafz lagana zaroori hai.
Doosrey sher meN "maiN keh uskee zaat" ki jagah "maiN khud uskee zaat" kar lijiyega. Behtar lagega.
ChauThey sher meN "jin per e'tbar" kee jagah "un per e'tbar" kar lijiyega baat aur Saaf ho jayegee.
Maqtey ke miSraa.e Saane meN "Khush fahmee mere dil ko" kar lijiyega achcha lagega.
Ummid hai meree baat ka bura nahiN maneNgee. Hum logoN ke yahan yeh dastoor hai ek doosre ko mashware dete haiN jin se bohat kuch seekhne ko milta hai.
Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni