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Ghazal :
Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:19 am
by munir-armaan-nasimi
Urdubandhan ke Saathiyo,
Main shukr-guzar hoon ke aap logon ne hamesha meri tehreeron ko dil se saraha hai. Ek ghazal le kar phir se aap ki khidmat main haazir hoon... Umeed hai ke aap apni islaah, tareefi aur tanqeedi tehreeron se nawazenge.
Khuda Hafiz,
Aap ka apna,
Munir Armaan Nasimi
Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:52 am
by munir-armaan-nasimi
ARREY BHAI LOG...... KYA BAAT HAI...... KISI EK NE BHI REPLY NAHIN DIYA........
AISA LAGTA HAI LOG AB... CHAANDNI SE NAHIN....... DHOOP SE PYAR KARNE LAGE HAIN........
AISI BHI KYA NAARAZGI YAARO......
ACHCHA BURA... KUCH TO BOLO.....!!
armaan
Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:36 pm
by muhammad_19k
Salam Armaan SaHeb,
aap ki ghazal pehlay bhi daikhi thi laikin likhaa kuch na. kyooNke maire ta'currat se shaair ke naaraz hone ka khadsha bhi rehtaa hai. is leeaye koshish kartaa hooN ke pehlay kuch dost ghazal ki achchaa-oN par baat kar leN phir meN Hasb e 'aadat achchi bhali shaairi meN keeRay nikaal looN ;).
laikin lagtaa hai ke mujhe ye naik kaam pehlay hi karnaa paRay ga :). to aa jaa-iaye phir maidaan meN.
1. choonke aap ne pehlay miSra meN zydati ye kacrat ka koi zikr naheeN kiyaa is leeaye doosre miSra meN lafz kitnaa kuch aisaa suite naheeN kartaa.
aik shakal ye ho sakti hai,
raat bhar muskarati rahi chaandani,
lamHa lamHa sataati rahi chaandani.
izhaar e bayaan meN rawaani bohat shaandaar hai.
2. ye sher achchaa laga.
3. is ke pehlay miSra ko behtar karne ki zaroorat lag rahi hai. ma'ni kuch Saaf naheeN hai.
4. ye sher achhchhaa alga.
5. magar ka istem'aal 'umoman us waqt hotaa hai jub ham magar se pehlay wali statement se mukhlif byaan daine chah rahay hoN jaise ke ahmed ayaa magar haamid na aayaa. ham ne koshish ki magar ham haar gay. woh khus thaa magar meN udaas thaa. laikin aisaa likhne meN naheeN aataa ke meN kush thaa magar woh muskaraa rahaa thaa. issi taraH ye likhnaa ke din meN sooraj gham ugaltaa rahaa magar raath ko chaandi aaNsso rullati rahi. aisaa khaa jaa saaktaa hai.
6. bohat Khoob!
7. bohat khoob. waise mairaa khyaal hai ke jaisay ki bajaa-aye lafaz jaisi aap ke sher ka mafhoom zydaa Saaf kar saktaa hai.
khairandesh,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:49 pm
by munir-armaan-nasimi
BHAI... WOHH KYA KEHTE HAIN...... DER AAYED DURUSHT AAYED..... MUJHE AAP-SE YE UMMEED NAHIN THI KE AAP BHI MUJHE UN SHAIRON KE KATGHARE MAIN KHADA KAR DENGE JO APNI TAARIF SUNNA PASAND KARTE HAIN...... BHAI SAHEB, WOHH LOG BADE SHAIR HAIN....... MAIN TO SHAIR HI NAHIN HOON...... ABHI TUK-BANDI KAR RAHA HOON..... SEEKHNA CHAAHTA HOON.... KHUDA KE LIYE AISA NA KAREIN...... AAJ SE AAP SAB SE PAHLE MERI GHAZAL KA 'POST MORTEM' KAREINGE..... PAKKA ???!!!
BAHUT SHUKR GUZAAR HOON. AAP KI BAATEIN MAIN NE NOTE KAR LI HAIN. INSHA'ALLAH GHAZAL KO SANWAAR LOONGA.
WITH REGARDS,
MAN
Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:30 pm
by muhammad_19k
jii aap ka Hukm sir aaNkhoN par :)