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Guzaarish # 2
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 2:49 pm
by tahira Masood
-1
kaisa peRa hai dil yeh meraa iztiraab meN
kaT'tay raat din meray goyaa Azaab meN
-2
us ko merae wajuud hi ki qader nahin
"dil kis Hisaab meN hai jigar ksi Hisaab meN?"
-3
meHshar k roz ho gaa so ho gaa magar mujhae
karde nah mubtalaa miri miTTi, Azaab meiN
-4
duniyaa kaa Haal dekh ker maiN sochtee hoN yeh
aa jaaey nah kahin yeh Khudaa k Ataab meN
-5
maazi ko dekhtee hoN palatt k jo maiN kabhi
lagtaa hai jaisae guzraa ho Aalam yeh khwaab meN
Aapki TaraHi ghazal
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 10:09 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtaramah
Tahira Masood Saahibah
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut hii achchi hei jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. MaiN apne tabsire se qabl yeh kehna chaahtaa hooN ke meri aaraa se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN.
1
kaisa peRa hai dil yeh meraa iztiraab meN
kaT'tay raat din meray goyaa Azaab meN
Pahlaa misraA vazn meiN hei lekin doosre misreA ke vazn kii takmeel ke liye aik lafz "heiN" kii kami hei. Agar "kaTtay" ke fauran ba'd "heiN" kaa izaafah kardiyaa jaaye tou sheAr vazn meiN aajayegaa.
Ab sheAr kii ibaarat ke baare meiN ghaur kareN tou patah chaltaa hei ke pahle misreA meiN ibaarat lafz "yeh" ke baghair poori housakti hei lekin meHZ vazn ke liye iski zaroorat paish aarahi hei. Waise hii lafz "meraa" kii zaroorat nahiN meHsoos houti kiyooNkeh doosre misreA meiN is kii vazaHat lafz "meray" se houjaati hei. (aap apni fikr ke liHaaz se is sheAr kii tasHeeH karsakti heiN). Meri tajveez yooN hei:
Tum ne jo dil ko Daal diyaa iZTiraab meiN
KaTte heiN raat din mere gouyaa Azaab meiN
-2
us ko merae wajuud hi ki qader nahin
"dil kis Hisaab meN hai jigar ksi Hisaab meN?"
Gireh kaa misraA vazn meiN nahiN hei. Ibaarat bhii khaas nahiN hei.
Meri tajveez yooN hei:
Uski nazar meiN kuch nahiN meraa vajood tak
-3
meHshar k roz ho gaa so ho gaa magar mujhae
Allah panaah denaa qabar k Azaab meN
SheAr kaa doosraa misraA vazn meiN nahiN. Wo is liye keh lafz 'qabar" nahiN balkeh "qabr" hei yani harf 'bey' per zabar nahiN balkeh jazm hei. Doosre, Allah se panaah Talab kii jaarahi hei qabr ke Azaab se jis ko aap ne radeef ko nibhaane ke liye "azaab meiN" kardiyaa hei. Doosre misreA ke liye filwaqt meri nazar meiN jou Hal hei wo kuch yooN hei:
karde nah mubtalaa miri miTTi, Azaab meiN
-4
duniyaa kaa Haal dekh ker maiN sochtee hoN yeh
aa jaaey nah kahin yeh Khudaa k Ataab meN
Pahle misreA meiN lafz "ker" ke bajaaye "ke" hou tou vazn Theek houjaataa hei. Doosre misreA ko behtar banaane ke liye usko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
aajaaye bhool se, nah Khudaa ke Aitaab meiN
-5
maazi ko dekhtee hoN palatt k jo maiN kabhi
lagtaa hai jaisae guzraa ho Aalam yeh khwaab meN
SheAr kaa mazmoon bahut achcha hei aur vazn bhii baraabar hei.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
bahut khoob
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:22 pm
by irfan barabankwi
mohtaramah
TAHIRA MASOOD
SAAHIBAH
purkhuloss tasleemat
aapki ghazal nazar nawaz hoi. aapney aik achhi koshish ki hai. dili daad hazir hai. mohtaram nazir saahib ke mashwiroN per Amal kareiN aur mashq-e-sukhan jari rakhkheiN. raftah raftah kamaal aata hai.
khair andaish
irfan barabankwi
Re: Aapki TaraHi ghazal
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:18 pm
by tahira Masood
Abdullah Nazir wrote:
MuHtaramah
Tahira Masood Saahibah
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut hii achchi hei jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. MaiN apne tabsire se qabl yeh kehna chaahtaa hooN ke meri aaraa se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN.
1
kaisa peRa hai dil yeh meraa iztiraab meN
kaT'tay raat din meray goyaa Azaab meN
Pahlaa misraA vazn meiN hei lekin doosre misreA ke vazn kii takmeel ke liye aik lafz "heiN" kii kami hei. Agar "kaTtay" ke fauran ba'd "heiN" kaa izaafah kardiyaa jaaye tou sheAr vazn meiN aajayegaa.
Ab sheAr kii ibaarat ke baare meiN ghaur kareN tou patah chaltaa hei ke pahle misreA meiN ibaarat lafz "yeh" ke baghair poori housakti hei lekin meHZ vazn ke liye iski zaroorat paish aarahi hei. Waise hii lafz "meraa" kii zaroorat nahiN meHsoos houti kiyooNkeh doosre misreA meiN is kii vazaHat lafz "meray" se houjaati hei. (aap apni fikr ke liHaaz se is sheAr kii tasHeeH karsakti heiN). Meri tajveez yooN hei:
Tum ne jo dil ko Daal diyaa iZTiraab meiN
KaTte heiN raat din mere gouyaa Azaab meiN
-2
us ko merae wajuud hi ki qader nahin
"dil kis Hisaab meN hai jigar ksi Hisaab meN?"
Gireh kaa misraA vazn meiN nahiN hei. Ibaarat bhii khaas nahiN hei.
Meri tajveez yooN hei:
Uski nazar meiN kuch nahiN meraa vajood tak
-3
meHshar k roz ho gaa so ho gaa magar mujhae
Allah panaah denaa qabar k Azaab meN
SheAr kaa doosraa misraA vazn meiN nahiN. Wo is liye keh lafz 'qabar" nahiN balkeh "qabr" hei yani harf 'bey' per zabar nahiN balkeh jazm hei. Doosre, Allah se panaah Talab kii jaarahi hei qabr ke Azaab se jis ko aap ne radeef ko nibhaane ke liye "azaab meiN" kardiyaa hei. Doosre misreA ke liye filwaqt meri nazar meiN jou Hal hei wo kuch yooN hei:
karde nah mubtalaa miri miTTi, Azaab meiN
-4
duniyaa kaa Haal dekh ker maiN sochtee hoN yeh
aa jaaey nah kahin yeh Khudaa k Ataab meN
Pahle misreA meiN lafz "ker" ke bajaaye "ke" hou tou vazn Theek houjaataa hei. Doosre misreA ko behtar banaane ke liye usko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
aajaaye bhool se, nah Khudaa ke Aitaab meiN
-5
maazi ko dekhtee hoN palatt k jo maiN kabhi
lagtaa hai jaisae guzraa ho Aalam yeh khwaab meN
SheAr kaa mazmoon bahut achcha hei aur vazn bhii baraabar hei.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Mukarram-o-moHteram Nazir saheb
asslamo Alaikum w.w
meN beHad mamnoon hoN keh aap nae az khood mere es kalaam per tawaajo fermaaee.
shuru k shaer k misrae meN typing error thaa. shuekriay keh aap nae nishadahi fermaa di.
mukhtalif jaghoN per iSlah mere ilm me n izaafae kaa baic huee.
Jazakallaho khairan kaceeran kaceerah.
aameen
ummeed hai keh ayndah bhi es shafqat kaa izhaar fermaate rehaiN gey.
wassalam
Naik duaoN k saath
Re: bahut khoob
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:20 pm
by tahira Masood
irfan barabankwi wrote:mohtaramah
TAHIRA MASOOD
SAAHIBAH
purkhuloss tasleemat
aapki ghazal nazar nawaz hoi. aapney aik achhi koshish ki hai. dili daad hazir hai. mohtaram nazir saahib ke mashwiroN per Amal kareiN aur mashq-e-sukhan jari rakhkheiN. raftah raftah kamaal aata hai.
khair andaish
irfan barabankwi
moHteram
salaam-e-khuloos
aap donoN Hazraat nae nae es naacheez si koshihs per raeaay de ker es ko mo'atber ker diyaahai.
main teh-e-dil sae aap k es aHsaan peh mashkoor hoN.
Jazaakallaho Kahiran kaceeran kaceerah.Allahumaa aameen
wassalam
Re: Guzaarish # 2
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:57 pm
by Shummu
tahira Masood wrote:
-1
kaisa peRa hai dil yeh meraa iztiraab meN
kaT'tay raat din meray goyaa Azaab meN
-2
us ko merae wajuud hi ki qader nahin
"dil kis Hisaab meN hai jigar ksi Hisaab meN?"
-3
meHshar k roz ho gaa so ho gaa magar mujhae
Allah panaah denaa qabar k Azaab meN
-4
duniyaa kaa Haal dekh ker maiN sochtee hoN yeh
aa jaaey nah kahin yeh Khudaa k Ataab meN
-5
maazi ko dekhtee hoN palatt k jo maiN kabhi
lagtaa hai jaisae guzraa ho Aalam yeh khwaab meN
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Tahira sia..ek aur zabardast ghazla kahi hai aapne...giraah bahut pasand aayi....bahut daad haazir hai is umda kaavish par....zor-e-qalam aur ziyaada :-D
Shumaila