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meN aapne aap se khawar rahaa hooN du badooN barsoN
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:14 pm
by muhammad_19k
'azeezan e bazm
aek TarHi ghazal Haazir e khidmat hai aor hamesha ki taraH aap ke tabSaraa jaat ka intezaar hai.
a. konsa sher aap ko pasandaa aayaa.
b. konsaa sher halke meHsoosh huway
c. konse sher ko kaise behtar kiyaa jaa saktaa hai,
paishgi shukriyaa ke saath,
mamnooN,
Muhammad Khawar.
1.
Mulaaqaat aek bhi apni hoee na roo baroo barsoN
meN kar saktaa hoN jaanaaN aor bhi ye justajoo barsoN
2.
'alam aakhir uTheN ge chaar soo ik din baghaawat ke
nahi sehtaa koi insaaN shikast aarzoo barsoN
3.
tiray rukhsaar chhonay ke leeaye sooraj ka pagal pan
sunehri dhoop barsaataa rahaa hai chaarsoo barsoN
4.
kabhi daikhi thi tairi ik jhalak bas yaad hai itnaa
nazar aayaa hai us ke b'aad mujh ko tu hi tu barsoN
5.
tum ik daryaa kinaaray par chalaa karte the akcar hi
ussi daryaa k paani se kiyaa meN ne wuzoo barsoN
6.
tirii gulshan meN aamad par Sabaa gul se mukhtab thi
chaman meN dhooNdhti phirti thi meN ye raNg o bu barsoN.
7.
huwaa hooN fateH phir haar ka eHsaas kyooN mujh ko
meN apne se khawar rahaa hooN dubadoo barsoN.
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:23 pm
by Khurshidul Hasan Naiyer
Muhtaram khawar sb,
Assalam Alaikum
Ghazal achhee hai magar
1 sha'r kaa pahlaa misra aapkee negaah daqeeq ka t^lib hai.
2 sha'r pasand aaya achhi tazmeen hai.
5 sha'r kuchh bhee samajh maiN naheen aayaa, unke daryaa kinaare chalne or phir mere wazoo karne maeN kya joR hai woh to ............
6 sha'r naazuk saa hai or achhaa hai, magar samajhne maeN thoRaa waqt laga. daad Hazir hai.
Maqtaa ko dobaara aap ghor se dekhleN to achhaa ho.
Majmua'ee tor se ghazal pasand aayee. daad qubool kijye
Mukhlis
Khurshidul H. Naiyer
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:55 am
by muhammad_19k
Mohtaram Janab khurshidul Hasan Naiyer SaHeb,
meN aap ka bohat shukrguzaar hooN ke aap ne mairi ghazal par raa-aye di. aor umeed kartaa hooN ke aap ye shafqat jaari rakheN geN.
1 sha'r kaa pahlaa misra aapkee negaah daqeeq ka t^lib hai.
ji meN dekh looN ga.
2 sha'r pasand aaya achhi tazmeen hai.
abhi aor behtari ki gunjaish hai ;)
5 sha'r kuchh bhee samajh maiN naheen aayaa, unke daryaa kinaare chalne or phir mere wazoo karne maeN kya joR hai woh to ............
rabT to hai laikin dar batan e shaair :). aap ko nahi pataa chalaa to is ka matlab hai k nahi hai :). kuch aor dostoN ko bhi agar nahi pataa chaltaa to yaqeenun is ko khol dainaa hai manasab ho ga. aor yaqeenun jab meN is ko khooloN ga to khyaal aap ko pasand aa-aye ga.
6 sha'r naazuk saa hai or achhaa hai, magar samajhne maeN thoRaa waqt laga. daad Hazir hai.
yaqeenan aap ko khyaal pasand aayaa ho ga. kyooN ke bunat par to eHbaab ka mashwaraa hai ke mazeed behtari ki zaroorat hai.
Maqtaa ko dobaara aap ghor se dekhleN to achhaa ho.
ji bilkul :)
aap ki raa-aye ka bohat bohat shukriyaa.
Re: meN aapne aap se khawar rahaa hooN du badooN barsoN
Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 12:35 pm
by munir-armaan-nasimi
muhammad_19k wrote:'azeezan e bazm
aek TarHi ghazal Haazir e khidmat hai aor hamesha ki taraH aap ke tabSaraa jaat ka intezaar hai.
a. konsa sher aap ko pasandaa aayaa.
b. konsaa sher halke meHsoosh huway
c. konse sher ko kaise behtar kiyaa jaa saktaa hai,
paishgi shukriyaa ke saath,
mamnooN,
Muhammad Khawar.
Kya baat hai bhai..... jab bhi aate hain Dhamaake ke saath aate hain...... Behad pyaari hai aapki Ghazal..... itni pyari keh jee chaahta hai esko apni keh doon magar.............
1.
Mulaaqaat aek bhi apni hoee na roo baroo barsoN
meN kar saktaa hoN jaanaaN aor bhi ye justajoo barsoN
Barson se apni aek bhi mulaaquat nahin hoee (roo baroo)
yahi matlab hai na ess misre ka... bhai jaan, jab aadmi kisi ke roo baroo hota hai to usko hi mulaaquat kehte hain. meri chotti si samajh main yeh baat nahin aa rahi keh..... ek hi misre main ru-ba-ru aur mulaaquat dono... kya mulaaquat kii koyi doosri qism bhi hai?? Waise sher ke bahr, wazan wagerah ke baare main... main kuch nahin keh raha hoon keh mujhe uske baare main kuch nahin maaloom????
Magar aapka sher/ matlaa aap ke SABR ka.. Hausle ka pata deta hai..... barson se mulaaquat nahin hoyi phir bhi aap kehte hain ke aap..... aur barson eski justajoo karte rahenge..... yaani ke SADYON tak........ baap re baap.......
Kahan se Laaoon Sabr Hazrat-e-Ayyub Aye Saaqi
Kham aayega, Suraahi Aayega Tab Jaam Aayega
2.
'alam aakhir uTheN ge chaar soo ik din baghaawat ke
nahi sehtaa koi insaaN shikast aarzoo barsoN
Pahle Sher main aap Hamdardi se pesh aa rahe the aur.....ab doosre sher main aap apne mehboob ko DHAMKA rahe hain.... Kabhi Nehla... Kabhi Dehla...... Aap ka yeh andaaz bhi bahut pasand aaya bhai. Daad ke phool pesh karta hooon.
3.
tiray rukhsaar chhonay ke leeaye sooraj ka pagal pan
sunehri dhoop barsaataa rahaa hai chaarsoo barsoN
Wah Wah.... kya baat hai.... uske rukhsaar ke leeaye hi sooraj nikalta tha shayad magar....... yeh din ke waqt ki baat hoyi... raat ke waqt??????? shayaad Chaand ki chaandni uske rukhsaar ka bosa lene aati hogi ya phir Shair khud...........
4.
kabhi daikhi thi tairi ik jhalak bas yaad hai itnaa
nazar aayaa hai us ke b'aad mujh ko tu hi tu barsoN
WAH WAH.. YE TO ISHQ-E-HAQEEQI KI TARAF ISHAARA KAR RAHA HAI.... aur yahan aa kar hamare haath kaanpne lagte hain. Behad pyara sher hai....... kabhi main ne bhi ek sher kah diya tha isi tarah ka..... sunaaoooon???
Main Ghaafil teri Yaadon se Ek pal bhi na ho paaya
Teri Khushboo Bikhree Hoyi hai Chaaron taraf purwayi main
Ek behtarein sher ke liye daad qobool karein.
5.
tum ik daryaa kinaaray par chalaa karte the akcar hi
ussi daryaa k paani se kiyaa meN ne wuzoo barsoN
Bhai jaan.. yahan mujhe pahle misre main "ik" jara kuch ajeeb sa lag raha hai. tum jiss daryaa ke kinaare.......... main ussi daryaa ke paani se............. dekhiye meri na-samjhi pe hansa nahin......
Waise sher main to romaniyat hai wohh..... dil ko chhooo gayi..... kamaal ka sher hai.
6.
tirii gulshan meN aamad par Sabaa gul se mukhtab thi
chaman meN dhooNdhti phirti thi meN ye raNg o bu barsoN.
Bada Gehraa sher hai bhai...... meri samajh se bahar hai..... plz. wazahat karein keh kaun kiss se mukhaatib hai???
7.
huwaa hooN fateH phir haar ka eHsaas kyooN mujh ko
meN apne se khawar rahaa hooN dubadoo barsoN.
BAHUT KHOOB Khawar bhai..... kya inkesaari hai..... kisi apne se jeet kar bhi aadmi khud se haar jaata hai...... apni jeet ki khushi se jiyada.. uske haar ka gham hamein sataata hai...... bahut umdaa sher hai bhai.......
Daad qobool karein....!!