• "meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed

Posted: **Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:57 pm**

miree dua'a hai keh duniyaa meN koee jang nah ho
bilaktee dekhee hai faoji kee aek maaN maiN neY

(Aek tanqeedi jaae'Zah)

yeh she'er Janab-e-Jawaid Badauni SaHib kee us GhaZal se akhaZ kiyaa geyaa hai. jo unhooN ne Urdubandhan ke t^araHee mushae'rah maah-e-rawaaN ke liye kahee hai.

khaliQ-e-she'er Jawaid Badauni SaHib GhaZal aor naZm meN yad-e-beZ^aa rakhte haiN. QaSeedah gaoee MirZa Rafee' Saodaa par aor GhaZal pardaZee Mir par khatm ho gaee. lekin Haqeeqat to yeh hai keh aap bhee QaSeedah gaoee ke saath saath GhaZal gaoee par khaaSee Girift rakhte haiN. lekin is Waqt aap ke isee she'er ko tanqeedi Zawiyah se dekhaa jae gaa.

mundarajah-e-bala she'er muttaqaZ^ee hai keh is par t^ae'ranah nigaah Dalee jaeY aor is Ghaer ma'amulee she'er ke andar ke jaohar ko talaash kar ke use manaSSah-e-sahood par layaa jaeY. aor is ke khaliq ke Zatee jaohor kee nao' aor takhleeQee upaj ko saamne rakhte huwe she'er kee afadiyat aor eSr-e-HaZ^ir ke siyaasee tanaZur meN is par chand sut^oor likhee jaeeN.

Jawaid SaHib ke is she'er ko ma'mulee naheeN kaha jaa saktaa. dekhaa jae to dua'aa, duniyaa, jang, faoji, aor maaN ke alfaaz^ ko aapas meN aesee sheer-o-shakr kiyaa geyaa hai. keh gaoyaa in kee nisbat aor ra'ayat aaj kee seyaasee aor mua'asharatee gehmaa gehmee aor din bah din biGaRtee huee Surat-e-aHwaal-e-aQwaam se jooR dee gaee hai.

is aek she'er se Shae'ir ke kaee fit^ree a'naSir kee nishaandahee ho jaatee hai. she'er meN ma'anawiyat, taSweeriyat, kaefiyat, sab lafz^ooN ke Zariye'eY hee paedah kee jaa saktee hai. aor Zubaan kaa takhleeqee istema'aal hee she'ir kee upaj-e-fit^ree jaoher Zaor-e-takhiyyul jaosh-e-jaZbaat kee buniyaadee kaleed faraham kartaa hai.

mulaHiZ^ah farmaaiye keh aap ne kis khubSuratee se apne dilee jaZbaat aor eHsaasaat ko aek she'er meN Dhaal kar dua'aiyaa andaaZ-o-peraeY meN a'waam kee khidmat meN pesh kar diyaa hai. is she'er kee afadiyat aor Z^arurat ke pesh-e-naz^ar woh naam nihaad inshaa pardaaZ jo gao takiye lagaa kar shae'eree ko apnee meeraac samajhte huwe meHZ^ tafreH-e-t^aba' kee GharZ^ se khaamah farsaaee karte haiN agar is she'er kee upaj samajh sakeeN yaa is kee teh meN atar kar khaliQ-e-she'er kee muraad aor iltijaa ka baGhaor mut^alea'h kar sakeeN to yaqeena" un kee neendeeN Haraam ho jaeeN.

Aap is she'er meN ma'nee kee tarseel aor apnee Qalabee kaefiyat ko kamah Haqqah hoo bayaan karne meN baRe kaamyaab rahe haiN. maiN samajhtaa hooN is she'er ko mustaqbil meN Sarfee aor naHwee aa'tebaar se bhee baRee qadr kee nigaah se dekhaa jae gaa. she'er meN muta'adid usloobiyaat aor imteyaZaat ke bawaajood lafz^ jang kee maojoodagee se she'er meN aek shadeed Qisam kee infaradiyat paedah ho gaee hai. aor yahee infardiyat aor anokhaa usloob-e-bayaaN aage chal kar "Jawaidiyaat" kaa t^urrah-e-imtiyaaZ bane gaa.

she'er meN agarcheh Jadeed t^arZ-e-fikr kee goonj Saaf sunaaee de rahee hai. baa eeN hamah aap ne she'er meN apne us aa'jaaZ ko barqaraar rakhaa keh aap lehjah-e-a'aam ke shae'ir haiN. aor yahee da'awaa Mir kaa bhee thaa. dekhaa jae to donooN kaa fan (Art) fareb-e-naz^ar kaa darajah rakhtaa hai. keh dekhne meN saadah aor a'aam fehem hai lekin is kaa acar teh dar teh nasheeN hai. keh is kee sab se nichlee aor aakhree teh tak khud khaaliq-e-she'er hee utar saktaa hai. aor isee maqaam par aakar Mir ne apne usloob-e-she'er ke barah meN kahaa thaa.

"koee sadah hee is ko saadah kahe
hameeN to lage hai woh a'iyyaar saa"

yahaaN bhee Mir apne barah meN naheeN balkeh apne usloob-e-she'er ke barah meN tanbeeh kar rahe haiN. baz^ahir dekhaa jae to Jawaid SaHib kaa she'er apnee haiyat aor alfaaz^ kee tarteeb aor sajawaT ke aa'tebaar se saadah ma'loom ho taa hai. lekin darHaqeeqat apnee afadiyat ke leHaaz^ se bohot gehraa hai.

yeh she'er Jawaidiyaat ke sehl-e-mumtina' ke usee Qabeel se hai jis meN maoSoof kee Qareeb Qareeb sabhee GhaZleeN aor naZmeeN kahee gaeeN haiN. Ghalib ne apne aek khat^ meN sehl-e-mumtina' kee dad aor ta'reef meN yooN likhaa hai keh jis ko dekh kar yeh kheyaal paedah ho ke esaa kehnaa bohot aasaan hai magar jab kehne baeTho to namumkin ho.

Jawaidiyaat kaa usloobee pehlo yeh hai keh Haerat anGeZ had tak a'aam bool chaal yaa nacar kee naHwee tarteeb barqaraar rakhee gaee hai. yeh baat to sabhee jante haiN keh beHer aor waZan kee a'arooZ^ee Z^aroratooN ke teHet neHwee tarteeb meN taqdeem-o-takheer hotee hee rehtee hai. agarcheh is kee bhee apnee Had bandiyaaN aor uSloob haiN. aap ke haaN jaesaa keh is she'er se bhee z^ahir hai kaheeN kaheeN Z^arurat-e-lafZ^ee ke teHet koee lafz^ aage peeche yaa Ghaer Qudratee andaaZ meN aataa hai wagarnah sabhee she'eree kawish miSra' ya'nee jumlae kee saakht qudratee andaaZ meN barqaraar rehtee hai.

pas Z^arurat hai keh in jumlah aosaaf ko khat^ir nishaan rakhte huwe she'er ke paekar meN pinhaaN aarZu aor tamannaa ko samjhaa jae aor is dua'aaiyah koshish meN shae'ir kaa saath diyaa jaeY.

"hamare Zehn par chaeY naheeN haiN HirS ke saaeY
jo ham meHsoos karte haiN Wohee teHreer karte haiN"

Zeyahah Hadd-e-adab!
MuZaffar A MuZaffar

Posted: **Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:15 pm**

a'zeezi wa moHibbee Muzaffar SaaHab
tasleemaat

kahaN se alfaaz laaoN kaise shukriya ada karooN aap ka keh mere aise adna.o.nacheez she'r per nah sirf tawajjo farmayee us per is qadar mukammal, jamay aur giraaNqadr tabsarey se bhee nawazah. Allah aap ko shaad.o.aabaad rakhkhe aur jazaa.e Khair se nawazey.

sub se pahle tou ma'azrat keh maiN eid ke Taweel ta'teel ( paanch din ki chuTTee)meN maSroof raha aap ka Khat kuch taKheer se nazar nawaz huuwa. aap ne apne tabsarey ko shayad tanqeedi zawiye ka naam diya tha magar mere a'zeez mujhe tou har Taraf se sirf ta'areef ki ho mahak aatee meHsoos huuwee. ab aisa bhi nah nawaziye keh main sharmindah ho jaaooN. aap ko naSr per achcha u'boor HaaSil hai aur main yeh bhi jaanta hooN aap jab bhi kuch taHreer farmate haiN aap ka Khuloos aap ke qalam per Haawee ho jata hai.

mujhe is baat ki beHud Khushee hai keh kum se kum koyee tou meree baat ko saheeH TaraH se samajh saka. mera she'r yaqeenan bahut sada hai magar main ne ek KhaS rishtey se munsalik jazbaat per raushnee Daalne ki koshish ki hai. ek deegar she'r meN main ne is sher se KhaSa muKhlatif kaha hai jismeN bazahir is sher meN bayan kiye gaye Khayal ki tardeed hotee hai. woh sher yahaN taHreer karta hooN.

shahadat pe beTe ki naazaaN hai maaN
zamanah yeh samjha tha mar jayegee

such poochiye tou mere donoN ashaa'r apni jagah durust haiN. maaN ka naaz uske pisar ki shahadat per uske jazbaa.e eeSaar ki daleel hai magar aise mauqey per maaN ki aaNkh ka bheeg jana insaani fiTrat ka taqaZa hai. yahaN yeh bhi wazeh kar doon ke dahaR ke rone, phooT phooT ke rone, cheeKh cheeKh ke rone, bisurne aur bilakne men ek numayaN farq haiN. maiN ne apne she'r meN jisper aap ne apne tabarey se nawazah hai maaN ke bilakne ka lafz bahut soch samajh ker istaimal kiya tha aur mujhe yaqeen tha aap jaise suKhansanj is sher per mujhe apni daad se nawazeNge.

duniya meN jung kahiN ho. JuNg ka maqSad kuch bhi ho. Koyee zalim ho ya mazloom. koyee shikast payee ya fateHyaab ho. jung zaroori ho ya naguzeer. jung ka maqSad looT maar ho ya amn. har Surat aur har Halat meN duniya ki har jung meN sub se ziyadah nuqSaan un walidaaoN ka hi hota hai jinke jawan pisar jung ki nazr hote haiN. Iraq meN Haliya jung naguzeer thee. ek jaabir ki mujrimanah sazish ka nateejah thee. magar Hamla awar fauj ke sipahee bhi kaam aaye thEy aur unki maaoN ko bhi unki mayyat per utna hi malal huuwa hoga jitna doosre janib waloN ki maaoN ko. har jung meN sub se ziyadah zulm us maaN per hi hota hai jis ki god ka pala ek laash ki Surat meN uske saamne mubarakbaad ke saath pesh kiya jata hai. yehee sub kuch mere zahn meN tah jab maiN ne yeh sher taKhleeq kiya tha, jise aap ne nah sirf samjha balkeh pasaNd bhee farmaya.

aap ne jis andaz meN is she'r per tabsara farmaya, iski qadr ki aur Khakam ba dahan kahiN kahin tou mera mawazna aise buzurgan.e Urdu se bhi kar diya jinki paaoN ki Khak ke baraber bhi main nahiN hooN. yaqeenan aap ka Khuloos aap ke jazbaat qaabile sataaiish haiN aur mainN aap ka jitna bhi shukriya adaa karooN kum hai. such tou yeh hai aap ka ma'arkatul aara tabsara mere she'r se ziyadah daad ka mustaHaq hai. himmat afzaayee ke liye ek baar phir aap ka marhoon.e minnat hooN.

Khulooskaar
Jawaid Badauni

Posted: **Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:07 am**

Mohtaram Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar Saheb

Jawaid Badauni Saheb ke sheir aapka tabsira bohat pasand ayaa. Ye sheir Jawaid saheb ki shinakhat banjaye.

Maine sabhi sho'ara urdubandhan ko mass email ke zariye aapke tabsire ka link rawana kardiya tha.
Jawaid saheb ko bhi meri daad aur mubarakbaad arz hai.

Mukhlis
Salem Bashwar

Posted: **Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:39 pm**

sbashwar wrote:Mohtaram Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar Saheb

Jawaid Badauni Saheb ke sheir aapka tabsira bohat pasand ayaa. Ye sheir Jawaid saheb ki shinakhat banjaye.
Maine sabhi sho'ara urdubandhan ko mass email ke zariye aapke tabsire ka link rawana kardiya tha.
Jawaid saheb ko bhi meri daad aur mubarakbaad arz hai.

Mukhlis
Salem Bashwar

moHtaram Biradaram S. bashwar SaaHib tasleemaat!

janab Jawaid Badauni SaaHib ke she'er par khaadim kaa tabSirah jise aap ne pasand farmate huwe apnee raae'e se aagah kiya hai. maiN is haoSlah afzaee ke liye mamnoon hooN. e'laawahaZeeN is kaa link deegar qaarae'een ko arsaal karne par bhee shukrguzaar hooN. jazakAllah!

Wassalam
Muzaffar AHmad Muzaffar

"meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed

"meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed

Re: "meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed

Re: "meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed

Re: "meree dua'a hai keh dunya meN koee jang nah ho" aek tanqeed