mukarramee Khozemah SaaHeb: aadaab a'rZ^ hai!
aap kee yeh t^araHee Ghazal naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. aap kee koshish baRee Had tak kaamyaab hai. meree daad HaaZ^ir hai!
maiN ne :baRee Had tak: is liYe kahaa hai keh aisee maqbool-e-a'am GhazaloN kee t^araH meN Ghazal-goyee hameshah qadre maKhdoosh hotee hai. qaaree Ghair-shao'oree t^aur se aap kee Ghazal ko t^araH kee Ghazal ke muqaabil rakh` kar raaYe qaa,im kartaa hai. aur nateejah hameshah Hasb-e-tawaqqo' naheeN hotaa hai!
aap ne achh`e asha'ar nikaale haiN. albattah kaheeN kaheeN aap :Siraat^-e-mustaqeem: se bh`aTak gaYe haiN! kam se kam meraa to yehee Khayaal hai. agar maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN to aap kee tashreeHaat yaqeena" meree taSHeeH kar deN gee.
------------------------
ho gaye kooch ke aacaar numayaan janaaN
aa bhi jaao ke hoon kuchh der ka mehmaaN janaaN
mat^la' achh`aa hai. agar :kuch` hee der: kahaa jaataa to acar baRh` jaataa lekin wazn kee bh`ee apnee majbooriyaaN hotee haiN!
------------------------
movt hoti nahi maroob e fuGHaan o matam
kisliye hote ho maiyat pe pashaimaaN janaaN
yeh kyaa baat huyee SaaHeb? jab aap maut ke gh`aaT utar hee chuke haiN to kisee ke rone-dh`one se us ke :mar,o'ob: hone kaa kyaa sawaal hai? mazeed yeh keh :maut ke mar,o'ob hone: se aap kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? kyaa aap yeh kehnaa chaahate haiN keh agar :maut se qabl: meHboobah aap ke sirhaane aa kar apnee pashemaanee kaa iz^haar kartee to maut us ke ro'b se Dar kar bh`aag jaatee? agar yehee maqSood th`aa to aap ke alfaaz^ is ko adaa naheeN kar sake haiN. apne Khayaal kee tashreeH farmaa deN to i'naayat ho gee.
-------------------
dhaRkan e dil bhi huaa karti he paband e baher
kisqadar lay muN bulati he yeh janaaN janaaN
yeh :dh`aRkan-e-dil: kyaa hotee hai? lafz^ :dh`aRkan: Hindi kaa hai aur :dil: Farsee kaa. aap ne kaun se qaa,ideh se yeh iZ^aafat banaayee hai? mujh` ko i'lm hai keh kuch` sho'araa ne is qism kaa ijtihaad bartaa hai lekin us ke bh`ee kuch` taqaaZ^e haiN. gustaaKhee mu,a'af! aap kee yeh tarkeeb bh`auNDee hai aur Ghalat^ bh`ee. is ko Z^aroor hee badal deN.
doosree baat yeh hai keh SaHeeH lafz^ :beHr: (baRee Hey saakin hai, is par zabar naheeN hai!) nah keh :baHar:! az-raah-e-karam taSdeeq kar ke she'r kee iSlaaH farmaa leejiYe.
------------------------
saGHar e dil meN he kam go k luhoo ki miqdaar
chand qatre bhi uThha dete heN toofaaN janaaN
doosraa miSra' bohat achh`aa hai. lekin pehlaa us kaa saath` naheeN de sakaa hai. KhuSooSa" :luhoo kee miqdaar: se jo :naap-tol: kaa naqshah saamne aataa hai woh behtaree chaahataa hai. mazeed yeh keh :saaGhar: se madhoshee aur suroor kaa taSawwur waabastah hai aur yahaaN yeh kh`ap naheeN rahaa hai. yooN soch sakte haiN:
chashm-e-KhooNbaar ko too kam nah samajh`, ulfat meN
chand qatre bhi uThha dete heN toofaaN janaaN
--------------------
tum ko taKHleeq e wafa se nahuN milti fursat
ab ke tajdeed wafa ka nahiN imkaaN janaan
:taKhleeq-e-wafaa: se aap kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? wafaa kaa taKhleeq kiyaa jaanaa is se qabl kaheeN naheeN dekh`aa. aap ne agar dekh`aa hai to sanad a't^aa kar ke shukriyah kaa mauqa' i'naayat keejiYe.
-----------------------
zou fishaaN daaGH e mohabbat huye manind e qamar
hogaya KHana e zulmat bhi daraKHshaaN janaan
she'r Th`eek hai. albattah :daaGh: kaa :Z^au-fishaaN: honaa yaqeenee naheeN hai kyoN.k yeh siyaah bh`ee ho sakte haiN. is kee bajaaYe :zaKhm: behtar rahe gaa keh woh Khoon se surKh hote haiN aur is se :raushanee: kaa mat^lab liyaa jaa saktaa hai. yooN aap behtar jaante haiN.
-------------------------
ab tumheN hajat e talwaar o tabar he kiyonkar
kiya huye aap ke sab qatl ke saamaaN jaanaaN
yeh she'r kayee Ghalat^iyoN kaa shikaar hai:
(1) tarkeeb :Haajat-e-talwaar-o-tabar: Ghalat^ hai kyoN.k is meN Arabee/Farsee kee :Haajat: ko Hindi kee :talwaar: se munsalik kiyaa gayaa hai. is par oopar bh`ee guftgoo ho chukee hai.
(2) pehle miSre' meN :tumheN: aur doosre meN :aap: kehne se shutur-gurbah kaa a'ib paidaa ho gayaa hai. Hairat yeh hai keh doosre dostoN ne is ko naheeN dekh`aa jab.k yahaaN is a'ib par baarhaa guftgoo ho chukee hai!
(3) :kyoN-kar: ko aap ne :kyoN: ke ma'nee meN ista'maal kiyaa hai jab.k is kaa mat^lab :kaise: hai. Ghalib kehte haiN:
gayee woh baat keh ho guftgoo, to kyoN-kar ho
kahe se kuch` nah huwaa, ph`ir kaho, to kyoN-kar ho
--------------------------
woh agar jabr ke qaail heN to hone deejay
hum Husaini heN rakheN sabr pe eemaaN janaaN
aap kaa Khit^aab yahaaN kis se hai? agar :jaanaaN: se hai to pehle miSre' meN :woh: kis ko kahaa gayaa hai? yaa yahaaN do (2) muKhtalif meHboob maqSood haiN?
z^aahir hai keh aisaa naheeN hai. to ph`ir yooN kehnaa ho gaa:
tum agar jabr ke qaa,il ho to aisaa hee sahee
hum Husaini heN rakheN sabr pe eemaaN janaaN
-----------------------------
ummeed hai keh mere is tajziyah kaa aap buraa naheeN maaneN ge. maiN Ghalat^ bh`ee ho saktaa hooN. is Soorat meN aap kee taujeeHaat kaa muntaz^ir rahooN gaa. shukriyah!
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar: