Safiya ji k liay Roman maiN


1-
Qaraar kho k dil-e-be qaraar baaqee hai
jo zakhm khaaey heN un kaa shumaar baaqee hai

2-
ubuur ker tau chukee dasht maiN junooN kaa magar
hanuuz saamne ik raigzaar baaqee hai

3-
sunaak daastaN gham ki m , lafz lafz magar
maiN kayaa keroN keh wahee dil kaa ghubaar baaqee hai

5-
dukhoN ki leh'r aur sail-e-gham maiN beh ker bhi
yeh sakhtaajaan dil-e-khoon baar baaqee hai

4-
woh meethe bol jo ras gholte the kaaoN maiN
zamaane b'Ad bhi un ka akhumaar baaqee hai

6-
ghamoN ki aag miN jal ker maiN ban gaee kundan
jabhi tau chehre pey ab tak nikhaar baaqi hai

7-
KhizaaN raseedah meri soch thak gaee hai magar
yeh dil hai jis meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqee hai

tahira Masood wrote:

Assalaam alekum,



Bahooot khooob kyaa baat hai walaaah itni khoobsoorat ghazal humse share ki aapnien bahoot bahooot shukriyaa khush rahien


qaraar khoo ke dil e be qaraar baaki hai

jo zakhm khaayein hain unkaa shumaar baaki hai


bahoooot hi umdeh zabardast likhaa aapnien

tahira sahiba, aadaab!

aap kii Ghazal dekhii aur lutf.andoz huaa. daad haazir hai! chand misre Khaarij.az.bahr nazar aaye. in misroN kaa ek mumkina badal hasb-e-zel hai. aap koii aur shakl bhii soch saktii haiN.

sher #3, misra #1: dukhoN kii lahr meN aur sail-e-Gham meN bah kar bhii

sher #4, misra #1: sunaa diyaa hai fasaanaa GhamoN kaa apne magar (is sher ke misra #2 meN :vuhii: ko :abhii: kar deejiye)

sher #7, misra #1: KhizaaN.raseeda badan thak gayaa hai ab lekin

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

tahira Masood wrote:

Tahira saheba
Aadaab kubool karen, taareef aur shiqayat dono hi lekar aayee hun mey aapke paas, aapki ghazal paDne ki koshish ki :? aur jitni bhi paD paayee bohot acchhee lagi.

shiqayat kyaa guzaarish samjhen, ke baDi sharmindaghi se kehna padta haiy ke kuch hum jeyse ut-pataang shayri ke qadardaan eyse bhi hain jo sirf roman urdu ke sahare hi urdu shayri ka sahee maza le paaten hain.

Aur aapse aur doosre doston se bhi, humaari yehi ilteja haiy, agar is qabil samjhen to humaare liye ek post roman urdu me bhi kar den. isse ye hoga ke taareef karne waalon me humare naam ka bhi izaafa ho jaayega.

aapki ghazal ko do-baara paDne ka intezaar rahega

Safiya

khurram_shaikh wrote:

tahira Masood wrote:

Assalaam alekum,



Bahooot khooob kyaa baat hai walaaah itni khoobsoorat ghazal humse share ki aapnien bahoot bahooot shukriyaa khush rahien


qaraar khoo ke dil e be qaraar baaki hai

jo zakhm khaayein hain unkaa shumaar baaki hai


bahoooot hi umdeh zabardast likhaa aapnien

sukeriyah Khurram bhaii

aap ki baaji bohat hi mamnoon hain aap ki

dheroN duaaN aap k liay

Star Mind wrote:Assalaam-o-a'laikum,

moHtarama Tahira Masood SaaHiba,

aap ki ye Ghazal to mashaa Allah bahut hi Khoob hai !! waah waah !!
mazaa aagayaa shaai'ree ka !!
tamaam asha'aar hi Khoob haiN !! daad qabool farmaaye !!

moKhliS : Zia Baloch

shuekraiyh sitarah zehn ji yanee
Starmind ji

salaam

aap k yeh kalimaat mere liay bohat HuSlah afzaa haiN. so nice of u.

Allah aap ko khush rekhe.aameen

wassalam

irfan abid wrote:tahira sahiba, aadaab!

aap kii Ghazal dekhii aur lutf.andoz huaa. daad haazir hai! chand misre Khaarij.az.bahr nazar aaye. in misroN kaa ek mumkina badal hasb-e-zel hai. aap koii aur shakl bhii soch saktii haiN.

sher #3, misra #1: dukhoN kii leh'r meN aur sail-e-Gham meN bah kar bhii

sher #4, misra #1: sunaa diyaa hai fasaanaa GhamoN kaa apne magar (is sher ke misra #2 meN :vuhii: ko :abhii: kar deejiye)

sher #7, misra #1: KhizaaN.raseeda badan thak gayaa hai ab lekin

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

moHteram Abid saheb

slaam

ghazal ki pazeeraaii ker k meri HuSlah afzaaee kerne kaa shukeriyah.

aap ki tajaaveez kaa bhi shukeriyah. maiN es mehrbaani k liay mamnoon hoN.
sher # 7 meN aap jis khaami ki nishaan dhi fermaaee hai woh wazn k aitebaar se bajaa tau hai laikin

KhazaN raseedah badan " k istemaal se aglaa misraa jis maiN dil kaa zikr hai keh dil meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqi hai tau dil bi tau badan ka hi HiSSah hai jab badan thakaa hai tau dil bhi thakk jaay gaa

kioN nah ese aisee ker diyaa jaaey

khizaan raseedah meri soch thak ga'ee hai magar
aap kaa kayaa khyaal hai?

pehle misra'e meN aap ne khaami ka mutabadil nahiN bataaya beraah-e-keram zaroor bateeiN.

sher # 4 meN
"sunaa k daastaN gham ki lafz lafz magar"

es maiN aap ne tajveez di hai keh ese es teraH ker sakte haiN.

" sunaa diyaa hai fasaanah ghamoN kaa apna amagar "

tajveez yuN tau nehaayt ma'Qool hai

maine yeh poochnaa hai ( aur mujhe Husn-e-zan hai keh aap bura anahiN manaaeiN gey meHaz apni isteata'At khud aitemaadi aur ilm meiN izaafe k liay pooch rehi hoN ) kioNkeh maine us meN jo alfaaz maine istemaal kiya haiN woh gham ki shiddat ko Zaahir ker rehe hain keh ghamoN ki daasatN lafz lafz keh ker bhi gham halka nahiN huaa.

jab keh Sirf fasaanah sunaaker gham se halkaa nah hona meri us soch ko pooree teraH adaa nahiN ker rehaa.

kayaa aise keha ajaa sktaahi

"sunaa k gham kaa fasaanah bhi lafz lafz magar"

maiN kayaa keroN wahee gham kaa guhubaar baaqee hai

ummeed hai aap es post kaa jawaab deker mujhe mamnoon fermaaeiN gey.

wassalam[/b]

Safiya wrote:

tahira Masood wrote:

Tahira saheba
Aadaab kubool karen, taareef aur shiqayat dono hi lekar aayee hun mey aapke paas, aapki ghazal paDne ki koshish ki :? aur jitni bhi paD paayee bohot acchhee lagi.

shiqayat kyaa guzaarish samjhen, ke baDi sharmindaghi se kehna padta haiy ke kuch hum jeyse ut-pataang shayri ke qadardaan eyse bhi hain jo sirf roman urdu ke sahare hi urdu shayri ka sahee maza le paaten hain.

Aur aapse aur doosre doston se bhi, humaari yehi ilteja haiy, agar is qabil samjhen to humaare liye ek post roman urdu me bhi kar den. isse ye hoga ke taareef karne waalon me humare naam ka bhi izaafa ho jaayega.

aapki ghazal ko do-baara paDne ka intezaar rahega

Safiya

Safiya ji

salaam

aap ki sahulat k liay maine use roman maiN likh diyaa hai.

aur koee hukm? 8)

khush rehaiN

tahira Masood wrote:

Safiya ji k liay Roman maiN


[color=olive]1-
Qaraar kho k dil-e-be qaraar baaqee hai
jo zakhm khaaey heN un kaa shumaar baaqee hai

2-
ubuur ker tau chukee dasht maiN junooN kaa magar
hanuuz saamne ik raigzaar baaqee hai

3-
sunaak daastaN gham ki m , lafz lafz magar
maiN kayaa keroN keh wahee dil kaa ghubaar baaqee hai

5-
dukhoN ki leh'r aur sail-e-gham maiN beh ker bhi
yeh sakhtaajaan dil-e-zaar zaar baaqee hai

4-
woh meethe bol jo ras gholte the kaaoN maiN
zamaane b'Ad bhi un ka akhumaar baaqee hai

6-
ghamoN ki aag miN jal ker maiN ban gaee kundan
jabhi tau chehre pey ab tak nikhaar baaqi hai

7-
KhizaaN raseedah meri soch thak gaee hai magar
yeh dil hai jis meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqee hai[/color]

Tahira saheba,
Bohot bohot shukriya jo aapne humaari guzaarish pe ghaur kiya, aur itni jald post bhi kar diya, mey aapki mamnoon hoon.
Ghazal ke kya kehne,

Qaraar kho ke dil-e-be-qaraar baaqi haiy
jo zakhm khaaye hain unka shumaar baaqi haiy

waah waah kamaal la matla haiy, mubarakbaad kubool karen
albatta ashaar 3 aur 5 ka khyaal bohot achha haiy lekin aghar aap ashar 3 ke doosre misre aur ashaar 5 ke pehle misre pe ek baar phir gaur-e-nazar kar len to inka rang aur bhi nikhar sakta haiy, baaqi ghazal bohot khoobsoorat haiy aur bohot pasand aayi haiy.

Safiya

salaam Taahira ji,

kaisi haiN? sorry ki der se aanaa huaa idhar.

aapkii Ghazal nazar guzaar huii aur wallah dil paRh kar baaGh baaGh ho gayaa. majmoo'ii ai'tebaar se aapkii Ghazal ek kaamiiyaab Ghazal hai. aapko merii taraf se dili mubaarakbaad qubool ho. ash'aar emN umda Khayaalaat kii bandish miltii hai aur alfaaz kaa chunaao bhii bahot umda aur aalaa hai. aapne achche mazaameen nikaale haiN.

mujhe ash'aar ke jo ash'aar ziyaada pasand aaye vo raqm kar rahaa huuN...Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyaada.

faqat aHqar,

hashmat


1-
Qaraar kho k dil-e-be qaraar baaqee hai
jo zakhm khaaey heN un kaa shumaar baaqee hai

2-
ubuur ker tau chukee dasht maiN junooN kaa magar
hanuuz saamne ik raigzaar baaqee hai

5-
dukhoN ki leh'r aur sail-e-gham maiN beh ker bhi
yeh sakhtaajaan dil-e-zaar zaar baaqee hai

6-
ghamoN ki aag miN jal ker maiN ban gaee kundan
jabhi tau chehre pey ab tak nikhaar baaqi hai

7-
KhizaaN raseedah meri soch thak gaee hai magar
yeh dil hai jis meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqee hai

tahira saihba, aadaab!

sher #7 ke liye aap kaa tajveez.karda misra qataii mauzuuN hai. albatta sher #4 par aap kii tajveez kuchh khaTak rahii hai. aap ne :lafz lafz: ko :shiddat: ke izhaar kii Khaatir istemaal kiyaa hai. lekin misre kii saaKht ye taassur nahiiN chhoRtii. Khair, aap mut.main haiN to bismillaah keejiye.

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid: