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Posted: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:33 pm
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Janab
Aakif Ghani Saahib,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
MaiN apna tabsirah shurooA karne se pahle yeh bataadenaa chaahtaa hooN ke aapkaa meri aaraa se muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.
1-ManzileN mil jaayengi, gar rehnumaa koii tou hou
Chal paRenge ham bhii lekin raastah koii tou hou
Pahle misreA meiN "koii tou hou" ke phrase (shibh-e-jumlah) ke saath lafz (gar) ghair munaasib hei. Aap gar ki bajaye lafz "per" bamani =lekin isteAmal karsakte heiN.
2-Paar bhii lag jaayengi yeh kishtiyaaN apni kabhi
Beech ToofaaN meiN magar ab naakhudaa koii tou hou
Pahle misreA meiN lafz "bhi" kii bajaye "hii" kaa lafz behtar hougaa. SheAr manavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei.
3-Her koii ilzaam kii zad meiN hei aayaa houaa *
Dhoondti phirti heiN nazreN paarsaa koii tou hou
Pahlaa misraA khaarij uz beHr hei. Aisaa lagtaa hei ke aap se koii lafz typing mistake kii vajah se chooT gayaa hei. Housaktaa hei ke aapka misraA yooN thaa:
Her koii ilzaam kii zad meiN hei kiyooN aayaa houaa
Bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei.
4-Aek hii per iktifaa kiyooN karliyaa karte heiN loag
Houna tou yeh chaahiye ke doosraa koii tou hou'/quote]
Doosre misreA meiN lafz "Houna" kii alif ko giraana ghair munaasib hei. Is ke Alaawah phrase "hounaa tou yeh chaahiye" kaa isteAmaal "koii tou hou" ke saath ibaarat ko bigaaRrahaa hei. Doosre misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
MushkilaoN meiN saath dene doosraa koii tou hou
5-Is munaafiq daur meiN kis per kareN ham iAtibaar
Aarzoo Aakif kii hei ke be riyaa koii tou hou.
MaqTaA bahut achchaa hei her liHaaz se.
Aapki is kaamyaab ghazal per meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
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