aap ne itni mushkil aur mere nazdeek banjar zameen mein kaafi khoobsurat aur khushnumaa phool khilaaye, yaqeenan aap daad aur mubarak.baad ke Haqdaar haiN
RaAna wrote:
1- misaal-e-mastiy-e-sehbaa hei yaad-e-yaar kaa luTf
shab-e-firaaq niraalaa hei intizaar ka lutf
matla pasand aaya, khoob kahaa
2- gunaahgaar hii jaane gunaahgaar ka luTf
mujhe bahut hei tirii zulf-e-taabdaar ka luTf
pehle misre mein mujhe kuch diqqat pesh aa rahi hai, is liye ke "gunaah" ka lutf to ho sakta hai, magar "gunaah.gaar" ka lutf kaise hoga, kyuNke gunaah.gaar to koi shakhs hoga, jis ka lutf nahn ho satka, ye iste'maal mujhe ghair.faseeH lag rahaa hai, ho sakta hai ke maiN ghalat hooN, aap vazaaHat kar deN ge to navaazish hogi
3- chaman se door heiN ham jab se dasht-e-ghurbat meiN
nah kaif-e-mausam-e-baaraaN nah hei bahaar kaa luTf\
ghareebul vatani ki achi tasveer kashi ki hai aap ne
4- kuch aise, dard-e-muHabbat bhii thaa dawaa ki TaraH
aap se pehlee baar niyaaz HaaSil ho rahaa hai. aap kee i'naayat hai keh meree Ghazal ko aap ne yeh aa'zaaz baKhshaa keh us kee zameen meN fikr kee. aap kee Ghazal se lut^f-andoz huwaa. ek achh`ee koshish par dilee daad qubool keejiYe.
Ghazal paRh`te huwe do-ek baateN Zehn meN aayeeN jo likh` rahaa hooN. chooN.k in kee Haiciyyat Sirf meree raaYe kee hai aur tanqeed yaa (Khudaa nah-Khwaastah) "iSlaaH" se in ko door kaa bh`ee waastah naheeN hai is liYe apnee teHreer ko (-----) meN likh` rahaa hooN. dekh` lene meN to koyee harj naheeN hai?
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misaal-e-mastiy-e-sehbaa hei yaad-e-yaar kaa luTf
shab-e-firaaq niraalaa hei intizaar ka lutf
(Khumaar-o-mastee-e-Sehbaa hai yaad-e-yaar kaa lut^f
shab-e-firaaq meN kyaa kyaa hei intizaar ka lutf!)
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gunaahgaar hii jaane gunaahgaar ka luTf
mujhe bahut hei tirii zulf-e-taabdaar ka luTf
is she'r kaa mat^lab pooree t^araH mujh` par waaZ^eH naheeN ho sakaa hai. mazeed yeh keh donoN miSroN kaa rabt^ bh`ee mubham lagaa. kaisaa gunaah, aur kaisaa gunaahgaar? phir us kaa "zulf-e-taabdaar" se kyaa i'laaqah hai?:
(naheeN hai fikr nasheb-o-faraaz-e-dunyaa kee
mujhe bahut hei tirii zulf-e-pechdaar ka luTf)
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chaman se door heiN ham jab se dasht-e-ghurbat meiN
nah kaif-e-mausam-e-baaraaN nah hei bahaar kaa luTf
bohat Khoob! jee chaahe to :haiN ham: ko :huwe: se badal kar dekh` leN!
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kuch aise, dard-e-muHabbat bhii thaa dawaa ki TaraH
keh jaise aabilah-paayii meiN nouk-e-khaar kaa luTf
doosraa miSra' bohat achh`aa hai lekin pehlaa utnaa hee kamzor hai aur doosre kaa saath` naheeN de paa rahaa hai. kuch` aise sochiYe:
(dawaa kaa kaam kiyaa aise dard-e-ulfat ne
keh jaise aabilah-paayii meiN nouk-e-khaar kaa luTf )
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Visaal o hijr ke mausam badalte rehte heiN
Ajeeb shaie hei muHabbat ke kaarobaar ka luTf
waah SaaHeb! waah! kyaa Khoob kahaa hai!
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Azeez hei tou rahe kaamraaniy-e-ulfat
Samajh meiN tum ko nah aayega meri haar ka luTf
baat to Th`eek hai lekin Saaf naheeN hai aur nah hee bohat mu,accar hee hai. yooN keh sakte haiN:
(tum apnee fat^H se Khush ho to Khush raho SaaHeb!
Samajh meiN tum ko nah aayega meri haar ka luTf )
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junoon-e-shauq meiN dulhaa bane hou tum RaAna
gale se poochou girebaan-e-taar taar kaa luTf.
yeh :dulhaa ban,naa: meree naacheez samajh` meN naheeN aayaa. mazeed yeh keh kis ke gale kaa Zikr ho rahaa hai aur "Ra'naa" kee Haalat jo bayaan huyee hai us se "gale" kaa kyaa ta,a'lluq hai?
(junoon-e-shauq kee laZZat hai aur "Ra'naa" hai
bataaYe kaise girebaan-e-taar taar kaa luTf)
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ho saktaa hai keh maiN kaheeN kaheeN aap kee baat samajh` naheeN paayaa hooN. is Soorat meN chashm-poshee iKhtiyaar kar ke shukriyah kaa mauqa' deejiYe.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Aapki ghazal pasand aayii. Aap ne MuHtarami Sarwar Saahib kii sakht zameen meiN TabA-aazmayii kii hei jiske liye aap daad aur mubarakbaad ke mustaHiq heiN.
Ghazal per mukhtalif tabsiraoN aur mashviraoN ko nazar meiN rakhte houe aur aapke javaabaat paRhne ke bad maiN ashAar aur unke muqaabil tajveez kardah soorataoN ke baare meiN apni khaas koii raaye nahiN rakhtaa.
Aapke javaabaat ke ba'd Sarwar Saahib ne aapke ikhtiyaaraat ko rad nahiN kiyaa balkeh yeh kahaa ke wo unki apni aaraa per qaayim heiN.
Sarwar Saahib umr meiN aap se kam se kam aek do saal tou baRe hounge. Shayeri kii nisbat se unka tajribah taqreeban 64 saal kaa tou hougaa hii. MutaaliAe ke liHaaz se aap se unka muTaaliAah kam se kam 40% ziyaadah tou hougaa hii. In baataoN ke alaawah jab wo apne zaavia-e-nigaah ke saHeeH houne per muSir heiN tou aapko chaahiye ke aap apne ashAar ke alfaaz per aur unke mafhoom per ghaur farmaayeN aur agar aapki nazar meiN koii doosre asaatizah houN tou un se mashwirah kareN. Ikhtilaaf-e-nazar se faaidah uThaana behtar hei. Ghalib ke kalaam per unke is Aalam-e-faani ko khair baad kehne ke ba'd bhii kaii asaatiza-e-fan ne unki ghalaTiyaoN kii Taraf ishaara kiyaa hei. Allaamah Iqbal kii shayeri per khaas Taur per unke taa-Hayat rehne tak aur intiqaal ke ba'd tak, un per be-hisaab tanqeedi maqaalaat paRhe gaye aur likhkhe gaye.
Is liye aap apni adabi kaavishaoN ko jaari rakhiye. Maayoos houne kii zaroorat nahiN hei. Inshaallah, kisi nah kisi mouR per aap apne ashAar per jis zaaviy-e-nigaah se raushni Daal rahe heiN wohi aapko mashvirah dene waalaoN ke zaavia-e-nigaah se bilkul muTaabiq houne lage.
Khushi kii baat tou yeh hei keh aapke aur Sarwar Saahib ke darmiyaan tabadila-e-khayaal ke dauran her aek ne apne khayaalaat ko Hudood mushaavirat se door houne nahiN diyaa.
Ummeed kartaa hooN ke aayindah bhii isi qism ke tabaadila-e-khayaal se ham sab ko mustafeed houne ka mauqaA miltaa rahegaa.
aapkii Ghazal aur us par ustaad e kiraam ke tabsire paRh kar bahot lutf aayaa aur kaafii kuchh seekhne ka mauq'a bhii milaa. ek umda aur kaamiyaab Gahzal par merii jaanib se DheroN mubaarikbaad qubool farmaaiye...har she'r ek dusre se sabqat le jaataa nazar aayaa. shukria share karne kaa.
